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Why we're not all going to die from Mexican Flu, by Drew Curtis age 7. Bonus: Headlines of the Week 4/19 to 4/25 
Posted by Drew at 2009-04-27 2:28:07 PM, edited 2009-04-27 2:41:54 PM (170 comments) | Permalink
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19811 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:35 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Finally, something of substance has appeared in the news. Swine Flu will kill us all. EVERYBODY PANIC.

First off, I mentioned this in my book in the chapter on Media Fearmongering (which, if you read it, you're already recognizing the signs in MSM today). The problem with being the guy telling everyone not to panic is that if you're wrong, you're an idiot. As opposed to being wrong when predicting the apocalypse, in which case everyone just laughs at how silly you were for predicting the apocalypse. If you want to win every argument with no danger of coming down with "Long Term Idiot Stigma", be a consummate pessimist. If you think about it, probably every argumentative asshole you've ever met is one.

Here's why you shouldn't panic:

- The Mexican Government estimates that 86 people (or more) have died from Swine Flu. Okay, that's tragic. But why the hell are we taking their numbers at face value? For starters, if you read the fine print the death numbers being tossed around are estimates. There are 18 confirmed deaths so far. Which ain't awesome, but it's a damn sight better than a hundred.

- In quite a few articles I've read, I've seen statements to the effect of researchers aren't sure why the cases in the US and Canada appear to be milder than the ones in Mexico and none have resulted in death. I know we'd all like to pretend that Mexico has its act together, but last time I checked Mexico was a third world country with third world healthcare. Do the math.

- Speaking of no one having died in the US and Canada, not only has no one in a first world country died from Swine Flu yet, but so far no one's even rumored to be in danger of dying. And most of the confirmed cases got better on their own after a few days at home. EVERYBODY PANIC

- It is no doubt a source of great disappointment to MSM that they can't add that Swine Flu is "drug resistant" or "there's no known cure". Because it's neither, it responds to Tamiflu and other treatments. Yes, I realize there are distribution hurdles in the event of a huge outbreak, but currently it's not an issue and I don't expect it will become one.

PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, which they are, you'll get over it


You won't see this discussion in MSM because, as humans, we're primed to act on fear. It's human nature. MSM is a reflection of what people are reacting to, not a reflection of what's actually going on in the world. People click the hell out of fearmongering articles, so MSM keeps running them. That, and no MSM outlet wants to be the guys who "didn't see it coming". Buncha pansies.

The problem with making fun of MSM pandemic reporting is that eventually there's going to be a pandemic. You don't have to be Nostradamus to make that call, it's as likely as War, Famine, Taxes, and me drinking beer after dinner (or during). So, although I put myself at risk of contracting "Long Term Idiot Stigma" by saying it, let me be the first to tell you this ain't the big one.

Don't Panic.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-04-19 to Sat 2009-04-25:

img1.fark.net  Fourteen horses die right before Florida polo match. It was a biatch getting them out of the pool    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Stephen Hawking rushed to hospital. Doctors fear he may never walk again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Judge rules KKK Imperial Wizard's son is too stupid to stand trial for murder with his dad. Behold, the master race    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man sues after being hit in the head with a discus. Says he faces hurdles daily and has now hired a P.R. firm to track and field calls from the media. The bar is set high, but he thinks he can win his case. Javelin    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Teacher/student sex suspect gets off on a technicality, teenage boys    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Whale protection research vessel collides with endangered whale. Officials say blubbering would serve no porpoise - it was just a fluke, and they've made the best out of a bad cetacean    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Indian tribe seeking restitution for lands lost in the 1800s. They plan to Sioux    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Badly mixed supplement to blame for polo horse deaths, most of the home runs hit in the 1990s    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Berlin to host the second annual international toad song contest, which will be sponsored by Bud. Weis. Er    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Couple caught having sex in dumpster. I told you she was trash    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man finds Hidden Falls, falls    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Fifty-year old Mark Martin guides his AARP Chevy to the win in Phoenix. Promptly disqualified for having curb feelers that were out of spec    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The Cavs bench nearly gives Detroit a bailout, letting them cut a 29 point lead to 7 in the fourth quarter before LeBron and his cabinet return to the game to restructure the plan    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Previously on "All My Celtics", Kevin and Leon were lost and Danny had a heart attack. Today we learn that Tony has been receiving death threats for months, while Rajon has a mysterious foot injury    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  You get a leech on your eyeball. Do you c)    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dirty dead stars often survived by aimless, drifting rock groups after they are blown away. This is not another Kurt Cobain link    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Survey indicates that there are five times more paralyzed people in the US than previously thought, citing new survey method where researchers knocked on doors and actually waited more than two minutes for someone to answer  


