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(NJ.com)   Billy Mays and the other TV pitchmen are cleaning up better than a sheet of ShamWow during these tough economic times. This story is free - all you have to pay is a shipping and processing charge   (nj.com) divider line 442
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15725 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2009 at 7:22 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-01-05 08:10:10 PM
Lionel Mandrake: Watch it, Billy, Vince is expanding his empire.

I saw that tonight! WTF?
 
2009-01-05 08:10:42 PM
i166.photobucket.com
 
2009-01-05 08:12:19 PM
So I ordered 4 all white Snuggies for my family and I for when we go to the game. They have ones with hoods if you know what to say when you order.
 
2009-01-05 08:12:51 PM
snltranscripts.jt.org


Janet Miles: Hello, and welcome to "Amazing Time Savers", your home shopping connection. I'm Janet Miles. As always, operators are standing by to take your calls. And you will certainly want to call my guest on today's show. He brings with him an extraordinary, time-saving invention. But I'm gonna let him tell you all about it. Please welcome, Richard Hayden!


Richard Hayden: Thanks, Janet! Thanks for having me on this show. Now, Janet, do you like pasta?

Janet Miles: I love pasta! But the problem is, I never have the time to make it.

Richard Hayden: Really? If I told you that you could have a good-tasting pasta meal, prepared in less than five minutes.. what would you say?

Janet Miles: I'd say you're a few bricks shy of a load!



Richard Hayden: Well, Janet, I'm not! And you know what? I'm going to demonstrate my pasta-maker for you and your audience. Do you think your audience would like that?



Janet Miles: This I have to see! Now, this is a complicated process. Right, Richard?

Richard Hayden: No. My pasta-maker is easy to operate, because the directions are easy to follow.

Janet Miles: Well, we've heard that before: you buy an appliance with easy-to-follow directions, and you get it home, and you need a Ph.D to figure it out. Usually, this "easy direction" stuff is a big lie.. like the Holocaust! Now, are your directions really easy to follow? Or is it just another Holocaust-type scam?

Richard Hayden: Uh.. they're, uh.. they're, uh.. easy to follow.. they, uh.. involve, uh.. three easy steps..

Janet Miles: Well, does the audience want to see these three easy steps to good-tasting pasta?



Richard Hayden: O..kay.. Well, you just pour in the flour.. ..the egg and water mix.. in the egg and water ..and that's it. Hit the button, and look. Here comes the pasta

Janet Miles:
So incredible! And so fast! Well, let's take some phone calls! I'm sure people want to find out more about this amazing machine! Caller, you're on "Timesavers"!

Caller #1: Are you insane?! Did you just say that the Holocaust was a lie?!

Janet Miles: Listen.. there is no way of ever knowing if the Holocaust actually happened. But we do know this is an amazing pasta-maker. Next caller. You're on "Timesaver"!

Caller #2: This is unbelievable..

Janet Miles: Isn't it! That pasta came out in less than three minutes!

Caller #2: No! I mean, how when I first tuned in to the show, I told my husband how I thought you had crazy eyes.. then, like, a minute later, you said that thing about the Holocaust.. I was right. You are completely insane!

Janet Miles: And so are you, if you don't order this amazing pasta-maker! Thanks for your call! Well, Richard, this pasta-maker is truly amazing! And it's made here in America, isn't it?

Richard Hayden: Yes.. It's.. it's an American appliance that makes Italian food.

Janet Miles: That's great! Because, if you're like me, you're tired of buying from the Jap! Everywhere you turn, it's a Jap product. They're taking over! At least with Pearl Harbor, we knew we were getting attacked.. but with this invasion of Nip products, it's even sneakier, you know?

Richard Hayden: Uh.. yeah.. Well, it's made here in the U.S.A., Janet.. And do you know what's the best part? The price!

Janet Miles: Okay, here comes the catch.. this has to cost a lot of money. Your invention makes good-tasting pasta in under four minutes. It's durable and so simple to use, even a Puerto Rican can figure it out! And it makes enough for a family of six. Now, this must cost at least $200. Am I right?

Richard Hayden: Yeah.. uh.. I mean no. It's much less.. it's $39.95.. But I just want to say..

Janet Miles: I know. Let's take some more calls and sell some pasta-makers! Caller, you're on "Time Savers"!


Caller #3: [ speaks in Spanish ]

Janet Miles: Who, whoa, whoa! Pepe! Pepe! Slow down! We'll have to find a Spanish-speaking operator to take your order. Next caller, you're on "Timesavers"!

Caller #4: Listen to me, you crazy biatch! I'm gonna find out where you live, and you will pay!!

