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(Sun Sentinel)   Man kills girlfriend after she tells him he can't have any more beer, then enjoys a cold one   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line
    More: Florida  
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12394 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2009 at 4:12 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



130 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2009-03-12 09:32:44 PM  
one of the craziest stories evar
 
2009-03-12 09:40:47 PM  
Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her,

what
 
2009-03-12 10:01:36 PM  
Even though I'd really like to, I can't bring myself to click the vote button. I feel that doing so would be crossing some invisible line that for the rest of my life I would regret having crossed.
 
2009-03-12 10:07:05 PM  

gilgamesh23: Even though I'd really like to, I can't bring myself to click the vote button. I feel that doing so would be crossing some invisible line that for the rest of my life I would regret having crossed.


When you put it that way, I felt I should vote for it on your behalf.

/Past that invisible line long ago. . .
 
2009-03-12 10:18:43 PM  

EviLincoln: gilgamesh23: Even though I'd really like to, I can't bring myself to click the vote button. I feel that doing so would be crossing some invisible line that for the rest of my life I would regret having crossed.

When you put it that way, I felt I should vote for it on your behalf.

/Past that invisible line long ago. . .


Thanks for leading the way. The fact that I laughed audibly at this submission suggests that line is somewhere in my past too, anyway...

::crosses fingers::

::click::
 
2009-03-12 10:21:41 PM  
Ohhhhh subby. You are a bad bad man. Awesome.
 
2009-03-12 10:36:40 PM  
I like the part where he, uh, failed in his mission, so he covered her back up and cuddled with her.

I have to be 8 beers deep just to sing karaoke, so I'm guessing this dude went through about 2 and a half cases of Coors since he woke up that day.

/if I had the slow-clap gif I'd post it for you, subby. +1.
 
2009-03-12 11:09:14 PM  
Subby, you are going to hell. I'll have a cold one waiting for you.
 
2009-03-12 11:12:21 PM  
Nice headline subby

The dude is one sick and stupid bastard. Why would he tell the cops about his unsuccessful attempt at having sex with her? Sheesh, some things are best kept a secret.
 
2009-03-12 11:33:55 PM  
He then covered her up and lay next to her.

A clear case of mommy syndrome.
 
2009-03-12 11:58:48 PM  
wow...
 
2009-03-13 01:27:08 AM  
I'm tired of putting up
With your sober ways
Tired of looking at you
Through an alcoholic haze
You better change
I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

I wake up in the morning
I'm under the roof
But I get no sympathy
Baby you're too aloof
You better change
Yes, I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Budweiser, Budweiser, Miller Lite
Take a little nip baby it's alright
All a fellow wants is company
Come on baby have a taste with me

Yeah, you say it's alright baby
You don't care
But as soon as I indulge
I get that icy stare
You better change
I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Don't give me no lectures
'Bout stress and strife
So-ber-i-ety
Just ain't my way of life
You better change
Yes, I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Yeah, Budweiser, Budweiser, Miller Lite
Take a little nip baby it's alright
All a fellow wants is company
Come on baby have some fun with me

Yeah, you say it's alright baby
You don't care
But as soon as I indulge
I get that icy stare
You better change
I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Well, if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave
Yes, if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave
 
2009-03-13 01:34:24 AM  

Cake Hunter: Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her,

what


I'm sorry, you must be new here. The word of choice is "wat"...
 
2009-03-13 02:07:57 AM  
So, does unsuccessful mean he couldn't get a hard on after beating her face in? Maybe the guy did have a heart after all.
 
2009-03-13 02:52:48 AM  
cambie: Maybe the guy did have a heart after all.

Maybe the guy was trying to revive her, the old-fashioned way.
 
2009-03-13 04:18:01 AM  
that was cold. +5 for subby
 
2009-03-13 04:18:41 AM  
A+ headline, would laugh again
 
2009-03-13 04:18:56 AM  
Necrophilia: crack open a cold one. (Excellent, excellent work subby.)
 
2009-03-13 04:21:50 AM  
puffy999
Cake Hunter: Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her,

what

I'm sorry, you must be new here. The word of choice is "wat"...


Uh... no. It's "wut?"
 
2009-03-13 04:21:52 AM  

Seabon: wow...


THIS
 
2009-03-13 04:22:01 AM  
Holy farking shiat Subby.....
 
2009-03-13 04:22:21 AM  
What, the Hero tag took today off?
 
2009-03-13 04:22:46 AM  
Based on headline, no jury would convict

/will now rtfa
 
2009-03-13 04:22:58 AM  
What was he on?
 
2009-03-13 04:23:01 AM  
"Conde told police he and Trueblood were drinking together outdoors when she told him he couldn't have more beer. He told police he got upset and beat her up, saying she was on her back defenseless as he punched her several times in the face until he knew she was dead.

Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her, the arrest report said he told police. He then covered her up and lay next to her."


Obviously he didn't want the beer THAT badly. What a whiner.
 
2009-03-13 04:26:01 AM  
I'm guessing the sick tag called in sick for this one? yeah it was in Florida but...
 
2009-03-13 04:26:03 AM  
I wonder if karma balanced out for him killing her because we all know he was too whiskey-dicked to have sex with her dead body.

/ponders
 
2009-03-13 04:26:43 AM  

CaptainBeer: puffy999
Cake Hunter: Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her,

what

I'm sorry, you must be new here. The word of choice is "wat"...

Uh... no. It's "wut?"


