FARK.com: (4237631) Man partied and had sex with lots of women at work. Which might be cool if he wasn't working at the morgue

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		Man partied and had sex with lots of women at work. Which might be cool if he wasn't working at the morgue (news.cincinnati.com)		161
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Confabulat		2009-02-27 07:53:09 AM

Give the guy a break. I work the graveyard shift too, and you have to do SOMETHING to stay awake.

I.M.APseudonym		2009-02-27 07:59:01 AM

Necrophilia:

Lay back and crack open a cold one.

/aisle seat please.

DslainteC		2009-02-27 08:21:05 AM

What do you expect him to do when he has a stiffy?

tin_man		2009-02-27 08:22:25 AM

It's not like he traumatized those women.

Sybarite		2009-02-27 08:27:28 AM

"I am sure there are more (victims). I'm certain of it," Deters said Thursday in announcing new indictments against Douglas.

Okay it's farked-up and all, but victims, really? They're just dead slabs of meat. I can understand why it's illegal from a public health perspective, but it's not like he violated a person.

pnjunction		2009-02-27 08:31:41 AM

"It's fair to say they were devastated by this news," Deters said. "I feel badly for the families who are never going to know."

I don't know...a big part of me thinks they're better off not knowing.

nekom		2009-02-27 08:31:44 AM

Sybarite: Okay it's farked-up and all, but victims, really? They're just dead slabs of meat. I can understand why it's illegal from a public health perspective, but it's not like he violated a person.

The family members of the deceased would probably disagree. Dignity and all that.

benlonghair		2009-02-27 08:32:38 AM

Corpse Phukker by Desert Rain (A Waltz) (new window)

I know these guys. Yes, they are that wierd. And scary looking.

Gulper Eel		2009-02-27 08:34:37 AM

nekom: The family members of the deceased would probably disagree. Dignity and all that.

Indeed. You don't want to be at the funeral thinking "wow, Gram looks so peaceful" but knowing too many details as to why.

Mr. Coffee Nerves		2009-02-27 08:38:15 AM

Hey, if this guy wants to have sex with someone who just lies there I'll set him up with my wife! Wakka-wakka!

Ok, seriously, tho, I think I'm with pnjunction on this one -- I'm not sure how it's going to help to have the cops come to my door and say "Um, hey...remember your grandma who died last year? Yeah...well...the morgue attendant took her to the prom."
"NO! Not Nana!"
"Yeah, she was about three weeks deep when this guy earned his 'Brown Badge of Courage,' if you know what I mean. Oh well, enjoy your newly-opened mental wounds!"

And I see from the article that he banged a nearly decapitated body AND the body of a dead pregnant woman. On an academic level one has to respect a guy who will actually require the invention of new terms for his fetishes.

GoDawgs!		2009-02-27 08:48:31 AM

Girl, I think you're so sexy, sexy, sexy
Cold blooded
What more can I say, sexy, sexy, sexy
Cold blooded

I_Love_Verdi		2009-02-27 08:48:44 AM

This makes the guy who was banging his patio furniture seem kinda normal.

Sybarite		2009-02-27 09:03:09 AM

nekom: Sybarite: Okay it's farked-up and all, but victims, really? They're just dead slabs of meat. I can understand why it's illegal from a public health perspective, but it's not like he violated a person.

The family members of the deceased would probably disagree. Dignity and all that.

See, I've never gotten all the corpse reverence. Quite frankly, I could care less what you do with my body or any of my relatives once we're dead. I've already offered mine to medical research so maybe somebody can get some good out of it.

benlonghair		2009-02-27 09:16:36 AM

Sybarite: Quite frankly, I could care less what you do with my body or any of my relatives once we're dead.

My family knows that I'll be pissed if my body is left with usable tissues and buried/burned. I mean seriously, if I'm dead, and I have spare parts people can use, sell me as a parts body.

