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(Komo)   Small town news: Stolen gas cap from "Twilight" truck causes pandemonium   (komonews.com) divider line 40
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1617 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Jan 2009 at 12:13 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-01-19 12:23:02 AM  
This story is almost as bad as the movie.
 
2009-01-19 12:23:14 AM  
Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy, teachers tell me that whenever someone drives with a gas cap on, an angel gets its wings!

Father: Your teacher's full of snot!

/Obscure quote from a not-that-obscure show
 
2009-01-19 12:24:11 AM  
I've never understood the draw of this series. I've tried really hard to like the books & the movie. I've sat down & tried to read the books several times but I keep getting disgusted.

Hmm... let's see...

1) Wishy washy Mary-Sue heroine who relies on a big strong man to solve everything for her.
2) Creepy 108 year old stalker vampire who smacks of an dysfunctional boyfriend.
3) Creepy stalker rapist werewolf love interest who later imprints on an infant in the 4th book.
4) The imprinting of the infant that takes away her free will later in the books, but it's all good since she'll be physically mature in 6 years.
5) The constant "you're nothing without your big strong man next to you" talk in the books.

Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?
 
2009-01-19 12:26:34 AM  
Wow, the town puts up a gaudy big truck out for rabid and psychotic fans to take pictures in front of and they don't realize that some of the fans will try to steal something off of it?
 
2009-01-19 12:28:43 AM  
Battlestar Girlactica:
Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?


Because you don't have a big strong man?

/don't hurt me
 
2009-01-19 12:29:36 AM  
that lead girl... i'd penetrate her "gascap / fuel filler neck" with my "pump" and squirt "unleaded petroleum" into her "gastank".
 
2009-01-19 12:31:58 AM  
Third_Uncle_Eno: that lead girl... i'd penetrate her "gascap / fuel filler neck" with my "pump" and squirt "unleaded petroleum" into her "gastank".

Fixed
 
2009-01-19 12:32:56 AM  
Battlestar Girlactica: I've never understood the draw of this series. I've tried really hard to like the books & the movie. I've sat down & tried to read the books several times but I keep getting disgusted.

Hmm... let's see...

1) Wishy washy Mary-Sue heroine who relies on a big strong man to solve everything for her.
2) Creepy 108 year old stalker vampire who smacks of an dysfunctional boyfriend.
3) Creepy stalker rapist werewolf love interest who later imprints on an infant in the 4th book.
4) The imprinting of the infant that takes away her free will later in the books, but it's all good since she'll be physically mature in 6 years.
5) The constant "you're nothing without your big strong man next to you" talk in the books.

Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?


I think you'll get a kick out of The Editing Room's send up of the film (new window)

/Loves me some Editing Room scripts
 
2009-01-19 12:39:49 AM  
Battlestar Girlactica: I've never understood the draw of this series. I've tried really hard to like the books & the movie. I've sat down & tried to read the books several times but I keep getting disgusted.

Hmm... let's see...

1) Wishy washy Mary-Sue heroine who relies on a big strong man to solve everything for her.
2) Creepy 108 year old stalker vampire who smacks of an dysfunctional boyfriend.
3) Creepy stalker rapist werewolf love interest who later imprints on an infant in the 4th book.
4) The imprinting of the infant that takes away her free will later in the books, but it's all good since she'll be physically mature in 6 years.
5) The constant "you're nothing without your big strong man next to you" talk in the books.

Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?


They're stupid, boring, unoriginal and derivative?
 
2009-01-19 01:08:26 AM  
I was going to say check the gas station, but then I RTFA and got nothin' since the old truck doesn't even run. Maybe they should get a new engine that works so I can make snarky comments. Oh wait, the town pooled together money to buy a truck that doesn't run... lol.

/movie wasn't THAT bad.
//haven't read the books.
///don't plan to.
 
2009-01-19 01:12:34 AM  
i217.photobucket.com

Those are some die hard fans. That is a boring ass drive to the middle of nowhere
 
2009-01-19 01:29:54 AM  
ashtrey

you're all about the EASY way, aren't you? :-P
 
2009-01-19 01:42:55 AM  
Ashtrey: Battlestar Girlactica:
Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?

