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Why we're not all going to die from Mexican Flu, by Drew Curtis age 7. Bonus: Headlines of the Week 4/19 to 4/25 
Posted by Drew at 2009-04-27 2:28:07 PM, edited 2009-04-27 2:41:54 PM (170 comments) | Permalink
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19812 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:35 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Finally, something of substance has appeared in the news. Swine Flu will kill us all. EVERYBODY PANIC.

First off, I mentioned this in my book in the chapter on Media Fearmongering (which, if you read it, you're already recognizing the signs in MSM today). The problem with being the guy telling everyone not to panic is that if you're wrong, you're an idiot. As opposed to being wrong when predicting the apocalypse, in which case everyone just laughs at how silly you were for predicting the apocalypse. If you want to win every argument with no danger of coming down with "Long Term Idiot Stigma", be a consummate pessimist. If you think about it, probably every argumentative asshole you've ever met is one.

Here's why you shouldn't panic:

- The Mexican Government estimates that 86 people (or more) have died from Swine Flu. Okay, that's tragic. But why the hell are we taking their numbers at face value? For starters, if you read the fine print the death numbers being tossed around are estimates. There are 18 confirmed deaths so far. Which ain't awesome, but it's a damn sight better than a hundred.

- In quite a few articles I've read, I've seen statements to the effect of researchers aren't sure why the cases in the US and Canada appear to be milder than the ones in Mexico and none have resulted in death. I know we'd all like to pretend that Mexico has its act together, but last time I checked Mexico was a third world country with third world healthcare. Do the math.

- Speaking of no one having died in the US and Canada, not only has no one in a first world country died from Swine Flu yet, but so far no one's even rumored to be in danger of dying. And most of the confirmed cases got better on their own after a few days at home. EVERYBODY PANIC

- It is no doubt a source of great disappointment to MSM that they can't add that Swine Flu is "drug resistant" or "there's no known cure". Because it's neither, it responds to Tamiflu and other treatments. Yes, I realize there are distribution hurdles in the event of a huge outbreak, but currently it's not an issue and I don't expect it will become one.

PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, which they are, you'll get over it


You won't see this discussion in MSM because, as humans, we're primed to act on fear. It's human nature. MSM is a reflection of what people are reacting to, not a reflection of what's actually going on in the world. People click the hell out of fearmongering articles, so MSM keeps running them. That, and no MSM outlet wants to be the guys who "didn't see it coming". Buncha pansies.

The problem with making fun of MSM pandemic reporting is that eventually there's going to be a pandemic. You don't have to be Nostradamus to make that call, it's as likely as War, Famine, Taxes, and me drinking beer after dinner (or during). So, although I put myself at risk of contracting "Long Term Idiot Stigma" by saying it, let me be the first to tell you this ain't the big one.

Don't Panic.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-04-19 to Sat 2009-04-25:

img1.fark.net  Fourteen horses die right before Florida polo match. It was a biatch getting them out of the pool    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Stephen Hawking rushed to hospital. Doctors fear he may never walk again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Judge rules KKK Imperial Wizard's son is too stupid to stand trial for murder with his dad. Behold, the master race    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man sues after being hit in the head with a discus. Says he faces hurdles daily and has now hired a P.R. firm to track and field calls from the media. The bar is set high, but he thinks he can win his case. Javelin    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Teacher/student sex suspect gets off on a technicality, teenage boys    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Whale protection research vessel collides with endangered whale. Officials say blubbering would serve no porpoise - it was just a fluke, and they've made the best out of a bad cetacean    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Indian tribe seeking restitution for lands lost in the 1800s. They plan to Sioux    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Badly mixed supplement to blame for polo horse deaths, most of the home runs hit in the 1990s    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Berlin to host the second annual international toad song contest, which will be sponsored by Bud. Weis. Er    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Couple caught having sex in dumpster. I told you she was trash    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man finds Hidden Falls, falls    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Fifty-year old Mark Martin guides his AARP Chevy to the win in Phoenix. Promptly disqualified for having curb feelers that were out of spec    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The Cavs bench nearly gives Detroit a bailout, letting them cut a 29 point lead to 7 in the fourth quarter before LeBron and his cabinet return to the game to restructure the plan    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Previously on "All My Celtics", Kevin and Leon were lost and Danny had a heart attack. Today we learn that Tony has been receiving death threats for months, while Rajon has a mysterious foot injury    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  You get a leech on your eyeball. Do you c)    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dirty dead stars often survived by aimless, drifting rock groups after they are blown away. This is not another Kurt Cobain link    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Survey indicates that there are five times more paralyzed people in the US than previously thought, citing new survey method where researchers knocked on doors and actually waited more than two minutes for someone to answer  