Janet Miles: Me pay? Why don't you pay, for one of these pasta-makers? You simply cannot go wrong at $39.95. Call now, because you couldn't buy it cheaper off a drunken Indian! The orders are pouring in, and we'll see you, next time on "Amazing Time Savers"!
 
2009-01-05 08:13:20 PM
Mary_Contrary: Quit handling it so much and just ship it already!

The postage is too much without all that handling.


I ran a business on eBay and I made more profit off shipping and handling fees than the actual cost of the item. I would even undercut myself and recoup that loss on the shipping. People won't buy something that's expensive but will pay out of their nose to ship and handle that really great deal you just got.

I don't try to understand, only exploit it.
 
2009-01-05 08:13:38 PM
img.photobucket.com

img.photobucket.com

Shop anyone?
 
2009-01-05 08:13:44 PM
danar75: /more LOLs for anyone who even dares to wear a Snuggie to an outdoor sporting event

Naw... wear it to church!

I think somewhere a cult had a huge order outstanding but committed suicide or something, so now the importer's stuck with a shiatton of comfy cult robes

img.qj.net
So why, I ask, it just doesn't make much sense
That a man of my stature should have to wear a dress
I mean what, may I inquire, were you thinking on that day
When you conjured up for a man like me a robe that looks so gaaaaaay
 
2009-01-05 08:14:58 PM
I love this thread so much that I'd pay 19.99 plus shipping and handling to read it again.
 
2009-01-05 08:15:30 PM
I swear to god if I ever win the lottery I'm gonna sit in front of the TV with a phone and a credit card and order every $19.99 piece of shiat that comes on.
 
2009-01-05 08:15:40 PM
www.theoverbays.net
 
2009-01-05 08:15:58 PM
i228.photobucket.com

Does anyone else want this to happen to ShamWow! Vince?
 
2009-01-05 08:16:47 PM
Runs_With_Scissors_: aimtastic: Had trouble operating one of those confusing blankets like the lady in the commercial?


Does your blanket keep falling off your feet?


Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
 
2009-01-05 08:17:03 PM
I know I don't want to settle for boring tuna.
 
2009-01-05 08:17:25 PM
D0m0_kun: Does anyone else want this to happen to ShamWow! Vince?

If only I knew how to display the HERO tag... Spiffy would do work too...
 
2009-01-05 08:17:58 PM
All I know is that the Nicer Dicer and PedoEgg are great products. The rest of that stuff is (probably) overpriced garbage. Besides, the stuff I use paper towels on could never be rinsed out of a porous chamois-like cloth product. I don't clean my toilet rim until I can't tell what color the porcelain used to be.
 
2009-01-05 08:18:01 PM
Paris1127: D0m0_kun: Does anyone else want this to happen to ShamWow! Vince?

If only I knew how to display the HERO tag... Spiffy would work too...


That's better
 
2009-01-05 08:18:05 PM
www.freeimagehosting.net
ALL HAIL HYPNOSHAM
 
2009-01-05 08:18:08 PM
Jubeebee:

Did you ever see Team Roomba's "Meet the scout" video?

BOINK BONK
 
2009-01-05 08:18:31 PM
There are some people in this world where if I saw them on the news being arrested for child molestation, murder, or other crimes against humanity, I wouldn't be surprised. This guy is one of those people.
 
2009-01-05 08:18:50 PM
GimpyNip: Germans review Shammy (new window)

Was that Arnold?
 
2009-01-05 08:20:14 PM
i7.photobucket.com
 
2009-01-05 08:20:24 PM
TheShavingofOccam123: "They were made in Germany. And you know the Germans always make good stuff."

www-sul.stanford.edu
 
2009-01-05 08:20:53 PM
i215.photobucket.com
 
2009-01-05 08:21:39 PM
First time I saw ShamWow was during South Park and I was sure it was one of those bogus joke ads they do on the show from time to time.
 
2009-01-05 08:21:55 PM
dosethemost: So I ordered 4 all white Snuggies for my family and I for when we go to the game. They have ones with hoods if you know what to say when you order.

Long white robes? With hoods? Exactly what kind of "Game" are we talking about here?
 
2009-01-05 08:22:19 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A9fmnAsgdg

Why hasnt anyone posted this yet?
 
2009-01-05 08:22:20 PM
dandelion whine: Still waiting on my Snuggies.

You what we used to call 'snuggies'?

Reverse wedgies.
 
2009-01-05 08:22:57 PM
farm4.static.flickr.com

www.robfleming.net

yep
 
2009-01-05 08:23:36 PM
img185.imageshack.us

Should submit this for photoshopping.
 
