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(Mercury News)   Come to Cleveland, where the economy is based on LeBron James, the streets are filled with drifters, and broken-down homes can be had for the price of a VCR   (mercurynews.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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9445 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 May 2009 at 10:34 AM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-05-28 07:41:18 AM  
"I love the city and or else I would have left a long time ago," he said. "But I'm also realistic and I'm not going to pretend like there aren't a lot of negatives around here."

Bullsh*t.

You didn't leave for the same reason the rest of us are still here.

IT WON'T LET US ESCAPE.
 
2009-05-28 09:14:42 AM  
At least it's not Detroit said the man. LOL!
 
2009-05-28 09:52:12 AM  
Links to the videos in question. I admit it...At first I >:( but then I LOL'ed:

(Warning, mild NSFW language)

HASTILY MADE CLEVELAND TOURISM VIDEO (new window)

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt (new window)
 
2009-05-28 09:52:21 AM  
Can I start calling it "The Mistake by the Lake" again?
 
2009-05-28 10:37:21 AM  
The best part of Cleveland is the city's center... because no matter what direction you go, you're leaving.
 
2009-05-28 10:39:30 AM  
The "our main export is crippling depression" line still gets me every time. Lovely videos. Old(ish), but still funny.
 
2009-05-28 10:41:26 AM  
C'mon, we all know you can't really get AIDS from fish anyway... as long as they're cooked properly.
 
2009-05-28 10:42:03 AM  

EighthundredmillionthFarker: C'mon, we all know you can't really get AIDS from fish anyway... as long as they're cooked properly.


Even Fishsticks?
 
2009-05-28 10:43:19 AM  
cache.boston.com
Hot and pixely.
 
2009-05-28 10:43:36 AM  

CtrlAltDelete: IT WON'T LET US ESCAPE.


I left more than 10 years ago. You're not trying hard enough.
 
2009-05-28 10:44:06 AM  
Do you like fishsticks? Like, in your mouth?
 
2009-05-28 10:44:44 AM  
Reminds me of an old Second City TV game show where first prize was a "week in beautiful downtown Winnipeg!" Second prize was "TWO weeks in beautiful downtown Winnipeg!"

/SHOOOOOES
 
2009-05-28 10:44:49 AM  
What is a VCR?
 
2009-05-28 10:45:37 AM  

The Crepes of Wrath: I left more than 10 years ago. You're not trying hard enough.


What you don't realize is that your escape doomed several non-Clevelanders to be absorbed into the collective and punished for their non-Clevelanderness. What price freedom?
 
2009-05-28 10:45:48 AM  
img2.timeinc.net

/would love to flee to the Cleve.
 
2009-05-28 10:46:14 AM  
Cleveland: We make Baltimore look good.
 
2009-05-28 10:47:44 AM  
It's odd. The only cities in Ohio worth venturing to are Cincinnati and Columbus.

Dayton, Toldeo, Cleavland? No thank you.

//Bought a house in Dayton, proving I'm an idiot.
 
2009-05-28 10:49:16 AM  

EZ Writer: The best part of Cleveland is the city's center... because no matter what direction you go, you're leaving.


Hmmm...I seem to remember saying the same thing about New Jersey.
 
2009-05-28 10:49:50 AM  

sepuku2: At least it's not Detroit said the man. LOL!


Ouch. You know things are bad when you get told by Cleveland.
 
2009-05-28 10:51:55 AM  

MaxxLarge: Links to the videos in question. I admit it...At first I >:( but then I LOL'ed:

(Warning, mild NSFW language)

HASTILY MADE CLEVELAND TOURISM VIDEO (new window)

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt (new window)


Thanks! That's some funny there!
 
2009-05-28 10:52:39 AM  

The Crepes of Wrath: CtrlAltDelete: IT WON'T LET US ESCAPE.

I left more than 10 years ago. You're not trying hard enough.


