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(The Hollywood Reporter)   Scientologists are back with a new TV ad that sounds like Morpheus enticing Neo to take the red pill   (thrfeed.com) divider line 144
    More: Scary  
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7736 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 25 Jun 2009 at 6:40 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-06-25 04:26:55 PM
Yeah I noticed a scientology ad on the TV last night down in Houston. Kind of creepy really.
 
2009-06-25 04:30:40 PM
God, won't these people just go away.
 
2009-06-25 04:41:47 PM
BGates: Yeah I noticed a scientology ad on the TV last night down in Houston. Kind of creepy really.

MSNBC is carrying them now, too. That's TWO strongly-worded letters I had to send them in the span of a week.

They're basically a rehash of the old Dianetics commercials, except they actually do reveal they're Co$.
 
2009-06-25 04:52:16 PM
Uhh...I think the third one was stolen from Fight Club. Does Scientology teach that we are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world?
 
2009-06-25 05:09:13 PM
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a farking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of farking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fark you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing farking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, farked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin Scientology?
 
2009-06-25 05:17:14 PM
They are due for a whole new group of suckers.
 
2009-06-25 05:39:52 PM
Jack Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard participated in a ritual known as the Babalon Working which is famous in occult circles - loosely, it was an attempt to summon a living goddess and change the course of history.[citation needed] They were aided in this work by Sampson Bennetts of the Rosicrucian Order and his wife Sara Melian Gabriel, a spiritualist from India. Almost immediately after Parsons declared the ritual successful he met Marjorie Cameron right in his own home. Parsons regarded Cameron as the Scarlet Woman, the fulfillment of the ritual.

Parsons, Hubbard, and Cameron then began the next stage of Babalon Working, with Cameron acting as Parsons magickal partner with whom he could sire a Moonchild. The Moonchild is traditionally the incarnation of a god, as prophezied in Aleister Crowley's channeled script The Book of the Law. The creation of this Moonchild was also covered in Crowley's novel Moonchild. A child was not conceived, but this did not affect the results of the ritual to that point. Parsons and Cameron soon married.

In January 1946, Parsons, Sarah Northrup, and Hubbard started a boat dealing company named Allied Enterprises. Parsons put in the sum of approximately $21,000- and Hubbard put in $1,200. Hubbard eventually abandoned Parsons and their business plans, leaving a port in Florida with the boat and with Sarah. It is said Parsons retreated to his hotel room and summoned a typhoon in retribution (viz., with an evocation of Bartzabel[2] - the so-called intelligence supposedly presiding over the planet Mars). A Florida court later dissolved the poorly-contracted business, ordered repayment of debts to Parsons, and awarded ownership of the boat to Hubbard.

The Hubbard/Allied Enterprises relationship lasted until 1947, when Hubbard again defrauded Parsons of a sum of money and ran off again with Sara Northrup.
 
2009-06-25 06:44:19 PM
I saw one of these the other day. Before the scientology tagline at the end, I thought it was a parody commercial.

/voting?
 
2009-06-25 06:48:24 PM
Wipe them out. All of them.
 
2009-06-25 06:48:31 PM
Treygreen13: I saw one of these the other day. Before the scientology tagline at the end, I thought it was a parody commercial.

/voting?


I thought it was one of those Israeli tourism commercials.
 
2009-06-25 06:52:07 PM
Well, I'm sufficiently freaked out now.

/Backs slowly away from the crazy people.
 
2009-06-25 06:54:38 PM
Since when do religions need TV commercials to convert people? I don't see anyone else doing that.
 
2009-06-25 06:56:38 PM
I actually saw the add about a week ago in New Mexico, creepiest thing ever.
 
2009-06-25 06:56:51 PM
fusillade762: Since when do religions need TV commercials to convert people? I don't see anyone else doing that.

They just use billboards on the side of the highway.
 
2009-06-25 06:57:53 PM
I know you all are going to rip on these things because we all know Scientology is a money grubbing cult, but....

These are the best farking commercials I've ever seen in my life for a church. Seriously, forget they're about Scientology for a minute and just look at them objectively, these things are awesome.
 
2009-06-25 06:58:57 PM
Chuck Palahniuk should sue Scientology for cribbing from Fight Club in that third commercial.
 
2009-06-25 06:59:44 PM
Saw that commercial, made me sick.
 
2009-06-25 07:00:05 PM
2chris2: I know you all are going to rip on these things because we all know Scientology is a money grubbing cult, but....

These are the best farking commercials I've ever seen in my life for a church. Seriously, forget they're about Scientology for a minute and just look at them objectively, these things are awesome.


And what Thetan Operating level are you at?
 
