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(Reuters)   Clerics with the Religion of Peace™ declare a fatwa on Valentine's Day. OK, maybe we're with them on this one, but only this one time   (uk.reuters.com) divider line 216
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5578 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2009 at 10:35 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-02-11 07:48:07 AM
... they better not fark with March 14th...
 
2009-02-11 08:37:55 AM
OlafTheBent: ... they better not fark with March 14th...

I'm sure it's got more to do with open displays of affection and treating a lady nicely. I think numbers are safe.

/as long as they're not being taught to girls.
 
2009-02-11 08:46:51 AM
OlafTheBent: ... they better not fark with March 14th...

They have no problem with women praying at altars.
 
2009-02-11 08:49:24 AM
Ravishing The Universe For Love!: I'm sure it's got more to do with open displays of affection and treating a lady nicely. I think numbers are safe.

/as long as they're not being taught to girls.


I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better. NNTAWWT.
 
2009-02-11 08:53:13 AM
Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better.

Technically, "Singles Awareness Day" is a distinct holiday that just happens to share the same date.
 
2009-02-11 08:58:14 AM
Senior Muslim clerics have urged Sudanese youngsters to boycott Valentine's Day, saying it is a Western institution that could lead couples astray.

simianuprising.com

Get outta here, dewy Sudanese youngsters! You don't want no part of this shiat.
 
2009-02-11 08:59:52 AM
Last night my girlfriend said "another one of your Valentine's Day gifts arrived today."

I grunted casually, then thought "giftS? As in, 'she bought more than one, therefore I am expected to show up with multiple gifts?'"

Even though her gift is in one of those little blue bags, and my "extra" gift is probably the farking battery-powered stuffed animal she got at the Hallmark store because she's one of those people who buys cards for everyone in her time zone for every occasion cards are made for, including "Sorry your anal cyst popped during Passover."

So, yeah, if Al Qaeda is holding a Membership Drive, they've done their focus groups.
 
2009-02-11 09:13:23 AM
abb3w: Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better.

Technically, "Singles Awareness Day" is a distinct holiday that just happens to share the same date.


When I was single, Feb. 14 usually marked the beginning of an epic drunken binge.
 
2009-02-11 09:20:06 AM
Valentines Day is not observed in our home.
 
2009-02-11 09:28:51 AM
OlafTheBent: ... they better not fark with March 14th...

Ides of March? No, that's the next day. Internet says it's "Pi Day." (Heh. Clever.) St. Patrick's Day isn't until the 17th. Okay, I give up.

/I'm in favor of a fatwa on April 15th.
 
2009-02-11 09:31:48 AM
failblog.files.wordpress.com
 
2009-02-11 09:52:20 AM
I didn't see the word fatwa anywhere. This is just some dudes being uptight dicks. We have those, too.
 
2009-02-11 10:13:37 AM
Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better. NNTAWWT.

So, um, not for me, but for a...uh...friend, can you tell me where to find these single women who are dropping their standards?
 
2009-02-11 10:22:18 AM
Phil Herup: Valentines Day is not observed in our home.

Well i imagine not having anyone to observe it with would be why.
 
2009-02-11 10:25:21 AM
The Hindu's have also declared war on it. At last, one thing the religions of the world can unite on.
 
2009-02-11 10:38:08 AM
Do moderate Muslims ever just wake and feel embarrassed to be associated with these people?
 
2009-02-11 10:38:47 AM
Nabb1: OlafTheBent: ... they better not fark with March 14th...

Ides of March? No, that's the next day. Internet says it's "Pi Day." (Heh. Clever.) St. Patrick's Day isn't until the 17th. Okay, I give up.

/I'm in favor of a fatwa on April 15th.


You, sir, are woefully ignorant of the wonderful holiday known as "steak and bj day"
 
2009-02-11 10:39:25 AM
OlafTheBent: ... they better not fark with March 14th...

Amen.

/Wants his steak rare
 
2009-02-11 10:39:57 AM

abb3w


Technically, "Singles Awareness Day" is a distinct holiday that just happens to share the same date.


SAD?
 
2009-02-11 10:40:11 AM
WhoGAS: Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better. NNTAWWT.

So, um, not for me, but for a...uh...friend, can you tell me where to find these single women who are dropping their standards?


This.
 
2009-02-11 10:40:28 AM
WhoGAS: Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better. NNTAWWT.

So, um, not for me, but for a...uh...friend, can you tell me where to find these single women who are dropping their standards?


Boston. Check pubs that seriously lack in the couple-y tables. The only day of the year when you should specifically look for women who are scowling.
 
2009-02-11 10:40:33 AM
My GF and I celebrate "Anti-Valentine's Day" ... which still means I end up buying her something, dinner, etc. ... but at least none of those damn cards or red silk boxers for me.
 
2009-02-11 10:41:33 AM
It's not surprising. When's the last time you sent your Sudanese senior muslim cleric a card, some chocolates, flowers, cooked dinner over candlelight? Heck, a hug would have been nice.

It makes the heart grow cold. I think we should do something extra special this year. Pop out of a cake maybe and say "You're not kidding anyone with the Grinch act Romeo, now let me see a smile you big galoot."
 
2009-02-11 10:41:52 AM
Sir Cumference the Flatulent: abb3w: Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better.

Technically, "Singles Awareness Day" is a distinct holiday that just happens to share the same date.

When I was single, Feb. 14 usually marked the beginning of an epic drunken binge.


And you went home and cried while masturbating, using your own tears as lubrication?

/Nothing is obscure on fark!
 
2009-02-11 10:41:52 AM
Nemo's Brother: Do moderate Muslims ever just wake and feel embarrassed to be associated with these people?

