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(Some Guy)   Farker needs ideas for team-building exercises. How to get to know your colleagues in a way which will be fun and engaging?   ( ) divider line
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1404 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2003 at 3:45 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

212 Comments     (+0 »)
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2003-01-27 05:09:15 PM  
Orgy. Duh.
2003-01-27 05:09:57 PM  
A little late on this but, what about a stereogram? Then the whole team can have a headache together.
2003-01-27 05:10:49 PM  
I suggest you role-play a hostage event whereby you assume the role of a gun-toting lunatic.

My first job was at a bank. Not a team-building exercise, but a robbery preparedness drill, and they had a couple of the employees' teenage kids put on masks and 'rob' the bank. The employees knew it was coming, and it was intended to show how rattled you could get during a crisis even when you KNEW it was coming and you KNEW it was fake.

Unfortunately, for the head 'robber' they picked a genuinely effeminate, overweight guy. He came into the bank waving a shotgun, and then called out in his high-pitched tenor "Everbody be quiet. Thith ith a sthick-up!"

To this day I wish they'd picked me to "rob" the place. Oh yes, I would have made it more realistic....
2003-01-27 05:14:51 PM  
Two words: group sex.
2003-01-27 05:15:31 PM  
Go to the bar.
2003-01-27 05:19:13 PM  
When you realize your employees are complete boobs, because they cannot do a simple fire drill, take them all to Mt. Springfield.

When you get there split everyone into teams of two and tell them they have to find their way to a cabin hidden in the forest. The last team to make it their is fired.

Cheat to make sure you win.
2003-01-27 05:20:33 PM  
Although Rick Springfield would be fun, my suggestion is to have a Amazing Race/Scavenger Hunt. Give each team of four a disposable camera and give them time to do certain tasks.

Five points for a pic with member behind a McDonald's counter.
five points for a pic with a totem pole.
10 points for a pic with a hooters girl.
10 points for a pic with a construction worker (bonus if he's leaning on a shovel)

Have all teams meet at a certain time with developed pictures. Give prizes, drink and be merry!

We did this at a place I used to work. It was all everyone talked about for weeks.
2003-01-27 05:24:22 PM  
Quake 3. I lent my copy to a bud that works at a mortgage company so his IT department could get to know each other a little better. Lucky bastards get to use the company T-1 for gaming with the freaking owner knowing full well they do it and even joining in sometimes.

I'll say it again. Lucky bastards.
2003-01-27 05:24:54 PM  
Paintball or other war games...
2003-01-27 05:26:26 PM  
2003-01-27 05:29:14 PM  
Get everyone together after work, head into town and beat up a homeless person. Nothing gets a relationship working like the rythmic sound of people kicking ribs in unison...

"I'm singing in the rain...{WHUMP!}
Singing in the rain...{FWOOMP!}"

[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-27 05:32:25 PM  
For my own part, I can think of nothing short of a good swift kick the the wedding tackle that would piss me off more than being told I was going on a "team building" exercise. You want to know what motivates me? Having you leave me the fark alone so I can get some work done, Sparky.

That having been said - I read this in a book (I'm pretty sure it was "Peopleware"), and to me it seemed to have a low suckosity factor.

New manager has a group of geeks that will be working as a team for a while, she wants to break the ice and get them to know each other (not in the Biblical sense, alas). So she invites them all over to her place for dinner. They get there, some idle chit-chat, yadda yadda, she announces that there's nothing to make dinner with, they all have to go shopping for the ingredients. So without telling the geeks they're on a team-buiding exercise, she's got them all involved in a project, making decisions, getting resources, all that touchy-feely crap. Because it's a low stress situation, the geeks are less intimidated, get to know each other, et al. And everyone lived happily ever after.
2003-01-27 05:34:07 PM  
Get everyone to take a picture of them giving oral to someone of the same sex, then tell them to get to work or you'll mail it to their spouse/girlfriend/priest/parents,ect.

Or, mutually coverup and shread paperwork for a "soft" accounting scandel.

Or, two words that everyone needs have a great monday: "Fight Club"
2003-01-27 05:34:43 PM  
Count me in the crowd that views "Team building" and other fluff as demeaning, boring, scary stuff thought up by people with no actual worth (HR and Project Managers seem to eat this stuff up with a spoon).

Team building belongs back in high school. Its like Pep Assembly that you're required to attend.

Being a captive audience sucks. Remember this, "Team Building Leaders": -- we who attend are forced, if you had a free market for your work, those innane training videos like Fish! and the like, or your games based on squishy touchy feely psychology -- you would ALL be out of a job.

A captive audience is the only way you guys sell anything.

I am reminded of the Ren and Stimpy Happy Helmet.

