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Bi little ponies, Happy Ending Meals and ABBA rebjorn: Headlines of the Week 5/3 - 5/9
Posted by Drew at 2009-05-11 11:26:22 AM (32 comments) | Permalink
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Nothing new to report on media stuff this week, so instead I'll go on for a bit about what I spent this past weekend doing: hanging out in Vegas strip clubs at bachelor parties.
Two of my friends had bachelor parties in Vegas this weekend, which was a completely random yet welcome coincidence. One of the guys I've played soccer with for years, the other was a friend of Alexis Ohanian who founded Reddit.com. Alexis and I have accidentally been ending up in the same place at the same time at least once a month since January this year, and this weekend it happened again. The short version was too much alcohol, lots of fun.
The slightly longer version is I often joke that eventually I'm going to be involved in something that lands me as an article on Fark. It almost happened Thursday night. For years I've been reading articles about people who sue strip clubs because they get injured by the strippers. Thursday night I actually witnessed it. The bachelor was brought up on stage for the requisite boobie-smacking to the face ritual that all bachelors must go through. Initially there were going to be two girls participating but at the last minute someone decided to add a third one. She was nice and hot but also kinda crazy. Crazier than the usual stripper continuum. The third stripper decided she wasn't getting enough face-time (so to speak), so she stood up on the bachelor's lap, shimmied up the pole, flipped upside down, and slid down on him from above - damn near ripping his arms off in the process. Of course it was hilarious. Only later did it occur to me that we were a shoulder-dislocation away from becoming a Fark article.
At any rate that's what I did this weekend. Drank too much, had fun. Pretty much the plan for every weekend now that I think about it.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-05-03 to Sat 2009-05-09:
Catholic Church weighs in on genetically modified foods. Lettuce pray
Little girl finds condom in her Happy Ending Meal
Young attractive white girl becomes first American to die of Swine flu. In the 24-hour cable news world, this is also known as "the perfect storm"
Sixty-six year-old sealer rescued after spending two nights alone on an ice floe. Plans on going clubbing to celebrate
Breeder arrested on fraud charges, claims it's alpaca lies
Who keeps pandemic level at 5. Who did? Yes. Who kept the pandemic level? Yes. No I'm asking you
Dentist office explodes in Ohio. With pic of the large cavity
Stockholm police make two giant cocaine busts. Modern art just gets weirder every day
Swine flu victim in LaGrange is still seriously ill after two weeks. Doctors would like to help her, but don't know a-how-how-how-how
High school orders shot glasses to give to students as a prom party favor. Somebody's going to be very madd about this
Puppy eats alphabet magnets, poops next Dan Brown novel
The oldest rivalry in baseball heats up again, and of course we're talking about Amherst vs. Williams - a rivalry that goes back to 1859, or slightly before Jamie Moyer started pitching
Mets prospect Pagan arrested for traffic violations, will be burned at the stake during the summer solstice
Sprint Cup driver Jeremy Mayfield suspended indefinitely after failing two drug tests. NASCAR won't say what substance he tested positive for, but considering his record it's safe to say it wasn't speed
Medical community applauds first double-hand transplant in U.S
Scientists think warp driven starships may be possible one day, at least until some acting ensign pulls out all the computer chips to play dominos with the engineer
Experts concerned Nefertiti's bust could be fake, plan hands-on investigation
Lindsay and Ali Lohan learn to surf. In other news, Pacific Ocean to be treated for gonorrhea
Surrogate mother pictured carrying Sarah Jessica Parker's twins, said to be an openly bisexual tattooed rocker. Sarah worried she may end up with bi little ponies
Fawcett about to be turned off
Gay groups want Obama to pick the first gay Supreme Court Justice. The first "openly" gay justice, that is, so Scalia doesn't count
Sen. Chris Dodd (D-Countrywide) is going after shady lending practices. Next up: Ted Kennedy's war on alcoholism
Obama to give speech regarding Muslim relations. No, not HIS Muslim relations
Apple caves in and approves NIN app after Trent publically farks them like an animal
Lenny Kravitz plans to tour England with Jimi Hendrix's guitar, image and anything else he can rip off
After fifteen years, it looks like ABBA has been partially rebjorn
Bernanke: Economy should grow again later in 2009, but if we experience expansion lasting more than four years, we should consult a doctor
Citigroup analyst weighs in on which banks need to raise capital after recent stress test, which is kind of like a blind guy telling you your girlfriend is ugly
Office supply manufacturer Bic erases 88 jobs, folds staple Kansas plant to clip costs, notes workers' dedication and tacks on severance. Pens
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