Currently driving an 85 Buick that I got for free and have put at least its value in repair in, so it runs like a charm. AC is shot, the engine light is always on, the driver's seat reclines if anyone over 170lbs sits in it, and the gear indicator is two clicks off. (So, when you're in neutral on the indicator, you're in overdrive.)

In high school, my brother discovered that the keys to his 90s Buick, and his friend's 80s Pontiac were basically interchangeable. Not only the doors, but the ignition. His buddy could never figure out who was moving his car during the day or how.

My favorite car was my first car. It was my grandmother's 1985 Cadillac DeVille. She bought it brand new and owned it for eighteen years. In that time, it had been in three major accidents, stolen three times, and vandalized once. It still ran very well when I got it, even though the leather seats were completely torn and there was no radio. There was also no front bumper, so I had to use a piece of wood. That car looked like a piece of shiat, but I really miss it. Good times were had in that car.

I have had more than a few beaters. Some had some unusual issues. The oddest one was a 91 Mercury Tracer LTS (a glorified escort) in which the starter would come on every time I pressed the clutch in. I drove it over 15k miles never putting the clutch in more than halfway since that would avoid having the starter come on at say 65 mph. BTW, screw Mercury. It was a suck-ass car. List of issues (all before 75k miles, when I dumped it): aforementioned starter issue, once when I released the parking brake one or more of the rear pads stayed steadfastly fused to its rotor, 3 of 4 power windows died, one rear tail light was always full of water, and the car would buck and surge sometimes due to a poor connection in the wiring to the maf sensor.

archichris: archichris:
Why does fark keep changing things i type into 'boobies'?

Lol, filterpwned.

It doesn't like the word "firѕt" in conjunction with other words, such as "my" and "post" and things like that.

almost forgot one. The water pump suddenly started leaking one day and cooked the timing belt.

Does it count that my car's trunk has about three cubic centimeters of usable space available when it's completely empty?

I have an RX8 (yes, I'm insane enough to be driving it in the Canadian winter) and a dead midget wouldn't be able to fit in that trunk.

After reading every single post in this thread I am sad that I have never had a beater. Sure, my '89 Camry Wagon with 240k miles looked like it should be a beater, but it wasn't. Too bad the frame rusted through in multiple spots. Everything else worked.

University of South Florida, Zeta Dorm, Spring, 1981. 15 guys kick in $10 and purchase a 1973 Pontiac Gran Ville 4 door hardtop with a 455. The car can be started with a screwdriver, which is handy. Christened the LOSER CRUISER, it is painted flat black with a giant skull and cross bones covering the massive hood. The roof is removed with a circular saw. It is abandoned wherever it runs out of gas and after 2 weeks and a short conversation with the University Police, it is driven down to the dining hall and sledge hammer hits are sold. The funds raised pay for one hell of a party.

/The good old days.
//Couldn't get away with it today.

I have to do everything...

archichris: 8- The hood vent is an aluminum home roof vent.


Make that yourself, did you?

My first car fell in the "Only You Can Operate This Vehicle" category. In 1996 I had a 1988 Isuzu I-Mark where the engine would randomly shut off. Finally figured out you had to keep it above a certain RPM at all times which was fun since it was an automatic.

I wanted to reminisce and share a pic with you all, but I couldn't find a decent picture on the internets. I was surprised, I thought you could find anything on the information superhighway.

/knows nothing about cars
//or the internets
///or slashies

Aw. The days of beater cars.

My first car was an '86 Buick Le Sabre ... 2 door. It had literally been my grandmother's.

Anyway it was one of the first cars to have computerized stuff in it. Problem was it didn't work well. The car would stall while driving at high-speed and then the engine would catch again ... made a horrible smell too. Weird stuff. Took 3 different mechanics but someone found the problem and fixed it eventually.

Other things: the seat backs had plastic pins in them that broke so we had plywood to hold them up.

The electronics were shoddy in general. Sometimes I'd be driving and the speedometer would just die. No idea how fast I was going. Then it would just start working again.

Replaced just about everything replaceable on it at one time or another. Sadly the electronics finally did it in. Somehow the auto transmission decided to down-shift while I was going about 80 on the highway. Engine threw a rod at that point. Its a bad day when pretty much every warning light comes on on the dash at once. Pulled over, knew I was farked when I could see a nice streak of oil all over the interstate.