Because you don't have a big strong man?

/don't hurt me


LOL- I guess I stepped into that one.

I guess I wouldn't dislike the series so much if it wasn't for the fanbase which is even more rabid than the HP fanbase. I tried discussing some of my dislikes with some of the fans & got a nice amount of choice words thrown at me. My favorite was "if you don't like it then don't read it", which boggles my mind. I never knew that you had to like a book in order to critique or review it. Like I said, I've really tried to like the books & I've flipped through all of them to no avail.

I'd equate Stephenie Meyer's books to Laurell K Hamilton's current writing style, minus the squelching & overly gratuitous sex. It just squicks me out that I'm reading someone's Mary-Sue fantasy (or mastubatory fantasy) & that they're not owning up to the fact that it's wish fulfillment. There's worse books out there for teens (Vampire Kisses is the worst Mary Sue series I've ever read), but Twilight just sticks in my craw for some reason.
 
2009-01-19 01:44:35 AM  
Fireproof: I think you'll get a kick out of The Editing Room's send up of the film (new window)

/Loves me some Editing Room scripts


LOL, that's perfect!
 
2009-01-19 02:02:58 AM  
Battlestar Girlactica: I guess I wouldn't dislike the series so much if it wasn't for the fanbase which is even more rabid than the HP fanbase. I tried discussing some of my dislikes with some of the fans & got a nice amount of choice words thrown at me. My favorite was "if you don't like it then don't read it", which boggles my mind. I never knew that you had to like a book in order to critique or review it. Like I said, I've really tried to like the books & I've flipped through all of them to no avail.

I'd equate Stephenie Meyer's books to Laurell K Hamilton's current writing style, minus the squelching & overly gratuitous sex. It just squicks me out that I'm reading someone's Mary-Sue fantasy (or mastubatory fantasy) & that they're not owning up to the fact that it's wish fulfillment. There's worse books out there for teens (Vampire Kisses is the worst Mary Sue series I've ever read), but Twilight just sticks in my craw for some reason.


I don't know enough about the series to debate it, all I know about it is from links on Fark. I suppose some people just get upset when something they spend many hours enjoying is attacked.

I don't know how long the books are, but not everyone reads 100 pages an hour, so these books (as well as the later HP book) could be a huge time investment.

Being a WoW player, I know all about having a past time attacked. My defense: I have none, it's just a game. But I'm sure that others enjoy things that I find just as inexplicable. In fact, there are entire channels devoted to them.

I suppose my point is that arguing about this sort of thing is kind of pointless in a way. When was the last time you saw someone truly change their mind about anything?
 
2009-01-19 02:19:52 AM  
Fireproof: Battlestar Girlactica: I've never understood the draw of this series. I've tried really hard to like the books & the movie. I've sat down & tried to read the books several times but I keep getting disgusted.

Hmm... let's see...

1) Wishy washy Mary-Sue heroine who relies on a big strong man to solve everything for her.
2) Creepy 108 year old stalker vampire who smacks of an dysfunctional boyfriend.
3) Creepy stalker rapist werewolf love interest who later imprints on an infant in the 4th book.
4) The imprinting of the infant that takes away her free will later in the books, but it's all good since she'll be physically mature in 6 years.
5) The constant "you're nothing without your big strong man next to you" talk in the books.

Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?

I think you'll get a kick out of The Editing Room's send up of the film (new window)

/Loves me some Editing Room scripts


LOLOMG!
/forwarding to my wife who will hate me for it because she LOVED the movie.
 
2009-01-19 03:52:26 AM  
That's a pretty big event for a small town!

Over here our local papers get stories such as "old person struggles to find his house keys". It's like reading The Onion, only far more depressing.
 
2009-01-19 04:18:16 AM  
Ashtrey: I suppose some people just get upset when something they spend many hours enjoying is attacked.