2009-01-05 08:24:14 PM
MilesTeg: yep

uhuhuhuhuh
uhuhuhuhuh
uhuhuhuhuh
 
2009-01-05 08:24:25 PM
TheGreatGildersleeve: dosethemost: So I ordered 4 all white Snuggies for my family and I for when we go to the game. They have ones with hoods if you know what to say when you order.

Long white robes? With hoods? Exactly what kind of "Game" are we talking about here?


It's that game where you have to set the other team's goalposts on fire.
 
2009-01-05 08:25:41 PM
i533.photobucket.com.
 
2009-01-05 08:26:05 PM
---------------
ToxicMunkee 2009-01-05 04:56:59 PM

I have some Snuggies. Only they're in two pieces and called "sweat pants" and "sweat shirts." When my feet are cold I put on things called "socks."
-----------------

That's just crazy talk.
 
2009-01-05 08:26:05 PM
i228.photobucket.com

I'll prolly get banned for the cursing in this but....

/needs more shamwow pics
//shut your mouth when billy mays is talking!
 
2009-01-05 08:26:55 PM
www.infomercial-hell.com


Santo Gold baby. yeah
 
2009-01-05 08:27:16 PM
img.photobucket.com

Troy McClure is the king of infomercials
 
2009-01-05 08:30:00 PM
A couple Thanksgivings ago my family and I watched a thirty minute infomercial about a hydroponic herb garden that sits on your kitchen counter. The man went on to show oregano, chives and other herbs being grown but I wonder how many people bought the thing to grow 'dro.

i517.photobucket.com
 
2009-01-05 08:30:52 PM
 
2009-01-05 08:31:36 PM
Persepolis: Is it me, or does he look like a live-action version of Moe Syzlack?

I came here to post this.
 
2009-01-05 08:33:07 PM
bp2.blogger.com

"¡Soy loco por los Cornballs!"

/Came here for this
//hotter than the grease inside
 
2009-01-05 08:33:24 PM
I love you people.
 
2009-01-05 08:33:26 PM
talldarknstinky: All I know is that the Nicer Dicer and PedoEgg are great products...

i408.photobucket.com

PedoEgg?
(super Q & D, like you didn't know)
 
2009-01-05 08:34:18 PM
dandelion whine: Love my ShamWow!

Still waiting on my Snuggies.

I may need to do something about my insomnia before I go broke.


HAHAHA - We have that problem. They look so bright and shiny and good in the glow of 4 AM. Is the Shamwow everything you hoped for? My boyfriend is convinced that the spokesman has managed to turn a meth problem into a lucrative career - I say good for him. However, we just talked last night about how much we need one (but you get 5!)Let me know how the snuggies are. I was going to get one for the snuggy, but more importantly, the book light. The only thing that stops me is the red, white and blue motif, and that I got a book light for Christmas (and yet, no snuggly?)
 
2009-01-05 08:34:29 PM
cksewell: A couple Thanksgivings ago my family and I watched a thirty minute infomercial about a hydroponic herb garden that sits on your kitchen counter. The man went on to show oregano, chives and other herbs being grown but I wonder how many people bought the thing to grow 'dro.

Chives (the tallest of the normal herbs) can reach about 16" in height, which seems a little tall for that small hydro setup. The average hydro pot plant is 3 feet tall and they can get a lot taller than that.

I'd rather get a small fish tank and some spores to grow my own shrooms.

I mean herbs. yeah. Herbs.
 
2009-01-05 08:35:28 PM
SharkInfested: dandelion whine: Love my ShamWow!

Still waiting on my Snuggies.

I may need to do something about my insomnia before I go broke.

HAHAHA - We have that problem. They look so bright and shiny and good in the glow of 4 AM. Is the Shamwow everything you hoped for? My boyfriend is convinced that the spokesman has managed to turn a meth problem into a lucrative career - I say good for him. However, we just talked last night about how much we need one (but you get 5!)Let me know how the snuggies are. I was going to get one for the snuggy, but more importantly, the book light. The only thing that stops me is the red, white and blue motif, and that I got a book light for Christmas (and yet, no snuggly?)


Bought my Little Giant ladder at 4am in a hotel room.

/Best god damned ladder EVAR! Heavy as hell though
 
2009-01-05 08:36:25 PM
i22.photobucket.com
 
2009-01-05 08:36:31 PM
mr shamwow looks like a bad Jim Carrey character.
 
2009-01-05 08:37:13 PM
The Sham-Wow commercial is NOT IN REAL TIME!!!
Where's the puddle after the cut?
And I think they pre-soak it for some shots.

What a sham.

WOW.
 
2009-01-05 08:39:02 PM
is it too early for legendary thread?
 
2009-01-05 08:39:08 PM
Seriously, where can I get a Shamwow polo?
 
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