2003-01-27 05:35:59 PM  
Though group sex and orgies have been mentioned before, I think everyone sharing one sexual partner would be a tremendous bonding experience. Nothing quite like sliding around in all your office mates man chowder to make you all feel bonded to one another.
2003-01-27 05:37:01 PM  
2 words

alien probing
2003-01-27 05:39:31 PM  
Definately paintball. You get to know someone pretty quick
if you are counting on them to help you not get shot.
2003-01-27 05:42:04 PM  
Best way to ensure that a team never congeals -- team building exercises.

Unless, of course you want them all to rally around a common hatred for the company and you.
2003-01-27 05:43:13 PM  
Generation_D: I am reminded of the Ren and Stimpy Happy Helmet.

I find it hilarious you'd say that - I was forced to attend a week-long HR-twit driven version of this garbage. Yeah, mandatory attendance == captive audience, thank God I brought a PDA I could play Solitaire on. On our way to "class" every day, a co-worker and I would sing the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song. Seemed so appropriate.
2003-01-27 05:47:43 PM  

I want you to know that what you posted was just sent out to the entire training department at IBM. You speak the gospel, my man, and I want you to know I appreciate it. Hopefully we'll get some people thinking about what you wrote over here, and it will help us in the long run.

Thanks again.
2003-01-27 05:50:41 PM  
THREE DAY BATTLE ROYAL IN A DESERT ISLAND. Add a couple of starved tigers and they'll form a tight, cohesive unit, or nobody will survive. Small cameras on the tigers will add suspense to the procedings and cash to the company.
2003-01-27 05:51:53 PM  
Chastain86: Wow, a justifaction for reading Fark at work. Good job!
2003-01-27 05:55:17 PM  
The easiest way to get people away...
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-27 05:59:25 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2003-01-27 06:04:25 PM  
To expand on JohnnyontheSpot's idea:

Select a group of coworkers at random to fight for survival on an island over the course of 3 days. Each co-worker is given a bag with 3 days of food, water, a map, compass and a random weapon. They also have a small necklace attached to them that has an explosive charge, so if they try to escape *boom*. Release them one by one at 3 minute intervals into the jungle.
Just to make things spicy, every 15 minutes certain areas of the island turn into danger zones. When you step into one of these zones, the necklace they have on will explode in a few seconds unless they leave. They entire show will be run by a japanese schoolteacher with a taste for home made cookies.
Last one left alive, wins. If there is more than one co-worker left by the end of the 3 days, then everyone dies. Hourly updates on co-worker progress will be given via the island loudspeaker system.

10 points to whomever recognizes this.
2003-01-27 06:06:25 PM  
If I wasn't so lazy and late I would've posted a pic of Chris Farley as the motivational speaker... if only...
2003-01-27 06:09:10 PM  
shrooms and a puzzle?
2003-01-27 06:11:13 PM  

Hey, thanks for putting that out there.

That's how the President treats us, and how I try to treat the people he puts on my team.

I'll now take time to do some shameless marketing: If you have some Engineering work you need to contract out, contact me at hydr­og­en­heli­um[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­ia­mtoh*com. I'll give you my real business email address once I get you through the spam trap.
2003-01-27 06:13:27 PM  
many of these ideas are awswome, so i figure i will summarize them.

have sex (but only as long as it's heterosexual), do something that involves sexual stimulatoin (but only as long as it's heterosexual). indulge in alchohol or other...substances. watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. beat up a copy machine while listening to rap music.
2003-01-27 06:25:49 PM  
Go to the goddamn bar. Team building exercises are shiat. Unless they happen on the beach in sunshine and are more getting-to-know-new-intake rather than serious so-called "motivational" bullcrap.

Especially when you are actually the one n00b who tries to do the stuff right, surrounded by a legion of no-hopers. (can you tell i'm bitter?). Stupid acid-inspired corporate-hippie american idea in any case. Save the money, split it four ways between training the staff better, giving them a raise, supplying free beer in the workplace, and a random charity.

Not for nothing does the demotivators site do good business. It's just wrong, this kind of forced friendliness.
2003-01-27 06:27:33 PM  
BTW the beach one also has to involve beer, ball games, and making NSFW sand sculptures, otherwise you may as well go to a bar with a garden area and sit out in the sun with your booze. Not any dilbert nonsense like crossing the river ankh with only a spool of dental floss.
2003-01-27 06:39:19 PM  
Zorker! YES! That's a great idea!
Plus the studio and equipment should only cost about a pound an hour to hire these days... adapting the helmet might take a bit of work, and finding some desperate bums to play the 'colourful characters' the quester meets, but hey... minor quibbles.

Unique, Fun, Effective and above all Cheap.

Even more effective if you actually build a replacement set with real pits, pookas, and 6ft buzzsaws, and hep the quester up on drugs that redline their metabolic rate so they have to keep eating or die. Nothing like rescuing a co-worker from mortal danger and then getting rewarded with a virtual chest of gold and some lame little trophies to build team spirit.
2003-01-27 06:44:06 PM  
Hehe FatherG, sounds like that's from Battle Royale. Drinking games always seem to make people here better friends. Bless all you people who suggested shroomies.
2003-01-27 06:47:32 PM  
Cleveland Steamers.
2003-01-27 07:05:38 PM  
I am serious when I say this.