I can understand that, but part of my thing now is that in the beginning I was actually much more polite about my criticisms. I tried saying that I found Belle's character a little too perfect & that I didn't like how much she relied on Edward for self-validation. Everything just seemed a little too perfect in general, actually. I'm willing to suspend disbelief & buy into the fantasy. I give teen novels an extra helping of this since many of them are dumbed down for teens-a terrible habit in my opinion, but this one just seemed too unbelievable even my lax standards.

The response I got? "HISSSSSSS.... You're just jealous that you can't write as well as Meyers!! Don't read them if you don't like them! We don't want you here unless you are a fan!!" I understand that many of them are used to people trolling, but I actually had posted in the very early days of the fandom before the trolls really got started. I can understand that people don't like criticsm, but I don't like it that so many people want to invalidate my opinions because they don't agree with them. After a while I just figured "Screw it. If they're going to gang up on me & b*tch at me even if I'm polite, then I may as well just really say what I think about Twilight."

/I don't go out of my way to troll Twi-boards or anything
//but I'll comment if it comes up in a place I frequent
 
2009-01-19 04:25:41 AM  
Fireproof: Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy, teachers tell me that whenever someone drives with a gas cap on, an angel gets its wings!

Father: Your teacher's full of snot!

/Obscure quote from a not-that-obscure show


Rocko... How I miss you.

/Not on my Fark
//Look what I've got...
///Sauce......
 
2009-01-19 04:32:46 AM  
UltraRatchet: Fireproof: Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy, teachers tell me that whenever someone drives with a gas cap on, an angel gets its wings!

Father: Your teacher's full of snot!

/Obscure quote from a not-that-obscure show

Rocko... How I miss you.

/Not on my Fark
//Look what I've got...
///Sauce......


Damn you! I was hoping I was the only one who got that.

/doesn't that make the three of us very sad individuals?
 
2009-01-19 04:44:11 AM  
Fireproof: Battlestar Girlactica: I've never understood the draw of this series. I've tried really hard to like the books & the movie. I've sat down & tried to read the books several times but I keep getting disgusted.

Hmm... let's see...

1) Wishy washy Mary-Sue heroine who relies on a big strong man to solve everything for her.
2) Creepy 108 year old stalker vampire who smacks of an dysfunctional boyfriend.
3) Creepy stalker rapist werewolf love interest who later imprints on an infant in the 4th book.
4) The imprinting of the infant that takes away her free will later in the books, but it's all good since she'll be physically mature in 6 years.
5) The constant "you're nothing without your big strong man next to you" talk in the books.

Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?

I think you'll get a kick out of The Editing Room's send up of the film (new window)

/Loves me some Editing Room scripts


My god was that amazing, good find sir.

/and to think it came from cracked (which I am a fan of, but most here seem to hate)
 
2009-01-19 07:14:38 AM  
Ashtrey: I don't know how long the books are, but not everyone reads 100 pages an hour, so these books (as well as the later HP book) could be a huge time investment.

They're each about 700 pages, but they're 700 pages of skippablility, so it doesn't take all that long.
 
2009-01-19 09:21:06 AM  
Oddly enough, if it wasn't for references on South Park and here on Fark, I'd be utterly unaware of anything "Twilight". I /know/ there's supposed to be a book and a movie with that title, but beyond that, I haven't ever hard of it. Are these being advertised on exclusively on MySpace?
 
2009-01-19 10:34:42 AM  
"We'd like to get a new one, but we're not really sure where to do that."

Let me introduce you to the ebays.
 
2009-01-19 10:57:27 AM  
as a huge (original) hp fan and Washington state native, the buzz about these books caught my attention and after reading all four of them in a little under a week, i can say that i gave them an earnest shot.

to begin with, they weren't very well written. the imagery and vocabulary are sophomoric and amateur. it just made the whole experience tedious.

the story wasn't TERRIBLE, but not nearly as satisfying as hp. also in the end, everyone essentially gets everything they wanted, which makes the final book feel incredibly anti-climatic.

isnt the author Mormon or some nonsense?
 