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Madonna hospitalized after horse accident. She suffered minor injuries but expected to be back on her knees in no time    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Rachel Maddow's show has suffered a 40 percent audience drop since last fall, which is to be expected because the nice weather is moving her viewers outside to play softball    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lindsay Lohan is scared to pump her own gas for fear of being burned to death, sudden overwhelming urge to fellate the nozzle    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Jane Harman, vigorous Democratic supporter of illegal NSA wiretaps, completely outraged she was wiretapped. Jane, you ignorant slut    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jesse Jackson offers to go to Iraq to free journalist. It's a deal, no trade-backs    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  McCain says Obama, in releasing the torture memos, is starting the worst "witch hunt" he's seen since his boyhood in Salem    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Pink Floyd sues record label over missing royalties, dark sarcasm, thought control    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Amy Winehouse wants to write children's books, in case your 9-year-old needs to learn how to freebase cocaine or make a bong out of some tinfoil and an apple    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ringo Starr's drum skin from the Beatles-era to be auctioned and expected to fetch £100,000. It's in great condition and only been used for minimal, overly-simplistic beats    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Fishing is on the rise, despite a crappie economy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  So, like the head of MySpace may be replaced by the former chief operating officer of Facebook. No word on how many times this has been Twittered    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chrysler might not be able to Dodge Chapter 11    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


170 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-04-27 02:53:38 PM
t is no doubt a source of great disappointment to MSM that they can't add that Swine Flu is "drug resistant" or "there's no known cure".

they have started writing articles making that claim now.
 
2009-04-27 02:53:44 PM
yea, predictions make for wonderful stigmas, and the MSM sure seem to get away with it.

According to headlines, we are heading for a financial catastrophe due to the pandemic.

Gotta love it when the media double up.
 
2009-04-27 02:54:06 PM
Also worth noting that this has been going on since March 18th when the first case surfaced, it took the media until April 21st to get anything, and since then they're reporting this sounding like it happened very quickly. (source: wikipedia, with footnotes)

Great headlines as usual :) love the leech one
 
2009-04-27 02:54:35 PM
unyon: PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, you'll get over it (and just because you're offended doesn't mean I'm not right).

I'm not offended by it, I just think it's inaccurate. I've had more than a passing familiarity with health care in Mexico. The experiences have been uneven, but generally positive and very professional.

I wouldn't be afraid of going to a hospital in Mexico. DariusCygnus or whatever his name is, the farker from Sonora, probably has a more detailed opinion on this.


Ummmmm yeaaaaa, my Dad had a serious accident in Cancun, a brain aneurysm. Short version, 1st diagnosed as the flu, hospital employees stole his clothes, finally he got an MRI. The Mexican "ambulance" that took him to the airport for a medevac flight couldn't be turned off because it wouldn't start again. Pilot said most of the folks that they fly out of there don't make it back to the U.S. Mexico's health system is more 4th world than 3rd. You go to the hospital for a couple of stitches and go home in a body bag.
 
2009-04-27 02:54:37 PM
Google maps show that we'll probably get North America, Europe, and Australia. Best case, it'll be an all but Madagascar victory, but Asia may close its borders...

Link (new window)
 
2009-04-27 02:55:07 PM
perdu: Or c) the stain in Mexico is very lethal and we're seeing a milder variant elsewhere. Not very likely but something to watch out for

OR
d) air polution/general respitory health in Mexico city is poor enough that influenza becomes a major burden causing a fair amount of pneumonia.
 
2009-04-27 02:55:43 PM
perdu: Or c) the stain in Mexico is very lethal and we're seeing a milder variant elsewhere. Not very likely but something to watch out for

That salsa can be messy and deadly!
 
2009-04-27 02:55:52 PM
Bob_Laublaw: Spindle: I like the cut of your jib.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that oldfart's uncircumcised. I'll have to take a closer look at the shots he sent me Saturday night.


OOOOoooookay, time for some mind bleach. Can I still have naked women running around in the background?
 
2009-04-27 02:56:08 PM
The MSM is remarkably adept at scaring the general public, so much so that I wonder if one day the cable and broadcast channels that specialize in this sort of fearmongering (NBC/MSNBC, ABC, Fox, CNN, etc.) will hurt their parent corporation's bottom line. In the case of the swine flu, should these entities succeed in scaring everyone shiatless and the public stays home, then these mega-corporations should see their revenue streams negatively impacted elsewhere.