Tprpa412		2009-02-27 09:26:05 AM

GoDawgs!: Girl, I think you're so sexy, sexy, sexy
Cold blooded
What more can I say, sexy, sexy, sexy
Cold blooded

My keyboard was an mx3200. I believe you can find it on Amazon.

labman		2009-02-27 09:26:35 AM

Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton would be so proud.

tin_man		2009-02-27 09:30:32 AM

LOVE BROKERS!!

Ranger Joe		2009-02-27 09:46:03 AM

Love means never having to say you're sorry, but necrophilia means never having to say anything at all.

slayer199		2009-02-27 10:12:31 AM

It's probably the only way he could get buttsecks from a female.

How can you have sex with a cold body...that's just pretty whacked.

Diogenes		2009-02-27 10:15:50 AM

labman: Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton would be so proud.

Boy are you dating yourself! (and me by extension)

Diogenes		2009-02-27 10:17:22 AM

But if Douglas is to be believed, he could have had sex with as many as "over a hundred" bodies in the 16 years he worked as night attendant at the Hamilton County morgue.

Talk about rigor!

Lt. Cheese Weasel		2009-02-27 10:32:30 AM

One thing I miss is Cold Ethyl and her skeleton kiss
We met last night making love under the refrigerator light
Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms

One thing
No lie
Ethyl's frigid as an eskimo pie
She's cool in bed
Well she oughta be 'cuz Ethyl's dead

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come on Cold Ethyl
Freeze me babe

One thing - it's true
Cold Ethyl I am stuck on you
And everything is my way
Ethyl don't have much to say

Ethyl Ethyl let me squeeze you in my arms
Ethyl Ethyl come and freeze me with your charms
Come here Cold Ethyl
What makes you so cold? Ooh so cold
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
Cold Ethyl
Cold Cold Ethyl
If I live 'til ninety-seven
You'll still be waiting in refrigerator heaven
'cuz you're cool
You're on ice
Cold Ethyl
You're my paradise

IEatANimaLs		2009-02-27 10:33:29 AM

Sybarite: nekom: Sybarite: Okay it's farked-up and all, but victims, really? They're just dead slabs of meat. I can understand why it's illegal from a public health perspective, but it's not like he violated a person.

The family members of the deceased would probably disagree. Dignity and all that.

See, I've never gotten all the corpse reverence. Quite frankly, I could care less what you do with my body or any of my relatives once we're dead. I've already offered mine to medical research so maybe somebody can get some good out of it.

So you're ok with us cutting off your kawk and balls, shoving them in the mouth of your severed head, and sending it to your daughter?

/Where's the line, for chrissakes?
??I keed

tommyboy923		2009-02-27 10:33:36 AM

"Cool, she squirted!"

MrBurns		2009-02-27 10:33:45 AM

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?"

vernonFL		2009-02-27 10:35:11 AM

I_Love_Verdi: This makes the guy who was banging his patio furniture seem kinda normal.

Or, Remember the guy who farked a dead dog in front of the daycare center?

Son of Thunder		2009-02-27 10:35:34 AM

nekom: The family members of the deceased would probably disagree. Dignity and all that.

Dignity? Boy are you at the wrong website.

Fark-N-Noodle		2009-02-27 10:36:08 AM

Why do all of my good stories always begin with....this one time when i was real messed up I, etc.

One helluva drug. All of them.

yequalsy		2009-02-27 10:36:20 AM

Sandra Larson is unimpressed.

schadenfreudian		2009-02-27 10:37:11 AM

Bleck		2009-02-27 10:37:24 AM

Voltaire approves

necropoultryac		2009-02-27 10:37:43 AM

At least three of those women were dead, Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters said Thursday.

He farked the cast from "The View"?

IEatANimaLs		2009-02-27 10:37:44 AM

Another possible problem-
www.artprints.com

Tharsis		2009-02-27 10:37:45 AM

As disgusting as this is, there was no victim in this "crime". Publicly shame him and then let him go.

TIASA		2009-02-27 10:37:49 AM

schadenfreudian		2009-02-27 10:37:56 AM

These guys don't see the problem:

StarshipPooper		2009-02-27 10:38:01 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Hey, if this guy wants to have sex with someone who just lies there I'll set him up with my wife! Wakka-wakka!