2009-01-19 12:26:46 PM  
Small town news: Stolen gas cap from "Twilight" truck causes pandemonium chagrin

FTFY

Seriously, Stephanie, buy a goddamn thesaurus (or at least get an editor with a farking spine). This also goes for the words "perfect", "chuckling" and "glower", all of which you use constantly without the use of synonyms. So much more I could say about these books, but I'm all out of vitriol this early in the morning.

/read all 4 books, unfortunately
//Edward can't read Bella's mind because she doesn't have one
 
2009-01-19 12:43:02 PM  
Fireproof: Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy, teachers tell me that whenever someone drives with a gas cap on, an angel gets its wings!

Father: Your teacher's full of snot!

/Obscure quote from a not-that-obscure show


Not at all obscure...

www.stage9media.com
 
2009-01-19 12:53:08 PM  
Battlestar Girlactica: I've never understood the draw of this series. I've tried really hard to like the books & the movie. I've sat down & tried to read the books several times but I keep getting disgusted.

Hmm... let's see...

1) Wishy washy Mary-Sue heroine who relies on a big strong man to solve everything for her.
2) Creepy 108 year old stalker vampire who smacks of an dysfunctional boyfriend.
3) Creepy stalker rapist werewolf love interest who later imprints on an infant in the 4th book.
4) The imprinting of the infant that takes away her free will later in the books, but it's all good since she'll be physically mature in 6 years.
5) The constant "you're nothing without your big strong man next to you" talk in the books.

Hmm... gee... why is it I hate these books so much?


How is vampire babby formed?

6)why would you read all of something you hate?
 
2009-01-19 01:59:37 PM  
Fano:

6)why would you read all of something you hate?


Putting the cart before the horse; most of us didn't read them because we hated them. We read the books, then began hating them once we realized that they were horribly written and full of wooden, one-dimensional characters (and that even the last book in the series was still using Edward's quasi-vamp qualities as a deus ex machina, which ironically is a term that would sail over most Twilighters' heads).

OTOH, some people began disliking the books because they were the new popular teenybopper "in" thing, were criticized by fans for disliking books that they have never read, then read them and met the same fate as the people mentioned above.

What's funny is that the question you put forth is one of the major retorts used by TwiTards: "Well, if you don't like them, why did you read them?" Because I didn't know that I didn't like them until I read them. Ironically, if you dislike the books but haven't read every single book, their repsonse is "Well, you haven't read them, so you don't know what you're talking about!!" It keeps going in a mobius strip, like an O. Henry story (now there's an actual writer).

My favorite is when I tell a TwiTard that I've read the books and can't stand them, and they immediately accuse me of lying: "I bet you haven't even read the books. You're just hating on them because they're popular!" I think it's because in their minds, it's impossible that I've both read the books and hate them, because if I had read the books, I would OMG soooo in luv with the books and Edward+Bella just like they are.

/fave new quote about Twilight: "Meyer does have a habit of raping the thesaurus. Every time she uses big words the thesaurus screams, 'that doesn't go there!'"
 
2009-01-19 02:05:04 PM  
PDXBishop: Fano:

6)why would you read all of something you hate?

Putting the cart before the horse; most of us didn't read them because we hated them. We read the books, then began hating them once we realized that they were horribly written and full of wooden, one-dimensional characters (and that even the last book in the series was still using Edward's quasi-vamp qualities as a deus ex machina, which ironically is a term that would sail over most Twilighters' heads).

OTOH, some people began disliking the books because they were the new popular teenybopper "in" thing, were criticized by fans for disliking books that they have never read, then read them and met the same fate as the people mentioned above.

What's funny is that the question you put forth is one of the major retorts used by TwiTards: "Well, if you don't like them, why did you read them?" Because I didn't know that I didn't like them until I read them. Ironically, if you dislike the books but haven't read every single book, their repsonse is "Well, you haven't read them, so you don't know what you're talking about!!" It keeps going in a mobius strip, like an O. Henry story (now there's an actual writer).