Cleveland is a lot like a black hole - theres probably a bright center (and there is) but its surrounded by a circular region from which not even light can escape.

Outside that event horizon there are lovely neighborhoods, good to excellent schools, lots of small to moderate sized businesses and plenty of green space.

The problem with Cleveland is if you start downtown (which is "fine", if nowhere near a real downtown like Chicago and drive 5-10 minutes in any direction your impression is the Cleveland is a hellhole. Manage to drive 20 minutes and all of a sudden things are looking pretty nice - but when I talk about where I live (25-30 minutes from downtown) and I say "Cleveland" it is the black zone of death that comes to mind for most people.


/though don't get me started on the constant heartache that is our professional sports limbo.
 
2009-05-28 10:53:39 AM  

gothamcitypizza: /would love to flee to the Cleve.


Are you a model? You look so thin... You should really go eat something.
 
2009-05-28 10:58:22 AM  

Spike Lee's Favorite Farker: EighthundredmillionthFarker: C'mon, we all know you can't really get AIDS from fish anyway... as long as they're cooked properly.

Even Fishsticks?


Especially fishsticks.
 
2009-05-28 10:59:25 AM  

NimbleWalrus: Spike Lee's Favorite Farker: EighthundredmillionthFarker: C'mon, we all know you can't really get AIDS from fish anyway... as long as they're cooked properly.

Even Fishsticks?

Especially fishsticks.


Did I mention I have the reading comprehension of a 3 year old?

/I feel like an idiot.
 
2009-05-28 10:59:57 AM  
That train carried my job out of Cleveland.

/goes back to his job search.
 
2009-05-28 11:02:05 AM  

LoneCoon: Cincinnati and Columbus.

Dayton, Toldeo, Cleavland?


Congratulations, you are the first person in history to correctly spell Cincinnati and yet misspell Toledo and Cleveland.
 
2009-05-28 11:02:33 AM  
Who the fark still uses a payphone?
 
2009-05-28 11:08:38 AM  
Things are pretty bad in Cleveland when you would rather go to Wheeling for entertainment.
 
2009-05-28 11:09:26 AM  
MiamiChef: "What's a VCR?"

Came here to ask the same thing.

/Very Close Reach-around?
//Vandalized Cuyahoga River?
 
2009-05-28 11:10:19 AM  
I used to defend this city whenever something like this came up.

I just can't do it anymore. The leadership of this city for the past 15-20 years has so screwed over the city, it's not worth defending anymore.

Stupid democratic leadership...

We have friggin' DENNIS KUCINICH for god's sake.
 
2009-05-28 11:10:23 AM  
yeah, well, at least you guys have 3 pro sports teams. I'm from a one-sport town.
 
2009-05-28 11:13:35 AM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: yeah, well, at least you guys have 3 pro sports teams. I'm from a one-sport town.


And not ONE of them have won anything in 50 years.
 
2009-05-28 11:17:57 AM  
I'm very likely completely insane, because I like Cleveland. Probably because I don't have to live there, but still.

/don't like Cincinnati because it gave me bronchitis
//Ohio is truly the Rodney Dangerfield of states
 
2009-05-28 11:18:13 AM  

FatherDale: Reminds me of an old Second City TV game show where first prize was a "week in beautiful downtown Winnipeg!" Second prize was "TWO weeks in beautiful downtown Winnipeg!"


Having lived in both Cleveland and Winnipeg, this made me laugh pretty hard.
 
2009-05-28 11:18:35 AM  
I'm guessing the homes are cheap because no one wants to pay property taxes on unrespected property rights.

bubbaprog: Congratulations, you are the first person in history to correctly spell Cincinnati and yet misspell Toledo and Cleveland.


Wow, this. That was funny.
 
2009-05-28 11:19:03 AM  

vernonFL: Cleveland: We make Baltimore look good.


