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(The Star)   Motorcyclist dies after hitting monkey   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

11553 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2003 at 2:37 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

98 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-12 02:38:40 PM  
Damn monkey butlers!
2003-02-12 02:39:49 PM other news, the banana escaped unharmed.
2003-02-12 02:40:39 PM  
the article wouldn't show up!! is the monkey ok???
2003-02-12 02:40:43 PM  
...gosh I'd like to actually read the article.
Seeing as it's my home city and I ride. Site farked?
2003-02-12 02:41:23 PM  
"hitting" equals "spanking" surely?
2003-02-12 02:42:02 PM  
Oh my God...that poor monkey!
2003-02-12 02:42:08 PM  
Wow, there really is no limit to the amount of ways to die. Who woulda thunk you could hit a MONKEY on a motorcycle and die.
2003-02-12 02:43:01 PM  
Wait... one... minute... This monkey was thrown!
You mean?
Yes, murder...
*dramatic music*
2003-02-12 02:43:05 PM  
I'd hit it.

2003-02-12 02:43:20 PM  
In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned..
2003-02-12 02:43:28 PM  
I survived a motorcycle accident where I hit a deer at over 100 MPH. I slid, bounced and flew for about 150 feet. Only broke my nose. Sucked big time. Tore my pants off and my helmet. Luckily I was wearing two scarves and had an extra jacket tucked inside by my chest. I was still picking gravel out of my head and legs for months afterwards.
2003-02-12 02:44:16 PM  
Well, obviously we have to outlaw monkeys IMMEDIATELY, even though it flies in the face of the sensibilities of a democracy.

Remember: When monkeys are outlawed, only outlaws will have monkeys.

And monkey feces.
2003-02-12 02:44:29 PM  
One less monkey butler to do my bidding :(
2003-02-12 02:44:32 PM  
Every monkey for 200 miles thinks he's elvis presley.
2003-02-12 02:44:57 PM  
Was it Mark Walburg? Cause that would be ironic.
2003-02-12 02:46:18 PM  
George, George, George of the out for that idiot on the motorcycle that probably wasn't wearing a helmut. It's gotta nice ring to it...
2003-02-12 02:46:30 PM  
Monkeys is the crrrrraaziest peoples.
2003-02-12 02:46:43 PM  
One of the worst close-calls I've ever had in 23 years of motorcycling was what I like to call the "Possum Shower."

I'm in Durham, NC, at about 10:30 p.m., mid-December 1997. I'm on my brand new GSX-R 600, on a back road, in full leathers and a helmet. Rolling along at about 55 m.p.h. or so, and semi-drafting off of a big SUV about 5-10 yards back so that I'm not getting a huge windblast. Anyway...I'm totally minding my own business, not goofing around or weaving or whatever...just enjoying a nice evening ride. All of a sudden, the SUV flashes its brake lights, swerves, and I see this spray of gunk flying at me, and an object that looks like a small dog goes flying right past me. At this point (2-3 seconds later), I, and my bike, are covered in a bunch of crap, and I pull over. I suddenly realize that the SUV clobbered a possum, and the crap all over me is the blood/guts/etc from the Possum. Ergo...Possum Shower. One of the most vile incidents of my entire life. I'm just glad I had the face shield on my helmet down.
2003-02-12 02:47:49 PM  
I'll bet that really shocked the monkey.

Cover me, when I run.

/Peter Gabriel
2003-02-12 02:48:02 PM  
I don't know about you people... But I ALWAYS keep a look out for crossing monkeys.
2003-02-12 02:48:29 PM  

Oops, wrong thread.
2003-02-12 02:48:32 PM  
. . . She touched my monkey . . .

. . . She touched my monkey and died . . .

2003-02-12 02:49:27 PM  
Well, yeah. Hitting your monkey makes you go blind. And we all know that Blind + Motorcycle = Kaplow.
2003-02-12 02:49:30 PM  
hmmmmm, roadkill
2003-02-12 02:49:32 PM  
Bump..... lol.

"Never send a monkey to do a man's job"
2003-02-12 02:50:23 PM  
everyone knows you should never fap and ride at the same time...
2003-02-12 02:51:27 PM  
I'd post a picture of the 'Death by Monkies' battlebot, but i'm really tired and my html sucks big time.
2003-02-12 02:51:51 PM  
You see, you never, ever "hit" a monkey. You only spank it lightly with your hand. Else you might have a similar fate.
2003-02-12 02:51:56 PM  
Monkey butler in question:
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-12 02:53:52 PM  
Cheeky Monkey
2003-02-12 02:54:39 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-12 02:56:27 PM  
Billions for space exploration and STILL we have monkeys in the streets! What am I paying my taxes for?
2003-02-12 02:57:38 PM  
The butler did it.
2003-02-12 02:57:53 PM  
What a tragedy. The monkey would have had more of a chance in a monkey knife fight like Furious George.
2003-02-12 02:57:53 PM  
killer monkey tossers at large? Whats this world coming too!!! At least it wasn'ta manatee though, then PETA would have beaten the guys remains with a hammer.
2003-02-12 02:58:40 PM  
Moral of the story: Never ride pillion. Riding pillion? What the heck?
2003-02-12 02:59:39 PM  
Thanks Phrenile.
2003-02-12 03:01:09 PM  
2003-02-12 03:01:18 PM  
That's a bad monkey. That monkey needs to be spanked. I volunteer!

2003-02-12 03:01:45 PM  
The monkey aint no joke. Y'say y' wanna mess with the coke? Boy oh boy, the monkey aint no joke.
2003-02-12 03:01:54 PM  
I hate it when that happens.
2003-02-12 03:03:09 PM  
I'm with Whelmed ,

WTF is riding "pillion"?
2003-02-12 03:03:31 PM  
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey.
2003-02-12 03:03:54 PM  
holy crap i just wrote a short story about a monkey that got hit by a car driven by an angry old ninja master. wacky hijinx ensued after the monkey sued the man and offended his honor. the monkey ended up in a tree with his wheelchair balancing on a branch. the ninja was really crafty in scaring him but never hurt him. it was a love hate relationship. i think itd make a good idea for a movie so if i see a movie about it im going to get a big piece of the pie. ::]
2003-02-12 03:04:57 PM  
hard to ride a motorbike one-handed


if you know what I mean.
buz [BareFark]
2003-02-12 03:05:02 PM  

Closest call I've ever had, was Bambi running NEXT to me for ~20 yards (it was a LOOONG time to be terrified!) She came out, the ran RIGHT alongside of my bike (30 mph-ish) about mining seat-foam with your rear-end.....
--Bikin' Buz...
2003-02-12 03:05:49 PM  
Jeez, I'm so stupid. That's what a dictionary is for, I guess.

Definition: Pillion = passenger seating

2003-02-12 03:06:28 PM  
She likes to feed the monkey.
2003-02-12 03:07:08 PM  
Riding pillion is the term for riding on the rear (passenger) portion of the motorcycle's saddle.
2003-02-12 03:07:54 PM  
Poor monkey. I wonder if it tastes like chicken....
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