FARK.com: Blog (Drew): Headlines Of The Week - plus Drew on why MSM needs to run full bios for every passenger any time there's a plane crash. And more

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Headlines Of The Week - plus Drew on why MSM needs to run full bios for every passenger any time there's a plane crash. And more
Posted by Drew at 2009-02-16 12:47:08 PM, edited 2009-02-16 2:30:02 PM (38 comments) | Permalink

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Thanks to everyone who's attended a 10th anniversary Fark Party so far. I was pretty hung over after Lexington. I blame Twitch from Z103, that bastard said if we did shots nothing could go wrong. Next one is in DC this weekend, everyone is welcome. I'll be there too although I'll be in rough shape.

So what did we miss this week?

It's not Fark it's News: Chavez won his elections down in Venezuela, likely meaning at least 6 more years of him harassing the US - provided the price of oil stays high enough to finance his shenanigans. Currently it's too low, which explains the lack of Chavez action lately. Also, the Obama administration is attempting to pass a fiscal bailout package. It's so large and complicated that no one understands it entirely and no one knows if it will work.

It's not Fark it's News (Kinda): A plane crashed in Buffalo killing all aboard. Seems like MSM won't be content til it runs a biography for every person on board. While tragic, don't think for a minute that a bus crash would get the same kind of ongoing media coverage. Why? Planes fly, and our primitive monkey brains won't let us believe it's anything less than black magic keeping them in the air. Bus crashes don't involve black magic and are therefore less interesting.

Mainstream Media Bandwidth was mostly eaten up by Octomom and a touch of Michael Phelps. Octomom's got some legs tho, we're getting into Anna Nicole Smith territory as far as duration of media coverage of a pointless story goes. I see that today the "should we ban peanuts on airlines" articles are in the news again. We'll have peace in the Middle East before that one's settled. The nice thing about peanuts on planes is you can pretty much run that article any time of the year and it'll fly.

And now, the good stuff.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-02-08 to Sat 2009-02-14:

Woman may be incarserrated after throwing steak knives at husband

Two charged - in Bahama - for eating barbecued iguana. Radio....radio

Plane crashes in the Amazon River. Airline officials and rescue workers are still in denial

Teen arrested after ordering $37,000 worth of candy online and charging the bill to his former high school; cops say he will likely undergo a cavity search

W__oo__/\__oo__m__oo__\o/__oo__

Bishop arrested for taking two young boys up the chimney. For once, this is not a metaphor

Port Newark agents seize five million Sudafed pills, but only after bringing a cardboard picture of the pills to the dock and showing their ID, then they got the actual pills

Man shoots himself through the heart with nailgun to scare his fiancee, gives love a bad name

Our brains don't fail to be confused by statements which are not found to contain non-negative words. You didn't submit this with a worse headline, but mine didn't not get unredlit anyway

Study finds that it's easier to tell when men are interested in sex then it is to tell when women are. First sign a man is interested in sex: he is awake

Man arrested for smuggling coral through Oregon. Police charged him with possession of reefer

Sports:

A-Rod admits taking it in the butt

IRS discovers a hole in one of the tax returns of a professional golfer

Ten years ago, the Toronto Maple Leafs played their last game in legendary Maple Leaf Gardens. Nearing collapse, the once-proud fan favorite is almost in ruins. But enough about the team, the old building is in great condition

Geek:

Pong museum to open. Once you've seen the left wall and the right wall, that's about it

Georgia Tech researchers invent a vibrating glove for pianists. No....pianists

Scientists develop new silver nanoparticle printer ink with flexible electrical properties which may shatter previous threshold of what could be charged for printer ink

Showbiz:

Happy birthday to Christina Ricci. Subby would have said so in person, but she seems to have unchained herself from his radiator and escaped

George Lucas honored with Lincoln Medal at Ford's Theater reopening, insists that Abe shot first

Kevin Costner and wife give birth to baby boy. Labor took three hours, cost $150 million, and was panned by the critics

Politics:

Mahmoud Ahma... ahma... Ahma not gonna be President anymore, anyway

Citing the economic crisis, John McCain vows to win reelection. Sarah Palin reportedly thrilled at the chance to be elected Vice-Senator

Judd Gregg mustt havee taxx problemss

Business:

Nissan plans to slash 20,000 jobs. Everyone knew that the recession would affect Japanese car makers, but no one thought it would happen Datsun

Live Nation to acquire Ticketmaster for $2.5 billion, plus $700 million in convenience charges

Price war among lingerie producers raises hopes of getting panties more than half off

· · ·

(view entire blog)

38 Comments (+0 »)

Eat_At_Milliways		2009-02-16 02:34:20 PM

Drew == FAIL

tuna fingers		2009-02-16 02:34:37 PM

FAIL

Drew		2009-02-16 02:36:21 PM

Yeah yeah I'm still hung over, it's fixed now

(for those late to the party I didn't make the article visible, which helps for the reading)

Eat_At_Milliways		2009-02-16 02:38:25 PM

It's okay, I got over it

notq		2009-02-16 02:38:41 PM

Chavez won his elections down in Venezuela, likely meaning at least 6 more years of him harassing the US

Yeah, he certainly harasses the US by being Independent. If only he was a Dictator that did what we told him to, then he'd stop "harassing" us.