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Madonna hospitalized after horse accident. She suffered minor injuries but expected to be back on her knees in no time    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Rachel Maddow's show has suffered a 40 percent audience drop since last fall, which is to be expected because the nice weather is moving her viewers outside to play softball    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lindsay Lohan is scared to pump her own gas for fear of being burned to death, sudden overwhelming urge to fellate the nozzle    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Jane Harman, vigorous Democratic supporter of illegal NSA wiretaps, completely outraged she was wiretapped. Jane, you ignorant slut    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jesse Jackson offers to go to Iraq to free journalist. It's a deal, no trade-backs    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  McCain says Obama, in releasing the torture memos, is starting the worst "witch hunt" he's seen since his boyhood in Salem    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Pink Floyd sues record label over missing royalties, dark sarcasm, thought control    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Amy Winehouse wants to write children's books, in case your 9-year-old needs to learn how to freebase cocaine or make a bong out of some tinfoil and an apple    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ringo Starr's drum skin from the Beatles-era to be auctioned and expected to fetch £100,000. It's in great condition and only been used for minimal, overly-simplistic beats    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Fishing is on the rise, despite a crappie economy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  So, like the head of MySpace may be replaced by the former chief operating officer of Facebook. No word on how many times this has been Twittered    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chrysler might not be able to Dodge Chapter 11    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


170 Comments   (+0 »)
   

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2009-04-27 02:33:03 PM
I'm eating you first.
 
2009-04-27 02:36:26 PM
Oh great. Anyone know how to un-kill a family?
 
2009-04-27 02:37:51 PM
Drew, it is worth noting that the Mexican Pres said yesterday that one, 67% of the people thought to have it have already been treated and released, and two that 80% of those that died came into the hospital with acute pneumonia so bad they had to be immediately put onto respirators. I saw that as translated remarks from him on CNN, but it is very hard to find to prove.
 
2009-04-27 02:38:33 PM
I'd be more inclined to accept TV news hysteria if they had naked women screaming & running around in the background.
 
2009-04-27 02:38:44 PM
PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, you'll get over it (and just because you're offended doesn't mean I'm not right).

Why does Drew have such disdain for boobs as to compare them to the Mexican government?
 
2009-04-27 02:39:13 PM
I think the virus is affecting someone's congnitive abilities. This is a CRISIS people.
 
2009-04-27 02:39:16 PM
FTFATFDFW:

(and just because you're offended doesn't mean I'm not right).

F*ckin' a right
 
2009-04-27 02:39:26 PM
Drew I had pork BBQ ribs yesterday, am I going to die?

/licks fingers
 
2009-04-27 02:39:32 PM
When it mutates and starts turning people into zombies I will be the first to say "Hrmmmmm........Braaaains"
 
2009-04-27 02:40:07 PM
So basically:
viciousbabushka.typepad.com
 
2009-04-27 02:40:12 PM
The media is not hyping this enough. We are all going to die.
 
2009-04-27 02:40:18 PM
People click the hell out of fearmongering articles, so MSM keeps running them. That, and no MSM outlet wants to be the guys who didn't see it coming.

and because there are now a billionty cable news channels and they need something to justify their existence--a good old pandemic is right up their alley.

Take a test: Stop watching cable or broadcast news for a few months; get all you news by reading Internet articles. Then tune into the network news one day. The tone of the anchors, the shallowness of the reporting, the grim joy in announcing bad news--it will all pop out and you'll be stunned you ever trusted big media ever before.
 
2009-04-27 02:40:25 PM
I posted this is a previous thread, but it's more appropriate here.

