I'd get some incriminating photos of him, and threaten to unleash them at his office unless he coughs up the dough...

Blackmail? What's blackmail?

Alcohol. The other social lubricant.

Or you can get a group of players to come into your castle, and insert a scene into the play they're about to perform that replicates perfectly the circumstances of your father's death, then you can watch your uncle's reaction to this, and he will clearly show his guilt, so you can kill him, and become king of Denmark...

Wait... you're not Hamlet, are you?

Thll him that if you don't get the money, some guys named Guido and Vinny are coming to break your kneecaps. When he shells out the dough, say "just kidding. It's really for school. I knew that this was the only way a cheap bastard like you would cough up the dough."

Then piss in the corner and grope your aunt on the way out.

All good ideas, really. But you missed the best one. You beat the shiat outta him. Bring in 2 massive guys with lead pipes and tell him they will arrange for an accident to occur if you dont get the cash.

Or you could always try asking him. Whatever works.

/brutality

Drive him to his bank. Park the car and say the following:

"Well, Uncle Sparky...can you loan me $20,000? Because I'll have to rob this bank if you say no."

hand job

How much money are we talking about here?

Start like this:

"Here's the problem, Uncle McDuck..."

introduce him to amway, the golden pathway to success!

Go down on him.

"The American economy is strong and resilient. But people like MrZorak need to go to school, and they need to live. That's why I'm giving tax breaks to the rich. And the Iraqi dictator must disarm ... time is running out."

Get use to being in this position!

Sounds like you need to raise cash. Get an easy $13.00 / hour doing "Medical office assistant" work.

to become a medical office assistant you need a single course of medical terminology - OR a full year course known as 'medical office assistant'

my bro makes $15.00/hour after 1 year and i make 14.25.

support yourself

"Excuse me Uncle Bob, would you be willing to loan me some money for school? After I graduate, I'll be willing to pay you back in monthly installments at a modest interest rate."

Of course, I suggest that you exhaust all scholarship/grant/job opportunities before going this route. Borrowing money from friends and family is just asking for other problems.

Prepare to toss some salad!

wow im high. when yer a 'medical office assistant' apply for a registrar at any hospital. ANY HOSPITAL WILL START YOU ABOVE 12.50. gauranteed

i make 14.25 and i just started is what i meant to say.

Just ask. Say you are looking for a substantial loan and are wondering if he can help you. He will probably say no, then ask for a few grand at least, or anything even to help you out.

On yer knees, boy!

"Yo, where's my money, biatch?"

Ask for a loan, promise to pay it back in monthly installments $25 each month beginning immediately. Hint that there may be a lot more money in it for him once you graduate. By that time the earth's rotation will have already stopped due to the imminent collision with planet x on May 21st. 2003.

Offer services in returns. Clean his house, walk his dogs, polish his guns, even offer to "take care" of a few friends he doesn't like... You could end up making a litle spare cash for yourself in the process.

Good luck!

Neither a borrower nor a lender be ; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Don't be dullin' yer edge o' husbandry, dude.

Tell him if he doesn't lend you money, you'll have to do gay porn, and will distribute copies to relatives for xmas.

I'm confused, the headline said "Farker MrZorak has to ask for a substantial loan from his uncle in order to go to school and live." So is it "I need money to attend college and be able to buy food" or is it "I need money to attend school and I owe money to a loan shark and he'll kill me If I don't give it to him"

and above all this, to thine own self be true

Put him into trance with a boring Powerpoint slideshow, à la Dilbert, then he's all yours

WTF? à = a-la

Kick 'em in the jubblies and take it!

get a farking job and leave your uncle out of it

I know

radical idea

"Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fark-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. shiat 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro."

Go to some fast food resturant and show him the manager, ask him if he wants you to end up like that.

just be honest, tell him you've been a loser all your life, and maybe HIS money can turn you around.

19Cranes
Whoa, creepy! Just saw that today.

Dear fascist bully-boy,

Give me some more money you bastard.

May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman,

Neil

You could always ask him with a haiku...

Excuse me Uncle
Please help a starving student
Lend me twenty grand?

Tell him to remember the good old literature about old times like Dickenson. They got paid to be like artists and stuff. Got paid to live in rooms and go to school and stuff like go to the pub.

Do something ridiculously stupid. Your uncle will say something along these lines: "JESUS CHRIST SON, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF INSTEAD OF LICKING YOUR OWN GENITALS IN FRONT OF YOUR AUNT, JAY-YEEEEE-ZUS CHRIST CHILD!"

That's when you say, "I'd like to, but I have no money."

He'll probably offer it up. Make sure you stretch beforehand.

Go down on him, definitely. As Anna Nicole Smith proved, money doesn't grow on trees, it gets sucked out of old men's whangs.

Open up the site savemrzorak.com, and claim how good of a person you are and that people should help you.