Miss that car though. It was fast and it got decent mileage. Built like a tank too. I hit a deer one night on a two lane highway. It was night and I was going probably 60 or so. Never even saw it. Had cruise on. Saw a streak a felt a "WHOMP". Broke the headlight and the grill and bent the fender a bit. $25 bucks at a junk-yard was all it took to fix that one. The deer didn't fare so well. I was probably lucky the thing didn't come through the windshield.

Also drove a 79 Datsun pickup for awhile. Looked like crap but you could not kill that thing. Had almost 200k miles on it and the only work that had ever been done was a clutch replacement. Started every time and got 40+ MPG. I was stupid to get rid of it. Probably some kid still driving it now.

Grouchy Old Bear: Everyone Shut Up!!

Meet the reason I wasn't laid till 19.



I have you all beat.

That is an improvement over a 79 Pinto wagon with a "Sex Instructor: First Lesson Free" bumper sticker.

/My mother was a sick, sick woman.
//Great sense of humor though.

"True, reactions like those are awesome. Well they would be, if you weren't driving a '87 Nissan Stanza."

What about an '87 Nissan 200SX?

My radio hasn't worked in since about '02, my speedometer bounces around wildly whenever I'm going between about 35 to 45 mph, the paint is flaking, all the rubber seals around the doors and moon roof let whistling air in over 50 mph, the gas gauge doesn't go up past 4/5ths of a tank even when the tank is full, I had the mechanic snap the latch rather than fix the gas tank door, the antenna is bent, there are rips in the upholstery, the dash is sun bleached and it doesn't even have the 'cooler' bigger engine. Oh, and the paint is peeling off the bumper exposing the bright yellow plastic underneath, which wouldn't be so bad except the car is red.

Still better than farker dieselfrost's car though. He hit a phone pole and never got the dent fixed. His trunk and hood won't close without serious effort and whenever it rains the trunk gets flooded.

Oh, and my car does get upper 20's mpg, fit in pretty tight parking spaces, and it's paid for. (Actually, my dad gave it to me almost ten years ago because it wasn't worth trading in...)

bad ride is better than a good walk anyday

I have a 1994 mazda 626 manual with 112k miles on it. It needs a new muffler and the struts are gone. I don't know any other problems with it besides a couple of door dings. Should I buy a new car or is it worth it to stick with this one? I could probably afford a new Toyota Matrix. Thanks farkers, I love you.

My first car (Hyundai Pony) was such a beater that the Neon after it was a luxury upgrade.

Car thieves agreed. No one ever stole the Pony even though you could open the doors with a small stick.

Still, as a four-door hatchback with fold down seats, you could move a hell of a lot in it for the size.

Best beater I ever owned: 1984 Ford F-150. That truck truly was a tank. It had the "straight six" engine that would. not. die. One night I was about 10 miles from home when the valve cover gasket blew and it started losing oil pressure like mad. I dropped into 2nd and limped home. Next day I put on a new gasket, drained out and replaced the remaining oil and the filter, and started her up. She ran just like new, the oil pump had survived and there was no engine damage. I never should have sold that truck.

Worst beater: 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Apparently the previous owner didn't know the meaning of the words "preventive maintenance". In the year and a half that I owned it I rebuilt the transfer case, replaced the distributor and the crank sensor, did a full tune-up, and it still left me stranded at red lights every now and then. It was nothing but a money pit, though I will say it was the most versatile used vehicle I ever owned. One day during a flood I forded a foot of standing water on the highway while everyone around me looked on in envy. That damn thing would go just about anywhere as long as you could keep at least two wheels on the ground.

My second car was a '77 Monte Carlo. The thing was enormous. The doors were as long as a normal car. I had to be careful where I parked because I was liable to swat someone when I opened it.

At some point in its past the entire driver's side, from bumper to bumper, had been mashed in. It had no exhaust system whatsoever -- the exhaust just floated out from under the engine manifold.

