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(The Onion)   Twitter creator dismayed to discover that his invention is useful   ( theonion.com) divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

15449 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jun 2009 at 12:09 AM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



84 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2009-06-25 06:58:44 PM  
I posted this on the Official Iran Thread, but it appears to be off-topic (Michael Jackson's death is, currently, the topic of choice.

Can anyone get Twiiter's Iran thread?

All I get is No results for #IranElection


Must have collapsed from the weight of it's greatness.
 
2009-06-25 08:13:37 PM  
You know you've made it big time when the Onion writes an article about you.
 
2009-06-25 08:17:34 PM  

FredaDeStilleto: I posted this on the Official Iran Thread, but it appears to be off-topic (Michael Jackson's death is, currently, the topic of choice.

Can anyone get Twiiter's Iran thread?

All I get is No results for #IranElection


Must have collapsed from the weight of it's greatness.

actually, i think it has collapsed under the weight of Michael Jackson's death. Which amazes me on another level.
 
2009-06-25 08:22:07 PM  
Why does MJ hate Iran?
 
2009-06-25 08:36:29 PM  

Lipo: You know you've made it big time when the Onion writes an article about you.


So, The Onion is to tech stars what Weird Al Yankovich is to music artists?


/has Weird Al's complete discography
 
2009-06-25 11:27:03 PM  

penthesilea: Why does MJ hate Iran?


They don't sell Hanes t-shirts there. :(
 
2009-06-26 12:11:03 AM  
Twatter: where I can make sure self-absorbed biatches can remind me how hot they are every five seconds. Also, Ashton Kutcher.
 
2009-06-26 12:15:38 AM  
Satire, subby? No no no. What you're witnessing is the Onion's first foray into real news.
 
2009-06-26 12:19:59 AM  

TheGreatZarquon: Lipo: You know you've made it big time when the Onion writes an article about you.

So, The Onion is to tech stars what Weird Al Yankovich is to music artists?


/has Weird Al's complete discography



Yet you still can't spell Yankovic?
 
2009-06-26 12:20:46 AM  
twitter is useful??? O_O
 
2009-06-26 12:22:13 AM  

Sarcastica75: Twatter: where I can make sure self-absorbed biatches can remind me how hot they are every five seconds. Also, Ashton Kutcher.


As opposed to Fark, where women can receive the same self-assurance every three seconds?
 
2009-06-26 12:26:42 AM  

Kludge: Sarcastica75: Twatter: where I can make sure self-absorbed biatches can remind me how hot they are every five seconds. Also, Ashton Kutcher.

As opposed to Fark, where women can receive the same self-assurance every three seconds?


What was I thinking, attacking poor Twatter.

thank you for showing me the way.
 
TJT
2009-06-26 12:29:46 AM  
Fark > Twitter
 
2009-06-26 12:31:48 AM  
I'm starting a live pron site called twatter
 
2009-06-26 12:32:13 AM  

Sarcastica75: Kludge: Sarcastica75: Twatter: where I can make sure self-absorbed biatches can remind me how hot they are every five seconds. Also, Ashton Kutcher.

As opposed to Fark, where women can receive the same self-assurance every three seconds?

What was I thinking, attacking poor Twatter.

thank you for showing me the way.


Not good enough. I want you to apologize to Twitter out loud, in front of everyone here.

And mean it this time.
 
2009-06-26 12:34:47 AM  

Kludge: Sarcastica75: Kludge: Sarcastica75: Twatter: where I can make sure self-absorbed biatches can remind me how hot they are every five seconds. Also, Ashton Kutcher.

As opposed to Fark, where women can receive the same self-assurance every three seconds?

What was I thinking, attacking poor Twatter.

thank you for showing me the way.

Not good enough. I want you to apologize to Twitter out loud, in front of everyone here.

And mean it this time.


lolno.
 
2009-06-26 12:39:18 AM  
For those who are interested, here's him talking about the legitimate uses of social networking and bottom-up internet sites. Worth the watch.

http://www.ted.com/talks/clay_shirky_how_cellphones_twitter_facebook_c​an_make_h i story.html

/sorry for the copy/paste, my computer's being wonky
 
2009-06-26 12:43:39 AM  
Awesome getting the Onion greened subby.

Also, the Iran "let's jerk Tatsuma off" threads were pretty lame.
 
2009-06-26 12:43:50 AM  

TheGreatZarquon: Lipo: You know you've made it big time when the Onion writes an article about you.

So, The Onion is to tech stars what Weird Al Yankovich is to music artists?