Go drink more and leave the politics to people who actually pay attention to the region.

/Did the US Harass him when we committed a coup against his Democratically elected government in 2002?

Drew		2009-02-16 02:38:50 PM

Me too

ahwahoo2006		2009-02-16 02:40:56 PM

DC party info:

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4183467

Please RSVP on the facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=46172120487

EIP for more details or directions or whatever.

Eat_At_Milliways		2009-02-16 02:41:56 PM

Now that I think about it fark this shiat, I don't pay good money to have you be hungover and asleep at the swi)@UEQDWFE()HE#*(Y$(*Q&Y)(8r029374r9a8HVCkoNO CARRIER

tricycleracer		2009-02-16 02:42:55 PM

Poor people ride buses.

UsikFark		2009-02-16 02:43:22 PM

Drew, Al Franken may be interested in your peanut plane idea. Beat that one into the ground.

notq		2009-02-16 02:43:46 PM

I guess in this case it's really the Venezuelan people who are harassing us...

At 9:35pm local time, with 94.2% of voted counted, Venezuela's National Electoral Council announced that Venezuelans had voted 54.4% to 45.6% in favor of a constitutional amendment to eliminate the two-term limit on all elected office.

Democracy is only important when we control the outcome?

UsikFark		2009-02-16 02:45:24 PM

tricycleracer: Poor people ride buses.

It's the limousine of the poor!

Tyrone Biggums		2009-02-16 02:45:54 PM

This one should be on the list, if just for the slip in the headline.

Darryl Strawberry wants today's players to know that his generation didn't need steroids. All they needed was cock and whores

cwolf20		2009-02-16 02:47:51 PM

cue the next line of airline food "Holistic". Guaranteed to make you focus on your inner self by starving you into a coma

notq		2009-02-16 02:49:55 PM

Obama on term limits - "I'm generally not in favor of term limits... I believe in one form of term limits. They're called elections."

H_is_for_Heretic		2009-02-16 02:57:33 PM

Yeah i hadn't thought about Chuck Mangione in a long time till that plane went down.

Unfreakable		2009-02-16 03:04:30 PM

George Lucas honored with Lincoln Medal at Ford's Theater reopening, insists that Abe shot first

My personal favorite this week. Well done, submitter.

dstanley		2009-02-16 03:16:11 PM

W__oo__/\__oo__m__oo__\o/__oo__

Unfreakable needs to file this away until December.

DammitIForgotMyLogin		2009-02-16 03:31:50 PM

dstanley: W__oo__/\__oo__m__oo__\o/__oo__

Unfreakable needs to file this away until December.

It doesn't fit the "has to be understandable before you read the article" criteria

sab6300		2009-02-16 03:50:47 PM

25 year old blind Oregon woman enjoys skydiving, says she knows when to pull the ripcord because the dog's leash goes slack

Not including the blind skydiver is a crime

Procedural Texture		2009-02-16 03:59:01 PM

Meh..."shot in heart with nailgun" was a repeat from October 2004:
Shot through the heart / and you're to blame / you give nailguns / a bad name (poppity)

TypoFlyspray		2009-02-16 04:00:00 PM

Drew: It's not Fark it's News (Kinda): A plane crashed in Buffalo killing all aboard. Seems like MSM won't be content til it runs a biography for every person on board. While tragic, don't think for a minute that a bus crash would get the same kind of ongoing media coverage. Why? Planes fly, and our primitive monkey brains won't let us believe it's anything less than black magic keeping them in the air. Bus crashes don't involve black magic and are therefore less interesting.

Actually, I was thinking abou this the other day. Because airline tickets are more costly than driving (by and large) and yet are really the only efficient ways to cover great distances, the chances are higher on average that those in an air crash will be powerful, wealthy, famous, or otherwise notable, as opposed to a bus crash (where it is likely that the individuals involved are known by people where they are picked up and dropped and nowehere in between) or car crash (where, unless it is a massive multi-car pileup, it would be unlikely to have more than a half dozen fatalities.)

Of th reasons to travel, high among them are that you are known by people at both ends of your trip. People who take multiple flights to multiple destinations are more likely known by people at all of those destinations. These are also the people to be most likely to be on a plane when it crashed (as opposed to say, myself, with 5 flights lifetime).

So while I think you have part of it with the whole black magic thing, I think it's as much or more that a large number of people die at once and they're it's more likely that any given person has heard of one of them. (I mean, really, out of 50, a 9/11 widow and 2 members of Chuck Mangione's band? They're not Will Rogers or Buddy Holly, but people have at least heard of them.)

