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(KGTV)   "Hi, police? Some guys broke into my house, tied me and my roommates up and took cash, a computer and my, um, bong"   (10news.com ) divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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5621 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Mar 2009 at 9:05 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2009-03-27 07:00:21 PM  
You see, in California, they have this "crazy" policy where if you get busted with pot or smoking utensils, you gt a simple civil citation, rather than having your life destroyed for what you do in the privacy of your own home.
 
2009-03-27 07:02:59 PM  
"Yeah, they took my bong, my kiddie porn, my automatic weapons, my stack of un-paid parking tickets and my three chimpanzees."

Some things you don't need to tell the police, idiots. The bong is just gone, man
 
2009-03-27 07:16:31 PM  
It was a water pipe and used for tobacco. These thieves must have corrupted it with marijuana.
 
2009-03-27 07:22:26 PM  
I've got two opinions on this:

1) It should not be illegal to own a bong. As long as you don't have weed around when the cops are there (no mention of that). Maybe I use it to smoke tea leaves, or go forbid tobacco. It's not likely, but presumption of innocence is all I'm saying.

2) If I was a burglar I would not steal someone's nasty-ass, used bong. You have no idea who has had their various body parts on that thing.
 
2009-03-27 07:27:01 PM  

crypticsatellite: It was a water pipe and used for tobacco. These thieves must have corrupted it with marijuana.


Good call. "Officers, I only used it for tobacco. But I'm glad you caught these thieves with my bong, because it sounds like they were up to no good and smoking marijuana with it. I anticipate that you'll charge them with that offense."

Reminds me of a scene from 'Mystic River'.
 
2009-03-27 07:34:17 PM  
Man, this happened in San Diego where hydroponics stores run radio ads.
 
2009-03-27 07:52:32 PM  
(Melvin is pacing around his apartment).

Melvin Dufrane: 911 is a joke. 911 is a joke (knock on his door). Finally

(answers door. Exhales). Well, it's about time Turner and Hooch.

Cop #1: Excuse me?

Melvin Dufrane: I called yawl an hour ago.

White Cop: What's the problem sir?

Melvin Dufrane: Get inside and I'll tell ya (officers come in). Ok, thank you for joining me, here's what happened. I went outside to get a sandwich, I come back, my door is wide open, all my weed is gone.

Cop #1: I'm, I'm sorry did you say all your weed is gone?

Melvin Dufrane: Come on Crocket, don't tell me you don't know what weed is man. Pot, reefer, Marinawana!

Cop #2: Yes, we know what it is.

Melvin Dufrane: Alright, well then quit dorkin my around here Tubbs. I'm a man who's been robbeded. Alright, they took 3 choice blum bushes, and 8 ounces I harvested last weekend, so go, get on the case Jake and the Fat man let's go.

Cop #1: Wait, you know were police officers right?

Melvin Dufrane: Wha-, wha-, I don't know what's happening here. The dudes that stole my weed are getting away, and I'm talking to the cops right here.

Cop #2: Alright sir, why don't you just tell us what happened.

Melvin Dufrane: Alright, thank you Cagney. Lacy over here is trying to jack me around but I see that you're with it. Alright so last night I was at The Blue Rose alright. I shut it down, got real drunk alright. I decided to drive back to my place for a little after hour's party. You know what I'm talkin about (laughs).

Cop #1: You, you, you drove drunk?

Melvin Dufrane: Catch up Starsky, alright. Hutch over here he got a little pad out, he going to be writing down cop things, what you doin?

Cop #2: What's your name?

Melvin Duframe: Melvin Duframe, that's D-u-f-r-a-m-e, people calls me Mellow Mel. At this point I'm in my car alright, and all of a sudden I lose control. I do a nose plant into a bus stop decide to ditch the vehicle. Set it on fire. 2 tears and a bucket. You know what I'm talkin about Ponchorello.

Cop #1: mm-mm

Melvin Duframe: At this point I make it back to my pad where the parties already happenin alright right here, and let me tell you it's a white Christmas. If you know what I'm sayin (laughs while tapping nose).

If you know what I'm sayin (laughs again).

Cop #1 Yes, ok.

