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(Atlanta Journal Constitution)   Small-town church erects "Great sex: God's way" signs to advertise sermon series. Bonus: You cannot legally buy beer in the county   (ajc.com) divider line 124
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5948 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2009 at 9:23 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-03-11 09:12:44 AM
You cannot legally buy beer in the county

That's why Cullman County is a leading meth and weed producer. Prohibition ftl.
 
2009-03-11 09:26:57 AM
God liked the ball gag and nipple clamps.
 
2009-03-11 09:27:05 AM
Small-town church erects "Great sex: God's way" signs to advertise sermon semen series. Bonus: You cannot legally buy beer in the county

FTFY

/it's what I saw...
//wut!?!
 
2009-03-11 09:28:16 AM
When they say "god's way" do they mean like coming into your house in the middle of the night and impregnating you without knowing?
I call that "sleep porn."
 
2009-03-11 09:30:01 AM
There is no contradiction. Remember, beer goggles are a false enhancement.
 
2009-03-11 09:30:07 AM
FTFA: Even the 22-year-old mayor, Corey Harbison, worries that the "great sex" message will force parents to talk about the birds and the bees with inquisitive young children before either is ready.

I think a town with a 22-year-old mayor is pretty much a non-starter and not much of a threat to anything in the world, anywhere.
 
2009-03-11 09:30:34 AM
I'm having sex with my wife right now and she keeps calling me God, so, well, you know....kicks, etc. etc.
 
2009-03-11 09:30:42 AM
If you can't have great beer, have great sex.
 
2009-03-11 09:30:56 AM
The controversy is a bit ironic considering the church's overall point is about as straight-laced as they come: That God intends for sex to be enjoyed solely within a heterosexual marriage, and that anything else - adultery, pornography, homosexuality, even "sexual arousal" outside of marriage - is sin.

Well I'm screwed.
 
2009-03-11 09:33:53 AM
Those two fact have nothing to do with each other.
 
2009-03-11 09:34:04 AM
KingKauff:
I'm having sex with my wife right now and she keeps calling me God, so, well, you know....kicks, etc. etc.


As in, "God, will you get off the farking computer already? I'm trying to get off here! That's it, I'm leaving you."
 
2009-03-11 09:36:55 AM
You cannot legally buy beer in the county

that's crazy talk - how do the fat chicks get laid ?
 
2009-03-11 09:37:12 AM
Thisbymaster: Those two fact have nothing to do with each other.

For subby they apparently do.
 
2009-03-11 09:37:26 AM
Ha ha.... you said "erect."
 
2009-03-11 09:38:28 AM
Frequent sex leads to new members, which means more people to spread the Gospel amongst.

I fail to see the problem.
 
2009-03-11 09:38:43 AM
Getting advice on sex from a church is like getting advice on driving from a blind man.
 
2009-03-11 09:39:08 AM
pope183: that's crazy talk - how do the fat chicks get laid ?

Their families love them no matter what they weigh.
 
2009-03-11 09:39:08 AM
So when I call her a worthless hooker and she lays all that rape fantasy stuff on me...that isn't biblical?
 
2009-03-11 09:42:05 AM
Church pussy? Pew!
 
2009-03-11 09:42:35 AM
This is actually what made that guy go on a shooting spree...

/what too soon?
 
2009-03-11 09:43:05 AM
The Crepes of Wrath: Getting advice on sex from a church is like getting advice on driving from a blind man.

As someone who attended a private high school briefly, you, sir, are wrong.
School was full of dirty, dirty whores.
Thank goodness.
 
2009-03-11 09:43:49 AM
FTFA - "Talkin' about sex ain't gonna get nobody to heaven" . Maybe they should spend less time talking about it and more time practicing. If done correctly, they may be able to reach the Promised Land.
 
2009-03-11 09:43:59 AM
Next, the Church shares its views on child rearing.
 
2009-03-11 09:44:09 AM
img26.imageshack.us
 
2009-03-11 09:44:55 AM
Oh this is priceless:

Evangelist Roland Belew, a self-described fundamentalist and former trucker who now preaches at a truck stop, said the whole idea goes against the teaching of New Testament apostles.

City Hall has gotten a few complaints about the church's sexy signs from a handful of people like Belew, 71, who preaches in a trailer off Interstate 65.
 
2009-03-11 09:45:18 AM
i bet God has some great sex!! 2000 orgasms at the same time!!
 
2009-03-11 09:46:00 AM
i bet God could have a 7 day long Orgasm.
 
2009-03-11 09:46:31 AM
I will never for the life of me understand why this country is so damned uptight about sex. Especially the "OMG little children might see and ask about it!!!" BS. Why is it so horribly bad that they know? It's not gonna scar them for life or something. Sheesh.
 
2009-03-11 09:46:46 AM
mar19: As someone who attended a private high school briefly, you, sir, are wrong.
School was full of dirty, dirty whores.
Thank goodness.


