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Headlines Of The Week and Drew's latest It's Not Fark It's News summary. Now with less Loretabs 
Posted by Drew at 2009-01-19 12:44:43 PM, edited 2009-01-19 2:04:18 PM (57 comments) | Permalink
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7791 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jan 2009 at 2:47 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



It's not Fark it's News: so what happened last week that didn't get much press? Russia decided to finally turn the gas back on to Central Europe. They got into a dispute with Ukraine over billing and cut them off, turns out Europe is connected to the same pipe. This all came during the coldest weather this winter. Massive disaster almost ensued. I think I saw it mentioned on CNN exactly once, buried behind missing white chicks and the dangers of kitchen countertops. Israel pushed the rubble around in Gaza then left. And a plane crashed in the Hudson, which is kinda unique. Bus crashes just don't get the same kind of coverage though, unless beheadings are involved. I think it's because our primitive monkey brains refused to believe that planes can actually fly.

Next week: all available media bandwidth is gonna be eaten up by the inauguration so if you're a PR firm don't bother to send anything out til Wednesday. It's a great two day period to dump bad news though so if you want to do a bunch of layoff announcements or whatever, fire away. Don't expect anything useful out of the media til Thursday at the soonest (if then).

Also keep an eye out for the How Much Money Is Lost Due to The Superbowl annual BS ad-as-news article. The totals for the last three years were $780M, $800M, and $820M. I suspect that they'll round up and go for $850M this year, since it's a BS number anyhow. Expect to see that one next Monday.

On to the good stuff

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-01-11 to Sat 2009-01-17:

img1.fark.net  Woman arrested for having dead baby in carry-on luggage. Everyone knows that carrion needs to be checked in    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  One out of 100 Americans are being stalked. If you don't believe it, just come by your front door; I have the article    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Marilyn Monroe hormone discovered. Or should it be called Norma Gene?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sheriff pushes girl out of path of gunfire during standoff with armed man, gets his ear blown off. He might be in line for a medal, but hasn't heard anything so far    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman impales man with meat thermometer. Well done    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ricardo Montalban dead at 88. Will be buried in casket of rich Corinthian leather    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Toothbrushes to be removed from prison, prompting concerns of increased cavity searches    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  There once was a man named Starks / Who decided to steal some sharks / His plan he soon rued / When jailarity enused / Hey, it's not news - it's FARK    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man hurls brake fluid at suspected child molester - guess he wanted him to stop    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  India bans elephants from traditional military parade, citing excessive emissions, lack of trunk space    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  NFC Championship goes through Arizona. This is not a repeat from... well, this is not a repeat    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Vince Carter watches flight 1549 land in Hudson from his bedroom window; suffers only serious injury    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Seven reasons to hate Steeler fans, according to a Ravens fan. Steelers would give a high five, but their hands are weighted down by all those rings    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Scientists using false memories to help people lose weight. Get your fat ass to Mars    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  IBM invents MRI machine with 100 million times higher resolution than current MRIs, making it possible for the first time to see things as tiny as Cheney's heart, Hugo Chavez' brain    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Earliest dinosaur feathers were only for display, mostly to frighten the other animals on The Ark    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Vanessa Hudgens may play werewolf in "Twilight" sequel. Sounds like somebody saw those pictures and decided she's hairy enough    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Much like its namesake, ParisHilton.com invaded by trojans over the weekend    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Madonna undergoes therapy, trying to repair her "tikkun," a Kabbalah term which, contrary to popular beliefs, does not mean "gristly man-arms"    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  North Korea wants to send envoy to Obama's inauguration, presumably to use the code word that activates him    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gay Episcopal bishop to offer prayer at inauguration event. Activist groups immediately complain that left-handed redheaded transsexual Jewish Kwaanza pastors are being excluded    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hamas rejects Israeli cease-fire terms. Reasons given include "Our shrapnel collection is not complete" and "We have some rockets left"    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Dominos to close and reopen 7 shops. It's like they're knocking them down then setting them up again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Oracle cuts 500 jobs, if only there was someone who could have foreseen this    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Schindler Elevator cuts 25% of its workforce. List not released yet    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


57 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-01-19 02:47:58 PM  
For those who missed it, I had knee surgery last week. Quit taking pills Wednesday, sobered up Friday. Good times
 
2009-01-19 02:49:51 PM  
hark
 
2009-01-19 02:50:52 PM  
I missed it; when's the rebroadcast?
 
2009-01-19 02:51:38 PM  
Get well.
 
2009-01-19 02:52:17 PM  
in
 
2009-01-19 02:52:39 PM  
Sharpness all gone now?
 
2009-01-19 02:53:11 PM  
Why did you stop taking the pills?
 
2009-01-19 02:53:56 PM  
Whats up regarding the bad ads and the people whose heads will roll because of them?
 
2009-01-19 02:54:18 PM  
Good luck in rehab, Drew. Get well soon.

I really liked the Dominos headline, BTW.
 
2009-01-19 02:54:22 PM  
Drew: For those who missed it, I had knee surgery last week. Quit taking pills Wednesday, sobered up Friday. Good times

Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic news aggregator. Drew will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, drunker, a greater love of boobies.
 
2009-01-19 02:54:38 PM  
Damn man, what did you do to your knee? Hope you feel better.
 
2009-01-19 02:54:51 PM  
Planes can fly? The devil, you say!
 
2009-01-19 02:54:58 PM  
Drew: For those who missed it, I had knee surgery last week. Quit taking pills Wednesday, sobered up Friday. Good times

Getting them de-sharpened?
 
2009-01-19 02:58:29 PM  
hey - just a question. what happened to the t-shirt links? i just came back from an extended vacation and noticed they're gone (or perhaps just invisible to me) ...
 