In my experience team building things usually lead to about 25% of the people who attended said "team building" to leave the firm in the follow month.

Again this is from personal experience and I am not joking.

Sometimes you just don't want to know the people you work with.

In short, bad idea.
2003-01-27 07:17:01 PM  
And Mtglu wins 10 points!
Yup, its Battle Royale. Found a copy of the directors cut for super cheap and haven't been able to stop watching it :)
2003-01-27 07:31:08 PM  
If you're the sort of person that's concerned with team-building exercises, you're the sort of person that nobody wants to be on a team with.

If you really want to get to know someone, invite them out for a drink after work.

Remember, you're working with people. Your not training circus monkeys to perform as a team. Just do your work, stop reading those inane management books, and try to be a little less condescending.
2003-01-27 07:49:57 PM  
One acronym: MDMA.
2003-01-27 08:02:03 PM  
Hire Tony Robbins to give everyone a week long motivational seminar. I saw this on TV so it must work.
2003-01-27 08:27:06 PM  
Two words:

Oral. Sex.
2003-01-27 08:37:29 PM  
Get together and talk about what women you want to bang at work. More imaginitive people can try to make up teams of women they'd like to do at the same time - like the biatch club, the big hooters bunch, etc.
2003-01-27 08:43:19 PM  
I've got three words:

Stanford Prison Experiment.
2003-01-27 08:45:14 PM  
I'm a highly skilled software engineer, and I have to say that team building is a bad idea.

It's a forced situation where at least 2/3's of the people don't want to be there. If I were told I had to go to a team building thing, then I would spend all of my work time between when I found out and when I needed to be there figuring out a) how to get out of it, and b) what in the hell I could come up with as an alternative.

I would suggest a paid afternoon off at the nearest bar with cab rides home. Whatever you do, don't require people do this on their time, even if it is paid. That will do nothing but unite your team against you.
2003-01-27 09:02:21 PM  
Ggatlin Remember, you're working with people. Your not training circus monkeys to perform as a team. Just do your work, stop reading those inane management books, and try to be a little less condescending.

A-MEN. Very well said. When I started my last job, they had a group of about 20 of us in orientation. It was a nice day, so they had us get up and go ouside for a teambuilding "excercise". They made us wear these blindfolds over our eyes and walk around bumping into each other, trees, garbage cans, etc. For about 5 minutes. Di you have any idea how long 5 minutes is in a situation like that? Oh, and did I mention that this was around lunchtime, and the grass we were standing on was right on the other side of the big windows in the company cafeteria? In other words, we were the dinner show.

The goal of this excercise? To highlight the importance of VISION in our LIVES AND CAREERS. I'm not kidding, and neither were they. Bitter doesn't even begin to describe. To many farking consultants.
2003-01-27 09:05:03 PM  
My former boss went on a team-building jag for a while. We did all of the following, at one time or another:

-- sat around with paper and pen playing those "if you were a fur-bearing mammal, what would you be?" games
-- did yoga, led by a woman with a thick, barely-understandable South American accent who ended every sentence with "Hokay? Hokay." Twelve bored employees, seven of whom were flamingly gay hairdressers (I worked in a chi-chi high class salon -- and then there was me, the token dyke) flailing around on the hair-scrap-littered salon floor in worn-out gym clothes. It was terrifying.
-- went to the home of a local woman to see her roses. How this entered into the "team-building" scheme of things, I'm not sure, but the pre-rose-viewing gathering at my boss's home was fun, involving as it did watching gay male porno and everyone making themselves a "drinky-poo for the road."
-- performed attack-haircoloring on two of the other female employees, when a hair color sales rep came by. Neither of them particularly volunteered to be blonde, but blonde they indeed became.

I suggest you fark the teambuilding, unless you use the orgy or LAN-party ideas -- playing Counterstrike would rock, methinks, and who would say no to a good old-fashioned orgy?
2003-01-27 09:06:57 PM  
Had a boss that thought a great "fun day" would be gocart racing. Um, this builds team spirit how?
I think one person was hospitalised, and 3 more had to see the doc in the next couple days with bruised ribs, back pain etc. Our female supervisor t-boned me big time. Only fair, I wanted to rear-end her for several months...
2003-01-27 09:11:37 PM  
Don't Know if it's been suggested, but play paintball
2003-01-27 09:29:25 PM  
Strip clubs always good, or hell you can charter out another nude flight...
2003-01-27 09:33:29 PM  
Honestly, the best team building exercise I ever went on was at the San Franciso School of Culinary Arts. We made dinner together, picked the wine, and ate. Quite an achievement among such diverse tastes.

From what I've seen, it's becoming a popular team building thing....
2003-01-27 09:50:38 PM  
Group sex?
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