So that's my 2¢. That and $5.98 and I can get you a beer on Saturday.

scamp-dun-emer		2009-02-16 04:22:31 PM

DammitIForgotMyLogin: It doesn't fit the "has to be understandable before you read the article" criteria

Which eliminates some of the very best headlines - at least the submitters have to be cleaver to submit these types. So does that criteria count as dumbing-down Fark?

/is that possible? ;)

allenmwhite		2009-02-16 04:26:08 PM

I think a larger factor is the fact that people grant control over their lives to the pilot. At any time someone can get off the bus. Once the plane takes off you're committed to the trip at least for that leg of the trip. That (to me) has been the biggest reason people don't like flying.

When the pilot farks up - yeah, big time trouble there.

jasroc		2009-02-16 04:26:32 PM

notq: Go drink more and leave the politics to people who actually pay attention to the region.

Dude, "Harass" is not an insult, its a statement. Drew is neither condemning nor applauding the action, he's simply stating that it is happening. Calm down.

As far as "Shenanigans", I believe that one can be taken as siding against the action somewhat, but you would have to admit that some of his tactics have risen to the level of a "shenanigan" (mischievous activity) now and then.

Once again, not an insult per se. If you read the paragraph while remaining emotionally neutral, there's nothing there to be upset about it. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you are a Chavez supporter and saw an insult where none was intended (or if he intended it, it was a veiled insult at most).

moothemagiccow		2009-02-16 04:30:27 PM

The bios aren't half as troubling as tards standing in front of flaming wreckage. Put away the camera and see if you can help.

flavor of the month		2009-02-16 04:38:46 PM

The bios aren't half as troubling as tards standing in front of flaming wreckage. Put away the camera and see if you can help.

the emergency crews couldnt even get the bodies out for the first 24 hours.

ZeroCorpse		2009-02-16 04:47:15 PM

I'm actually getting annoyed by the bios. I mean, I realize that this gives the MSM fifty days of headlines, but really-- Do any of us care?

The only one that struck me as interesting was the 9/11 widow, and that's only because I find it remarkable that one family could have such horrible luck with airplanes. Her relatives really ought to take the hint and stick to trains.

gotons		2009-02-16 05:20:09 PM

sab6300: 25 year old blind Oregon woman enjoys skydiving, says she knows when to pull the ripcord because the dog's leash goes slack

Not including the blind skydiver is a crime

I was laughing so hard it brought tears to my eyes.

KatjaMouse		2009-02-16 06:18:00 PM

No mention of GM's AW headline? Not impressed.

robkellyj		2009-02-16 06:21:34 PM

How does one go about throwing a Fark party and getting the (in?)famous Drew to attend?

I've been reading Fark for, oh, 8 or 9 years at least, and used to be a bartender (11 years ) in several nightclubs in Ft. Lauderdale (Liquordale), so I know most of the people here that are "in the biz." I could probably organize a pretty big event down here.

I would also bet that I'd still be standing long after Drew would be looking for a floor-handle.

And hell, you guys are obviously familiar with Florida... we might even be able to get him elected President... we could start the official "Drew for America 2012" campaign! FARK THE VOTE!!

Ow My Balls		2009-02-16 08:42:18 PM

>>While tragic, don't think for a minute that a bus crash would get the same kind of ongoing media coverage. Why? Planes fly, and our primitive monkey brains won't let us believe it's anything less than black magic keeping them in the air.
Imagine actually being on one of the infamous jetliner disasters v.s. a bus crash...The imagery in our primitive monkey brains of what it must be like seated, let's say, just behind the flaming wing on PSA 182, is what grabs the cobra fascination of the critical mass who watch and read news.

i471.photobucket.com

Free Pub		2009-02-16 08:44:21 PM

I wish there were Fark parties in europe

ffish		2009-02-16 09:25:55 PM

The Mods nixed like 6 of my submissions this week but at least the one they greenlit made it here.

/ go me

jmr61		2009-02-16 09:36:15 PM

Hey Drew, thanks for the hospitality in LEX. It was great to meet you. Look forward to the next one.

skatedrifter		2009-02-17 03:13:31 AM

I got a crapload of votes for this - still not sure why.

Link (new window)

/too little too late

With Six You Get Spittle		2009-02-17 07:18:12 AM

Free Pub, I'm with you...

qsalsaq		2009-02-17 08:12:34 AM

Drew: Planes fly, and our primitive monkey brains won't let us believe it's anything less than black magic keeping them in the air.

Actually, I took pilot lessons for a while. Technically it is black magic that makes planes fly. All modern aircraft are required to fly with at least a level 3 Mage in the cockpit. Most plane crashes are caused by them getting distracted making incessant 'cockpit' jokes.

/the more you know!

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