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(700 Club)   Satan officially announces his plan for America on the 700 Club   ( divider line
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4319 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Aug 2001 at 9:00 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

234 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-08-31 09:07:30 AM  
Ohhh boy, I can see where this thread is heading.
2001-08-31 09:07:36 AM  
What? Pat robertson finnaly revealed his true identity?
2001-08-31 09:09:35 AM  
"Then persuade parents that they shouldn't spank their children when they misbehave because their little personalities might be warped and we might damage their self-esteem."

Yep, we all know the christian thing to do is beat your kids.
2001-08-31 09:13:01 AM  
Why do the churchies think that praying in school is the answer to all of America's problems?
2001-08-31 09:14:08 AM  
If we could just get these damned Christian TV shows off the air.
2001-08-31 09:15:01 AM  
Fark is turning into a one-note symphony.
2001-08-31 09:21:43 AM  
"Next, convince people that they better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself."

Yup, but let's forget all the other parts of the Bible where it talks about murder, sex, incest, rape, war...


Pick and choose asshole, pick and choose...
2001-08-31 09:22:05 AM  
Hey lurkb4uleap,
imagine that note.
2001-08-31 09:23:14 AM  
Well thank goodness. I was tired of waiting around just speculating as to Satan's plan. Now I can get to work.
2001-08-31 09:24:08 AM  
Nehamia Scudder we're proud of you boy
Having you as president has brought us great joy
I have no way of saying how much I care
So I will just bask in the fund'ys hard glare
2001-08-31 09:26:32 AM  
"Then get some of our top elected officials to say that it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. Tell the people that it doesn't matter what anyone, including the President, does in private, as long as I have a job and the economy is good."

Not only do WE want to control what you watch and who you love and get you arrested if you don't conform to our version of "morality", but we want to control your thoughts and what you do in the privacy of your own home. GOD wants us to control the government.

Now, send us all your money and we will pray for you, because we all know you are too immoral to pray by yourself.

But...I'm not bitter...

bring on the boobies!
2001-08-31 09:28:10 AM  
Good thing none of that has ever happened...

Yeah, sure...what country is this guy in again? What, the US? I dunno, if people read that and can't think of any of those things already occuring then you're still living in a cave.
2001-08-31 09:35:39 AM  
Y'know what's REALLY funny? Disney announced it's going to buy the Family Channel, which carries the 700 club (Fox told Pat that they would carry the show for as long as Pat wanted in exchange for buying his cable network). Anyone remember ol' Pat Robertson claiming that god was going to put the smack down on Orlando for Disney's "gay days" at Disney World?
Pat's in for an interesting year...
2001-08-31 09:36:00 AM  
Oh a swat on the butt is the same as being "beaten", just like disagreeing with someone's lifestyle is "hate", right? Thinking in a straight line, as demonstrated here, can be hazardous, especially if those doing so actually plan on breeding someday.
2001-08-31 09:38:56 AM  

EEExcellent, My plan is coming to fruition!
2001-08-31 09:40:00 AM  
straight enough for you?
2001-08-31 09:41:30 AM  
Disagreeing with someones lifestyle is worse than hate, it is being nosey and leads to breeding quislings.
2001-08-31 09:41:38 AM  
i thought "new" coke was part of Satan's plan?

tells you what a wuss he is
2001-08-31 09:42:45 AM  
I KNEW it!!!!
2001-08-31 09:46:46 AM  
I'm surprised that $240 with of pudding was nowhere in there.
2001-08-31 09:47:12 AM  
Pat dude wake up! You are the largest farkhole in America and a moron. Prayer doesn't work. What if u ask for something not in god's divine plan, you don't get what you asked for, and if it is in god's divine plan you get it anyway so why pray? If god talks to the pope and that makes him the messenger of god what does the make Pat Robertson for hearing Satan?
2001-08-31 09:50:50 AM  
I always assume that when I hear a voice in my head that I can safely ignore it, does that indicate sanity?
2001-08-31 09:52:05 AM  
1) People can pray in school....just the school itself cannot organize it or show any bias towards christianity.

