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(io9)   A review Farkers can get behind: "'Crank 2' is an epic of sleazy Darwinism" (contains spoilers)   (io9.com) divider line 140
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12720 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2009 at 4:02 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-04-18 12:09:05 PM  
When will Hollywood produce something us everyday working Joes can get behind and keep this high-brow arthouse crap to themselves?!

/Jason Statham needs a talking to. You'll never play Bond with this sort of thing on your IMDB.
 
2009-04-18 12:27:33 PM  
The pic in the article reminds me of a bar that used to be in Atlanta called "The Chamber"
 
2009-04-18 12:39:12 PM  
It's like the first crank Crank, only Crankier!
 
2009-04-18 12:39:34 PM  
So any farkers seen this yet?

I just read this spoiler-filled review and it gave me the giggles a few times.. Sounds like they just said, to hell with it all
 
2009-04-18 01:15:21 PM  
Saw it. They just said, "To hell with it all." It was insane and awesome.

Also, the sleazier they make up Amy Smart, the more I want to nail her.

I'll probably see it again.
 
2009-04-18 01:16:23 PM  
HappyHarryHardOn: So any farkers seen this yet?

I just read this spoiler-filled review and it gave me the giggles a few times.. Sounds like they just said, to hell with it all


Not yet. I heard a review on the radio yesterday where the reviewer got up and walked out after 27 minutes, describing it as "hating women". I think he found women screaming and crying whilst trying to stuff their leaking implants back into their bullet-shattered breasts disturbing.

Whodathunkit?
 
2009-04-18 01:23:03 PM  
dalmo: HappyHarryHardOn: So any farkers seen this yet?

I just read this spoiler-filled review and it gave me the giggles a few times.. Sounds like they just said, to hell with it all

Not yet. I heard a review on the radio yesterday where the reviewer got up and walked out after 27 minutes, describing it as "hating women". I think he found women screaming and crying whilst trying to stuff their leaking implants back into their bullet-shattered breasts disturbing.

Whodathunkit?


Now I want to see it.
 
2009-04-18 02:05:10 PM  
dalmo: When will Hollywood produce something us everyday working Joes can get behind and keep this high-brow arthouse crap to themselves?!

/Jason Statham needs a talking to. You'll never play Bond with this sort of thing on your IMDB.


I reckon Jason Stratham is just pissed that he's no longer doing Kelly Brook, thats why he just constantly plays angry angry men who want to smash stuff up :-)

"She left me for Billy Zane GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!"

media.funlol.com
/hot like her.
//saw Crank for the first time the other night, shiat yet hilariously watchable.
 
2009-04-18 02:20:04 PM  
HappyHarryHardOn: So any farkers seen this yet?

Yes, I have.

It's the one of the most ambitiously batshiat insane films that's come down the pike in a long time.



Sounds like they just said, to hell with it all

Heffaloo: Saw it. They just said, "To hell with it all." It was insane and awesome.

Yes, it certainly seems that they went the "to hell with it" route.

Crank was made by people who wanted to make a gangster-happy, bullet-laden, rambunctiously-dumb actioner. There was maybe a very, very, VERY slight modicum of plausibility in the film... if that.

Crank 2, on the other hand, was clearly made by people who were savagely drugged out of their minds and screamed things like "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! LET'S THROW THIS, THIS, AND THIS INTO THE FILM" over a couple of pieces of construction paper.

Even minuscule traces of plausibility are thrown out the window in the name of making a movie that's fueled by Doritos, Mountain Dew, and complete derangement.

I'd explain in greater detail, but I wouldn't dare ruin anything for anyone here. It's truly a deal where you have to see it to believe it.

Hell, to read the attached article would do a disservice to the people who haven't seen the movie. This is a movie that you have to go into without any bit of spoilerage.

I'll say this, though: the big reveal of the tank at the bad guy's compound at the end of the film caused my jaw to drop and made me think, "This is what insanity looks like when it's translated to celluloid."

Wow.

And the fight at the power plant was a beautiful piece of WTF-were-they-thinking (or rather, WTF-were-they-smoking/injecting/injesting) filmmaking.
 