My favorite is when I tell a TwiTard that I've read the books and can't stand them, and they immediately accuse me of lying: "I bet you haven't even read the books. You're just hating on them because they're popular!" I think it's because in their minds, it's impossible that I've both read the books and hate them, because if I had read the books, I would OMG soooo in luv with the books and Edward+Bella just like they are.

/fave new quote about Twilight: "Meyer does have a habit of raping the thesaurus. Every time she uses big words the thesaurus screams, 'that doesn't go there!'"


Decent point, but in this instance it sounded like they hated it from the very start. I've given credit to a series like Dune, in which I liked the first book and then things got steadily worse until I could barely remember liking the first one at all. According to a co-worker who read them and laughs about them, you can steadily see things getting worse and worse. So why punish yourself? I guess for the same reason that as a Star Wars fan I continue to watch the new stuff, despite diminishing returns.
 
2009-01-19 02:59:12 PM  
Fano:

I thought that they might get better as time went on (assuming that SMeyer might actually grow as a writer) or at least that the last one would be better and give some justification to reading the first three crapfests, but before you knew it, I had read all 4 books and nothing had changed. Despite everything that had happened to Bella and Edward (marriage, demon-baby, Bella getting turned), there was no change whatsoever in their characters or personalities. B+E from Book 1 act just the same as B+E in Book 4. Say what you will about Buffy and Angel, at least there was character development in those stories (my fave character arc being Wesley slowly changing from wimpish bookworm to badass sorcerer).

And on another point, you know things are bad when the guy playing your male lead in the movie version can't stand the character (and thinks the books are basically masturbatory aids for tweens and housewives). But hey, he's getting paid $12 mil to be in the next movie, so he obviously doesn't have that much of a problem with it.

/plans on creating an iRiff for Twilight (when it comes out on DVD) to upload on Rifftrax.com
//any farkers wanna join me?
 
2009-01-19 03:07:20 PM  
Cat F Cat F: Those are some die hard fans. That is a boring ass drive to the middle of nowhere

4 1/2 hours from Seattle to Forks. It doesn't really matter if you drive down through Tacoma and up Hwy 16 to 3 or if you take the Kingston-Edmonds ferry. Either way you're going to get stuck in a 20+ car pack on 101 behind some asshole driving 45 and refuses to use the dozen or so pullouts along the way.

Once you get past Sequim it's not bad. Port Angeles is a shiatty little town (graduated HS there) but it's small and you get through there quickly enough. After that it's a beautiful drive. Especially if it's clear and Lake Cresent is in it's full glory.

Then you get to Forks and think, why?
 
2009-01-19 05:02:16 PM  
PDXBishop: Fano:

I thought that they might get better as time went on (assuming that SMeyer might actually grow as a writer) or at least that the last one would be better and give some justification to reading the first three crapfests, but before you knew it, I had read all 4 books and nothing had changed. Despite everything that had happened to Bella and Edward (marriage, demon-baby, Bella getting turned), there was no change whatsoever in their characters or personalities. B+E from Book 1 act just the same as B+E in Book 4. Say what you will about Buffy and Angel, at least there was character development in those stories (my fave character arc being Wesley slowly changing from wimpish bookworm to badass sorcerer).

And on another point, you know things are bad when the guy playing your male lead in the movie version can't stand the character (and thinks the books are basically masturbatory aids for tweens and housewives). But hey, he's getting paid $12 mil to be in the next movie, so he obviously doesn't have that much of a problem with it.

/plans on creating an iRiff for Twilight (when it comes out on DVD) to upload on Rifftrax.com
//any farkers wanna join me?


Personally, based on the description a co-worker has given me, the thing is laughably bad. How does Mary Sue get pragnant? Also I heard that the 4th book is just the first book told from a different perspective. Yes I've heard about the Adonis thing. It makes me chortle. I have witnessed the insanity of Twatlight. I gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back.
 
2009-01-19 11:29:09 PM  
PDXBishop: Small town news: Stolen gas cap from "Twilight" truck causes pandemonium chagrin

FTFY

Seriously, Stephanie, buy a goddamn thesaurus (or at least get an editor with a farking spine). This also goes for the words "perfect", "chuckling" and "glower", all of which you use constantly without the use of synonyms. So much more I could say about these books, but I'm all out of vitriol this early in the morning.

