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(TC Palm)   If it looks like the husband killed his wife, and it smells like the husband killed his wife, then it must have been the spray tan that killed his wife   (tcpalm.com) divider line 47
    More: Florida  
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14501 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jun 2009 at 10:32 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2009-06-03 10:36:39 AM  
Her body was protecting her from becoming a guido.
 
2009-06-03 10:37:27 AM  
who uses a spray-on tan in Palm Beach anyways, GO OUTSIDE YOU HERMIT!!

/oh wait... she's dead....ahh.....
 
2009-06-03 10:38:36 AM  
FTFA: her accused husband's defense attorney blames it on a killer spray tan

GIS for said atty:
www.hitchcorner.com
/hot
 
2009-06-03 10:39:06 AM  
So, he set the tan on 'roast'?.
 
2009-06-03 10:41:05 AM  
"she fell and hit her neck on a bathroom magazine rack."

Just as believable as my story of how a ninja came out of nowhere and did a karate chop on my neck leaving me with bruises that may resemble hickeys. It's true. Happens all the time.
 
2009-06-03 10:41:28 AM  
Why do rich people always have so many personal problems?
 
2009-06-03 10:41:39 AM  
what about the salmon mousse?
 
2009-06-03 10:43:04 AM  
www.collegelawstudent.com

FTFA: Hyma said that only ''direct focused pressure'' could have caused the deep internal bleeding found in the neck muscles ..

Everyone knows that spray tan has the potential to do this. Why these mooks aren't dead yet I'll never know.
 
2009-06-03 10:44:38 AM  
I'm surprised he didn't just blame the local "it was a black man" or cuban or something.
 
2009-06-03 10:45:43 AM  
Shakespeare's Monkey: FTFA: Hyma said that only 'direct focused pressure' could have caused the deep internal bleeding found in the neck muscles ..

Everyone knows that spray tan has the potential to do this. Why these mooks aren't dead yet I'll never know.


I see no difference in skin tone between them an roasted pig:

www.pinoytravelblog.com
 
2009-06-03 10:46:45 AM  
Prosecutor Joseph Mansfield, who demonstrated his theory on the seated court reporter

Who said court reporting was an easy job
 
2009-06-03 10:49:27 AM  
This thread needs more Horatio CSI: Miami templates. I'm at work so I can't do one.

Get on it, you farkers.
 
2009-06-03 10:49:35 AM  
image.examiner.com
 
2009-06-03 10:50:31 AM  
mortimer_ford: Prosecutor Joseph Mansfield, who demonstrated his theory on the seated court reporter

Who said court reporting was an easy job


i did
 
2009-06-03 10:57:32 AM  
Shakespeare's Monkey: FTFA: Hyma said that only 'direct focused pressure' could have caused the deep internal bleeding found in the neck muscles ..

Everyone knows that spray tan has the potential to do this. Why these mooks aren't dead yet I'll never know.


WTF? That is a ghey as ghey can be. Please tell me this is not a new fad.
 
2009-06-03 11:00:20 AM  
mortimer_ford: Prosecutor Joseph MansfieldMansFELD, who demonstrated his theory on the seated court reporter

/ftfy
 
2009-06-03 11:01:54 AM  
Supporting that theory, Mansfield said: preliminary lab results showing that Eleonora's DNA was found on scrapings from under her fingernails.

She had her own DNA under her fingernails? Nice work, Lou.
 
2009-06-03 11:06:07 AM  
obzerver: Shakespeare's Monkey: FTFA: Hyma said that only 'direct focused pressure' could have caused the deep internal bleeding found in the neck muscles ..

Everyone knows that spray tan has the potential to do this. Why these mooks aren't dead yet I'll never know.

WTF? That is a ghey as ghey can be. Please tell me this is not a new fad.


Google "Lee Hotti." Trust me, it'll make your day.
 
2009-06-03 11:07:33 AM  
Wow - that's one killer tan...
 