If people are too scared to leave the house, then things like Universal Pictures, 20th Century Fox and Warner Bros. Pictures are going to have a lousy summer. And that is just movies, that doesn't begin to factor in ripple effects in other sectors.
 
2009-04-27 02:56:52 PM
Chucklz: perdu: Or c) the stain in Mexico is very lethal and we're seeing a milder variant elsewhere. Not very likely but something to watch out for

OR
d) air polution/general respitory health in Mexico city is poor enough that influenza becomes a major burden causing a fair amount of pneumonia.


e) they already had pneumonia?
 
2009-04-27 02:58:11 PM
Sun Worshiping Dog Launcher: The MSM is remarkably adept at scaring the general public, so much so that I wonder if one day the cable and broadcast channels that specialize in this sort of fearmongering (NBC/MSNBC, ABC, Fox, CNN, etc.) will hurt their parent corporation's bottom line. In the case of the swine flu, should these entities succeed in scaring everyone shiatless and the public stays home, then these mega-corporations should see their revenue streams negatively impacted elsewhere.

If people are too scared to leave the house, then things like Universal Pictures, 20th Century Fox and Warner Bros. Pictures are going to have a lousy summer. And that is just movies, that doesn't begin to factor in ripple effects in other sectors.


Can we just start calling the MSM chickenlittle or (CL) ? like we transitioned away from douche and now use Wentz.
 
2009-04-27 02:59:57 PM
I am actually hoping this is the big one, because in all the movies the main character always lives and gets to experience post-apocalyptic Earth. Since I'm obviously the main character in my life, my odds look pretty good.
 
2009-04-27 03:00:06 PM
My wife was just stopped in the CDC office in Cleveland by Alicia Booth (Channel 5 "news"). She wanted to interview her (my wife) to see how she (my wife) was handling the panic and, oh by the way, "will you do it while wearing a surgical mask that I brought with me to make it more dramatic?"

I'm not too worried about the pandemic. I mean, we have a medic and scientist, there's only one epidemic left in the deck, and we have only the red disease to cure. I'm sure the scientist will be able to trade or draw his fourth card shortly.
 
2009-04-27 03:00:08 PM
I said this to a friend yesterday--

"Well, Mexico is a third world country. If you live in a third world country, you get third world health care. And who knows if they lived in the country, where swine would typically be raised? Even worse odds."

I don't think it's racist to call a third world country a third world country. I think people might not like the designation, it's like being called fat when you are fat. Doesn't make it untrue.
 
2009-04-27 03:01:49 PM
Could this be "the big one"? Sure. Of course, I could keel over from a brain aneurysm right now too. Probability-wise, I'm goehtnsaudglaGHAK
 
2009-04-27 03:02:07 PM
"'Don't Panic.' It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day."
 
2009-04-27 03:02:22 PM
AppleOptionEsc: How it TF today? Is everyone asking the WebMD Fark doctors if they should to to the hospital again? Those were some good times.

Some of that. 3 greenlit links about swine flu coming your way in the 3:00 hour alone. Brace yourself.
 
2009-04-27 03:03:00 PM
As much as I would like to get pork and bacon for 39¢ a pound, I'm a little tired of the ZOMG PANIC mode.

/omg stfu
 
2009-04-27 03:04:36 PM
OMG! WE'RE ALL GOING TO LIVE!

except those of us who will die of something or another
 
2009-04-27 03:04:46 PM
patricula: "will you do it while wearing a surgical mask that I brought with me to make it more dramatic?"

She should have said "Yes, as long as we do it live" and then mid-interview, whip off the surgical mask, drop Alicia's pants and frantically lap at her labia until the guys in the FCC van come and knock her away with an oversized tennis racket.
 
2009-04-27 03:05:28 PM
Conservationist: last time I checked Mexico was a third world country with third world healthcare.

THAT'S WACIST


THAT'S JOSE-CIST!!!
 
2009-04-27 03:06:54 PM
You think this is a joke Drew? Just tell that to my friend Rhonda, who, in the last 5 years alone, has contracted SARS, Bird Flu, Hoof and Mouth Disease, Mad Cow, Salmonella from Tomatoes, Salmonella from Peanuts, Salmonella from Jalapenos, and now Swine Flu. You may say bad luck, but I say the media is just doing the right amount of coverage. If you leave your home without wearing a mask, you are asking to get dead.
 
2009-04-27 03:07:21 PM
You're wrong, Drew, the only way any of us can possibly survive this is by the divine hand of Barack Obama.
 
