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(Telegraph)   Scientists claim that all jokes fit into eight categories, amongst which are "qualification", "completion", "division" and "stolen from a Fark headline of three years ago"   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line
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1989 clicks; posted to Geek » on 20 Mar 2009 at 4:01 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2009-03-20 01:55:09 PM  
A+ Minor
 
2009-03-20 02:22:04 PM  
The brain subconsciously seeks out the patterns and when it discovers them is rewarded for its efforts.
So the brian sends an image of someone slipping on a banana to the eyes?
 
2009-03-20 02:40:13 PM  
Eight? That seems like we're going overboard. I can break jokes down into one category: jokes.

Oh, you want two? How about funny vs. not funny. The latter is much larger than the former.
 
2009-03-20 02:45:33 PM  
"Doctor... Venkman. The purpose of science is to serve mankind. You seem to regard science as some kind of dodge... or hustle. Your theories are the worst kind of popular tripe, your methods are sloppy, and your conclusions are highly questionable! You are a poor scientist, Dr. Venkman!"

"But the kids love us!"


Yes, I put the quotes out of order. I thought they worked better that way ;)
 
2009-03-20 03:04:07 PM  
download.lardlad.comView Full Size


Comedian: I finally got around to reading the dictionary...turns out the Zebra did it (crowd laughs)
Homer: I don't get it
Lisa: Dad, the Zebra didn't do it, its just a word at the end of the dictionary
Homer: I still don't get it.
Lisa: It's just a joke
Homer: Oooh! I get it! I get jokes.. ahahahahahahaha
 
2009-03-20 03:08:12 PM  
That article is strangely reminscent of an "Ask Professor Comedy" bit I used to do, which of course, I later learned I inadvertantly ripped off from a Jay Ward cartoon I must have watched as a toddler.
 
2009-03-20 04:06:35 PM  
Dude she's 12
 
2009-03-20 04:08:00 PM  
There are actually only three kinds of jokes:

1) Jokes about sex
2) Jokes about race
3) Jokes that aren't funny
 
2009-03-20 04:09:35 PM  
Did Blackvampyr post another f*cking newsflash to the Phil Spector thing?
 
2009-03-20 04:12:19 PM  
what category does audible flatulence fall into? cause that is funny as hell
 
2009-03-20 04:17:07 PM  

eqtworld: Did Blackvampyr post another f*cking newsflash to the Phil Spector thing?


Hahahaha. That never gets old.
 
2009-03-20 04:19:01 PM  
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?
 
2009-03-20 04:23:12 PM  

flaminio: Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?


Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
 
Bf+
2009-03-20 04:24:32 PM  
FTFA: "Qualitative recontextualisation" is described as when something you know well is changed. An example of this is when you laugh at someone's new haircut.

So, "qualitative recontextualisation" means being a dick?
 
2009-03-20 04:28:26 PM  
There's two radio stations I listen to in the area.

One show (Cort and Fatboy) rips fark headlines, the other (The Donkeyshow) rips cracked stories.

Cort and Fatboy is the better of the two for whatever that's worth.
 
2009-03-20 04:32:26 PM  
Jokes? You want a joke?

See, there were these two horses. They grew up in the same barn, they ate the same hay- they were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do.

One day, a big series of races came up, and the second horse walked over to the first horse and said, "Hey, man- I need you to do me a huge favor. You always beat me by just a little bit, and, well, my owner is threatening to send me off to the glue factory if I don't win at least one race today. I mean, we grew up in the same barn, ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. You gotta help me out man!"

The first horse replied, "Of course I'll help you! I mean, we grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. I promise, you'll win the first race."

Well, it comes around time to run the first race, and the horses line up at the gate. The gate goes up, the gun goes off, and they're a here and a there and a here and a there and the first horse wins!

The second horse comes over and says, "Hey, I thought you were going to let me win that one. I mean, we grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do."

The first horse apologizes. "I was just so excited, with the gate, the gun, the here, the there. I'm so sorry. We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. I promise, you'll win the second race."

So the horses line up at the gate for the second race. The gate goes up, the gun goes off, and they're a here and a there and a here and a there and the first horse wins, AGAIN!

Now, the second horse is getting a little upset. He storms over and shouts at the first horse, "We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do. I thought we had a deal! I thought we were friends!"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," the first horse said. "It was just, the jockey was whipping my ass so hard, and there was this cute filly in the stable I was showing off for, and- I'm so sorry. We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do, and you know I'd do anything for you. I promise, you'll win this last race."

"I'd better."

So the horses line up at the gate for the third and final race. The gate goes up, the gun goes off, and they're a here and a there and a here and a there and the first horse wins, AGAIN!

The second horse has had it. He storms over into the Winner's Circle and punches the first horse. "We grew up in the same barn! We ate the same hay! We were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do! This is what I get for years of friendship? Well screw you too!" And the second horse jumps into his Mustang convertible and drives off.