I am really hating hearing about swine flu. I had a night shift last night, and 7 of my 12 patients called the ambulance because they were SURE they had swine flu. I had to don the full protective gear, only to take them to the ER and confirm that they have a bad case of the sniffles.

Enough already! Remember West Nile virus? Bird Flu? It's all a bunch of scary hype. When more than two people die in the course of 60 years, THEN you can be worried. When more than unvaccinated infants, the sickly, and/or extremely elderly people start dying from it, then I'll worry. Until then, just relax already.


Edited for more accuracy, obviously. My research wasn't there. But the truth of the matter is that the majority of my patients were morons that got caught up in the panic. Happens every freaking time a new media scare comes out.
 
2009-04-27 02:40:38 PM
No one here is being told to panic. We're being told to use common sense. But, hey, if it sells your book. Who the hell does the CDC and the WHO think they are?
 
2009-04-27 02:41:35 PM
Yay! a reasonable thinking thread!
 
2009-04-27 02:41:41 PM
I know we'd all like to pretend that Mexico has its act together, but last time I checked Mexico was a third world country with third world healthcare. Do the math.

Exactly! I've been thinking this from the moment they started pulling out "Mexican death counts."

Let's see how many of us in the states drop dead, then we'll have a real estimate of how deadly this strain is.
 
2009-04-27 02:42:06 PM
Unshavenhelga: No one here is being told to panic. We're being told to use common sense. But, hey, if it sells your book. Who the hell does the CDC and the WHO think they are?

Hah hah. THIS.

I'm still not buying your "book", Drew.
 
2009-04-27 02:42:28 PM
But fearmongering is what makes America great!
 
2009-04-27 02:43:33 PM
How it TF today? Is everyone asking the WebMD Fark doctors if they should to to the hospital again? Those were some good times.
 
2009-04-27 02:43:43 PM
Unshavenhelga: No one here is being told to panic.

No, no one is outright being told to panic. But, there are plenty of "Is Swine Flu the big one?" to go around.
 
2009-04-27 02:43:49 PM
I live in Canada. My wife has the SWINE Flu. Together we can beat it, but only if you Farkers/Farkettes can find it in your heart to donate.

Please remember that people helping each other is the one thing that seperates us from the Chinese.

Donate: we accept money.
 
2009-04-27 02:44:02 PM
I submitted this with a better headline.
 
2009-04-27 02:44:03 PM
que.guero: But fearmongering is what makes America great!

I always thought it was 'war' or 'whore' mongering that made the US great.

Regardless, I respect them for all three mongerings.
 
2009-04-27 02:44:25 PM
"You have reached the Chicken Little Foundation. If you are calling about Swine flu, rest assured that it is causing the sky to fall. There is no need to press a button. Just run around screaming."
 
2009-04-27 02:44:27 PM
I had the flu once.

/got better.
 
2009-04-27 02:44:48 PM
Blah blah blah the media is evil!!!

BTW, support MY media.
 
2009-04-27 02:45:03 PM
canadianloon: Donate: we accept money.

you want real money or that monopoly stuff named after a water bird?
 
2009-04-27 02:45:18 PM
last time I checked Mexico was a third world country with third world healthcare.

THAT'S WACIST
 
2009-04-27 02:45:36 PM
PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, you'll get over it (and just because you're offended doesn't mean I'm not right).

I'm not offended by it, I just think it's inaccurate. I've had more than a passing familiarity with health care in Mexico. The experiences have been uneven, but generally positive and very professional.

I wouldn't be afraid of going to a hospital in Mexico. DariusCygnus or whatever his name is, the farker from Sonora, probably has a more detailed opinion on this.
 
2009-04-27 02:45:45 PM
I'm not really sure what the big deal is. I had some swine flu for lunch. It was delicious.
 
2009-04-27 02:46:16 PM
albo: canadianloon: Donate: we accept money.

you want real money or that monopoly stuff named after a water bird?


Cute dog.
 
2009-04-27 02:46:35 PM
Meh, MSM is nothing. People who play WoW are trying to get up to speed with patch 3.1 so unless it gets spammed in the general channel they'll never even know it existed. Do you realize the cool down time on Titansteel is 20 hours? Swine Flu that, pal!