/has Weird Al's complete discography


I celebrate his entire catalog.
 
2009-06-26 12:45:52 AM  

TJT: Fark > Twitter


LOL I C WUT U DID THR. POOPIN BRB
 
2009-06-26 12:48:18 AM  
I only use Twitter for poker tournament updates, and to get updates from other poker players during the WSOP.

Meh.
 
2009-06-26 12:54:17 AM  
I think this may be a repeat. If not, it falls into the "old news" category.
 
2009-06-26 12:57:03 AM  

stirfrybry: I'm starting a live pron site called twatter


OMG. Just jizzed in her eye! lulz
 
2009-06-26 01:00:20 AM  
Whenever Twitter gets an offer, they need to cash it out ASAP. This POS is never going to monetize itself.

The vast majority of Twitter users sign up, send a message or two, and never use it again. I think it'll have a huge run up, and end up with millions of users who don't use it in 18 months. The problem is the vast majority of Twitter users have nothing useful to share.
 
2009-06-26 01:00:42 AM  

stirfrybry: I'm starting a live pron site called twatter


I would subscribe.
 
2009-06-26 01:07:42 AM  

TheGreatZarquon: Weird Al


Don't mind me while I threadjack:

I'm somewhat disappointed in Weird Al's new song "Craigslist." It isn't bad, but it feels more like the virtually unknown tracks on his other albums. If that's the one he singled out as a "hit" for his next album, I'm worried.
 
2009-06-26 01:08:04 AM  

stirfrybry: I'm starting a live pron site called twatter


"OMGWTFLOLBBQ"

or however the hell it goes
 
2009-06-26 01:09:10 AM  

nuclear_asshat: Whenever Twitter gets an offer, they need to cash it out ASAP. This POS is never going to monetize itself.

The vast majority of Twitter users sign up, send a message or two, and never use it again. I think it'll have a huge run up, and end up with millions of users who don't use it in 18 months. The problem is the vast majority of Twitter users have nothing useful to share.


If the popularity or financial gain of websites was based on usefulness, myspace and facebook would be in the dung heap while wikimedia slept on a pile of money.

As long as self absorbed people crave an audience, sites like this will always thrive.
 
2009-06-26 01:10:00 AM  

jack21221: TheGreatZarquon: Weird Al

Don't mind me while I threadjack:

I'm somewhat disappointed in Weird Al's new song "Craigslist." It isn't bad, but it feels more like the virtually unknown tracks on his other albums. If that's the one he singled out as a "hit" for his next album, I'm worried.


He had Ray on the keyboards, so it would be kind of tacky to stamp "Filler" on it in the press.
 
2009-06-26 01:10:53 AM  

nuclear_asshat: Whenever Twitter gets an offer, they need to cash it out ASAP. This POS is never going to monetize itself.

The vast majority of Twitter users sign up, send a message or two, and never use it again. I think it'll have a huge run up, and end up with millions of users who don't use it in 18 months. The problem is the vast majority of Twitter users have nothing useful to share.


You mean they're the next AOL?

/zackly what I did - 3 followers and one tweet so far in 3 months, which was just to say hi to my first follower.
 
2009-06-26 01:13:46 AM  
dear subby-

If your headline isn't better than the actual satirical headline....don't change it.

...oh and save the onion articles for Digg

\sorry for the rant, but I'm mourning Farrah
 
2009-06-26 01:15:53 AM  
Twitter is God's way of separating the sheep from the goats.
 
2009-06-26 01:32:20 AM  

jack21221: I'm somewhat disappointed in Weird Al's new song "Craigslist." It isn't bad, but it feels more like the virtually unknown tracks on his other albums. If that's the one he singled out as a "hit" for his next album, I'm worried.


I've been a big fan of Al since I was a kid, but to really appreciate his work, you have to but up-to-date on pop culture. Unfortunately, I'm falling further behind as I get older. I like his newer stuff that parodies classic songs, but he loses me when he parodies contemporary music.

/"Bob" is 12 kinds of awesome.
 
2009-06-26 01:32:54 AM  

Francis Walsingham: TheGreatZarquon: Lipo: You know you've made it big time when the Onion writes an article about you.

So, The Onion is to tech stars what Weird Al Yankovich is to music artists?


/has Weird Al's complete discography


Yet you still can't spell Yankovic?


The "H" is normally invisible. I added it for transparency.
 
2009-06-26 01:33:09 AM  

Lipo: You know you've made it big time when the Onion writes an article about you.


