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(Reuters)   Fark headline writers now working for Reuters   ( divider line 81
    More: Amusing  
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23064 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Feb 2003 at 12:03 PM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

81 Comments   (+0 »)

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2003-02-07 08:31:45 AM  
I didn't read the article, but the headline is farking HILARIOUS!
2003-02-07 08:37:43 AM  
By Dean Goodman

Dean needs to be a farker. Brilliant.
2003-02-07 08:47:14 AM  
A definite Fark-like headline, indeed. Go Reuters!
2003-02-07 09:02:01 AM  
Except Kieth Richards who is already dead. He just hasn't layed down yet.
2003-02-07 09:07:53 AM  
...and a cliche is born.
2003-02-07 09:08:56 AM  

That is classic. This was their first free show since Altamont.

[Clinton's] speech cast a pall on the crowd, and the band struggled for most of the night to whip up any enthusiasm. Its 20-song, 135-minute set focused on the classic hits, ranging from opening tunes "Start Me Up" and "Street Fighting Man" through to the energizing blues jams "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" and "Midnight Rambler."

It's all Clinton's fault!
2003-02-07 10:28:39 AM  
"Then, security was handled by the local Hells Angels chapter"

wtf? Why would they hire criminals for security, and then be surprised at the results?
2003-02-07 10:39:39 AM  
that was hilarious. i was hoping that it would make it to the big board
2003-02-07 11:04:41 AM  
Meshman, how old are you? Surely you've heard all about Altamont (Sympathy for the Devil, etc.)

Or am I that farking old?

What are they teaching in schools these days?
2003-02-07 11:23:58 AM  
lots, if you attend.
2003-02-07 11:28:05 AM  
I wrote the same story for Reuters three days ago, only with a much funnnier headline.
2003-02-07 11:33:37 AM  
Perhaps with all the exposure of late is getting, someone lurked, liked, and used. Maybe even got himself an account and is studying the culture of Farkistan.

*checks to amke sure pants not on. Fark on friends!
2003-02-07 11:54:47 AM  
His next headline is bound to have "hilarity ensues" or "France surrenders."
2003-02-07 12:09:06 PM  
....but did hilarity ensue?
2003-02-07 12:09:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Keith is already dead.
2003-02-07 12:11:42 PM  
This isn't a Fark headline. It's too funny and doesn't contain any lame cliches.
2003-02-07 12:13:12 PM  
I was disappointed to find lack of referenes to Fb-'s paternity.
2003-02-07 12:13:25 PM  
Plus, they've done lots of free concerts in the past 30 years. They've regularly shown up at small venues in Toronto (eg: The El Mocambo) to do surprise jam sessions.
2003-02-07 12:13:31 PM  
Fark surrenders
2003-02-07 12:13:57 PM  
and it's spelled correctly.
2003-02-07 12:19:28 PM  
This isn't a Fark headline. It's too funny and doesn't contain any lame cliches.

and it's spelled correctly.

Agreed. Gimme Shelter (the documentary about Altamont) was friggin scary to watch. The Hell's Angels were prowling the front row with pool cues fer crissakes...
2003-02-07 12:19:40 PM  
Guitarist Keith Richards, politically incorrect as usual, muttered that "the Eskimos are feeling the pinch."

2003-02-07 12:20:26 PM  
It's just a group of dirty old men, I mean their audience chases their beers with Metamucil.
2003-02-07 12:22:06 PM  
Reuters is out of ideas.
2003-02-07 12:23:22 PM  
I love the Stones.

Living proof that the human body is a very efficient waste disposal system:
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-07 12:26:38 PM  
Mayor Bloomberg approved?
2003-02-07 12:27:12 PM  
A true FARK headline would have read

"Six babies born during Stones concert. Fb is the father"
2003-02-07 12:28:26 PM  
...No one Killed

but there were 7 stolen walkers and multiple geritol overdoses!
2003-02-07 12:29:31 PM  
Hint for farkers.
2003-02-07 12:29:34 PM  
Hey look!

Bill Clinton hanging around rock stars!


...don't forget to wash up!

Best Regards,


2003-02-07 12:29:35 PM  
The show you are refering to in Toronto was not free, in fact as I recall they charged 5 bucks at the door. Sure, $5 CDN is almost free, but not quite.
2003-02-07 12:29:41 PM  
That sucks. I was hoping they had one more snuff film left in them.
2003-02-07 12:30:02 PM  
I'm taking bets on the next Reuters Rip-off:

"N. Korea threatens pre-emptive strike on US, Hilarity ensues"
"Iraq Surrenders, France unavailable for comment"


"Bud Light to produce follow-up "Girlfight" commercial, PETA races to save Kittens"
2003-02-07 12:32:19 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Rape. Murder. It's just a shot away.
2003-02-07 12:35:01 PM  
Scientists discover link between free Stones concert and Bill Clinton - still no cure for cancer.
2003-02-07 12:35:10 PM  
Impaler: Hilarious, and oh so appropo.
2003-02-07 12:37:56 PM  
Did Clinton say that Harlem is going to fall into the ocean because of global warming?

Must be nice to make generalized statements to show you care without any serious facts to back you up.
2003-02-07 12:38:51 PM  
Now if Reuters starts posting repeats, we will know something is up.
2003-02-07 12:46:29 PM  
"Rolling Stones give free concert, nobody on stage passes away"
2003-02-07 12:47:14 PM  
"the Rolling Stones played their first free concert in 33 years on Thursday, as a celebrity crowd headed by former U.S. President Bill Clinton looked on."

why do celebs always get all the freebies? do they not have enough money to pay for a ticket?
2003-02-07 12:49:53 PM  
Gimme Shelter was freakin hilarious just for the footage of the Grateful Dead showing up for the concert, being told what was going on by the promoter and the cops, and watching their faces as they just turned around and got back on the helicopter. Awesome.
2003-02-07 12:50:15 PM  
I tried to find a cartoon I saw a couple years ago. It had the Stones on stage, and one of them was yelling to another something like: "Hey, those aren't panties they're throwing up here, they're Depends!"
2003-02-07 12:50:44 PM  
Reuters needs a Fark tag.
2003-02-07 01:00:23 PM  
Uglycicles Hmm, you wouldn't happen to have a screenshot of that frame you referred to? That does sound funny.
2003-02-07 01:02:10 PM  
Funny thing is it's probably the first time the Stones have ever played for free.
2003-02-07 01:03:50 PM  
If Fark had a bigger biker population, Meshman would be dying in a sea of flames by now for suggesting that Hell's Angels == criminals. Sure, there's probably a substantial intersection, but I don't think we should make assumptions about all of them.
2003-02-07 01:07:18 PM  
Ugly-ass Rolling Stones give free concert: France surrenders, hilarity ensues, still no cure for cancer, and

Now THAT'S a headline...
2003-02-07 01:08:42 PM  
Uhhh, add and

don't know what happened...
2003-02-07 01:09:41 PM  
If a farker were behind this, there would have been a photo of the concert in the article. Of Mick on stage backed by Domo-kun, a kitten, the mustard man, and a big-testicled squirrel.
2003-02-07 01:09:42 PM  
WOW. F to the b dash being a father must be filtered...
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