I got it when a guy where I worked overheard me mention that my first car (a righteous POS itself) had finally given out. He said he had a spare car I could have. "How much do you want for it?" "Oh man, you haven't seen this car. I couldn't take your money. You'll just have to turn the title over to a tow company at some point anyway." He was right. It threw a rod outside of Dayton exactly 30 days later. But hey, that was 30 days of not taking the bus.

I thought mine was bad. A lot of these stories made me feel better and laugh my ass off. I guess I'll keep my Oldsmobile Delta 88 for a little longer, especially after getting the spanish inquisition from the used car dealer. I have a car phone that still works. My blinker doesn't blink, I have to manually push it up and down. Water leaks in onto me and girls that I foolishly drive around in my car. I thought spray painting the roof would cover up the peeling paint and not look to horrible, I was wrong.

I sounded like a hot rod for a while when my exhaust pipe broke in half. When the mechanic tried driving it into the garage the brake fluid gushed out and he jammed it in park to prevent it from rolling onto the highway. That was the second time that happened to me, the first one I was driving when the brakes went. The transmission fluid leaks out all the time, twice while driving. I stalled near the beach and pushed my car out of peoples way because I was blocking traffic, I had to jump in it and slam the brakes to keep it from going into the ocean. I keep my sideview mirror on with duct tape. When girls pull down the mirror on the visor it falls off. My CD player was put in in such a way that you can't get CD's into it. It gets roughly 15 mpg.

Cthulhain: 1984 Ford F-150. That truck truly was a tank. It had the "straight six" engine that would. not. die.

That Ford straight 6 is legendary for that. My aforementioned first car had one. It ran for 3 years longer than anyone's wildest imagination would have dreamed, and, even broken down, I actually sold it for $450 because of the engine. Made $50 on it.

Farkomatic: 1. U
2. N
3. I
4. O
5. N
6. L
7. A
8. B
9. O
10. R

First read that as:

1. U
2. N
3. I
4. B
5. O
6. D
7. Y

Jedekai: 1999 Ford SVT Cobra (Complete with V-10 Terminator engine)

looks like any other '97-'04 Mustang

No. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that's not a 1999 Cobra. That's a 96-98.

94-95: Horizontal tail-lights, no special hood for Cobra
96-98: Vertical tail-lights, nostril hood for Cobra as shown in your pic, no clock pod on the dash of the '98 models
99-04: Boxy 'edge' restyling
05+: new style

I highly doubt that you got that car for $4,250 with a 400 horse/460 torque V10 engine under the hood, and I also doubt that you put a $1500 transmission behind it. That's way too cheap for the car, and WAAAAY too cheap for a NEW transmission capable of handling that amount of torque, such as a Tremec TKO. If you really did put a $1500 tranny behind it, I hope you've got money put away to buy another new one fairly soon. If you're serious about adding a turbo and intercooler to what is already a beast of a car, you certainly wouldn't have cheaped out on the transmission like that. You won't be able to do that job for anywhere close to $500 either. It'll cost you $500 just to get the thing tuned correctly so it won't eat head gaskets like they're Werther's Originals, not to mention the creative duct-work required to shimmy a turbo and intercooler (which new, will also cost well over $500) into an engine bay already crammed full with a big-ass V10. But what do I know, right?

i was surprised. that was actually a well written AND funny article. good find subby.

my bro's [our previous] 96 caravan, 3.0 v6, is a piece of crap beater. 214,000 kms. got it in 1998.
it's required like $3000 in work/labour in the past year and a half.
in the 12 years it's been in the family [most of this occured in the past 5 years]
- clockspring broke [no horn, windshield wipers were possessed, turn signals F**ked, etc. we got that fixed real quick]
- a bunch of new tires [the back left side tire blew up twice or three times in 6 months a year or two back]
- new brakes
- suspension work, ball joints, etc.
- powersteering "froze" / stopped working suddenly on a highway.
- rust on main body underparts, wheelwells
- right side black mid-door line trim fell off
- back hatch hasn't been able to open for the past year [have to use side doors instead. it's a pain in the ass]
- steering's slowly going on the fritz again lately
- serpentine belt replaced twice
- a/c went out once, years ago. replaced it, it went out again a few years later
- oil leaks / oil usage [it was very bad before, but better now after some repairs]
- water pump, radiator replaced. it liked to overheat in the summer.
- wasn't warming up quickly, wasn't giving good heat. the thermostat was then replaced.
- a few failed batteries
- starter starting to grind when van is started
- headlights growing dim / foggy [common]
- rear lights went out more than once [one at a time, tho... we'd always have one working at any one time]

that's all i can think of for now.

