FARK.com: (423038) Man battles middle-age by cultivating acne

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(The Blue Brick)		Man battles middle-age by cultivating acne (thebluebrick.net)		46
		More: Satire

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4082 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2003 at 5:24 AM | Favorite | share:

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bump		2003-01-30 03:44:22 PM

Uh, is this unusual? I'm almost 41 and have been plagued by the occasional fleshy volcano...

I used to get them on my chest - where you could just let them grow. I'd cultivate one til it was briming with puss like goodness...warm it up in the shower, dry the skin for good traction....and I could hit the bathroom mirror from 3' away with an explosion of red, white & clear fluids that would make Jackson Pollack envious.

Sudie		2003-01-30 05:21:16 PM

Sudie		2003-01-30 05:22:57 PM

Thank you, Bump, for that graphic image of you and your battle with your explosive chest zit. You owe me a new keyboard. ;)

paradoxflux		2003-01-30 11:54:10 PM

Ah how the internet propells forward the arts of man and elevates the human spirit.

leshik		2003-01-31 05:27:18 AM

hahah that is so gross i don't know where to begin

spiralscratch		2003-01-31 05:27:37 AM

is it just me, or are most of the satire sites on the net really not that funny?

FifthColumn		2003-01-31 05:27:52 AM

Satire stopped being funny when Reagan got re-elected.

sheilanagig		2003-01-31 05:28:37 AM

It's not just you. They seem to have gone the same direction as Saturday Night Live.

ivory7th		2003-01-31 05:28:57 AM

Hrmm...I was just wondering how many total fark memberships Drew scored in the link-lull we just finished?

You can't make me!! NEVAAAR!!!

FifthColumn		2003-01-31 05:36:00 AM

Ivory7th: It is safe to assume that for every "normal" Farker, Drew has netted 4.5 Total Farkers. Now at the safe assumption of 55,000 regular Farkers that means there is a total of 247,500 Total Farkers. Ergo, Drew nets $1,472,625.00 a month. So, you see, it isn't because he wants us to switch over to Total Fark, it's that he's too busy rolling around on a giant pile of cash-money, scheming about ways to invest his fortune and such.

Rumbleminz		2003-01-31 05:46:08 AM

Since it's doubtful any new threads will be appearing soon, here's a question for any Kazaa users. I was downloading the Eels today, and came across an audio file entitled "Keep your Reciept" by the Cobalt Party Revolution. Apparently, upwards of 90 users have the file, yet when you download it, Windows prompts an installation so you can hear it (something about information being sent to a database).

My tin-foil theory is the RIAA is dropping beacons. Anyone?

Apparent Nuisance		2003-01-31 05:51:02 AM

: My vehement advice is to not install anything that makes you suspicious.

Apparent Nuisance		2003-01-31 05:52:25 AM

God damn it. That was for you, Rumpleminz, though my HTML went to hell.

ivory7th		2003-01-31 06:05:42 AM

in-ter-es-ting....

(assuming the bullshiat position)

Where are these statistics??

When I get reincarnated I want to be a Drew....

/wants totalfark but works at Macca's

DjArcas		2003-01-31 06:06:39 AM

RumbleMinz - no, just that some idiot encoded it using WMV with digital rights protection. Just click the link and get a license. Idiotic, isn't it?

Rumbleminz		2003-01-31 06:07:56 AM

ApparentNuisance:

The air of suspicion is how I operate my computer, I scanned and deleted the file after the prompt. I'm just interested in what's really in the file, shiat just don't add up.

DjArcas		2003-01-31 06:08:02 AM

Ivory7th - you're from Sydney, aren't you? :-)

ivory7th		2003-01-31 06:08:34 AM

(Macca's as in McDonalds, for the benefit of you Yankees)

ivory7th		2003-01-31 06:17:28 AM

Lol DjArcas...one and a half hours drive, actually. But in relative terms, close enough.

And the only thing I know about Guildford is that Ford Prefect (supposedly) comes from there. I guess Americans aren't the only ones ignorant of other cultures. *sigh*

(has nothing against Americans, really)

Sebas		2003-01-31 06:38:54 AM

Ha, I live 20 minutes from Guildford.

(What, different continent you say?)

DjArcas		2003-01-31 07:24:44 AM

Ivory - 'Maccas' is *such* a Sydney thang. Even though I adopted it... no-one has any idea what I'm on about.

Sebas - which Guildford is that?

DjArcas		2003-01-31 07:25:29 AM

Er, Sebas you twit, I live in the Guildford in the Uk, same as you. Well, I WORK there. I live 20 miles away. *worried now*

Goatman264		2003-01-31 07:27:07 AM

Bump Is funnier than most threads, but not this one:

www.worldwidewebshiate.com

If the Fark filter attacks it, the last word is schytt, but spelt properly and with an "e" on the end.

Goatman264		2003-01-31 07:28:00 AM

Yes - as I thought. Just remove the "a" from "shiate".

FifthColumn		2003-01-31 07:30:50 AM

Nice try, but your lack of respect for The Filter is quite disturbing.

MisterSpim		2003-01-31 07:32:56 AM

shiat.

Goatman264		2003-01-31 07:33:40 AM

No more heroes
Kill your idols
The Filter is not my god.

Goatman264		2003-01-31 07:34:25 AM

punk r0x0rz 4 1337!!!!!!!1111

Sebas		2003-01-31 07:46:31 AM

Great DJ, now if you tell me you live in woking I'll have to move.

Goatman264		2003-01-31 07:58:10 AM

What is a woking? It is something to do with Chinese food?

DjArcas		2003-01-31 07:59:19 AM

I live in Woking.

MOVE!

Sebas		2003-01-31 08:05:34 AM

I'll pack my bags and move to somewhere else then, I'm thinking about aldershot. Ever heard of that place?

BTW. A woking is a traditional nepalees cooking device where they place the head of a goat on a stake in a hot, steamy oven for several weeks.

Goatman264		2003-01-31 08:09:31 AM

I used to think Woking was a schytthole, but then I went there.

Sebas		2003-01-31 08:16:14 AM

Uhm, and that made you change your mind?

How drunk were you?

Goatman264		2003-01-31 08:21:43 AM

I didn't say anything about changing my mind.

I regard it as slightly below Luton and Felixstowe in the "Places I'd really like to not live" stakes.

FifthColumn		2003-01-31 08:42:27 AM

No more heroes
Kill your idols
The Filter is not my god.

You wouldn't say that if The Filter was here.

DjArcas		2003-01-31 09:03:14 AM

I've only been to Woking train station :)

Goatman264		2003-01-31 09:06:19 AM

You wouldn't say that if my dad was here.

Ishkur		2003-01-31 09:25:03 AM

Y'know, part of what makes The Onion funnier is that they actually have photos accomodating their stories. And they don't look like crude photoshops either, but actual legitimate photos.

That would really come in handy in an article like this.

But alas, there is not one. Alas, I did not laugh.

canadianbeersux		2003-01-31 09:33:59 AM

Who the hell keeps submitting satire thinking this drivel is funny?

It troubles me that there was someone ammused enough by that to go through the process of submitting a link.

RussionRouletteWithACapgun		2003-01-31 09:37:41 AM

i submit crap like this all the time...and NOTHING

smails		2003-01-31 09:58:22 AM

So, pictures make a story funny? I think writing makes a story funny, and I think this one is funny.

Satire haters, please just don't click on the "satire" links.