"Nick Nostril Quote 2009-01-15 03:22:20 PM
FlippityFlap:

I had enterovirus once and had to go to hospital. They wanted a stool sample and sent in a hot Asian resident. It was pretty funny. I felt like I should have left her a tip.


Couldn't they just get the sample the old-fashioned way?

/Prune juice and bran flakes, FTW"


No, they just needed a "swab". Latex gloves,swab and finger away.....

BigKahuna: Female proctologist to patient, "Mr. Smith you'll have to stop masterbating"

Mr. Smith,"Why"

Doctor, "Because I'm trying to examine you"

Heh. One of my favorites.

maceinator: So a PSA test makes me immortal? Oh, wait, I think you meant that it could allow me live a little longer. Or not.

No it makes you immortal... You just have to be on the look out for crazy guys with swords.

My dad: RIP 1-2-07
He called it "the finger wave" but he felt squishy about getting it, so he didn't. His cancer was diagnosed during a work up for low back pain. It was mets to the spine. "Too bad, so sad, sir, nothing we can do for you now" Dead at 67 after only 2 years. At least, since I'm female...

I had a deal with my old doctor. He told me straight up he didn't think it was than dependable of a test and I didn't need it before I was 40 unless I had me some issues.

Just switched docs since I moved...need to talk the new one into this line of thinking.

I have been poked a few times prior though....

Came in for the "Road Trip" reference. Left satisfied.

boobsrgood: This is one I've been putting off. Do you spooge when they do it, or is that extra?

That is known as a "happy ending".

Seriously though this is important, especially for guys like me over 45.
Here's a Protip.
Make your Dr. appointment for as late in the day as you can and take the whole afternoon off. Have a nice early dinner then take in a movie. After that go to the appointment, this way maybe you won't feel like you're being too "easy". After you've been fingered like a teenager you should go to the bar and drink until you don't feel like the dirty slut you are.

ThatGuyOverThere: I have heard people (gay men, actually) say that it is impossible for a man to take anal stimulation and not get an erection.

Anybody got any interesting stories for us to laugh at?

I got a semi-recent colonic, the woman (nurse?) apologetically explained in a prim British accent that due to new state regulation I had to insert whatever they call the thing that goes in your butt myself. I was like "...uhh...I'm actually pretty okay with that."

/no erection
//way no erection

BlorfMaster: what are they feeling for in there, anyways?

I asked my doctor one time. He said that a healthy prostate feels like a nose. A cancerous one feels like a knuckle.

Take it from someone with experience: although it makes for a slightly more awkward exam, women doctors generally have smaller fingers.

My Dad is a prostate cancer survivor so I'm at high risk for it. It's one of the most survivable cancers if you catch it early. PSA and manual exam, even if I get false positives and have to do biopsies and shiat, bottom line is I ain't dead. Works for me.

I'm 40. I'm going to skip it. if it happens, it happens. ot worth worrying about, and the treatment seems no better than the problem if it exists.

boatman: I have been poked a few times prior though....

At the Doctors' office, right? :)

I'm 42 and had my first DRE last June. It was really no big deal at all. The strangest part was after when he handed me a box of tissues so that I could clean up. I was NOT going to wipe my ass in front of the doc. Sure, he had just felt my junk and probed my ass, but somehow that was too much for me.

Of course, my wife's response to me complaining beforehand was that we have it easy when it comes to annual exams.

BorgiaGinz: I think doctors need to take lessons from gay men on how to gently insert a finger into the backside because we can do it and make you like it.

I've had the diigital probe done, and believe me, that doctor needed to work on his technique. Owwwwwww!!!!!

THIS!!! For the same reason that OB/Gyns should take specific training from lesbians on how to give a proper vag exam. Exams done by women are always more comfortable than the ones done by men. The one I had done by my new lesbian family doctor was actually quite pleasant, in fact.

SchlingFocker: Who the fark started this trend of putt "man" into any term when adopting it for guys?

It's seriously retarded. So, stop.