good points about it:
- good stock stereo system
- always good wet weather and winter/snow traction
- good dash control placements / positioning
- absolutely no transmission problems for all the time we've owned it [1998-present]. [knock on wood]. still shifts pretty well. hell, it shifts better than our 1999 Toyota Sienna.

Cockpuncher to the stars
Cthulhain: 1984 Ford F-150. That truck truly was a tank. It had the "straight six" engine that would. not. die.

That Ford straight 6 is legendary for that. My aforementioned first car had one. It ran for 3 years longer than anyone's wildest imagination would have dreamed, and, even broken down, I actually sold it for $450 because of the engine. Made $50 on it.

THIS!

i've heard nothing but good things about the ford inline six
and the dodge slant six.
i eventually want to get a ford car or truck with that in it,
and/or 70's or 80's dodge or plymouth with the slant six.
[oh and i heard the old 318 is pretty good as well]

why oh why did ford replace the inline with the horrible 4.2L v6 in 1997??? [derived from the horrible 3.8L v6 found in windstars and taurus']

'82 Mercury Lynx. Gave me so much hassle I replaced the "L" with a "J" from a Jetta so it was more honest.

The "start" contact burned out on the key switch so I re-wired it to the cigarette lighter.

Yes, you had to hold in the lighter to crank the engine.

coyote71: coyote71: The engine likes to flood, the car always farking stalls. And the seat cushion's got a big rip so a spring always pokes the balls. Plus the door locks are busted, got to use a farking coat hanger. And if a girlie ever sees the car, there's no chance you'll ever bang her.

But you're too wide for drive thru and you smell like the shoe, but I'm too broke to buy something new. Oh, fark me.

I present the worst car I've ever driven:

">

The 1985 Chrysler LeBaron(not mine shown)

-A soft top in a New England climate, the roof was more duct tape than whatever cheap cloth it was made out of.
-The driverside seat belt broke in a very loose position so I had to tie a knot in it to get some tension
-Sometimes the radio would buzz. This signaled the car would not restart without a jump
-The windshield wiper motor gave out mid downpour
-The exhaust system was more duct tape than metal (notice a pattern?)
-The passenger side window wouldn't go back up under its own power
-Near the end, it wouldn't shift into park so I had to put it into neutral and put the emergency break on
-The steel belt came out of the back right tire
-We had to bribe my mechanic with a 12 pack of beer to have it pass inspection

1968 Corvette that was badly in need of a frame-off restoration.

Electrical gremlins (lights didn't come on 1/2 the time) + poor vacuum so the headlights didn't come up all the way without help. Same thing with the windshield wipers (vacuum-operated door covering the wipers didn't come up most of the time).

The worst? Front brakes didn't work.

I spent most of the time while driving during my 2nd year in college planning my stops in advance.

Ahhhh the beater thread ..

First .. to my person that was touting the 10 year warranty on the Hyundai must NOT have owned one before they started standing by their crap.
My first car was a 88 Hyundai Excel, simmering pile of crap that it was .. it didn't start the very next morning after I bought it! It sat on the side of the road more than I drove it.

I followed that car with a 88 Audi 90 (5 speed 5 cylinder), which to a 20 year old kid was true luxury. However, on a grocery store clerk salary that car was UNpossible to maintain. Every screw that came off was over $300 to fix. After a while ever thing i did I had to add 30 minutes to my planning time because I would have to start the car and after appx. 10 minutes it would idle down to uselessness and could not be driven and then would magically idle back up. After about 15-20 minutes.

I followed that with a 96 VW Passat that was totaled in a week, so then I got a 94 VW Jetta .. oh the electrical hilarity ensues. Everything in the car stopped working about one month after I bought it, the radio, the dashboard lights etc...
I rode around for 3 years with a portable stereo on the front seat. All of the windows except the driver's window fell down and were propped up inside the doors with 2x4's. I kept a large sheet of flexible clear stiff plastic in the trunk for this purpose. Then the drivers seat bolts rusted and if you slid back too far the seat came completely off track and I had to drive holding the steering wheel until I could find my brother. He was the only one that could get it back on track.