Ok, seriously, tho, I think I'm with pnjunction on this one -- I'm not sure how it's going to help to have the cops come to my door and say "Um, hey...remember your grandma who died last year? Yeah...well...the morgue attendant took her to the prom."
"NO! Not Nana!"
"Yeah, she was about three weeks deep when this guy earned his 'Brown Badge of Courage,' if you know what I mean. Oh well, enjoy your newly-opened mental wounds!"

And I see from the article that he banged a nearly decapitated body AND the body of a dead pregnant woman. On an academic level one has to respect a guy who will actually require the invention of new terms for his fetishes.

Reminds me of a killing several years ago. These two guys happened upon a couple making out in a car. They killed both them of them at point blank with a rifle. They shot both of them in the head. Don't remember the type of rifle but it took a chunk of the girls head off. They leave. Then one of the guys goes back and takes the dead but still warm girl out of the car and screws her a few times. That's how they caught him, from his spunk and other physical evidence left at the scene.

Caesar1313		2009-02-27 10:38:11 AM

If he's gonna be diddling the corpses you think he would at least stay clear of the murder victims. It's no surprise people are gonna be scouring over the body to find clues and find his cheesey poof fingerprints and love goo all over it.

drjekel_mrhyde		2009-02-27 10:38:25 AM

So the corpse was ripe for arse farking
/Old Yahoo messageboard troll joke

trappedspirit		2009-02-27 10:38:45 AM

Nothing that a hot-plate® couldn't fix

ZachF81		2009-02-27 10:39:14 AM

I wonder how something like this progresses:

At first, maybe a hot chick was rolled in, no gross injury or anything, just a peaceful death in her sleep of some sort. So he snuck a peak. A few weeks later, similar case. Again, he sneaks a peak. "What can it hurt?" he thinks to himself.

I can imagine this lasted for at least a year or so, sneaking peaks when he could. Eventually he must have gotten turned on just a bit too much. Maybe he progressed to fapping. This phase probably lasted a few years, as well. Eventually though, this lead to the next step. There are many Farkers I could see following the same sequence of events.

TIASA		2009-02-27 10:39:25 AM

schadenfreudian

I like the cut of your jib

AbbeySomeone		2009-02-27 10:39:29 AM

That article was disgusting, but there are so may posts that are hilarious. I feel conflicted.

schadenfreudian		2009-02-27 10:39:46 AM

Last one. I hope it isn't too much:

Xlr8urfark		2009-02-27 10:39:52 AM

Obligatory

GreatNOD		2009-02-27 10:39:52 AM

Oooo another chance to post this...

So this mortician is working and his assistant comes in and says, "I got a problem with Mrs. Kubiak. She has a shrimp hanging out of her pussy."
Surprised, the mortician says, "She has a what?"
The assistant replies making a gesture pointing downwards, "She has a shrimp hanging out of her pussy."
The mortician, throughout his career, has never seen anything like that before. So they both go down the stairs to the morgue.
There's Mrs. Kubiak dead, naked and lying on a metal table. The assistant rushes over and says, "See, right there," pointing excitedly, "a shrimp hanging out of her pussy!"
The mortician looks confused and eventually says, "Uh...no, that's the woman's clitoris."
The assistant replies, "Oooohhhh... Well, it tastes like shrimp."

Balrog1		2009-02-27 10:40:12 AM

wilde_at_heart		2009-02-27 10:41:03 AM

Approves

/hotlinked

benlonghair		2009-02-27 10:41:50 AM

ZachF81: I wonder how something like this progresses:

I dont' know if it makes me sick, but I can see this happening.

farm machine		2009-02-27 10:41:56 AM

Pedophiles generally must keep a certain distance from schools, playgrounds, parks and other areas children tend to congregate. Will the legal system require this Douglas individual to keep away from nursing homes, cemetaries, funeral homes and other areas dead people tend to congregate?

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