If had known in high school what I know now I would have been in the prayer group.

I can just imagine how much poon those Christian Rock stars are rolling in. Talk about the perfect racket.
 
2009-03-11 09:47:48 AM
KC8501: I will never for the life of me understand why this country is so damned uptight about sex. Especially the "OMG little children might see and ask about it!!!" BS. Why is it so horribly bad that they know? It's not gonna scar them for life or something. Sheesh.

Seriously, I had the learn the birds and the bees from staying up late and watching Red Shoe diaries on Showtime...
 
2009-03-11 09:48:12 AM
Linux_Yes: i bet God could have a 7 day long Orgasm.

There's a Great Flood joke in there somewhere.
 
2009-03-11 09:48:37 AM
"Come unto me."

Jesus was gay.

/And God is a peeping tom, that pervert
//Where's Chris Hansen when you need him?
 
2009-03-11 09:49:13 AM
"Oh God, I'm coming!" is not actually a Psalm...
 
2009-03-11 09:49:53 AM
NuclearWinter: /And God is a peeping tom, that pervert

Ceiling God is watching you fornicate.
 
2009-03-11 09:55:34 AM
Linux_Yes: i bet God Chuck Norris could have a 7 day long Orgasm.

/FTFM
 
2009-03-11 10:00:21 AM
capitalcitychris.files.wordpress.com


Approves.

/pine cone liquor ftw!
/hot like a GA summer
 
2009-03-11 10:02:32 AM
fappomatic: Linux_Yes: i bet God Chuck Norris Barney Frank could have a 7 day long Orgasm.

/FTFM


You can thank me later
 
2009-03-11 10:02:42 AM
KC8501: I will never for the life of me understand why this country is so damned uptight about sex.

Insecurity.
 
2009-03-11 10:04:55 AM
Well unprotected sex between a married man and woman are a good thing according to the bible, so as long as they make sure to emphasize that point I think it is cool.

/And dry counties...would never live in one...
//but more power to them if it is decided democratically...
///As long as my county can legalize my herb of choice.
 
2009-03-11 10:05:30 AM
The controversy is a bit ironic considering the church's overall point is about as straight-laced as they come: That God intends for sex to be enjoyed solely within a heterosexual marriage, and that anything else - adultery, pornography, homosexuality, even "sexual arousal" outside of marriage - is sin.

This kinda shiat is what pisses me off about religion. Where in the bible does it say sex is to be enjoyed solely within hetero marriage? Friggin Lot wanted to give the rowdy masses his own daughters to fornicate with. David was a man whore. Jesus hung out with, and possibly married, a prostitute.
Seriously, why is it the Fundies pay attention to one passage in Dueteronomy and cast homosexuals as Unholy SinnersTM, but seem to conveniently forget the passages that say put your wife out of the village during her period, and stone your children to death for being unruly.

Tell me, Christians, why do you focus on one passage, but completely ignore so many others? Why is the Old Testament so important, but the red-letters at the back of the book are forgotten?
 
2009-03-11 10:09:10 AM
Missionary position?
 
2009-03-11 10:09:45 AM
In the ear is the only natural way.


/Came for this, left disappointed.
 
2009-03-11 10:10:20 AM
dragonchild: KC8501: I will never for the life of me understand why this country is so damned uptight about sex.

Insecurity.


you can thank your local church for that plus our puritanical sludge we brought over from England way back when.

combine that with the constant bombardment of sex on TV and the movies and you have a recipe for deviant, anal, uptight about sex, freaks called americans.
 
2009-03-11 10:10:20 AM
God's Hubris:
...Tell me, Christians, why do you focus on one passage, but completely ignore so many others? Why is the Old Testament so important, but the red-letters at the back of the book are forgotten?


Ooh ooh! Can I field this one?

Because they are hypocrites who use bronze-age nomadic sheepherder scribblings as justification for their hatred and bigotry.

What do I win?
 
2009-03-11 10:12:28 AM
IXI Jim IXI: Linux

don't know about barney, but if Obama fails, the republicans will have a week long orgy frkkk fest of baby batter shooting and partying.
 
2009-03-11 10:13:33 AM
iamscotto: Approves.

/pine cone liquor ftw!
/hot like a GA summer


Damn you party liquor!
 
2009-03-11 10:16:02 AM
Well, their symbol is of a guy who's been freshly nailed...
 
2009-03-11 10:18:28 AM
Linux_Yes
i bet God could have a 7 day long Orgasm.

I would guess only six. And on the 7th day god smoked a cigarette
 
2009-03-11 10:18:49 AM
God actually wants everyone to have lots and lots of mind-blowing orgasms that make your toes curl.

... It's just that he wants you to pick ONE person to do it with.

Variety is cheap. Deep connections are hard.

guess which one God thinks is better for you ?
 
2009-03-11 10:19:52 AM
No TV and no beer makes Homer something something...
 
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