Melvin Duframe: Yes, ok thank you for joining us Tanto. Lone Ranger and I we were having a discussion about a crime that happened, it's nice to see you here. Yes, I was doing cocaine alright. Most I've ever done, and everybody in this piece was talkin over one and other alright. We watchin a copy of the Ambolin Girls. And this one girl she tried to leave right, she starts screaming, we wouldn't let her. Instead we slip her some GHB right and put her out on the fire escape. She could be there still I do not know? At this point I go out to get my sandwich. Which I stole because I ain't got no money. When I come back inside, that's when my weed was stolen, so there it is McGriff the Crime Dog (to cop #2) Scooby Don't let's get on the case. Let's sniff out some perps, why are you not left yet?

Cop #1: Wait, let me just get this straight. You, you got drunk and crashed a car.

Melvin Duframe: Set it on fire.

Cop #1: Then you snorted some cocaine.

Melvin Duframe: Most I've ever done.

Cop #1: You held a girl against her will.

Melvin Duframe: Who was screaming.

Cop #1: And stole a sandwich. Is that about right?

Melvin Duframe: (Walks towards a wall and comes back). And my weed got tookin man! That's it, this ah, have you not been listening to a word I been sayin?!

Cop #2: Ok sir, well um, what were going to do. Uh were going to arrest you now because everything you've described is illegal.

(Cops put his hands behind his back and cuff him)

Melvin Duframe: What you talkin about man. Oh no, no, oh don't. Oh come on man this is ridiculous wa-. I called you! I called yawl! Oh, alright yeah, welcome to Bush's America. Seen it before.

Bin there done that. Alright well hold up, hold up Judge Dread, Rob Schneider's character. Hold up one second. What if I had information about a murder?

Cop #1: Well, we could probably knock some of this down if you had information about a murder.

Melvin Duframe: Cuffs please (Cops remove the cuffs. Exhales). Uh, would it hurt, or help me if I was the murderer in question?

Cop #2: It would defiantly hurt.

Melvin Duframe: ok, you just better lock me up for that other stuff then. I am the stupidest man in the world. Am I not?

Cop #1 (off screen): It's true.

(from here: http://www.planetmadtv.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9701 )
 
2009-03-27 08:20:14 PM  

Kumana Wanalaia: (Melvin is pacing around his apartment).

...

lol. i like how he changes his name from dufrane to duframe when they ask him his name. now that's smooth
 
2009-03-27 09:09:31 PM  

Epsilon: I've got two opinions on this:

2) If I was a burglar I would not steal someone's nasty-ass, used bong. You have no idea who has had their various body parts on that thing.


Ewww, YOU sound fun!
 
2009-03-27 09:10:30 PM  
This happens around the area of town I live in quite a bit. It's an urban campus and pretty close to the shiat parts of town. Kids go over to the ghetto to buy their weed, then get followed back by the guys who just sold them said weed. They then proceed to break into the house, steal all the shiat, and steal their weed back.

I don't feel bad for these idiots, at all.
 
2009-03-27 09:16:08 PM  

Kumana Wanalaia: (Melvin is pacing around his apartment).
...


The grammar nazis just hit pay dirt.
 
2009-03-27 09:17:16 PM  

Epsilon: . . .If I was a burglar I would not steal someone's nasty-ass, used bong. You have no idea who has had their various body parts on in that thing.


FTFY
 
2009-03-27 09:23:38 PM  

Epsilon: I've got two opinions on this:

1) It should not be illegal to own a bong. As long as you don't have weed around when the cops are there (no mention of that). Maybe I use it to smoke tea leaves, or go forbid tobacco. It's not likely, but presumption of innocence is all I'm saying.


I can count on no hands the number of times someone's used a bong for tobacco.
 
2009-03-27 09:31:37 PM  
I would never own a bong that could be carried out without using a forklift.
 
2009-03-27 09:31:47 PM  
Why is it a big deal to tell the cops you had your bong stolen?

It's your property...and someone else took it.

Furthermore, why would the cops not return the bong if they found the people responsible for stealing it?

Only in America. Land of the free. Ha.
 
