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(Daily Mail)   Lindsay Lohan wants to convert to Judaism. Guess she hasn't heard about how they frown on eating clams   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line
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2099 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 01 Mar 2009 at 5:32 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-03-01 03:38:34 PM  
s n a p
 
2009-03-01 03:57:30 PM  
They aren't much into tattoos either.
 
2009-03-01 04:11:37 PM  
i27.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2009-03-01 04:32:52 PM  
Oy! Such a headline.
 
2009-03-01 05:29:33 PM  
That's ok, I heard her last girlfriend was pretty much 100% dick.
 
2009-03-01 05:34:03 PM  
Samantha Ronson is one of more the horrific-looking hags in recent history.

Sucking the life out of sexy Lindsay one loosening tooth at a time.

That's hot.
 
2009-03-01 05:40:03 PM  
+ 1

There was a time when I would have been more than happy to eat Lindsey's clam, but not now.

/She has teh herp and red tide.
 
2009-03-01 05:40:13 PM  
If she wants to improve her career it'd be easier just to get naked more.
 
2009-03-01 05:40:33 PM  
Ronson must have the mother of all tongues 'cause it sure ain't her looks.
 
2009-03-01 05:51:24 PM  
The Diary of Anne Skank

Where's the stripey pajama pics?
 
2009-03-01 06:04:10 PM  

radioman_: Ronson must have the mother of all tongues 'cause it sure ain't her looks.


Naw, Ronson's just the Mother of all Speed Dealers...
 
2009-03-01 06:04:51 PM  
Mazel tov!
 
2009-03-01 06:05:35 PM  
We don't want her. You can't become a Jew. You are a Jew only if your mother is a Jew.
 
2009-03-01 06:07:53 PM  
Pics, damnit: glory days picks! Thread is usless without! USELESS!
 
2009-03-01 06:09:37 PM  
The_Sponge: /She has teh herp and red tide.

O RLY?
 
2009-03-01 06:11:42 PM  

WoodyHayes: The_Sponge: /She has teh herp and red tide.

O RLY?



Maybe not, but she's damn skanky.

/Might hit it if I double-bagged w/ no kissing.
 
2009-03-01 06:13:01 PM  

robbiedo: We don't want her. You can't become a Jew. You are a Jew only if your mother is a Jew.


I've heard of people converting.
 
2009-03-01 06:26:27 PM  

robbiedo: We don't want her. You can't become a Jew. You are a Jew only if your mother is a Jew.


this is a lai. you can become a jew - you just need to convert. That being said it is jewish law/tradition/gobbledygook to attempt to persuade someone NOT to convert.

The reason is not exclusivity - rather unless you are jewish you are not required to follow jewish law and can go to heaven without kosher food, keeping the sabbath, etc. Once you do become jewish, you are required to or else you go to hell.

As to the jewish mother thing - anyone who has a jewish mother is jewish (and made to feel guilty for never calling), but it is not the only way to become jewish.
 
2009-03-01 06:54:05 PM  
img8.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
2009-03-01 06:57:59 PM  
Haven't the Jews suffered enough?
 
2009-03-01 07:02:00 PM  

Playinodds: As to the jewish mother thing - anyone who has a jewish mother is jewish (and made to feel guilty for never calling), but it is not the only way to become jewish.


Unless, you are tortured by a Jewish mother, you aren't really a Jew, unless you are just converting for the jokes.

//Of course, I know you can "convert," but really does that make you Jewish any more than taking too many tanning pills makes you black? (for you young'ns, refer to the movie Soul Man)
 
2009-03-01 07:11:40 PM  

robbiedo: //Of course, I know you can "convert," but really does that make you Jewish any more than taking too many tanning pills makes you black? (for you young'ns, refer to the movie Soul Man)


Sounds like prejudice towards converted jews to me. Of course, I would prefer that to Christians who try to convert everyone.
 
2009-03-01 07:14:23 PM  

Mugato: Sounds like prejudice towards converted jews to me. Of course, I would prefer that to Christians who try to convert everyone.


except for this part:

Playinodds: The reason is not exclusivity - rather unless you are jewish you are not required to follow jewish law and can go to heaven without kosher food, keeping the sabbath, etc. Once you do become jewish, you are required to or else you go to hell.


Not being threatened with hell because you don't follow a faith is kinda nice
 
2009-03-01 07:21:38 PM  

Playinodds: The reason is not exclusivity - rather unless you are jewish you are not required to follow jewish law and can go to heaven without kosher food, keeping the sabbath, etc. Once you do become jewish, you are required to or else you go to hell.


When I went to Temple as a kid, I really don't recall the idea of "Hell" being talked about. I don't really think the Jews are real big on the concept. Keeping Kosher was more about dietary health than a "religious" belief. I am not speaking for all Jews, or having a scholarly education, just my experience.
 
2009-03-01 07:25:21 PM  

SaladMonkey: Not being threatened with hell because you don't follow a faith is kinda nice


I know a lot of Jews who are quite active on the Sabbath. I guess they're all going to hell. That sucks.
 