2009-04-18 02:21:00 PM  
While some may be quick to judge this smoothly crafted drama for its meandering, thoughtful pace, this is a clever pacing device by directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. The storyline is allowed to develop naturally, like a lily unfolds into the face of the sun. We get to know our main character, Chev Chelios (an emotionally subtle tour-de-force performance by the gifted Jason Statham), as he discovers tragically that his affliction will likely be fatal, forcing him to look deep within an unforgiving city in search of his heart.

This tale of his elusive journey is supported by an ensemble cast with numerous fine performances. From Clifton Collins Jr.'s breathtaking portrayal of "El Huron" to Sorana Black's performance as "Chinese hooker", the quiet interplay of characters is understated but powerful, weaving a cumulative dramatic subtext to this film.
 
2009-04-18 03:26:47 PM  
I saw the trailer to that movie.

I have no idea what's going on.
 
2009-04-18 03:56:02 PM  
SmackLT: While some may be quick to judge this smoothly crafted drama for its meandering, thoughtful pace, this is a clever pacing device by directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor. The storyline is allowed to develop naturally, like a lily unfolds into the face of the sun. We get to know our main character, Chev Chelios (an emotionally subtle tour-de-force performance by the gifted Jason Statham), as he discovers tragically that his affliction will likely be fatal, forcing him to look deep within an unforgiving city in search of his heart.

This tale of his elusive journey is supported by an ensemble cast with numerous fine performances. From Clifton Collins Jr.'s breathtaking portrayal of "El Huron" to Sorana Black's performance as "Chinese hooker", the quiet interplay of characters is understated but powerful, weaving a cumulative dramatic subtext to this film.


But do they get the tits out?
 
2009-04-18 04:13:33 PM  
Hollywood is out of ideas.
 
2009-04-18 04:18:49 PM  
Saw it last night. Gratuitous violence, boobs galore, and a surprise cameo by my favorite band's lead singer looking dorked out.

Fun times all around.
 
2009-04-18 04:24:01 PM  
I loved it. Much better than CATS. I'm going to see it again and again.


/haven't seen it
//or the first one
///or CATS
 
2009-04-18 04:40:58 PM  
Fleet: Saw it last night. Gratuitous violence, boobs galore, and a surprise cameo by my favorite band's lead singer looking dorked out.

Fun times all around.


In the trailer I thought I saw the douchebag from Linkin Park. You don't mean him, do you? If you do, I sincerely hope you pass 9th grade.
 
2009-04-18 04:43:00 PM  
AgentOrangeDrink: In the trailer I thought I saw the douchebag from Linkin Park. You don't mean him, do you? If you do, I sincerely hope you pass 9th grade.

I do not mean him, no.
 
2009-04-18 04:46:33 PM  
HappyHarryHardOn: So any farkers seen this yet?

I just read this spoiler-filled review and it gave me the giggles a few times.. Sounds like they just said, to hell with it all


That's the point though, it's a series that realizes how stupid the premise is and just has fun with it. That's what people liked about Crank. It was non stop adrenaline action with plenty of jokes about how ridiculous it all is.

The problem is when movies like this try to take themselves seriously (see 2 Fast 2 Furious, etc, etc).


/Also, Jason Statham should have been Agent 47. Timothy Olyphant was a joke.
//I said GOOD DAY SIR
 
2009-04-18 04:48:38 PM  
These reviews remind me of

img207.imageshack.us
 
2009-04-18 04:57:59 PM  
"And strippers who've been shot in the chest run through the club screaming as silicon goo streams down their stomachs and their breasts deflate."

That is quite possibly one of the funniest write up's I've ever read.
 
2009-04-18 04:59:57 PM  
I saw it last night...it was funny as hell. As long as you don't take it seriously (which I don't see how you could), you'll have a good time. Lots of boobies and people dying in hilarious ways. The fast-paced camerawork will give you a headache after a while, but you're distracted enough by the nudity and violence that it makes the ride worthwhile. I enjoy those long, deep independent films too, but sometimes you just need to laugh at something ridiculous for an hour and a half. Jason Statham delivers with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

/Did I mention boobies?
 