It clearly isn't wet
 
2009-03-13 04:29:49 AM  
Headline of the year
 
2009-03-13 04:30:30 AM  

Cake Hunter: Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her,

what


She was stiff.

He wasn't.
 
2009-03-13 04:31:57 AM  

jerky on the veldt: CaptainBeer: puffy999
Cake Hunter: Conde took off her pants and unsuccessfully tried to have sex with her,

what

I'm sorry, you must be new here. The word of choice is "wat"...

Uh... no. It's "wut?"

It clearly isn't wet


i405.photobucket.comView Full Size


Oh, and Subby, you can have one too!

i405.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2009-03-13 04:32:06 AM  
I smell a future headline of the year winner here. God damn it subby I feel so bad for laughing.
 
2009-03-13 04:34:57 AM  

BigJake: Headline of the year


shiryatsya: I smell a future headline of the year winner here. God damn it subby I feel so bad for laughing.


it is a great headline, but since you have to click on the link to find out why it is so great, that removes it from HOTY consideration

/just sayin
 
2009-03-13 04:36:17 AM  
I love how everyone here thinks it was the beer that made him not uhh...finish what he started. And that it doesn't cross anyone's mind that oh he couldn't get it up because ohh...HE WAS TRYING TO fark A CORPSE!!!!

Maybe like anything when you're drunk it just seemed like a good
idea at the time.
 
2009-03-13 04:38:41 AM  

gplechuck: I love how everyone here thinks it was the beer that made him not uhh...finish what he started. And that it doesn't cross anyone's mind that oh he couldn't get it up because ohh...HE WAS TRYING TO fark A CORPSE!!!!

Maybe like anything when you're drunk it just seemed like a good
idea at the time.


I don't understand your argument because you know she couldn't have gotten cold That Fast.
It would be like she was asleep, ya know?
 
2009-03-13 04:38:52 AM  
I'd hit it.

/+1 evil submitter
 
2009-03-13 04:40:20 AM  

calbert: it is a great headline, but since you have to click on the link to find out why it is so great, that removes it from HOTY consideration

/just sayin


I knew what it was going to be right off the bat, no need to RTFA. Double entendre FTW.
 
2009-03-13 04:41:39 AM  

calbert: it is a great headline, but since you have to click on the link to find out why it is so great, that removes it from HOTY consideration

/just sayin


maybe just for the slow people

i got it before i RTFA. if anything, i clicked to ensure thats what he meant
 
2009-03-13 04:42:11 AM  
I don't understand your argument because you know she couldn't have gotten cold That Fast. It would be like she was asleep, ya know?

Warmth is not the issue, I was thinking more along the lines of having sex with something you know is dead. Just the idea seems revolting it has.....wait a second

Less than 2 weeks with a fark account and already I've turned into one of you people.
 
2009-03-13 04:48:42 AM  

gplechuck: I don't understand your argument because you know she couldn't have gotten cold That Fast. It would be like she was asleep, ya know?

Warmth is not the issue, I was thinking more along the lines of having sex with something you know is dead. Just the idea seems revolting it has.....wait a second

Less than 2 weeks with a fark account and already I've turned into one of you people.


*wink*
 
2009-03-13 04:52:11 AM  
I guess he used to love her; but he had to kill her...
/She biatched so much; she drove him nuts...
 
2009-03-13 04:52:56 AM  
The article & headline reminded me of a certain Alice Cooper song.

One thing I miss is Cold Ethyl and her skeleton kiss
We met last night making love by the refrigerator light
Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms

One thing
No lie
Ethyl's frigid as an eskimo pie
She's cool in bed
Well she oughta be 'cuz Ethyl's dead

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come on Cold Ethyl
Freeze me babe

One thing - it's true
Cold Ethyl I am stuck on you
And everything is my way
Ethyl don't have much to say

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come here Cold Ethyl
What makes you so cold? Ooh so cold

Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
If I live 'til ninety-seven
You'll still be waiting in refrigerator heaven
'cuz you're cool
You're on ice
Cold Ethyl
You're my paradise
 
2009-03-13 04:55:06 AM  
24 other arrests. I am guessing they weren't for jaywalking.

Funny how the victim's name is Trueblood because this article sounds like a plot line from the show. Especially the having sex with the dead part.

/yeah, Sookie. ew.
 
2009-03-13 04:57:50 AM  
The stupid article left out the most important part: What type of beer were they fighting over? Then we could have gone all beer-snob over it.
 
2009-03-13 05:05:14 AM  
She must have been a real keeper.
 
2009-03-13 05:09:10 AM  
I just popped some popcorn, brought up Fark and saw this headline. I'm set.
 
2009-03-13 05:12:36 AM  

cksewell: Nice headline subby

The dude is one sick and stupid bastard. Why would he tell the cops about his unsuccessful attempt at having sex with her? Sheesh, some things are best kept a secret.


Come on. Like you've never been drunk and tried to fark someone you shouldn't have. Or farked someone you regretted once you sobered up. We've all been there, man. Cut the guy some slack. His girlfriend is dead.
 
2009-03-13 05:14:31 AM  
Victim and suspect:

[image from justnews.com too old to be available]

/ hotter than the sand in Fort Lauderdale
 
2009-03-13 05:17:34 AM  

GizmoMkI: Victim and suspect:


They look so happy. Well he does anyways...
 
2009-03-13 05:17:42 AM  
Well, since this is Florida and the death penalty is enforced there in that state. He'll be taking a one way ticket to hell. Hopefully soon.

/no cold ones in hell
 
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