/panic or don't but please wash your hands.
 
2009-04-27 02:46:39 PM
Or c) the stain in Mexico is very lethal and we're seeing a milder variant elsewhere. Not very likely but something to watch out for
 
2009-04-27 02:46:41 PM
So - can we sue Drew to hell and back if this turns into a global pandemic? Just keeping my options open in this new economy.
 
2009-04-27 02:48:18 PM
oldfarthenry: So - can we sue Drew to hell and back if this turns into a global pandemic? Just keeping my options open in this new economy.

Yeah, but who will take the case? By then we'll have started isolating all the swine.
 
2009-04-27 02:48:34 PM
canadianloon: Cute dog.

you can have her for 500 twoonies
 
2009-04-27 02:48:36 PM
oldfarthenry: I'd be more inclined to accept TV news hysteria if they had naked women screaming & running around in the background.

I like the cut of your jib. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
 
2009-04-27 02:49:19 PM
PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, which they are, you'll get over it

Nicely played.
 
2009-04-27 02:49:32 PM
I was scared sh*tless, but Drew has calmed me down. Whew.
 
2009-04-27 02:51:02 PM
albo: canadianloon: Cute dog.

you can have her for 500 twoonies


FTFY
 
2009-04-27 02:51:02 PM
i286.photobucket.com
 
2009-04-27 02:51:06 PM
albo: People click the hell out of fearmongering articles, so MSM keeps running them. That, and no MSM outlet wants to be the guys who didn't see it coming.

and because there are now a billionty cable news channels and they need something to justify their existence--a good old pandemic is right up their alley.

Take a test: Stop watching cable or broadcast news for a few months; get all you news by reading Internet articles. Then tune into the network news one day. The tone of the anchors, the shallowness of the reporting, the grim joy in announcing bad news--it will all pop out and you'll be stunned you ever trusted big media ever before.


Very true. I visit friends and see them watching the cable networks in rapt fascination, even though the level of discourse is on a junior high level. It's creepy.

/no TV since 2002
 
2009-04-27 02:51:20 PM
Spindle: I like the cut of your jib.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that oldfart's uncircumcised. I'll have to take a closer look at the shots he sent me Saturday night.
 
2009-04-27 02:51:22 PM
If you want to see real idiocy and panic, check out "swine flu" on Twitter.

ZOMG U GUYZ DONT EAT PORK!!!
 
2009-04-27 02:52:20 PM
MSN? You should see the front page of Drudge, 19 headlines on the top. Ol' Drudge is getting a chubby from this Swine-Flu.
 
2009-04-27 02:52:23 PM
I'm really sorry I have to break it to you, but everyone here is going to die.
All of you, all of your friends, and everyone in your family is going to die.
This post has nothing to do with the swine flu, continue not panicking.
 
2009-04-27 02:52:39 PM
"PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, which they are, you'll get over it"

Oh Drew, surely you jest. We aren't THAT screwed.

Well, maybe in the South.
 
2009-04-27 02:53:23 PM
canadianloon: FTFY

wasn't sure how to spell it. i'm as American as a fat guy in a rascal
 
2009-04-27 02:53:26 PM
unyon: PS: if anyone is offended by my portrayal of the Mexican Government and their suckasstic healthcare system as a bunch of 3rd world incompetent boobs, you'll get over it (and just because you're offended doesn't mean I'm not right).

I'm not offended by it, I just think it's inaccurate. I've had more than a passing familiarity with health care in Mexico. The experiences have been uneven, but generally positive and very professional.

I wouldn't be afraid of going to a hospital in Mexico. DariusCygnus or whatever his name is, the farker from Sonora, probably has a more detailed opinion on this.


Which brings to mind the thousands of Americans who venture to Mexico each year for cosmetic surgery and other procedures that are exorbitantly priced in the U.S.

also,Sirjohnfalstaff:
img61.imageshack.us
Delicious!
 
2009-04-27 02:53:35 PM
This morning on one of the national news shows, they were showing how "empty" everything in Mexico was... I thought you idiots, of course the churches and stadiums will be empty at 7am on a Monday...
 
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