2009-01-19 02:58:41 PM  
'sup
 
2009-01-19 02:59:48 PM  
Anyone know if there a way to subscribe to Drew's posts via RSS feed?
 
2009-01-19 03:06:27 PM  
de_Selby: hey - just a question. what happened to the t-shirt links? i just came back from an extended vacation and noticed they're gone (or perhaps just invisible to me) ...

No one bought em.
 
2009-01-19 03:09:10 PM  
great headlines this week.
 
2009-01-19 03:10:13 PM  
Get well! Surgery is no fun.
 
2009-01-19 03:14:16 PM  
Torn Meniscus, Drew?
 
2009-01-19 03:15:04 PM  
Feel better Drew. My bad knee feels your pain.
 
2009-01-19 03:18:23 PM  
any pills left over? can i have them?
 
2009-01-19 03:22:55 PM  
When I was in the US on october I found out how different CNN US and CNN International is. The International CNN - the one I watch down here in Brazil - is much more contained and sensible. CNN US looked a lot like Fox News to me.
 
2009-01-19 03:35:44 PM  
Trielli: When I was in the US on october I found out how different CNN US and CNN International is. The International CNN - the one I watch down here in Brazil - is much more contained and sensible. CNN US looked a lot like Fox News to me.

Very sensible comment. Fox News only gets flack because it's the breed of propaganda that people disagree with. They're all just as bad when looked at objectively.
 
2009-01-19 03:41:15 PM  
Hamstring autograft ACL reconstructions a few years ago. Feel (felt) you pain, Drew. Get better!
 
2009-01-19 03:49:23 PM  
Its spelt 'Lortab'
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-01-19 03:52:11 PM  
if you're a PR firm don't bother to send anything out til Wednesday.

I know a guy who does Democratic party fundraising. No, they don't get the day off even though their potential donors are partying Tuesday and hung over Wednesday.
 
2009-01-19 03:53:32 PM  
Drew: sobered up

Is this your idea of a joke?
 
2009-01-19 03:56:09 PM  
stir22: any pills left over? can i have them?

there's one of you in every group of friends :D
 
2009-01-19 04:02:23 PM  
Meh. That quit working after a week anyway.
 
2009-01-19 04:10:31 PM  
Did you have sharp knee syndrome?
 
2009-01-19 04:11:51 PM  
Drew
For those who missed it, I had knee surgery last week.


You can do a replay here http://www.edheads.org/activities/knee/
 
2009-01-19 04:12:49 PM  
By the way Drew, it's spelled Lortab, and it's basically a kinder, gentler Vicodin with a better time-release formula. Less "Whoo hoo I'm loaded" with a softer comedown.

/Could hold my own against Gregory House regarding the subject of opiate-based analgesics
 
2009-01-19 04:18:24 PM  
www.squidvsunicorn.com
 
2009-01-19 04:28:33 PM  
Screw Lortabs. Mepergan is the shiznit.
 
2009-01-19 04:35:42 PM  
Trielli: When I was in the US on october I found out how different CNN US and CNN International is. The International CNN - the one I watch down here in Brazil - is much more contained and sensible. CNN US looked a lot like Fox News to me.

THIIIISSSS. I've been saying for a few months now that CNN International is as good as regular CNN is bad. I'm pretty sure you can get it as a premium channel in the US, or even free-to-air if you really have satellite-related technical skills.

/You can also watch it for free online
 
2009-01-19 04:36:32 PM  
"Fewer" Lortabs. Not less.

img134.imageshack.us
 
2009-01-19 04:37:06 PM  
Surely there will be some headlines about Bush pardoning a large group of scumbags??? I'm surprised I haven't seen one yet.
 
2009-01-19 04:40:39 PM  
nothingtohide: Its spelt 'Lortab'

More like lloooorrrrrrtabbbbbpppfff.
 
2009-01-19 05:20:34 PM  
BTW - those "lost productivity" press releases come from Challenger, Gray & Christmas Inc. Apparently, everything that people think about that isn't work-related costs our economy untold billions of dollars. You don't have to worry about Ponzi schemes or bad mortgages, just come after your staff workers with knives and pinkslips if they dare mention a football game at work. Fight the real enemy!
 
2009-01-19 05:29:07 PM  
Just had ACL #4 reconstructed in Dec. Percoset is some great stuff.
 
2009-01-19 05:52:21 PM  
Lortabs are weak sauce.

/ex-painkiller junkie
//hey, they kept giving 'em to me!
///hope you're feeling better Drew
 
2009-01-19 06:08:22 PM  
 
2009-01-19 06:12:21 PM  
Trielli: When I was in the US on october I found out how different CNN US and CNN International is. The International CNN - the one I watch down here in Brazil - is much more contained and sensible. CNN US looked a lot like Fox News to me.

What's sadder still is when CNN US has to switch to the CNN International feed because they can't devote the staff or resources to cover the large international stories (e.g. Mumbai). What's that tell you about our foreign news coverage?
 
2009-01-19 06:12:25 PM  

Woman arrested for having dead baby in carry-on luggage. Everyone knows that carrion needs to be checked in


/my vote goes here.
 
2009-01-19 06:20:38 PM  
What are loretabs, is that like some kind of e-reader?
 
2009-01-19 06:46:48 PM  
I submitted this with a funnier headline.
 
2009-01-19 07:46:14 PM  
Drew: It's a great two day period to dump bad news though so if you want to do a bunch of layoff announcements or whatever, fire away.

Subtle hint to the modmins?
 
2009-01-19 08:05:59 PM  
I think Loretabs is some kind of brunching.com-themed window manager.
 
2009-01-19 08:06:52 PM  
nothingtohide: Its spelt 'Lortab'

and it'd be 'fewer,' not 'less'...

glad you're doing better, Drew!
 
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