Peter_hook:

Not in the whole country - only in six provinces in the north. damned sad, though....

I second a vote for yerba mate, though. Great stuff. Makes you very alert with no jitters. And is delicious, too.

Lucky Charms using Jagermeister instead of milk.

Fark caffiene. Eat an apple and take some ginseng. Or just eat an apple. Scientifically proven to wake you up better.

thinkgeek.com
go there... get caffeine soap. yes. it rules.

How about some OJ with all the pulp still in it? Caffine is for spine less babies that can't take the morning like a man.

If you know someone who sells it, one good product I found that will give you a nice caffeine buzz is XS Energy Drink.

Ginseng power pills, they rock the world. I'm buying another pack again here soon. :D

CHECK THIS OUT - http://www.xoxide.com/noname16.html

Nothing starts the day off right like taking a massive shiat.

down here in south texas, we have something called chorizo mexicano. it is a highly spiced breakfast sausage, and when mixed with eggs makes a kick ass taquito. it will wake you up almost immediately. one drawback. the first few times you eat it, you will have fire comin' outta your ass for the next 6 hours. beats coffee hands down.
if you don't wanna risk going south of the border, do what most of us white boy minority texans do. drink a dr. pepper.

Set yur alarm clock to go off every hour. Keep a big vat of "Jell-o" by the bed. When the alarm goes off, stick your head in the "Jell-o" and yell "Boy, I'm Tired!".

get married. have chlildren. staying awake will never be a problem again.

trust me

oh god., trust me.....

breakfast. dumbass. nuff said.

Place nuts into vice, squeeze until purple. Remove then smack with a hammer until fully conscious.

Beerio's.

The prospect of fresh links on FARK. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

One Word:

Enema.

Vanilla Coke!

It'c like coffee candy!

+

Watch gay porn while reading Guns and Ammo.

I have the sudden urge to order EVERYTHING from UPS.

Not only will it help you get up in the morning, but you'll be able to sleep 4 hours a night and wake up as if you had slept for 12.

apples - they have something in them that is better than coffee

eat a jar of jalapenos before bedtime.

I've heard a morning pickle can be quite refreshing:

Dunk your balls in a hot cup of coffee

I recently bought a 300,000 volt stun gun.

While driving with a friend, I was feeling kind of tired, so I gave myself a jolt in the arm for the hell of it.

PRESTO! INSTANT AWAKE TIME!

They're not expensive either. I got that one for $32 at www.ddsp.com Even came with free pepper spray, although that's just for waking up people whom you hate.

Hates coffee?! I don't think I could do it without coffee. Best start to my day would be a cup of damn fine coffee, a slice of cherry pie, and an episode of Twin Peaks, though I could probably do it without the coffee and pie as long as the episode was heavy on Sherilyn Fenn.

I'm a coffee addict, but I would recommend that you find a good strong tea that you enjoy. Nothing like a warm drink to get the juices up and running. Like coffee, you can add all sorts of cream, milk, sweeteners to your taste.

Having said that, a couple of lines of toot will get you up and about. And probably less expensive than the tea.

GO to bed earlier.

How about a warm cup of STFU.

Shiat I am so late to this thread...

A quick workout will wake you up and you'll feel like a million bucks while all the rest of the slobs are waiting for their engines to start. Right after you get out of bed, go take a piss, then go find a chair or couch, and do as many situps as you can then flip over and do as many pushups as you can. Shower will feel great and the blood flow, adrenaline burst will be sweet. It really is good stuff.

If you have pet cats, don't feed them

....then they will wake you up

Indiepress is right, I use Banshee Screamer, and the default alarm on that thing has to be the most annoying buzzer ever created...

It is however more effective than the list of mp3s that I replaced it with. Though there is something pretty cool about waking up to the Patton theme.

3Horn

Drinking lots of water before you goto bed + electric blanket. You do the math because I'm far too slow for that nonsense.

Just to fit it, I would suggest gettin' your wang mouthified, or maybe takin' a nice big hit of crack.

Naw, fark all that, just be a man and drink the damn coffee.

Since our bodies sleep in 3 hour intervals, try waking up either 6 or 9 hours after you go to bed. Or leave some type of citrus-y room freshener next to your bed and spray every time you wake up. Eventually your body will be programmed to wake up when it smells it.

.....Or just give me a call. I give great blow jobs, swallow, and can make french toast.

Actually, it'll probably knock you back out.
I tried.

Stupudchick wins.

StupudChick
.....Or just give me a call. I give great blow jobs, swallow, and can make french toast.

DING DING DING
I think we have a winner!

Stupudchick gets my vote.

Lord Aries The books aren't bad, but for most people, the build-up PT will do wonders, and the Navy gives it away:

The Category I Workout is designed for individuals who have not recently, or have never, participated in a routine physical training (PT) program. AKA most Farkers.

3Horn

Stop taking in caffeine altogether--no coke, no mt dew, no coffee, no tea--nothing.

Then, get yourself a nice big restaurant cup--steal it--about 25 oz in size.

Drink water. All day. Finish a cup, fill it up, keep drinking. Aim for about 150-200 oz a day.

Eventually your system is flushed, you feel a lot better, and your blood's all scrubbed clean.

Then..and only then..when you're having a slow morning..which you will have fewer of..may you have one small caffeinated beverage.

TztztztztSssssssTZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzIIIIIING!

Tolerance. It's untolerable.

I used to have an alarm clock that spoke in a Japanese accent, "Rake Up! Don't Sreep your Rife Away! Rake Up!"

Worked every time. It was too funny to sleep through.

Don't have any idea where it can be purchased. Web search was futile. If I only had it now.

Jolt Cola...and not that wimpy state-side stuff, the real stuff from Nippon.

Wake and bake...

Wow, Stupudchick, that was well done... talk about derailing a thread... ::grin::

The gent above wasn't kidding about that chorizo, either. Wow.

Wahoom, yeah, my kid brother picked up one that was a samurai saying something fierce and unintelligible, complete with (really loud) horse's whinny...

would love to find another one, very effective.

StupidChick: You win and I'm in love with you already.