To be fair, Baltimore is also a seething hellhole outside the Inner Harbor. However, unlike Cleveland, Baltimore has the Inner Harbor to redeem itself. Cleveland just has... more Cleveland.
 
2009-05-28 11:23:50 AM  

OSULugan: Also not a big Cleve-LAND fan.


Damn. You just put me in the way back machine to a time when the only premium channel was HBO and you had to turn the TV on channel 3 and flip the swith in the back.
 
2009-05-28 11:24:05 AM  
damn straight Cleveland is not Detroit.

/Detroit rocks.
 
2009-05-28 11:26:05 AM  
I'm Doing it wrong. All I need to do is copy/paste from article and I get a green light. All this time I thought I had to think of some pity Headline.
 
2009-05-28 11:26:44 AM  
Subby...Whats this VCR you speak of?
 
2009-05-28 11:26:58 AM  
Cleveland: home of a Tower thats Terminal overlooking a Lake thats Erie.
 
2009-05-28 11:29:36 AM  
"pithy" ugh
 
2009-05-28 11:30:30 AM  
Nice copy-paste headline.


Anyway, exchange 'Red Wings' for 'Lebron James' and you have Detroit. Well, if you also exchange 'Detroit' for 'Cleveland'.

Can we just nuke the midwest? Tell me when the bomb is being dropped and I'll run outside and try to catch it.
 
2009-05-28 11:40:14 AM  
I left Cleveland in 92. Every time I go back to visit family, it takes about 2 days before all the reasons why I left become apparent.

img8.imageshack.us


Hot: like the polluted flaming surface of the river.
 
2009-05-28 11:43:14 AM  

CtrlAltDelete: "I love the city and or else I would have left a long time ago," he said. "But I'm also realistic and I'm not going to pretend like there aren't a lot of negatives around here."

Bullsh*t.

You didn't leave for the same reason the rest of us are still here.

IT WON'T LET US ESCAPE.


I still remember the first time I drove around in Cleveland. After some tallies, I came up with this:

A sports bar every block
A furniture store every 3 blocks
A vet clinic every 5 blocks

What I took from it is that you watched sports and got drunk, then went home and fell on the furniture, breaking it - or, between furniture runs, you tripped on the cat and had to go get help.

Seriously, I've never seen a place with so many furniture stores. WTF?
 
2009-05-28 11:50:25 AM  
Being from Cincinnati I endorse the video's opinion of Cleveland. Only Detroit can make it look good.
 
2009-05-28 11:51:17 AM  
The leadership here is screwed.

The funny thing is the problems we have here are everywhere in the States.

The burning river thing? Not the first river to catch on fire but one that inspired the creation of earth day and ushered in new environmental standards for the nation.

Sub prime loans? Inner City blight, businesses playing hopscotch throughout the region for the best tax rate, crumbling infrastructure?

Any of this sound familiar?

Great place to live if you know your way around and we will continue to be the whipping poster boy for many things that ail the rest of the country. So enjoy, but look around and see what you have in common with us ye stone throwers.
 
2009-05-28 11:54:01 AM  

LoneCoon: It's odd. The only cities in Ohio worth venturing to are Cincinnati and Columbus.

Dayton, Toldeo, Cleavland? No thank you.

//Bought a house in Dayton, proving I'm an idiot.


And even Cincinasty and Columbus are Holes too... Heck i have not been their in a decade, but I think you made the right choice, Dayton is one of the better places to be in that scarry state.
 
2009-05-28 11:54:17 AM  
God bless the Great Lakes region. former Buffalonian and Rochesterian here. These videos could be any town on the lakes, except Toronto or Chicago.

Course, when I escaped, I went to Vegas. And bought a house. In 2004.

So, who's stupid now?
 
2009-05-28 11:58:00 AM  

OSULugan: Also not a big Cleve-LAND fan.


Trapped in a world that he never made.

/But not me, baby, I'm too precious. Eff-Off!
//Celebrating my 20th anniversary as an ex-Cleveburger.
 
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