2009-04-18 05:00:48 PM  
Pinko_Commie: dalmo: When will Hollywood produce something us everyday working Joes can get behind and keep this high-brow arthouse crap to themselves?!

/Jason Statham needs a talking to. You'll never play Bond with this sort of thing on your IMDB.

I reckon Jason Stratham is just pissed that he's no longer doing Kelly Brook, thats why he just constantly plays angry angry men who want to smash stuff up :-)

"She left me for Billy Zane GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!"


/hot like her.
//saw Crank for the first time the other night, shiat yet hilariously watchable.


Wow. I'm not new to this Internet thingy, but man. She's like. Epic stuff. I can't even. Make complete sent.Ences.
 
2009-04-18 05:04:47 PM  
Sounds like the biggest budget Troma movie ever.
 
2009-04-18 05:09:57 PM  
I really want to see this, but I haven't seen the first Crank -- will that make it tough for me to understand the subtle, complex nuances of the second?
 
2009-04-18 05:10:47 PM  
Is it an epic of tinfoil that us action addicts can use to keep reality out of brainwaves?
 
2009-04-18 05:11:32 PM  
D-D-D-Dave: These reviews remind me of

Sorry, should refresh more.
 
2009-04-18 05:11:40 PM  
HappyHarryHardOn: So any farkers seen this yet?

I just read this spoiler-filled review and it gave me the giggles a few times.. Sounds like they just said, to hell with it all


Oh yes, saw it last night. It was awesome.

My favourite movie is Lawrence of Arabia. I just want to mention that my tastes run broader than testosterone.

Now, if you go into this movie and expect nothing but full on retardation, nonsense, and insanity from the word go, you will enjoy yourself. It's the goddam glorification of the Id. The only part that I considered far-fetched involves Catalina Island. When you see it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

It has all the elements of a bad movie, and yet it's played so perfectly its good. Not so-bad-it's-good, just plain good.
 
2009-04-18 05:14:12 PM  
This is the current generations version of the classic USA Up All Night feature. Note, I said classic, as the people who watched that show knew they were in for a shiatfest of a movie and enjoyed the hell out of the cheese, the same goes for this. I loved Crank, not because I thought it was a dramatic masterpiece, but because it is raw action taken to the near maximum level of absurdity. It's the envelope everyone else has gotten near pushing, but never has done.

I can't wait to see Crank 2.

/People who call this movie an indication of how stupid our society is fail to grasp the finer points, thus displaying their own stupidity.
//This isn't a Hopkins drama, please stop matching expectations.
 
2009-04-18 05:14:22 PM  
Fleet: Saw it last night. Gratuitous violence, boobs galore, and a surprise cameo by my favorite band's lead singer looking dorked out.

Fun times all around.


Mike Patton?

Considering he did the score, it would not surprise me in the least.
 
2009-04-18 05:16:01 PM  
Fleet: Saw it last night. Gratuitous violence, boobs galore, and a surprise cameo by my favorite band's lead singer looking dorked out.

Fun times all around.


Glad to hear, looking forward to it.
 
2009-04-18 05:16:02 PM  
I heard someone say it's like a live version of GTA
 
2009-04-18 05:16:28 PM  
H_is_for_Heretic: Sounds like the biggest budget Troma movie ever.

Do NOT insult Troma like that. Just don't. Seriously. Don't.
 
2009-04-18 05:18:54 PM  
bSchadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: Fleet: Saw it last night. Gratuitous violence, boobs galore, and a surprise cameo by my favorite band's lead singer looking dorked out.

Fun times all around.


It'S also got David Carradine, grasshopper.

It's exactly like Crank. If you liked Crank, you'll like it. Except for the nipple self-removal.
 
2009-04-18 05:21:51 PM  
Where's the Joe Bob Briggs review when we need it?
 
2009-04-18 05:22:00 PM  
Dr. Mojo PhD: The only part that I considered far-fetched involves Catalina Island. When you see it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

You mean the big reveal towards the end?