2009-03-27 09:34:57 PM  
It's so stupid, yeah, ok, maybe you dont need to call the police and say "hey, my bong was stolen" but what the hell, three people break in, tie them up, steal their money and their shiat, and a news report goes out where the main focus is their bong?

Priorities...
 
2009-03-27 09:39:23 PM  

moothemagiccow: Epsilon: I've got two opinions on this:

1) It should not be illegal to own a bong. As long as you don't have weed around when the cops are there (no mention of that). Maybe I use it to smoke tea leaves, or go forbid tobacco. It's not likely, but presumption of innocence is all I'm saying.

I can count on no hands the number of times someone's used a bong for tobacco.


No, you can't.

/glad we got that cleared up
 
2009-03-27 09:43:34 PM  

moothemagiccow: Epsilon: I've got two opinions on this:

1) It should not be illegal to own a bong. As long as you don't have weed around when the cops are there (no mention of that). Maybe I use it to smoke tea leaves, or go forbid tobacco. It's not likely, but presumption of innocence is all I'm saying.

I can count on no hands the number of times someone's used a bong for tobacco.


I've used a bong for tobacco before... once.
 
2009-03-27 09:45:38 PM  
"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers they'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. Bu then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search party of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes." -Mitch Hedberg
 
2009-03-27 09:47:52 PM  
The fact that the victims reported illegal drug paraphernalia stolen could open them up to a citation should officers recover the cannabis pipe, Munoz said. In any case, police would not return the bong to them, she noted.

Oink. Snort. Grunt. Squeal.

Yes the kids are dumbasses, but cops like this that blindly support the war on drugs deserve no respect.

Especially since the "Sergent" or whatever bull moose cop who invokes his minions to go out and ruin kid's lives probably got there by being a buttkissing toady.
 
2009-03-27 09:49:38 PM  

ZachF81: This happens around the area of town I live in quite a bit. It's an urban campus and pretty close to the shiat parts of town. Kids go over to the ghetto to buy their weed, then get followed back by the guys who just sold them said weed. They then proceed to break into the house, steal all the shiat, and steal their weed back.

I don't feel bad for these idiots, at all.


I have never understood that. I went to school on an urban campus and never had to buy weed from someone I didn't know. I still don't even after I have graduated. I've always thought that was the best part about buying weed compared to other drugs - its generally easy and safe to buy. It would seem that you really need to get high to roll up to some corner in the hood and buy a dime of some rancid ditch weed.
 
2009-03-27 09:51:05 PM  
"Yeah, sir, they totally stole our bong. Good thing they didn't get my fat sack of nuggets though. That's still safe in my desk drawer."

/:facepalm:
 
2009-03-27 09:57:37 PM  
You could get a ticket for that
 
2009-03-27 10:00:45 PM  
In most places, it is legal to have a water pipe, hookah, and such for smoking tobacco and other such things (people actually do use it for that too). What changes it in to drug paraphernalia is using it for illegal drugs. Similar to lock picks. You can own those, no problem. However, use them for burglary and they are burglary tools.

Now, being that it sounds like we are dealing with some dumbass potheads here, they probably were stupid enough to tell the police they had a bong and it was for pot, hence why they'd get cited and not get it back.

In a situation like this the appropriate course of action is either:

1) Don't report it. It isn't as though they are that expensive, probably a couple hundred bucks. Why bother complicating the situation if you don't have to? In this case, you'll have no trouble. Cops find a bong in the crooks home, you think they are going to believe them when they say "Uhhh it isn't mine." Ya, not likely. Just get another one.

2) Be smart when you report it. Say "They also took my water pipe." Don't use the term bong, that is generally a pothead term. When the police ask about it tell them "Ya I use it to smoke flavored tobacco from time to time." Helps if you have some of said tobacco on hand, but either way. Make sure you make no references to using it for pot. In this case they may still give you some hassle, but probably not. It is legal, and believe it or not people do use them for that (though hookahs are more common for that purpose).


If you are an idiot and imply that it is for drug use, well then expect them to treat it as such and perhaps charge you.

This is along the same lines as posting pictures on facebook of you doing pot. Yes, you may get charged for it. Going to have a hell of a time defending yourself too, since it is your own words/images being used against you.
 