2) "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself."

The vague definition of that frightens me.....could be interpreted as "thou shalt not kill fellow christians, thou shalt not steal from fellow christians, love your christian neighbor as yourself." What sucks is some people do....

3) There do need to be limits set on corporal punishment...because sometimes parents can go overboard.

4) When overpopulation becomes a serious problem....I'm frightened as hell at the christian's stranglehold on the government.....

5) So Clinton's going to hell for adultery according to them...big deal. No one cares about the Presidential "Job" anymore.

6) Hey, no complaining about boobies.....

7) All those things are part of our everyday lives. Although I think encouraging rape, murder and all that are a bit much....still, freedom of speech. Just because you think your beliefs are right and everyone else's is wrong, you can't just shut their ideas out.

BTW, based on Satan's comment "Before you know it, we will have this nation on its knees before us,"
all it takes to keep him quiet is a little head. :)

Remember to
[image from too old to be available]
2001-08-31 09:53:24 AM  
Wow, ol' Pat feels just a little self important, doesn't he? I mean, we all know that God speaks through the 700 Club (don't you love that his Christian "club" gets its name from cash?), but now SATAN is even speaking through the 700 Club. I think we should all elect Pat president so that we can be just like Iran!
2001-08-31 09:57:07 AM  
for those of you who haven't read the article, here's a summary:

2001-08-31 10:05:16 AM  
Think "Big V", children. It's a simple procedure and requires only an hour or so with a urologist, many of whom have big boobies you can ogle as they work on you.
2001-08-31 10:06:12 AM  
Gawd bless ya, Satan
2001-08-31 10:11:53 AM  
The funniest thing I ever saw:

Pat Robertson *crying* holding his hads up, palms facing the camera, pleading with the viewers to put their hands on the screen where his hands are and pray for their absolution.

I had to do it just for kicks
2001-08-31 10:22:37 AM  
I hear that's how Pat steals your soul
2001-08-31 10:29:59 AM  
I have seen former Yes keyboardist Rick Wakeman playing the organ on the 700 Club.
I guess he took too much acid one day.....
2001-08-31 10:30:01 AM  
I just know that I am going to get ripped . . .[puts on anti-flame armor]

I had to resist the temptation to leave the site and jank on it but I stayed and read. If you get over the fanatical verbage and view-hldings of this one dreamer, then you would have to believe that 70% - 80% of the content is of value.

Once again, however, it is the Evangelicals delivery that makes it such a jagged little pill.
2001-08-31 10:36:31 AM  
Pat robertson almost became the republican candidate for president a while back.
Think about that little turd in the punch bowl.
2001-08-31 10:42:45 AM  
"Pat robertson almost became the republican candidate for president a while back. Think about that little turd in the punch bowl."

Hey, a theocracy isn't so bad. I mean, look how well it has worked for Iran and Afghanistan. I'm sure people (maybe BB_Jones) would love to see a Ministry of Vice and Virtue. Or I guess in the US it would be the Department of Vice and Virtue.
2001-08-31 10:50:23 AM  
We could make homosexuality illegal, stone women to death for having affairs, make Christian prayer mandatory for all students in public schools (we can make those heathen Muslim, Buddhist, and Catholic children pray OUR way), make abortion illegal (execute all those murderous abortion doctors and anyone caught in the back alley with a coat hanger), post the Ten Commandments everywhere and make disobeying them punishable by law, blacklist all those who do not attend our righteous Protestant churches on Sundays, and put women back in the home where they belong.
2001-08-31 10:50:35 AM  
Nehemiah Scudder for president, wow, talk about your prophet motive.
2001-08-31 10:52:47 AM  
WorldCitizen: I'm sure people (maybe BB_Jones) would love to see a Ministry of Vice and Virtue.