2009-06-25 07:02:00 PM
profile.ak.facebook.com
 
2009-06-25 07:04:20 PM
nuke the site from orbit. Only way to be sure

/seriously
 
2009-06-25 07:05:26 PM
Treygreen13: I saw one of these the other day. Before the scientology tagline at the end, I thought it was a parody commercial.

/voting?


Likewise. Then I almost took out the TV with a brick.
 
2009-06-25 07:05:31 PM
GurneyHalleck: Jack Parsons and L. Ron Hubbard participated in a ritual known as the Babalon Working which is famous in occult circles - loosely, it was an attempt to summon a living goddess and change the course of history.[citation needed] They were aided in this work by Sampson Bennetts of the Rosicrucian Order and his wife Sara Melian Gabriel, a spiritualist from India. Almost immediately after Parsons declared the ritual successful he met Marjorie Cameron right in his own home. Parsons regarded Cameron as the Scarlet Woman, the fulfillment of the ritual.

Parsons, Hubbard, and Cameron then began the next stage of Babalon Working, with Cameron acting as Parsons magickal partner with whom he could sire a Moonchild. The Moonchild is traditionally the incarnation of a god, as prophezied in Aleister Crowley's channeled script The Book of the Law. The creation of this Moonchild was also covered in Crowley's novel Moonchild. A child was not conceived, but this did not affect the results of the ritual to that point. Parsons and Cameron soon married.

In January 1946, Parsons, Sarah Northrup, and Hubbard started a boat dealing company named Allied Enterprises. Parsons put in the sum of approximately $21,000- and Hubbard put in $1,200. Hubbard eventually abandoned Parsons and their business plans, leaving a port in Florida with the boat and with Sarah. It is said Parsons retreated to his hotel room and summoned a typhoon in retribution (viz., with an evocation of Bartzabel[2] - the so-called intelligence supposedly presiding over the planet Mars). A Florida court later dissolved the poorly-contracted business, ordered repayment of debts to Parsons, and awarded ownership of the boat to Hubbard.

The Hubbard/Allied Enterprises relationship lasted until 1947, when Hubbard again defrauded Parsons of a sum of money and ran off again with Sara Northrup.


This. Anyone that openly admits being a Scientologist is openly admitting that they're a HUGE GODDAMN MORAN! I can't wait until the day I finally meet a real-live Scientologists. How can they SERIOUSLY not know that they're part of the world's stupidest cult? It's got to be the most elaborate troll in the world. It just has to be. Nobody could be so stupid. Right?

/wrong
 
2009-06-25 07:07:35 PM
I saw it on the freaking Discovery channel last night....it definitely threw me off.

I have to assume that they don't directly control all of the advertising time. If they do then it's a sad day.
 
2009-06-25 07:07:42 PM
Jakevol2: 2chris2: I know you all are going to rip on these things because we all know Scientology is a money grubbing cult, but....

These are the best farking commercials I've ever seen in my life for a church. Seriously, forget they're about Scientology for a minute and just look at them objectively, these things are awesome.

And what Thetan Operating level are you at?


I'm an SP 4 with clam cluster.

But really, if I didn't know about Scientology, I'd want to head down to the church to see if I could check out this chick:

i39.tinypic.com
 
2009-06-25 07:07:49 PM
You know who ELSE liked to make big promises about changing people's lives?



That's right. Oprah.
 
2009-06-25 07:10:31 PM
tdpatriots12: fusillade762: Since when do religions need TV commercials to convert people? I don't see anyone else doing that.

They just use billboards on the side of the highway.


Not true. We have a lot of Xtain ads on TV where I live.
 
2009-06-25 07:10:35 PM
"Maria, what are you afraid of?"
"Bears."
"What are you afraid of?"
"The North American grizzly."
"WHAT are you afraid of?"
"... It's weird, because ... I'm most afraid of ... being sucked into a crazy, creepy CULT!"
 
2009-06-25 07:10:51 PM
mooseyfate: I can't wait until the day I finally meet a real-live Scientologists.

I used to live down the road from $cientology's Hemet, CA HQ. Saw lots of them whenever I went into town for groceries or beer. They'd never mention their affiliation unless they were directly queried about it, and then only obliquely until they were sure you weren't going to laugh in their faces.
 
2009-06-25 07:12:46 PM
Jakevol2: 2chris2: I know you all are going to rip on these things because we all know Scientology is a money grubbing cult, but....

These are the best farking commercials I've ever seen in my life for a church. Seriously, forget they're about Scientology for a minute and just look at them objectively, these things are awesome.

And what Thetan Operating level are you at?


Come on. If 2chris2 were a Scientologist, he'd have already started digging up dirt and attacking you for even *being* in this thread.
 
2009-06-25 07:15:59 PM
BaronVonAsshat: Jakevol2: 2chris2: I know you all are going to rip on these things because we all know Scientology is a money grubbing cult, but....