2009-03-01 07:37:37 PM  

SaladMonkey: Not being threatened with hell because you don't follow a faith is kinda nice


There are actually seven laws if you are not Jewish you have to follow. Called the Seven Laws of Noah. Basically:

Worship God
Don't murder
Don't steal
No sexual promiscuity, eg adultery, incest, bestiality, and male gay sex
No Blasphemy
Can't eat live animals
Justice to enforce rules fairly

Also to note the Westminster Synagogue seem to be a pretty liberal synagogue. In the US the liberal branch of Judaism has approved of gay marriage. So they, if they wish, could get married in a religious manner if they so choose.

I'm waiting for Tatsuma's head to explode after that.
 
2009-03-01 07:42:46 PM  
Get a life!
 
2009-03-01 07:49:13 PM  

mavrickatubc: Pics, damnit: glory days hole picks! Thread is usless without! USELESS!


FTFY
 
2009-03-01 07:50:45 PM  
Cocaine is a hell of a diet drug, isn't it? She's nothing but skin and bones and (fake) boobs now.
 
2009-03-01 07:51:08 PM  
No lobster? That's a dealbreaker, I'll never be a Jew.
 
2009-03-01 08:10:59 PM  
 
2009-03-01 08:20:21 PM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Haven't the Jews suffered enough?


HAH! That's gold, right there. :D
 
2009-03-01 08:26:55 PM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Haven't the Jews suffered enough?


Yes that definitely made me chuckle softly to myself.
 
2009-03-01 08:55:38 PM  

ohnonotfloridaagain: Tr0mBoNe

the security tag was still attached to that dress (new window)


Yeah, that was the point of the thread where I was introduced to that pic. I'll let that one pass because it was a photo shoot at a store opening.

The ankle bracelet one is priceless, though.

/right click
//save as
///fap
 
2009-03-01 09:13:17 PM  
robbiedo: We don't want her. You can't become a Jew. You are a Jew only if your mother is a Jew.

... That's not true.

Unless, you are tortured by a Jewish mother, you aren't really a Jew, unless you are just converting for the jokes.

//Of course, I know you can "convert," but really does that make you Jewish any more than taking too many tanning pills makes you black? (for you young'ns, refer to the movie Soul Man)


From the sound of it, I'm going to bet that a chai bracelet, a birthright trip or two, high holidays at the local "temple" and a subscription to Heeb is about your only connection to Judaism in the first place. For shame.

When I went to Temple as a kid, I really don't recall the idea of "Hell" being talked about. I don't really think the Jews are real big on the concept.

Well gee, spot on. Yes, Hell is definitely a Jewish concept. You should look into our own religion and History, it's great. Go to an Orthodox Shul some day.

Keeping Kosher was more about dietary health than a "religious" belief.

It's not more physically healthy to eat Kosher food than non-Kosher food.

Pentaxian: I'm waiting for Tatsuma's head to explode after that.

Why would my head explode? Even if she "converts" reform, she's not going to be Jewish, and if she wants to convert to Orthodoxy, fine, she'll be as Jewish as any of us, but yeah, I doubt she'd have the commitment. Breaking up with her girlfriend and all the rest of the commitments she'd have to take on, etc.
 
2009-03-01 09:40:19 PM  
I was trying to figure out if robbiedo was the biggest dumbass in the thread, but then Tatsuma came in with this: "Even if she "converts" reform, she's not going to be Jewish."

Why don't you both go fark each other, because you are both clearly into religious dick fights.

If Lohan wants to convert, Mazel Tov. And if she converts and has a stable relationship with Ronson, Mazel Tov.

Just so long as she eats a sammich -- I'd suggest chopped liver on rye.
 
2009-03-01 09:41:14 PM  
Skin and bones with fake boobs are OK for me.
 
2009-03-01 09:51:30 PM  
RoyBatty: but then Tatsuma came in with this: "Even if she "converts" reform, she's not going to be Jewish."

... and I'm right.

Do you really think that a coked-up lesbian actress who eats non-Kosher suddenly becomes Jewish if she learns the Alef Beis, gives a donation to a Rabbi and goes to "temple" once a year in order to please her girlfriend?

That's not what Judaism is about. Judaism is about following the Torah. The Torah is about following the Mitzvos. These mitzvos go directly against her lifestyle as a whole. As I said, if she wants to change all of that and convert for real, that's fine with me, but what she's doing ain't converting. It's just playing jewish.
 
2009-03-01 09:55:06 PM  
Came in for the jewish lesbian jokes, left disappointed.
 
2009-03-01 09:59:38 PM  
Tatsuma, I don't know you, and I don't know Lohan. I have no idea who the "better Jew" would be. And I don't give a shiat. I know the better Jew has nothing to do with whether you're a Reform or Orthodox Jew.

I find your posts interesting, but according to your superficial logic, you would assume Bernie Madoff and Jack Abramoff to be better Jews than Lohan. I have to hope you see how bullshiat that is.