2009-03-27 10:14:24 PM  
That bong really tied the room together.
 
2009-03-27 10:19:47 PM  
My uncle and my grandfather were sitting in their living room a few years ago and somebody came in and robbed them of their money and their drugs. They told the cops about it and the cops just kind of laughed and said they probably won't be getting that back.
 
Pud
2009-03-27 10:20:49 PM  

LeroyBourne: That bong really tied the room together.


The black light bulb is a nice touch as well ...
 
2009-03-27 10:22:10 PM  

moothemagiccow: Epsilon: I've got two opinions on this:

1) It should not be illegal to own a bong. As long as you don't have weed around when the cops are there (no mention of that). Maybe I use it to smoke tea leaves, or go forbid tobacco. It's not likely, but presumption of innocence is all I'm saying.

I can count on no hands the number of times someone's used a bong for tobacco.


I just did right now. I like nico with my pot sometimes.
 
2009-03-27 10:30:38 PM  
Can we put to rest the 'extensive use of marijuana doesn't make you stupid' defense?
 
2009-03-27 10:32:02 PM  
People calling the fuzz to report stolen drugs/drug tackle is not that common, but each incident gets loads of viral play, so we keep hearing about them.
 
2009-03-27 10:32:07 PM  
In the immortal words of Jack Handy...
 
2009-03-27 10:32:53 PM  
Where I live this would
be considered normal.
I've been caught with pot
on multiple occasions,
only to have my stuff either:
1) destroyed on the spot, no ticket issued
2) confiscated, no ticket OR receipt issued
3) returned to me and bid goodnight

I don't know if any of the above are actually
police policy in my municipality, or if the cops
here were so fed up with chasing potheads around
that they just collectively said
"fark it"
 
2009-03-27 10:35:42 PM  

sycraft: In most places, it is legal to have a water pipe, hookah, and such for smoking tobacco and other such things (people actually do use it for that too). What changes it in to drug paraphernalia is using it for illegal drugs. Similar to lock picks. You can own those, no problem. However, use them for burglary and they are burglary tools.

Now, being that it sounds like we are dealing with some dumbass potheads here, they probably were stupid enough to tell the police they had a bong and it was for pot, hence why they'd get cited and not get it back.

In a situation like this the appropriate course of action is either:

1) Don't report it. It isn't as though they are that expensive, probably a couple hundred bucks. Why bother complicating the situation if you don't have to? In this case, you'll have no trouble. Cops find a bong in the crooks home, you think they are going to believe them when they say "Uhhh it isn't mine." Ya, not likely. Just get another one.

2) Be smart when you report it. Say "They also took my water pipe." Don't use the term bong, that is generally a pothead term. When the police ask about it tell them "Ya I use it to smoke flavored tobacco from time to time." Helps if you have some of said tobacco on hand, but either way. Make sure you make no references to using it for pot. In this case they may still give you some hassle, but probably not. It is legal, and believe it or not people do use them for that (though hookahs are more common for that purpose).


If you are an idiot and imply that it is for drug use, well then expect them to treat it as such and perhaps charge you.

This is along the same lines as posting pictures on facebook of you doing pot. Yes, you may get charged for it. Going to have a hell of a time defending yourself too, since it is your own words/images being used against you.


I have a feeling you have too much faith in police discretion. I have personally had two hookahs taken from me by police and I can honestly say that I have never smoked pot out of either of them. No amount of reasoning or sheesha producing would convince them otherwise.
 
2009-03-27 10:44:11 PM  
i've tried a bong once, and it wasn't for pot. don't care if you don't believe me. i tried it with chewing tobacco which i do use, and it was a horrbile experience i won't attempt again. but they aren't illegal, that i know of, and who knows what was put in it after it was stolen, so where is the problem?

\\same idiot who has beer bonged southern comfort
 
2009-03-27 11:01:42 PM  

cksewell: "Yeah, they took my bong, my kiddie porn, my automatic weapons, my stack of un-paid parking tickets and my three chimpanzees."

Some things you don't need to tell the police, idiots. The bong is just gone, man


Done in two...Thread over...
 