These are the best farking commercials I've ever seen in my life for a church. Seriously, forget they're about Scientology for a minute and just look at them objectively, these things are awesome.

And what Thetan Operating level are you at?

Come on. If 2chris2 were a Scientologist, he'd have already started digging up dirt and attacking you for even *being* in this thread.


*noted.
 
2009-06-25 07:18:16 PM
xenophon10k: Uhh...I think the third one was stolen from Fight Club. Does Scientology teach that we are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world?

YES! I totally thought that too.

It's interesting that there's the aural pun:

Scientology
No yourself. No life.
 
2009-06-25 07:19:37 PM
www.theangrypuppy.com
 
Ant
2009-06-25 07:25:33 PM
What are your crimes?
 
2009-06-25 07:29:42 PM
TheGreatZarquon: mooseyfate: I can't wait until the day I finally meet a real-live Scientologists.

I used to live down the road from $cientology's Hemet, CA HQ. Saw lots of them whenever I went into town for groceries or beer. They'd never mention their affiliation unless they were directly queried about it, and then only obliquely until they were sure you weren't going to laugh in their faces.


I think I could keep a straight face until they fessed up. At which point I WOULD laugh in their faces.

/this is totally different than being mean to Christians...because I quit doing that in High School.
//This is a childish pseudo-hate I get to spread as an Adult, and that's much more special.
 
2009-06-25 07:30:44 PM
This screenshot from video 2 needs a caption:

i39.tinypic.com
 
2009-06-25 07:34:19 PM
You are not your name.
You're not your job.
You're not the clothes you wear or the neighborhood you live in.
You're not your fears your failures or your past.
You are hope.
You are imagination.
You are the power to change to create and to grow.
And if you decide it's not for you, you are fair game.
 
2009-06-25 07:36:54 PM
I took a communication course when I was seventeen and stupid. Even then I was able to figure out that they were full of shiat and after my money, and I told them to fark off. I am 51 now, and Scientology has been sending literature to and calling the family home EVER SINCE.
 
2009-06-25 07:37:21 PM
The strange thing about Scientology is, as many a farker have mentioned, that they never try to be honest about being Scientologists.

It's always Dianetics this and Narconon that.
I asked one of the Scientologists handing out personality test pamphlets if he could explain to me what Scientology was about and he couldn't give me an answer that didn't involve buying the Dianetics book and a bunch of classes.

All other religions of any statistical significance can explain their beliefs in one or two sentences.
Why not Scientology?
 
2009-06-25 07:37:23 PM
Whatever, no different than Christians, Jews, Muslims etc
 
2009-06-25 07:41:34 PM
i39.tinypic.com

A scene Being L. Ron Hubbard


/got nothin'
 
2009-06-25 07:44:28 PM
i39.tinypic.com

"Daddy, will I still be your 'special' little girl when I become an OP?"
 
2009-06-25 07:50:21 PM
fusillade762: Since when do religions need TV commercials to convert people? I don't see anyone else doing that.

Umm... The Mormons?
 
2009-06-25 07:55:44 PM
SupremeLeader: The strange thing about Scientology is, as many a farker have mentioned, that they never try to be honest about being Scientologists.

It's always Dianetics this and Narconon that.
I asked one of the Scientologists handing out personality test pamphlets if he could explain to me what Scientology was about and he couldn't give me an answer that didn't involve buying the Dianetics book and a bunch of classes.

All other religions of any statistical significance can explain their beliefs in one or two sentences.
Why not Scientology?


Well, to be fair, other religions haven't copyrighted their tracts and run open programs for anyone to join. Scientology realizes this openness is silly, and that the secrets of the universe should be sold instead.

I mean, otherwise, people could argue and debate and spend decades analyzing, studying, and comparing, ALL FOR FREE!

And that's not the American Way.
 
2009-06-25 07:56:04 PM
Silovik: Whatever, no different than Christians, Jews, Muslims etc

That old saw? Again?



That's the difference.
 
2009-06-25 07:56:50 PM
i39.tinypic.com

"Finally! After my 11 years of life, I'll finally know what it's like as John Malkovich!"

/she does look 11, right?
 
2009-06-25 08:12:08 PM
Can't we send all the Scientologists to North Korea for a spell. You know, just till we wipe them off the map?
 
2009-06-25 08:12:43 PM
home.cogeco.ca
 
2009-06-25 08:14:08 PM
Damn. Those ads could be used in a propaganda class as the definition of "Glittering Generalities".
 
2009-06-25 08:14:31 PM
2chris2: This screenshot from video 2 needs a caption:

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2009-06-25 08:15:25 PM
nowholdonandjustwaitafugginminute

In video 2, did I just see them flash a scene of them using Buddhist monks to advertise their 'spirituality'?
 
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