Finally in 03 I bought my 99 Jeep Grand Cherokee Lmt V8. I picked it up at about 64k and had to replace the transfer case immediately. After that I honestly have no complaints about it for the first three years, then it started going to hell. The blower moter went out and my heat blew hot on the drivers side and frigid cold on the passenger side. My radiator started leaking coolant at the rate of one bottle per week, the transmission started knocking and the axle started cracking. Earlier this year I parked at the commuter lot and returned to find a truck missing a hood, air filter coolant box in the engine! (All that but not the whole car!) I finally let her go at 140K, Chicago winters are too harsh to worry about that as a woman with no mechanical skills.

I just replaced her with a 04 VW Touareg V6 .. we'll see how it goes.

Mmmmkaay: Finally in 03 I bought my 99 Jeep Grand Cherokee Lmt V8. I picked it up at about 64k and had to replace the transfer case immediately. After that I honestly have no complaints about it for the first three years, then it started going to hell. The blower moter went out and my heat blew hot on the drivers side and frigid cold on the passenger side. My radiator started leaking coolant at the rate of one bottle per week, the transmission started knocking and the axle started cracking. Earlier this year I parked at the commuter lot and returned to find a truck missing a hood, air filter coolant box in the engine! (All that but not the whole car!) I finally let her go at 140K, Chicago winters are too harsh to worry about that as a woman with no mechanical skills.

I just replaced her with a 04 VW Touareg V6 .. we'll see how it goes.


Oh and my airbag too .. the hood, the air filter box and the airbag. Stripped at the commuter rail lot .. they knew I'd be gone all day.

My first car was an 87 Volvo 240, looked like this:

only gold.

Got it from someone who spun out on I95 in the rain, trunk was smashed in. My uncle took a pressure jack, popped the trunk back in place, the latch even worked. Power windows, well 3 of them were, other one didn't move. Was a leak somewhere with the power steering, so I just stopped putting the fluid in, I needed the exercise anyways. Parking brake didn't work. AC was broken... in Florida. As long as you kept moving though the breeze was enough. Odometer wasn't working when I got it, so who knows how many miles it had. It leaked something in addition to power steering fluid, not sure what. I don't think it was oil, because I never had it changed, but the car kept running the entire time I had it.

I Paid something like $800-900 for the Volvo, and they gave me $1000 for it towards a used 2000 Toyota Corolla a few years later! Still drive the Corolla, has 88k miles now.

I take better care of the Toyota, but it's still an old, used car, and I prefer it that way for 2 very important reasons:
1) it's paid off
2) dings, dents, scratches, eh, not gunna stress over them

Wow, this thread is one of the best I've seen in years.

Here's a rundown of the fun cars I've been able to be a part of over the years - each one rocked; each one cost under $1500.

1974 Volvo 144: $100. Saved my life in a very nasty wreck. Sky-blue exterior and..interior. Full-on suspension from IPD made the twisties fun until ass-end kicked out while going too fast and..crunch. Car was bent like a banana. I'd be dead if it wasn't for the safety bars in the doors.

1972 Volvo 144: $250. Fun car, 4spd with Overdrive. Ran great, graduation present from Dad was a full repaint and bodywork. Car backfired through paper-element aircleaners on both SUs and burned to the ground. I had a nice, new-looking car for two weeks.

1982 Volvo 240: $500. Nice car - did all the bodywork and resprayed and sold far, far too cheap to sister's idiot retard BF.

1966 Volvo 123GT: Free. Yep - actual, real 123GT found under a tree. Owner said if I could start the car up before nightfall and get her out of there, she was mine. Cleaned out the carbs, both floatbowls, cleaned the points, jumped the battery and vroom! We were outta there!

1966 Checker Cab: $1500. Still own this car to this day. New (stiffer) springs from Detroit Eaton, 4-Bolt Chevy 350 built up for me by a friend at Hanscom AFB pushing roughly 350 horses and 400ft/lb. Muncie M20. More fun than you can shake a stick at.

