But is Jesus a Pirate or a Ninja?

How about more of a comedy? Say "Jesusshack", or "The Life of Jesus".

jake_lex 2009-02-28 01:13:31 PM If the headline is a shot at "The Passion of the Christ", I like it. That movie was ecumenical torture porn. What fundies who thought it was going to ignite a new Awakening didn't realize was that that's not the way to get Jesus' message out there. The whole "JESUS SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS!" thing doesn't really work when you don't explain why.
===========================

Because it doesn't make sense! Remember the poster that says this: The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father who can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

It's because christianity is retarded. :)

jake_lex: If the headline is a shot at "The Passion of the Christ", I like it. That movie was ecumenical torture porn.

What fundies who thought it was going to ignite a new Awakening didn't realize was that that's not the way to get Jesus' message out there. The whole "JESUS SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS!" thing doesn't really work when you don't explain why.


And they said snuff films don't exist. Mel Gibson proved them wrong.

Sarcastica75: The Passion of the Christ II: The Second Coming. Got Wood?

Passion of the Christ II: Resurrection Boogaloo

/tm

It's actually a reboot of the New Testament. Here's an exclusive scene from the movie, where we can see Jesus walk on water.

illuminaeti: It's actually a reboot of the New Testament. Here's an exclusive scene from the movie, where we can see Jesus walk on water.




/holy hotlinks, batman

Anybody else read the headline as "New Jersey movie"?

/super-confused

jake_lex: If the headline is a shot at "The Passion of the Christ", I like it. That movie was ecumenical torture porn.



I dunno. I liked funny goofing around Jesus in the Mary flashbacks. Maybe a movie about that, with his friends, oh, and maybe preaching?

/or Jesus steals second and scores on the next pitch against Mariano.

OtherLittleGuy: jake_lex: If the headline is a shot at "The Passion of the Christ", I like it. That movie was ecumenical torture porn.



I dunno. I liked funny goofing around Jesus in the Mary flashbacks. Maybe a movie about that, with his friends, oh, and maybe preaching?


Was there also a blooper reel?

So I've been wondering this. Would Jesus have been good in bed? I mean he's the son of God so you have to assume he would be good at everything, but then he's got that whole gentle thing going and let's face it sometimes you gotta rattle things around a little. Not to mention most women I know like something a little deviant and I just don't think that's how J would roll. Thoughts?

Lampmonster: So I've been wondering this. Would Jesus have been good in bed? I mean he's the son of God so you have to assume he would be good at everything, but then he's got that whole gentle thing going and let's face it sometimes you gotta rattle things around a little. Not to mention most women I know like something a little deviant and I just don't think that's how J would roll. Thoughts?

Why would you assume the son of the guy who made the platypus was good at everything?

/OK, cheap shot, I know.

jake3988:
Because it doesn't make sense! Remember the poster that says this: The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father who can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.


We laugh at Scientology beliefs, but is it really any less retarded than this?

Lampmonster: So I've been wondering this. Would Jesus have been good in bed? I mean he's the son of God so you have to assume he would be good at everything, but then he's got that whole gentle thing going and let's face it sometimes you gotta rattle things around a little. Not to mention most women I know like something a little deviant and I just don't think that's how J would roll. Thoughts?

I'm betting he was a vanilla, missionary-style loving lump. It takes a little evil to really get things rolling in bed.

Makh: Lampmonster: So I've been wondering this. Would Jesus have been good in bed? I mean he's the son of God so you have to assume he would be good at everything, but then he's got that whole gentle thing going and let's face it sometimes you gotta rattle things around a little. Not to mention most women I know like something a little deviant and I just don't think that's how J would roll. Thoughts?

I heard he got nailed a couple of times.

He was also hung on the cross.

/Rimshot

As someone who went to Catholic high, but isn't a practicing Cath, all I can say is that I like The Passion.

What I don't get is why it is fair game to bash the hell out of that movie or that religon yet you say a negative word about a jew and they flip out. Respect each other's religons, or lack there of. Do you realize how arrogant and blowhardy it is to go off about someone's beliefs? You assume they haven't thought them out and in doing so you're an asshole.

jake_lex: The whole "JESUS SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS!" thing doesn't really work when you don't explain why.

What really bothered me was all these people nearly foaming at the mouth in extacy about how they love Jesus and seeing how he suffered. In other words, they love him and love watching him be tortured. Why, no there's nothing the least bit psychologically abnormal about that.

10,000 internet dollars says that we're going to see a rise in the amount of small businesses that put jesus and religious symbols on their products.