I bet it's women who are still pissed that we just put wo in front of man. In all fairness we started it.

I have a great doc I have gone to for many years, but the man is like 6'5" and has fingers the size of kielbasas. Though we have a great relationship, I never mind on the years that his nurse practitioner handles the anal exam...I mean annual.

If you have to "Man-" a term in order to not weird about it, you may want to explore your sexuality issues, 'cos you're a closet homo.

/nttiawwt

darwinwench: BorgiaGinz: I think doctors need to take lessons from gay men on how to gently insert a finger into the backside because we can do it and make you like it.

I've had the diigital probe done, and believe me, that doctor needed to work on his technique. Owwwwwww!!!!!

THIS!!! For the same reason that OB/Gyns should take specific training from lesbians on how to give a proper vag exam. Exams done by women are always more comfortable than the ones done by men. The one I had done by my new lesbian family doctor was actually quite pleasant, in fact.

Womance?

Aronofsky at the Golden Globes.


oops, wrong thread!


/or is it?

JimbobMcClan: Womance?



Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...

Swampthing in Korea: Having once had a colonoscopy, I can honestly say it was the most unpleasant experience of my life.

Getting dumped is worse.

"Right now what is done essentially is barbaric,"

Some doctor I know owes me an explanation

darwinwench: BorgiaGinz: I think doctors need to take lessons from gay men on how to gently insert a finger into the backside because we can do it and make you like it.

I've had the diigital probe done, and believe me, that doctor needed to work on his technique. Owwwwwww!!!!!

THIS!!! For the same reason that OB/Gyns should take specific training from lesbians on how to give a proper vag exam. Exams done by women are always more comfortable than the ones done by men. The one I had done by my new lesbian family doctor was actually quite pleasant, in fact.


Describe this, in detail. Let us all get in our bunks first....

I'm sorry. Man-O-Gram sounds infinitely more creepy than prostate exam.

Ya know guys, regular prostate massage is supposed to promote prostate health.

/the more you know

i wrote a song inspired by the experience. it plays first at http://www.myspace.com/gerryattrick (new window). My band is called Gerry Attrick and the Walkers

/song is called 40
//it's a few years old

nate13: "Right now what is done essentially is barbaric,"

Some doctor I know owes me an explanation

Or some flowers.

darwinwench: BorgiaGinz: I think doctors need to take lessons from gay men on how to gently insert a finger into the backside because we can do it and make you like it.

I've had the diigital probe done, and believe me, that doctor needed to work on his technique. Owwwwwww!!!!!

THIS!!! For the same reason that OB/Gyns should take specific training from lesbians on how to give a proper vag exam. Exams done by women are always more comfortable than the ones done by men. The one I had done by my new lesbian family doctor was actually quite pleasant, in fact.

Expand on 'quite pleasant'...preferably w/ pix.....

darwinwench: The one I had done by my new lesbian family doctor was actually quite pleasant, in fact.

I'm just curious for those that mentioned lesbian doctors... how do you know they're lesbian? Do they just out right tell you during some exam or are you saying they're lesbian because they didn't ask you out for dinner afterwards?

/i keed

------------

Anyway, I'm too young to be getting this kind of exam. I don't know what I'll be doing by the time I'm 40 or so, but I don't think it'll be all that close to the exams they provide today.

I know I wouldn't enjoy it, but I'm not going to go crying in shame over a prostate exam. Doctors are there to help you (most of the time), not get your number.

/doc: drop your pants, it's time for the prostate exam
//guy: whoa, wait, why are you dropping your pants too, doc?

dukesboy: Rant On

I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer just over a year ago at age 44. I had the surgery to remove said prostate Jan 07. The reason I was checked in the 1st place was the fact that my Dad had prostate cancer sugery at age 65. Each and every case is differant, and treatments vary case by case, but the fact of the matter is, If you are a man, and if you live long enough, you WILL have prostate issues. Most guys that have autopsies when they die after living a long life(90+) have prostate cancer to some degree. Since I was considered "too young", to have it, I have made it my soap box to tell everyone that is around my age to get that PSA test.