/read all 4 books, unfortunately
//Edward can't read Bella's mind because she doesn't have one


Psst...you forgot about 'dazzle', 'chagrin', 'crooked smile/grin'.
Honestly, the only decent thing that came out of Meyer's craptastic writing is the lulz that it brings. It's just scary that people take this crap to be amazing. Some went as far as getting tattoos based on this trite crap. D:

/fangirls are farking insane
//someone should revoke SMeyer's English degree
 
2009-01-19 11:32:28 PM  
Fano:

Personally, based on the description a co-worker has given me, the thing is laughably bad. How does Mary Sue get pragnant? Also I heard that the 4th book is just the first book told from a different perspective. Yes I've heard about the Adonis thing. It makes me chortle. I have witnessed the insanity of Twatlight. I gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed back.


Well, how she gets pregnant is simply that they get married, then she and Edward have sex (which never gets described, just sorta fades to black and Bella wakes up covered in bruises). This happens before Edward turns Bella into a vampire, even though it was well established throughout the series that vamp sex would kill her (due to his venomous jism), but they had sex first so that she'd have a chance of getting pregnant.

And actually, the 4th book is split in sections, with #1 and 3 told from Bella's perspective, and #2 (which covers the majority of Bella's pregnancy) told from werewolf Jacob's POV. I think that Stephanie Meyer did this because if she wrote the pregnant Bella's POV, she might accidentally reveal her dissatisfaction with the fact that she herself got married/pregnant at such a young age (with that in mind, is it any surprise that Bella's baby is essentially a hellspawn that nearly kills Bella as it's trying to come out?).

The book that was gonna be done from a different perspective was Midnight Sun (basically it was Twilight written entirely from Edward's perspective, so at least 2/3 of the scenes and lines were copied from the first book). Fortunately for the rest of us, the first 12 chapters were released online by somebody close to Stephanie Meyer so she stopped writing it (it was allegedly Robert Pattinson, because he wanted to do whatever he could to keep this from becoming a book and eventually a movie).
 
2009-01-19 11:42:26 PM  
tsuchikage:

I did include 'chagrin', but you're right, I forgot 'dazzle' and the 'grin' thing (I remember once seeing 'chagrin' and 'grin' used within one sentence of each other).

And yes, the fangirls (aka TwiTards) are farking insane. Case in point: (new window)
 
2009-01-19 11:49:24 PM  
PDXBishop: tsuchikage:

I did include 'chagrin', but you're right, I forgot 'dazzle' and the 'grin' thing (I remember once seeing 'chagrin' and 'grin' used within one sentence of each other).

And yes, the fangirls (aka TwiTards) are farking insane. Case in point: (new window)


I am pretty well acquainted with that list due to the anti-twatlighters I hang out with. I've been lucky to run into people to realize the comedy gold that this series generates, but if I run into a die hard fan, I might end up as a fark article. lol
 
2009-01-20 02:46:20 AM  
Having never read one word of the books or seen a second of the movie, I have seen a picture of the author from a news article, and would bang her milf ass silly.
 
2009-01-20 03:34:56 AM  
i172.photobucket.com

i172.photobucket.com

/obliged
 
2009-01-20 03:45:54 PM  
Rustem: Having never read one word of the books or seen a second of the movie, I have seen a picture of the author from a news article, and would bang her milf ass silly.

Agreed. She's juuuuust curvy enough to have plenty to hold on to, but not so much that she's afraid to show it off. And you know that the fact that she writes books that are basically masturbatory aids for the sexually frustrated housewives of America means that she's just waiting to grind someone to the floor (husband, kids, and Joseph Smith be damned).

I'd volunteer, just on the off-chance that I might end up farking some brains into her.

/I think I now understand why some fellow libs can't stand Ann Coulter or Sarah Palin, but want to bang them so badly
//there's a certain attraction in sexing up someone whom you know is wrong in everything that they say and write
 
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