WhyteRaven74: jake_lex: The whole "JESUS SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS!" thing doesn't really work when you don't explain why.

What really bothered me was all these people nearly foaming at the mouth in extacy about how they love Jesus and seeing how he suffered. In other words, they love him and love watching him be tortured. Why, no there's nothing the least bit psychologically abnormal about that.

My favorite:

Guy- Do you believe in God?
Me- No.
Guy- But you DO believe that Jesus Christ is your lord and savior, right?
Me- :::facepalm:::

Pfft... I know how it ends...

Dirty Hot Linker: Me- :::facepalm:::

Ow, ow, ow my brains. Some people are just beyond help. Like what part of "no" didn't he understand?

THIS is what we need more of.....
a GIS for unicorn Jesus yields all kinds of insane

I mean, for the love of Christ can someone explain this to me ? :

GimpyNip:

What I don't get is why it is fair game to bash the hell out of that movie or that religon yet you say a negative word about a jew and they flip out.

Yes. No one makes Jew jokes. Especially not Jews.

who can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh

Wrong. Maybe the Protestants eat a symbol but the Roman Catholics practice full-on cannibalism. That ain't a cookie and that ain't wine, not after transubstantiation. You're sucking down the body and the blood. The real deal. It's Night of the Living Christ, not some wishy-washy Protty game of let's pretend.

The "miracle" of transubstantiation is the second most farked-up thing in the religion game, outdone only by original sin. It should be a capital offense to tell a child that he or she was born with sin.

Epossumondas: OtherLittleGuy: jake_lex: If the headline is a shot at "The Passion of the Christ", I like it. That movie was ecumenical torture porn.



I dunno. I liked funny goofing around Jesus in the Mary flashbacks. Maybe a movie about that, with his friends, oh, and maybe preaching?


Was there also a blooper reel?


"CUT! CUT everybody! Jesus, I said WINE damnit, not Coors."

Ashtrey: How about more of a comedy? Say "Jesusshack", or "The Life of Jesus".

Oh man they should do this. Make it perfectly serious, but every so often throw Graham Chapman in the background graffiting walls, or being chased by a worshipful mob.

I think it could be like Passion of the Christ without that thing that has the big ball with pointy things tied on the sticks? I stopped watching at that part and picked up at almost the end when I said "Suck it, Roman soldiers - this is what you get for killing Jesus".

ninjakirby: Ashtrey: How about more of a comedy? Say "Jesusshack", or "The Life of Jesus".

Oh man they should do this. Make it perfectly serious, but every so often throw Graham Chapman in the background graffiting walls, or being chased by a worshipful mob.

I'd like to see a scene of Jesus on the cross singing "I'm alright, don't nobody worry 'bout me! Seriously though, don't worry, not only will I be back in a few days but I'm actually God so dying really isn't a big thing. You all have to be eternally grateful for my "sacrifice" though"

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff (Christ's Childhood Pal)

Jesus movie I'd like to see.

RainbowDarck: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff (Christ's Childhood Pal)

Jesus movie I'd like to see.

Ditto. But could it ever really live up to the book?

100 Watt Walrus: RainbowDarck: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff (Christ's Childhood Pal)

Jesus movie I'd like to see.

Ditto. But could it ever really live up to the book?

if done right, I think it would make a great movie.

unfortunately all the Christians would be in a complete outrage over Joshua being.. my god HUMANIZED, and how DARE they point out all the connections of his teachings with middle eastern, and south Asian philosophies!?

I would love to see a movie made from the book, however, I think if they tried, Pat Robertson would issue a fatwa if they tried

GimpyNip: As someone who went to Catholic high, but isn't a practicing Cath, all I can say is that I like The Passion.

What I don't get is why it is fair game to bash the hell out of that movie or that religon yet you say a negative word about a jew and they flip out. Respect each other's religons, or lack there of. Do you realize how arrogant and blowhardy it is to go off about someone's beliefs? You assume they haven't thought them out and in doing so you're an asshole.

It's terrible how christians are oppressed in the western world.

jake3988: The whole "JESUS SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS!" thing doesn't really work when you don't explain why.

Is there anyone on this hemisphere who hasn't heard the whole spiel by now? Come on.

le mew

jake3988: The whole "JESUS SUFFERED AND DIED FOR YOUR SINS!" thing doesn't really work when you don't explain why.

Is there anyone on this hemisphere who hasn't heard the whole spiel by now? Come on.

Given the way some Christians keep going on about it, you'd think not.

The highlight will be when Jesus and his disciples have a dance-off with the Romans.

The name 'Jesus Chainsaw Massacre' never fails to make me belly laugh.