2009-04-27 03:07:46 PM
I like watching the "news" in the mornings sometimes to make myself feel more evolved. Such a joke....
 
2009-04-27 03:08:54 PM
The line between news and not news has weakened to the point where the "Free Press" isn't "Press" anymore. It's just the idiotic ramblings of a drunken attention whore.
 
2009-04-27 03:08:55 PM
Drew, I often think you take your anti-MSM attitude too far, but several of my reporter colleagues have updated their facebook statii and twitters to reflect the asinine stories related to the flu they're off doing.

Expect an influx of reporters at airports asking perfectly healthy their opinion on an issue which doesn't affect them in the slightest.
 
2009-04-27 03:09:30 PM
McFifenstein: You're wrong, Drew, the only way any of us can possibly survive this is by the divine hand of Barack Obama.

Typical Republican, always trying to deify your leaders.
 
2009-04-27 03:09:53 PM
Bob_Laublaw: PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, you'll get over it (and just because you're offended doesn't mean I'm not right).

Why does Drew have such disdain for boobs as to compare them to the Mexican government?


Yeah, my boobs are infinitely more competent than any third world government.
 
2009-04-27 03:12:36 PM
The MSM is the new National Enquirer. They're ad based entertainment, not news.
 
2009-04-27 03:12:47 PM
The government said dont panic!
Its not time to panic.

But this does beg the question what should i do when it is time to panic.
 
2009-04-27 03:13:04 PM
Hmmm, I think just as bad as the OMG Panic message is the OMG FEARMONGERING message.

My wife works in public health. Her partner has a special beeper that goes off in national health emergencies. Guess when the first time was that this beeper ever went off...if you guessed Saturday, you win.

Blogs by medical personnel in Mexico are painting a pretty grim picture.

Now, this doesn't mean this will be a pandemic, but it means that the folks who spend a lot of time thinking about these things are more than a little nervous.

I spent time in major airline hubs this weekend, and I am waiting another day to see if I develop symptoms. While panicking would be useless, preparing is smart.

Buy some masks, they keep for a long time. Stock up on some tylenol and ibuprofen, childrens versions are liquid and can be kept down better. Get some anti-nasea medication. Buy a lot of fluids that are easy to ingest and some crackers, soup, and other sick food.

Take the time to learn about flu symptoms. The truth is that most people have never had the flu and think it is like getting a cold. Flu can kill you, you hurt like you have been beaten with a bat, and it can lead to bacterial pneumonia. It is not a cold.

If things go wacky, having stocks of these items before there is a run on them will be a good thing. If not, then you will be out a little money.
 
2009-04-27 03:14:47 PM
netweavr: McFifenstein: You're wrong, Drew, the only way any of us can possibly survive this is by the divine hand of Barack Obama.

Typical Republican, always trying to deify your leaders.


wait... I think you screwed that up.
we switch rolls in these threads, so you're supposed to call me a democrat.
 
2009-04-27 03:15:18 PM
third world country

first world country


What's a *second*-world country?
 
2009-04-27 03:15:21 PM
I just got an email that went to all federal employees from the Director of the Office of Personnel Management about Swine Flu. Not exactly just MSM pumping this one up.
 
2009-04-27 03:15:59 PM
McFifenstein: netweavr: McFifenstein: You're wrong, Drew, the only way any of us can possibly survive this is by the divine hand of Barack Obama.

Typical Republican, always trying to deify your leaders.

wait... I think you screwed that up.
we switch rolls in these threads, so you're supposed to call me a democrat.


Typical Democrat, trying to make everyone follow specific roles. It's called Freedom! Learn about it.
 
2009-04-27 03:16:58 PM
Another reason: This shiat already happened in 1976 and it didn't destroy the world.

http://gawker.com/5229395/swine-flu-panic-bullshiat
 
2009-04-27 03:17:13 PM
There is something to be said for telling people "don't panic." On the other hand it's a little naive to think it's as simple as that. We seem to have a kind of societal memory of when disease outbreaks could and did cripple cities, kill millions, etc. There is no reason an outbreak like the one in 1918 could not happen again. Being vigilant means not pooh-poohing any potential warning signs. When it turns out we overreacted we should count ourselves lucky and then be just as vigilant the next time.

Nothing that people are being reminded to do is a bad thing. This isn't duct-tape-your-apartment time. This is about washing hands, cleanign surfaces, etc. Not nad advice even for the regular flu.

If it keeps someone from getting sick, fine. And if it ends up saving even one life, that's great. Doesn't mean I'm panicking.