Probably the same embarrassment moderate Xtians feel when watching the 'Thank God for IEDs' people.
 
2009-02-11 10:42:17 AM
What DO they like besides death and destruction?
 
2009-02-11 10:42:24 AM
"There is no fun in Islam."
--Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini
 
2009-02-11 10:43:24 AM
That's great, because one thing this world needs is less people liking each other.

/yeah, V-day is pretty silly.
 
2009-02-11 10:44:10 AM
Nemo's Brother: Do moderate Muslims ever just wake and feel embarrassed to be associated with these people?

Probaly but they are too freaking scared to say anything about it. But you piss them off about something else, they can find a TV camera and a microphone pretty quick
 
2009-02-11 10:44:14 AM
"I have sex with male farm animals and children" -- Mohammed T. Prophet

/come and get me, assholes
 
2009-02-11 10:44:16 AM
ScottMpls: My GF and I celebrate "Anti-Valentine's Day" ... which still means I end up buying her something, dinner, etc. ... but at least none of those damn cards or red silk boxers for me.

We consider ourselves part of the 'Black Rose Society'. Give a chick a black rose, telling her "Look, you're cool and all, but I'm just completely emotionally unavailable. It's not you; it's me." Then we drink all day, probably end up fighting, and have a bunch of make-up sex after midnight.
 
2009-02-11 10:44:22 AM
i get my wife just what she gets me. Nothing.
 
2009-02-11 10:44:38 AM
You know what? Radical Muslim = Attention Whore.
 
2009-02-11 10:45:38 AM
Nice top 10 video list they have. Boy bra? wth..

Indian models dare to bare
Bra for boys is bestseller
Australian topless bathing ban urged
Lost Bugatti sells at auction
"Noah's Ark" found off Peru
Bollywood star defends 'Slumdog'
Girl marries dog in bizarre ritual
Motocross star in critical condition
Pure gold dolls unvieled in Japan
Soccer star denies sexual assault
 
2009-02-11 10:46:03 AM
Phil Herup: Valentines Day is not observed in our home.

Well, it's because no one likes you, and "we" is just "you".

Seriously.
 
2009-02-11 10:46:10 AM
WhoGAS: So, um, not for me, but for a...uh...friend, can you tell me where to find these single women who are dropping their standards?

Anywhere that serves alcohol that doesn't mainly consist of tables for two.
 
2009-02-11 10:47:28 AM
"DEATH TO HALLMARK!"
i249.photobucket.com
 
2009-02-11 10:48:07 AM
Bored Horde: WhoGAS: So, um, not for me, but for a...uh...friend, can you tell me where to find these single women who are dropping their standards?

Anywhere that serves alcohol that doesn't mainly consist of tables for two.


Oh yeah, that will work great. The only chicks out on Valentine's day are man-hating biatches out with their friends looking to get drunk and beat up on random dudes. It's entirely a day for shooting down guys left and right. Don't even bother.
 
2009-02-11 10:48:18 AM
Marla Singer's Laundry: Phil Herup: Valentines Day is not observed in our home.

Well, it's because no one likes you, and "we" is just "you".

Seriously.


Didn't he admit that he had no wife or girlfriend in the thread you thought he was Linux_Yes?
 
2009-02-11 10:48:21 AM
I hate Valentine's Day, but if Sudanese clerics are against it I have a few more days for a serious re-think.

/From the people who bought you Darfur...
 
2009-02-11 10:48:33 AM
declare a fatwa


That's what she said.
 
2009-02-11 10:48:54 AM
What's their stance on 4/20?
 
2009-02-11 10:49:08 AM
I just make my girl breakfast.

Well, I really just make breakfast. She's free to join me.
 
2009-02-11 10:49:47 AM
Bored Horde: I think it has something more to do with the holiday descending into a crass consumerism orgy and a time when lonely singles will drop their standards and fark the nearest stranger to feel better. NNTAWWT.

Yes, nobody is more plugged in to the western hipster anti-consumerist* vibe than Sudanese religious clerics. I bet they don't even have a TV. Or a Facebook account. And you just KNOW they'd refuse to drink popular beers. Wow, they are so cool!
 
2009-02-11 10:49:50 AM
Mr. Coffee Nerves: Last night my girlfriend said "another one of your Valentine's Day gifts arrived today."

I grunted casually, then thought "giftS? As in, 'she bought more than one, therefore I am expected to show up with multiple gifts?'"

Even though her gift is in one of those little blue bags, and my "extra" gift is probably the farking battery-powered stuffed animal she got at the Hallmark store because she's one of those people who buys cards for everyone in her time zone for every occasion cards are made for, including "Sorry your anal cyst popped during Passover."

So, yeah, if Al Qaeda is holding a Membership Drive, they've done their focus groups.


Some women have trouble expressing certain "needs". Your supposed to pick up on it and make it seem like it was your idea and that she is just going along to please you. By the way, that battery powered rabbit isn't from Hallmark and you store it in a discreet box under the bed.
 
2009-02-11 10:50:17 AM
Klivian: You, sir, are woefully ignorant of the wonderful holiday known as "steak and bj day"

Oh, you just get that one day a year? {snicker}
 
2009-02-11 10:50:40 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2009-02-11 10:52:21 AM
I encourage everyone to stop at the grocery store on their way home Friday night and pick up a few gallons of gatorade. Then, when you get home, hop in bed with your sweety and don't get out until Tuesday morning, except to throw on a robe and answer the door when the delivery comes.
 
2009-02-11 10:53:01 AM
What has always confused me about this is why there are no skinny wa's.
 
2009-02-11 10:53:11 AM
knitty.com

/hot like the blood that flows through it
 
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