2009-03-27 11:12:20 PM  

Jackmeat: i've tried a bong once, and it wasn't for pot. don't care if you don't believe me. i tried it with chewing tobacco which i do use, and it was a horrbile experience i won't attempt again. but they aren't illegal, that i know of, and who knows what was put in it after it was stolen, so where is the problem?

\\same idiot who has beer bonged southern comfort



I was thinking the same.

They aren't illegal. It's only if you say, "Hey officer, my pot bong filled with my hard-copies of illegal kiddie-porn and stolen fabriche eggs was taken, too..."

Then you might have a problem.
 
2009-03-27 11:22:51 PM  

John Buck 41: Can we put to rest the 'extensive use of marijuana doesn't make you stupid' defense?


Correlation != causation.

It's more like 'you are stupid that's why you use marijuana extensively'.
 
2009-03-27 11:32:37 PM  
Of course, you should be able to call the cops & report a crime. Of course, owning a hookah is not particularly a crime. There are other things one can own which are not particularly crimes. Radar detectors, for instance, or sex toys, or totally legal porn.

However, just because they are not illegal to own does not mean that, should they be taken during the crime you are reporting, you should let the cops know about them, if you wish your report to be taken at all seriously.

Much as you do not take your child seriously if she tells you the dog chewed up her ballet slippers, after you told her twice not to leave them on the porch all night.
 
2009-03-27 11:37:37 PM  

gund: John Buck 41: Can we put to rest the 'extensive use of marijuana doesn't make you stupid' defense?

Correlation != causation.

It's more like 'you are stupid that's why you use marijuana extensively'.


Ok, I can live with that thesis.
 
Pud
2009-03-27 11:43:49 PM  

Pinky Floyd: cksewell: "Yeah, they took my bong, my kiddie porn, my automatic weapons, my stack of un-paid parking tickets and my three chimpanzees."

Some things you don't need to tell the police, idiots. The bong is just gone, man

Done in two...Thread over...


I second that ...
 
2009-03-27 11:55:46 PM  

John Buck 41: Can we put to rest the 'extensive use of marijuana doesn't make you stupid' defense?


Carl Sagan probably smoked more weed than this genius
 
2009-03-28 12:10:33 AM  

frizzantik: John Buck 41: Can we put to rest the 'extensive use of marijuana doesn't make you stupid' defense?

Carl Sagan probably smoked more weed than this genius


millions and millions (or was it billions and billions?) of joints?
 
2009-03-28 12:20:26 AM  
Sigh
 
2009-03-28 12:37:34 AM  

Jackmeat: i've tried a bong once, and it wasn't for pot. don't care if you don't believe me. i tried it with chewing tobacco which i do use, and it was a horrbile experience i won't attempt again. but they aren't illegal, that i know of, and who knows what was put in it after it was stolen, so where is the problem?

\\same idiot who has beer bonged southern comfort


No way can this be real... No one is really this stupid or farking naive... Jesus buddy, How do you wipe your ass in the morning without help. Do you have a helper monkey?
 
2009-03-28 01:36:03 AM  
cksewell "Yeah, they took my bong, my kiddie porn, my automatic weapons, my stack of un-paid parking tickets and my three chimpanzees."

"... one of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong ..."
 
2009-03-28 04:09:45 AM  

FootInMouthDisease: cksewell "Yeah, they took my bong, my kiddie porn, my automatic weapons, my stack of un-paid parking tickets and my three chimpanzees."

"... one of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong ..."


No way you could have had three chimpanzees.
 
2009-03-28 07:37:13 AM  

cksewell: "Yeah, they took my bong, my kiddie porn, my automatic weapons, my stack of un-paid parking tickets and my three chimpanzees."

Some things you don't need to tell the police, idiots. The bong is just gone, man


i know you're kidding - but this statement epitomizes everything that is wrong with drug legislation and the so-called war on drugs.
 
2009-03-28 11:16:48 AM  
Legalize it.

1. Kill the black market, and the crime stops in just 1 DAY
2. Tax it and regulate it

Bomus: Prop up the economy

/or "just say no"
//but you already know how well that "policy" worked
 
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