Farkers have hit the big time then. (new window)
 
2009-06-26 01:33:53 AM  

squeez cheez: nuclear_asshat: Whenever Twitter gets an offer, they need to cash it out ASAP. This POS is never going to monetize itself.

The vast majority of Twitter users sign up, send a message or two, and never use it again. I think it'll have a huge run up, and end up with millions of users who don't use it in 18 months. The problem is the vast majority of Twitter users have nothing useful to share.

You mean they're the next AOL?

/zackly what I did - 3 followers and one tweet so far in 3 months, which was just to say hi to my first follower.


I really only got it to follow other people. NASA, Phil Plait, Nathan Fillion, Felicia Day, the Questionable Content characters, and a few more since I joined a few days ago. I've only twat twice.

Although in terms of volume, NASA and The Bad Astronomer take up 70% of the space.

/"I've only twat twice" is my new favorite phrase.
//fun thing with twitter: Search for #lyttlelytton posts
 
2009-06-26 01:42:15 AM  

Epossumondas: stirfrybry: I'm starting a live pron site called twatter

I would subscribe.


Me too... please send link!
 
2009-06-26 01:49:19 AM  
In all sincerity, am I the only one who has been startled by the number of blatant twitter references made by the typical news whores? Wheres the kickback?
 
2009-06-26 01:51:04 AM  

Sarcastica75: Twatter: where I can make sure self-absorbed biatches can remind me how hot they are every five seconds. Also, Ashton Kutcher.


It may well have brought down the theocracy of Iran. Don't be too snide.
 
2009-06-26 02:22:47 AM  
DNRTFA or comments but I'll assume Al Gore made claims of being the inventor of twitter.

/what a twat
 
2009-06-26 02:27:27 AM  
Why would you want everyone you know to know everything you're doing every day?

And the time taken to write these updates?

wtf?
 
2009-06-26 02:55:11 AM  

Jesterian: Why would you want everyone you know to know everything you're doing every day?

And the time taken to write these updates?

wtf?


Your comment is 105 characters. How long did it take you to write it? How often a day do you do that? How often a day can you do that?

Listen, people: twitter is a website with a box on it. You type something in the box and people go there to read it, if they want.
Sound familiar? Okay. Play along or stop complaining.
 
2009-06-26 03:02:26 AM  
Let's not get carried away about its role in Iran's demonstrations. (new window)

I'll just leave this here.

/yes a real link, not some bit.ly thing that will eventually evaporate
 
2009-06-26 04:56:25 AM  
I just came here to say...

This is the best thing the onion has published in a while.
 
2009-06-26 06:07:10 AM  

Jesterian: Why would you want everyone you know to know everything you're doing every day?

And the time taken to write these updates?

wtf?


Some of us don't tweet what we do everyday, it's more like chat. You know, like the comment you just made. @elidet
 
2009-06-26 06:12:46 AM  

oh and once I saw a blimp: Jesterian: Why would you want everyone you know to know everything you're doing every day?

And the time taken to write these updates?

wtf?

Your comment is 105 characters. How long did it take you to write it? How often a day do you do that? How often a day can you do that?

Listen, people: twitter is a website with a box on it. You type something in the box and people go there to read it, if they want.
Sound familiar? Okay. Play along or stop complaining.


this
 
2009-06-26 06:33:25 AM  
I don't understand the popularity of Twitter.

It's like a blog with no picture uploading capability, where people who don't have enough to say to fill even a paragraph can still participate online?

A message board often has brief messages, but these are at least potentially useful in that they're responses to other messages and therefore appear as part of a larger context.

But just checking in to read one person's 1-2 sentences? What could one possibly say of value in such a brief space?
 
2009-06-26 06:41:24 AM  

TJT: Fark > Twitter


Same shiat... just in over 140 characters
 
2009-06-26 07:37:21 AM  

nosehat: twitter is useful??? O_O


I have a hard time believing it, too, but it turns out that this is the case. I doubt I will tweet very much (sounds so lame, eh?), but it has been useful in the Iran situation, especially when you know who to follow and can ignore all of the spamming and retweeting in #iranelections and such. I have also found it useful for getting quick headline blurbs from some news sources, which gives me something to read on the morning commute that isn't to intense for my coffee-less state at those times.

I don't think the world will ever see a "poop is coming out" from me, but twitter does seem to have some legitimate uses.

stirfrybry: I'm starting a live pron site called twatter

"Penis is going in"
"And out"
"And in"
"And out"
?
 
2009-06-26 07:41:11 AM  
we really need a satire tag?
let people figure it out for themselves. some people will fall for it, and I want to mock them.
 
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