So take the Jewish dickfights and shove them.

(And I have no reason whatsoever to think that if she converted she would not do so "for real".)
 
2009-03-01 10:26:24 PM  
RoyBatty: I have no idea who the "better Jew" would be.

You could have stopped there, because first you admit you have no idea what you're talking about but then you still express your opinion. There's the whole "Better to stay silent and thought of as ignorant than open your mouth and prove it", you know.


but according to your superficial logic, you would assume Bernie Madoff and Jack Abramoff to be better Jews than Lohan. I have to hope you see how bullshiat that is.

No, my opinion is "Madoff and Abramoff are Jews and Lohan isn't". De facto, they are "better Jews", whatever that means, because they are compared to a non-Jew. That's like saying "would you really say that a rotten, worm-filled apple is a better fruit than a shiny wheel?"... well, yeah.

And it's not "my superificial logic", that's Jewish thinking and legal opinion for the last 3,300 years.

You admit yourself you're ignorant on the topic, so how about you let Jews debate this within our community and you don't try to wedge yourself in a discussion you yourself admit know nothing about?
 
2009-03-01 10:32:23 PM  
Tatsuma, you dipshiat, I am just as Jewish as you are. And if Lohan converts, so is she. Just as Jewish as you.

And if Lohan converts, she is instantly a better Jew than Madoff or Ambramoff.

When I say "I have no idea who the better Jew would be", that's not a statement about my ignorance or lack of Jewishness. It's a statement that your assumptions and your dickfight are nonsense and based on nonsense and based on nothing you could possibly know.

You should offer her your support and shut the fark up.
 
2009-03-01 10:43:07 PM  
That last post sounded more cranky than I meant it to be, sorry about that, I blame that on a very uncomfortable chair and really long day.

RoyBatty: I am just as Jewish as you are.

Forgot about that, sorry. Wouldn't you agree, though, that the whole "Who is a Jew" should stay a communal one? There's plenty of non-Jews on Fark who argue with me about who's a Jew and who isn't, which is why I said that to begin with.

And if Lohan converts, she is instantly a better Jew than Madoff or Ambramoff.

And I acknowledged that, I said if she converted sincerely, yeah, sure.

It's a statement that your assumptions are nonsense and based on nonsense and based on nothing you could possibly know.

Torah and Judaism are what makes Jews to begin with. My assumptions are based on the Torah and Judaism as a whole. We are discussing who is a Jew, a Jew being a Jew because of the communal acceptance of Torah. I'm fairly sure it's relevant.

You should offer her your support

as I said:

Tatsuma: and if she wants to convert to Orthodoxy, fine, she'll be as Jewish as any of us

As I said, if she wants to change all of that and convert for real, that's fine with me
 
2009-03-01 10:47:01 PM  

Tatsuma: Tatsuma: and if she wants to convert to Orthodoxy, fine, she'll be as Jewish as any of us


Fail.

Have a goodnight.
 
2009-03-01 10:50:59 PM  
RoyBatty: Fail.

So you're saying that someone who converts through Orthodox Judaism isn't as Jewish as any of us?

Goodnight as well
 
2009-03-01 10:51:09 PM  

Tatsuma: Forgot about that, sorry. Wouldn't you agree, though, that the whole "Who is a Jew" should stay a communal one?


If she's accepted by a synagogue and recognized as a convert, then I would say the community has in fact done so.
 
2009-03-01 11:07:14 PM  

Belltower: If she's accepted by a synagogue and recognized as a convert, then I would say the community has in fact done so


I thought all you had to do was ignore the New Testament.
 
2009-03-01 11:44:12 PM  
RoyBatty
Tatsuma, I don't know you, and I don't know Lohan. I have no idea who the "better Jew" would be. And I don't give a shiat. I know the better Jew has nothing to do with whether you're a Reform or Orthodox Jew.

I find your posts interesting, but according to your superficial logic, you would assume Bernie Madoff and Jack Abramoff to be better Jews than Lohan. I have to hope you see how bullshiat that is.


Amen to that. I'm sick of this "not Jewish enough" crap from the Orthodox.

There are other branches of Judaism besides your own, Tatsuma. Deal with it.
 
2009-03-02 12:19:40 AM  
Belltower: If she's accepted by a synagogue and recognized as a convert, then I would say the community has in fact done so.

There are Jews who run synagogues where they accept xianity so according to you this is perfectly kosher?


MeanJean: I'm sick of this "not Jewish enough" crap from the Orthodox.

It's not "Not Jewish enough", it's "Jewish or not". It's all or nothing.

There are other branches of Judaism besides your own, Tatsuma. Deal with it.

People from those branches split off from the mainstream, formed their own movements and rejected the Torah. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't stop believing in Torah but ask that your opinion and changes on it be respected by people who still follow it.
 
2009-03-02 12:21:30 AM  

Tatsuma: It's not "Not Jewish enough", it's "Jewish or not". It's all or nothing


Sure there is. "Not Jewish enough" would be a like a second unit director, as opposed to a studio exec.
 
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