1986 GMC Jimmy: $1000. Fullsize Jimmy. Ugh, what a POS this was. Each and every bolt was made of cheese. Emmissions-grade Quadrajet looked Geigeresque and had more vacuum connections than anything I've ever seen. 305 V8 was definition of gutless crap until you encountered the TH700R4, which shifted as well as a schitzophrenic with altzheimers. Replaced by...

1984 Ford Bronco XLT: $1000. Fullsize with 351. C6 and full towing package. Ran fantastic, had tons of power, nice interior and...got 9MPG if you were lucky. That was a very, very fun truck. Sold when couldn't pass the sniffer no matter what.

1966 Chevy BelAire. $500. Christened the 'HellAire' by friends, fantastic, solid big 4 door sedan with 'little' 283 V8 and powerglide. Still own this car, too. Handles amazing well for such a big car, freaked out my VW friend by taking a right-hand corner at an outrageous amount of speed and the car simply shrugged and went around with no fuss, no squealing. No power steering, no power brakes, 4 wheel drums. Replaced cylinder heads, put in a nice cam and promptly discovered that small-block Chevys with original rings will ask for their rings to be replaced next. Low compression = car in storage until I can either rebuild the 283 or possibly try my hand at seeing what she's like with a 427 or 454.

Which brings me to my current car:

1982 Mercedes 300SD Diesel: $1000. Picked up the car in Boulder, CO, drove all the way back to Maine in 36 hours, straight. Put 36,000 on the car in one year, bringing up the total mileage to 332,842. Uses very little oil (half-quart every 1000 miles), starts in the cold (7deg.F the lowest so far) and regularly gets 28MPG - which is fine for a cal that weighs 3500lbs. I did have to put in about $2500 to bring all the maintenance stuffs back up to date (new radiator, timing chain, water pump, etc.) but did all the work myself, as I have on all of my cars. Pretty quick for a Diesel.

Worked on cars all my life; all shapes sizes and colors. Beater cars can be an incredible amount of fun, providing you get something that doesn't decide to use you like a disposable crack whore.

Mmmmkaay: Mmmmkaay: Finally in 03 I bought my 99 Jeep Grand Cherokee Lmt V8. I picked it up at about 64k and had to replace the transfer case immediately. After that I honestly have no complaints about it for the first three years, then it started going to hell. The blower moter went out and my heat blew hot on the drivers side and frigid cold on the passenger side. My radiator started leaking coolant at the rate of one bottle per week, the transmission started knocking and the axle started cracking. Earlier this year I parked at the commuter lot and returned to find a truck missing a hood, air filter coolant box in the engine! (All that but not the whole car!) I finally let her go at 140K, Chicago winters are too harsh to worry about that as a woman with no mechanical skills.

I just replaced her with a 04 VW Touareg V6 .. we'll see how it goes.


Oh and my airbag too .. the hood, the air filter box and the airbag. Stripped at the commuter rail lot .. they knew I'd be gone all day.

What was the ultimate fate of your Hyundai? Asking because I had one, too.

It got me there... most of the time.

I drive an 89 Buick so I'm really getting a kick... Aww shiat who am I kidding I could cry.

Cockpuncher to the Stars: Cthulhain: 1984 Ford F-150. That truck truly was a tank. It had the "straight six" engine that would. not. die.

That Ford straight 6 is legendary for that. My aforementioned first car had one. It ran for 3 years longer than anyone's wildest imagination would have dreamed, and, even broken down, I actually sold it for $450 because of the engine. Made $50 on it.

I've got one of those. Sounds like it has a rod knock, enough so that I put a real oil pressure gauge on it. Doesn't drop at all on/off the gas, so I kept driving it. And have for over a year. (of course, that's probably like 3K miles, because I only drive it when I actually have to haul stuff.)

Merging onto the highway requires planning, however... (I wanted either a Chevy or Studebaker, but Ford was what was in my price range...)

i am an auto service advisor...this shiat is CRACKING me up..
anyone want a perfectly good 1999 saturn sc2?? worked on at my shop///suddenly the custodial parent of 2 kids who cant legally ride in it?