2009-06-03 11:08:04 AM  
obzerver: Shakespeare's Monkey: FTFA: Hyma said that only 'direct focused pressure' could have caused the deep internal bleeding found in the neck muscles ..

Everyone knows that spray tan has the potential to do this. Why these mooks aren't dead yet I'll never know.

WTF? That is a ghey as ghey can be. Please tell me this is not a new fad.


It's not, it's been going on for a few years now - where have you been?
 
2009-06-03 11:09:26 AM  
omg.wthax.org

Guido thread!!!
 
2009-06-03 11:09:52 AM  
Gross.

I'd rather be bordering-on-translucent pale.

/and I am
 
2009-06-03 11:10:02 AM  
The horse you rode in on: Guido thread!!!

wow, that's messed up
 
2009-06-03 11:12:11 AM  
EZ Writer: Wow - that's one killer tan...

I LOLED!

/prefers Ganguro to Guido...
 
2009-06-03 11:16:00 AM  
it was Fan death.
 
2009-06-03 11:18:03 AM  
And guidos are not just men:

i171.photobucket.com

www.auslangeweile.de
Only the one in the left can be saved (And I'd shamelessly hit it).
 
2009-06-03 11:18:41 AM  
I went and got a spray tan recently. I don't recall 'risk of strangulation' listed on the warning sign.
 
2009-06-03 11:20:51 AM  
CygnusDarius: And guidos are not just men -- Only the one in the left can be saved (And I'd shamelessly hit it).

Having grown up in NJ, my being gay suddenly makes a whole lotta sense.
 
2009-06-03 11:25:27 AM  
Did she lick the wedding invitation envelopes?
 
2009-06-03 11:28:58 AM  
RabidRythmDivas: Supporting that theory, Mansfield said: preliminary lab results showing that Eleonora's DNA was found on scrapings from under her fingernails.

She had her own DNA under her fingernails? Nice work, Lou.


Yeah, wouldn't HIS DNA be there? From scratching at his hands or something?
 
2009-06-03 11:30:12 AM  
As ridiculous as the spray tan theory is, I am not convinced the Prosecution are real top notch investigators & attorneys. First off, why would they need to use the court reporter to demonstrate how you would strangle someone? Is there anyone unfamiliar with putting your hands around another person's neck to choke them? If there is they certainly don't belong on a jury deciding a murder case. Secondly, their big piece of evidence is that they found the victim's DNA under her own fingernails??? So everyone who scratches an itch shortly before dying must have been murdered?
 
2009-06-03 11:31:38 AM  
Hector Remarkable: RabidRythmDivas: Supporting that theory, Mansfield said: preliminary lab results showing that Eleonora's DNA was found on scrapings from under her fingernails.

She had her own DNA under her fingernails? Nice work, Lou.

Yeah, wouldn't HIS DNA be there? From scratching at his hands or something?


I got some of my own DNA IN MY BELLY BUTTON ONCE.
 
2009-06-03 11:36:00 AM  
CygnusDarius: And guidos are not just men:

Only the one in the left can be saved (And I'd shamelessly hit it).


Am I the only one left who finds that vapid and entitled manifests as physical ugly?

Gross. All around.
 
2009-06-03 11:46:01 AM  
territ: CygnusDarius: And guidos are not just men:

Only the one in the left can be saved (And I'd shamelessly hit it).

Am I the only one left who finds that vapid and entitled manifests as physical ugly?

Gross. All around.


There's nothing I can say that will help me defend myself, other than from all the three, only the one in the left looks like it's not given in to the fad.
 
2009-06-03 11:50:50 AM  
crazycooter
Secondly, their big piece of evidence is that they found the victim's DNA under her own fingernails??? So everyone who scratches an itch shortly before dying must have been murdered?


What about the deep internal bleeding in her neck?
 
2009-06-03 12:06:16 PM  
crazycooter: Secondly, their big piece of evidence is that they found the victim's DNA under her own fingernails??? So everyone who scratches an itch shortly before dying must have been murdered?