Rant Off

THIS.

I was diagnosed nearly two years ago. Too late. I am only 54 years old, good health, not overweight, no risk factors, but that doesn't matter. I was diagnosed too late to do any good.

I know this is all for fun, but here's the serious part:

Stop acting like a bunch of pussies about things as quick and simple as a PSA blood test or a digital rectal exam! Keeping track of your PSA periodically can alert you to abnormal increases in time to save your life. And if you think a digital rectal exam is so awful, you're going to pass out on the floor when you get a glimpse at the stuff you'll have to do because you resisted getting tested.

If you don't get tested you may find yourself sitting on a time bomb, like I am. This has screwed up my life, my family's - and it will never get better.

Dammit!

Meh. I'd rather die of ass cancer.

As Bill Engvall said, we can send a man to the moon but the only way to still check that is to stick a finger up there

idrow: SFIA?

I came in to ask the same thing

Man-O-Ring-Gram?

Nightsweat: I had my anal cherry popped last week.

Also, I went to the doctor and had a prostate exam, but that's another story.

Owed: 1 keyboard.

/+1 for the LOL

crho85: i had a bad experience with this. I was around 10 or 11 and they sent me to a proctologist for my acid reflux (i still do not understand that). I was lying there and the dr. says "I have a medical student this semester, is it ok if they observe". Not wanting to be rude I said ok. In walks this gorgeous blond bombshell, the hottest I had seen at my young age. And then they both got to root around and examine.

\\ she had finger nails

THIS....had a bladder infection and the doc needed to check my prostate just to be safe. Doc was male and had gnarly nails, even through the gloves.

my doc used K-Y warming

Remember, when picking a proctologist, you want the 5 foot nothing asian chick doctor, not the dude doctr who has to remove his super bowl ring.

It's peanut butter jelly time!

http://kuoi.com/~davidcb/sounds/banana.swf

Why the hell can't my doctor tell my wife what to feel for and send us home for a night of sex starting with some out of the ordinary foreplay? Why does it have to be a stranger doing the job (yes I have a male family doctor) If she finds something of concern I go in and have him give the hole thing another shot.

Please move this to the top.

The US Preventive Medicine Task Force has found that the Digital Rectal Exam (finger in your butt) is useless. They announced this at least 10 years ago. And I still see advertisements reminding men to get them. Better yet the value of a PSA as a (screening) test is debatable. Those are routine because someone turned one down based on the info available, but had prostate cancer, he then sued. Of course he won.

Bottom line, if you can pee okay, no test; no fingers in your butt ever. Fingers aren't long enough to do anything but poke the bottom of your prostate (unless your doctor is some kind of long fingered freak), ET would have trouble reaching the top of your prostate. You can not reach the front through your rectum. By the time any tumor is large enough to feel your urine would come out in drops.

As a general guide, if you take longer than a woman the same age in the bathroom, or go more often, get a test. Don't compare to younger men. It is common for a man hunting with his son to pee in the woods and have his son finish before he starts. A woman has no prostate but her bladder is the same age. There is a list of symptoms for enlarged prostate, ask your doctor.

As an aside, the imaging we use now is a prostate ultrasound. It is the same instrument as a transvaginal ultrasound. It was out for about a week before someone invented transrectal prostate ultrasound. What you're thinking is probably what happened. But it works very well. The covers are expensive, most centers use condoms.

Lastly, if you have a prostate tumor and it is still inside the capsule of the organ. You need to think hard about your treatment. If you are over 65 you well likely die of something else first. Younger and you play percentages. Common sites of metastases (migration) are the spine, spinal cord, and brain. They also like any bone. My uncles presented as a catch in his shoulder, he was dead in 6 months. Common thinking is all men get prostate cancer if they live long enough, some just get it sooner than others. The surgeries for Prostate cancer truly are barbaric. Do you want to live or do you want to LIVE.

Remember, it's only gay if you back into it.