It's all well and good to criticize the MSM but there is the danger of becoming a cynic about it. What you end up with is a large swath of the faithful who just cling unquestioningly to something new, replacing the MSM with the critic thereof like a dry-drunk replacing booze with religion. That leads to dangerous things, too. For one example, look at the not insignificant number of people who have listened to those who tell them that one thing or another is wrong with vaccinating their kids. People sometimes listen to the cynics at their peril, too.
 
2009-04-27 03:17:29 PM
dstanley: third world country

first world country

What's a *second*-world country?


that's somewhere in middle earth
 
2009-04-27 03:17:47 PM
Sigh FARK filters...

Click here for Swine Bullcrap (new window).
 
2009-04-27 03:18:24 PM
Quel: I just got an email that went to all federal employees from the Director of the Office of Personnel Management about Swine Flu. Not exactly just MSM pumping this one up.

They've called wolf and screamed about the sky falling too many times.

No one is taking them seriously, so they have to step it up a notch.

But by all means, go out and blow money on unnecessary supplies and duct tape.
 
2009-04-27 03:18:37 PM
rcdl: Another reason: This shiat already happened in 1976 and it didn't destroy the world.

http://gawker.com/5229395/swine-flu-panic-bullshiat


That was a different strain, try to keep up.

Viruses mutate.
 
2009-04-27 03:19:06 PM
netweavr: Typical Democrat, trying to make everyone follow specific roles. It's called Freedom! Learn about it.

typical republican, thinking people are responsible enough to handle actual freedom! We NEED more government to keep the idiots (aka the majority) from going wild.
 
2009-04-27 03:19:26 PM
Brainsick: rcdl: Another reason: This shiat already happened in 1976 and it didn't destroy the world.

http://gawker.com/5229395/swine-flu-panic-bullshiat

That was a different strain, try to keep up.

Viruses mutate.


If you don't learn from the past, you repeat your mistakes.
 
2009-04-27 03:21:09 PM
oldfarthenry: I'd be more inclined to accept TV news hysteria if they had naked women screaming & running around in the background.

Now this I could get behind. MSM honchos, make it so.
 
2009-04-27 03:21:16 PM
McFifenstein: netweavr: Typical Democrat, trying to make everyone follow specific roles. It's called Freedom! Learn about it.

typical republican, thinking people are responsible enough to handle actual freedom! We NEED more government to keep the idiots (aka the majority) from going wild.


Typical Democrat, you have no faith in the human spirit, no faith in the human drive, in fact, you have no faith at all. We need to be left alone to our own devices, it's why god-fearing countries like Mexico are so prosperous today!
 
2009-04-27 03:23:24 PM
McFifenstein: You're wrong, Drew, the only way any of us can possibly survive this is by the divine hand of Barack Obama.

Actually... Obama held a confrence earlier in which he told the american people not to panic over this. Hes *smart*.

I always found this an odd relation:
Majority of neo cons are also the crazy christian types. Correct? Well (in my opinion) christianity is based on fear ie: do/dont do this or you will burn in hell. And thats the way these neo cons run the country. ie: "if we dont invade iraq we are dead."
This country is ran on fear, both from the majority religion, media and the group of people who ran the country the last 8 years.

When Obama sprinkles his down to earth magic dust on me i will tilt my head and open my mouth.
 
2009-04-27 03:24:24 PM
Swine Flu would be awesome if you puked bacon
 
2009-04-27 03:25:58 PM
travel4sanity: When Obama sprinkles his down to earth magic dust on me i will tilt my head and open my mouth.

that's not dust, sweetcheeks.
 
2009-04-27 03:27:17 PM
I hate when people misrepresent things... and now Drew just joined the list by saying something that is obviously not accurate (and I'm positive he knowingly kept it in there):

First World: the United States and its allies.
Second World: the Soviet Union and its allies.
Third World: Non-aligned and neutral countries

The "worlds" concept has nothing to do with poverty, it's pure politics. It has to do with what power you aligned with during the cold war.

Why do people continue to make this crap up? It's been debunked so many times by even mainstream media.

Seriously. Can we get a researcher for Fark editorials? Or maybe a 3rd grader who can correct in crayon?

FWIW if you talk to some older people they consider Germany and Italy to be 2nd world because of belonging to the Axis. Doesn't matter that they are among the most wealthy nations for the past 30 years. They are 2nd world. And yes... Switzerland is historically 3rd world.
 
2009-04-27 03:27:57 PM
travel4sanity: I always found this an odd relation:

also, stop bringing "logic" and "other serious stuff" in here.
This is fark, pick a side and flame away.
it's also fun to take pot-shots at drew.
 
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