FTFA: "Prosecutor Joseph Mansfield, who demonstrated his theory on the seated court reporter, suggested that Kaufman strangled his wife from behind as she scratched at her neck to loosen his grip."
 
2009-06-03 12:15:41 PM  
Diogenes: CygnusDarius: And guidos are not just men -- Only the one in the left can be saved (And I'd shamelessly hit it).

Having grown up in NJ, my being gay suddenly makes a whole lotta sense.


You know how I know you're gay.....nevermind. Carry on.
 
2009-06-03 12:26:33 PM  
patrick767: What about the deep internal bleeding in her neck?

Must be high tide.
 
2009-06-03 01:15:16 PM  
Brilliance: patrick767: What about the deep internal bleeding in her neck?

Must be high tide.


i frew up... :(
 
2009-06-03 02:21:50 PM  
I would hope my own DNA would be under my fingernails.
 
2009-06-03 02:30:25 PM  
nobodys_goose: I would hope my own DNA would be under my fingernails.


Damn you, beat me too it!
Still, a great typo none-the-less.
 
2009-06-03 03:18:16 PM  
Hector Remarkable: RabidRythmDivas: Supporting that theory, Mansfield said: preliminary lab results showing that Eleonora's DNA was found on scrapings from under her fingernails.

She had her own DNA under her fingernails? Nice work, Lou.

Yeah, wouldn't HIS DNA be there? From scratching at his hands or something?


It really doesn't matter. DNA evidence can be presented in court to prove anything. The lawyers know they're arguing not about the law, but trying to convince a group of hand-picked idiots.

You look for an assembly of retards who's total experience in the field comes from CSI reruns, and you can talk them into anything by just slinging around some buzzwords.

"As you can see, this DNA is a perfect match. The odds of someone else having this same pattern is ten billion to one, proving my client may have had an itch."

Hell, just look at the Scott Peterson trial. They introduced all sorts of completely bogus "super-official DNA evidence" in that trial. Small drops of blood in the bedroom and bathroom of a highly pregnant female as evidence of murder? And hair. Because there is no other way for hair to transfer from someone you're living with, sleeping with, and farking than, y'know... murdering them.

I forget more than I remember about that case, but I do remember an epic amount of pointless no-purpose-but-to-confuse-the-jury bullshiat being introduced trying to weave a case together.

(Yeah, yeah... the whole "too stupid to get out of jury duty" applies, too... but remember pre-trial. If you prove yourself to be in any way intelligent during the questioning period you'll be sent home without having to make up a story about your dog.

"I'll make my decision based on what is right." Bam. Free ticket home. Every time. Guaranteed.)
 
2009-06-03 04:18:08 PM  
unavailable for comment
pepperedthought.files.wordpress.com
 
2009-06-03 04:20:04 PM  
mortimer_ford: Prosecutor Joseph Mansfield, who demonstrated his theory on the seated court reporter

Who said court reporting was an easy job


It's an easy job that's very, very hard to learn.

It obviously never occurred to him that she has to continue doing her job and writing while he's attempting to strangle her. That's only a teensy bit distracting.
 
2009-06-03 04:56:57 PM  
Avast found a Tojan off this site. D: Hooray for the Abort button!
 
2009-06-03 05:24:34 PM  
CygnusDarius: territ: CygnusDarius: And guidos are not just men:

Only the one in the left can be saved (And I'd shamelessly hit it).

Am I the only one left who finds that vapid and entitled manifests as physical ugly?

Gross. All around.

There's nothing I can say that will help me defend myself, other than from all the three, only the one in the left looks like it's not given in to the fad.


It's still an "it" though.
 
2009-06-03 10:13:42 PM  
facing a second-degree murder charge in the slaying of his wife in November 2007.

Eleonora's death had remained unclassified until April, when Dr. Bruce A. Hyma, the chief medical examiner, ruled she died from mechanical asphyxiation.


Five months? It took them five months to identify cause of death?
 
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