"Oh no!" cries the first horse. "My best friend! We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do! I've got to do something!" And he leaps into his fuel-efficient hybrid and goes tearing off after the second horse.

Their manager the dog shouts out, "Stop! No! Those were my two best horses! They grew up in the same barn, they ate the same hay, they were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do! I have to stop them." He leaps into his Greyhound bus and peals out after them.

And they're a here and a there and a here and a there and a here and the second horse is running out of gas. So he pulls his Mustang convertible off to the side of the road and leaps out. He bolts for a nearby cliff to end it all. The first horse leaps out of his fuel-efficient hybrid and chases after him. And they start fighting at the edge of the cliff. "We grew up in the same barn, we ate the same hay- we were like two peas in a pod, which is really hard for two horses to do!" the first horse yells. "I can't let you do this."

The Greyhound bus screeches to a halt and the dog leaps out. "Stop the insanity!" he screams.

The two horses stop fighting, in shock. The first horse turns to the second and says, "Hey look, a talking dog."
 
2009-03-20 04:42:50 PM  

t3knomanser: "Hey look, a talking dog."


I am going to shoot you.
 
2009-03-20 04:46:25 PM  
So this guy is walking down a street, and sees three girls; a blonde, a brunette, and a red-head, walking towards him. He immediately thinks to himself, "What, is this a joke?"

/True story.
 
2009-03-20 04:55:49 PM  

t3knomanser: "Hey look, a talking dog."



I am sooooooo gunna hook somebody with that one. I love to torture my friends with these really long jokes with little payout at the end. Awsome!
 
2009-03-20 05:04:05 PM  

Benjimin_Dover: I am sooooooo gunna hook somebody with that one.


Credit to Rob Morrow, whom I stole it from. Yes, really, that was his name.
 
2009-03-20 05:14:16 PM  
So there's only eight jokes huh?

After reading FARK for awhile I wonder what happened to the other seven?
 
2009-03-20 05:17:50 PM  
Mel Brooks taught me everything I needed to learn about comedy:

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
 
2009-03-20 05:41:17 PM  
Scientist is British, so anything he says about humor doesn't count.
 
2009-03-20 06:12:37 PM  

zymurgist: Mel Brooks taught me everything I needed to learn about comedy:

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.


+Eleventy. That's always been my favorite quote about humor.
 
2009-03-20 06:14:44 PM  
The 'funny' is one thing and one thing only. It is the sensation you feel when your mind takes a mental image and does a 'cat-twist' with it.

/there, I gave it away for free
 
2009-03-20 06:47:28 PM  
Which category does this fit in?

i41.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2009-03-20 07:37:25 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
2009-03-20 08:02:09 PM  
is this article a joke? They only list 7 types.
 
2009-03-20 08:47:05 PM  

burninator777: what category does audible flatulence fall into? cause that is funny as hell


Ain't nothin' funnier than a fart.

When you break jokes down like that, doesn't it kill the humor?
 
2009-03-21 02:00:31 AM  
Explaining humor is like dissecting a frog. It can succeed, but the subject tends to die in the process.

/quothied from somebody
//probably SL Clemens
 
2009-03-21 03:53:47 AM  
How do you get a nun pregnant?
 
2009-03-21 03:54:28 AM  
You fark her.
 
GOB
2009-03-21 12:23:52 PM  
One day, down in Mississippi, a guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner, Bubba, tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black lab just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

"So, what's your story?

The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out. I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I really wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. I had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks Bubba what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars".

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"That dog is full of it - he didn't do any of that shiat."
 
2009-03-21 01:23:36 PM  
45673456!
/no body laughs
//can'y tell a joke.
 
2009-03-21 03:59:59 PM  
what about nonsense humor, things that make no sense i.e. tim and eric?
 
2009-03-21 07:29:45 PM  

powderhoar: So there's only eight jokes huh?

After reading FARK for awhile I wonder what happened to the other seven?


Fark has several jokes. Boobs, anal sex, gays...there's 3, just off the top of my head.

/My big head....oh, there's another one!
 
2009-03-21 11:34:48 PM  

sonofabob: is this article a joke? They only list 7 types.


1. positive repetition
2. scale
3. qualification
4. qualitative recontextualisation
5. application
6. completion
7. division
8. opposition
 
2009-03-22 07:44:55 PM  

StormDawg: sonofabob: is this article a joke? They only list 7 types.

1. positive repetition
2. scale
3. qualification
4. qualitative recontextualisation
5. application
6. completion
7. division
8. opposition


Shouldn't the full list be:

1. positive repetition
2. scale
3. qualification
4. qualitative recontextualisation
5. application
6. completion
7. division
8. opposition
9. positive repetition
 
2009-03-23 12:25:10 PM  

FurbyGoneFubar: Shouldn't the full list be:


You tryin' to make this list into a joke, son?
 
2009-03-23 05:32:47 PM  
came for Monty Python "Killing Joke" reference, leaving unsatisfied
 
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