Is that all you got. I expected much worse. You went for the cookie-cutter, man. In debating, it is helpful to resist extreme comparison (e.g. Theocracy, Iran & Afghanistan) as it denotes a failure of nerve and fatigued reasoning. Just a heads-up.
2001-08-31 10:53:32 AM  
All Your Souls Are Belong To Us!
2001-08-31 10:54:05 AM  
Can't remember where this came from but ....

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that area round us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Indonesians but not New Zealanders. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I have tried eating oysters, and I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear prescription glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
2001-08-31 10:59:17 AM  
You should know better than to take the bible literally, you have to pick and choose which rules you want to enforce to make the most money for your television show.
2001-08-31 10:59:26 AM  
BB_Jones...I'm really not in the mood today. If you want to make society a Pleasantville, be my guest. Just please come up with better shiat than that "fatiguing reasoning" crap. You've convinced me, so now I'm a God fearing Christian who believes society's morals should all be governed by the ideas of the God Fearing Religion.
You'll have to work much harder to offend me today.
2001-08-31 11:00:27 AM  
Here is one source for the complete text.
2001-08-31 11:10:27 AM  
Nice set of quotes. I would have loved to have those when I was in college.

Okay, I'm not sure I define myself as a Christian, but wasn't the whole "New Testament" thing about redefining the relationship between Man and God? All those quotes are Old Testament, and the new covenant is supposed to be about forgiveness, love, etc.
2001-08-31 11:11:53 AM  
I am not trolling and I expecting some fire for my comment. It is all good, bro. Let's break bread . . . I just wanted to post a more open view as I know that there are plenty of anti-Christians in here that are more than willing to recycle Rousseau (i.e. Social Contract), claiming that his view is how society "should be." Don't you think that line of collegiate regurgitation gets a little old, too. Personally, I have done both: a fundamental Christian and a liberal University student. Both have flock tendencies. So, again, I just wanted to bring an element of reality to the table and not parrot ad nauseam.
2001-08-31 11:16:25 AM  
Some of my best friends are Christian. . .
2001-08-31 11:17:01 AM  
BBJones et. al. -
Why using "theocracy" is relevant and not "fatigued reasoning."

The important distinction is between _motive_ and _justification_. It is perfectly acceptable for a public servant to be motivated by his or her religious convictions. It is perfectly acceptable for such a person to promote and support laws that are in line with those convictions. However, the justification for the laws must be secular. In other words, you might want to outlaw abortion because you think your god wants it that way. But the justification for the law, if expressed as "its god's will," does promote theocracy.

Or, in the 700 club's case, telechristiocracy.
2001-08-31 11:18:26 AM  
So if someone disagrees with Christianity they are an anti-Christian? So does that make a Christian an anti-Muslim? Anti-Buddhist...anti-agnostic...anti-atheist...anti-liberal college student, anti-humanist, anti-everything-non-Christian?
2001-08-31 11:21:35 AM  
Is this really anything new? I've heard christians complaining about all of these things for a while now. From what I've been told, many of these complaints were around in the 1960's, and some even earlier than that. Nothing new there.

I also find it odd that everyone seems to tout the bible as this magic wand that can fix anything, if everyone would just follow it. I know for a fact though that the bible does say "not to judge, lest ye be judged in turn" and that "he without sin can cast the first stone" as well as one of my personal favorites, "Remove the board from thine own eye before worrying about the splinter in another's eye."

Ah well, as a heathen and a homosexual, I suppose I can't really know anything about what that book says though. Silly me.
2001-08-31 11:29:27 AM  
I'll accept that . . . I, however, did not say that I was fully supportive of the article therefore it is feable to mutter encantations of a theocracy when it is an extreme take on an otherwise already somewhat extreme article. I mean after all, isn't that why there are over 24,000 denominations in Christianity and even more sects among other religions. There is a need to resist polarization as the world is full of tension as it is.
But I do agree with your definition of a theocracy and doubt that Mr. Robertson would do anything less if he were president.
2001-08-31 11:30:22 AM  
Separation of Church and State is a good thing!

That is all
2001-08-31 11:30:30 AM  
~praying at my desk~

Please God let this day end!
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