That was one of my favorite parts of the movie.


It has all the elements of a bad movie, and yet it's played so perfectly its good. Not so-bad-it's-good, just plain good.

Agreed.

It's an absolutely off-its-rocker-and-out-of-its-gourd popcorn movie.


kxs401: I really want to see this, but I haven't seen the first Crank -- will that make it tough for me to understand the subtle, complex nuances of the second?

There *are* flashbacks/references to scenes and characters from the first Crank spread throughout the film.

Some of these references are set up clearly so that people new to these movies can understand them quickly. Others are set up just a bit less clearly.

It might not be a bad idea to rent the first movie (just for the hell of it).
 
2009-04-18 05:39:57 PM  
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: It's the one of the most ambitiously batshiat insane films that's come down the pike in a long time.

Even minuscule traces of plausibility are thrown out the window in the name of making a movie that's fueled by Doritos, Mountain Dew, and complete derangement.


^ Hit the nail on the head. Fantastic movie that took everything present in the original movie to their furthest possible extremes. I still have a slight preference for Crank, but High Voltage is so completely over the top it's hard not to love it. Arguably the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen. Just awesome.
 
2009-04-18 05:40:26 PM  
Is this as ridiculously campy as Shoot 'em Up?
 
2009-04-18 05:45:48 PM  
He does these movies to make up for this.
 
2009-04-18 05:46:54 PM  
TimeWaste: Is this as ridiculously campy as Shoot 'em Up?

Yes, and then some.
 
2009-04-18 05:48:58 PM  
I cant farkin wait.
 
2009-04-18 06:00:24 PM  
I saw it yesterday.

I'm certain that it will be the most entertaining and satisfying movie I'll see all year.

Please note that I'm drawing no conclusions about quality. =)
 
2009-04-18 06:03:34 PM  
FTA: injected with an evil Chinese gang drug.

Calgon?
 
2009-04-18 06:06:03 PM  
He seems pretty content to just chill on the table until the doctors let it slip that the next organ they're going to harvest is his monstrously huge cock.
So Chelios dunks the tip of his semi-automatic gun in oil, and jams it deep in the guy's ass.


I thought these were sarcastic, Onion-type comments. Exaggerations of what actually happens in the movie. Then I saw the trailer at the bottom. Ho. Lee. Shiat.
 
2009-04-18 06:06:21 PM  
It's like Tom & Jerry, but with whores!
 
2009-04-18 06:08:22 PM  
ninjacat11: Fleet: Saw it last night. Gratuitous violence, boobs galore, and a surprise cameo by my favorite band's lead singer looking dorked out.

Fun times all around.

Mike Patton?

Considering he did the score, it would not surprise me in the least.


Someone should post his review of the first movie.

I think the lead singer in question is Maynard James Keenan.
 
2009-04-18 06:12:01 PM  
Loved the first one.

Saw Transporter 3 last night - gawd what a shiat movie.

/am glad to hear Crank 2 wasn't a letdown.
 
2009-04-18 06:19:49 PM  
Hoping to convince the girlfriend to go see it...she wasn't big on the first one.

Couple random questions that maybe the movie answers:
1.) Is he still dying of the stuff from the first movie or is he feeling better
2.) If they are harvesting his organs why are they giving him electronic replacements
 
2009-04-18 06:21:28 PM  
QUestion for those who saw it:
Is this Lone Wolf and Cub ninjas-on-skis-with-rocket-sleds type entertainment? Where they tell the audience to just STFU and be entertained by the ridiculously awesome movie?

/ALthough, for the record, no one will EVER top ski-ninjas with rocket-sleds as far as pure entertainment awesomeness. Except maybe Tyrannosaurs in F-14s. Maybe.
 
2009-04-18 06:22:01 PM  
I'm still waiting for Crank Yankers 2.
www.dvdtalk.com
 
2009-04-18 06:26:25 PM  
scumbucket: Except maybe Tyrannosaurs in F-14s.

I just filed a DBA for by new business this week. My new business is: Jetpack Shark. Because when sharks have jetpacks, they will rule the skies!
 
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