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(Some Geeks)   How best to arm yourself in Middle Earth if you could carry only one person's worth of modern weaponry   ( divider line
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20426 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jan 2003 at 8:34 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

232 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-01-20 03:26:50 PM  
lightsaber. DUH.

As for the WWE thingy... medium sized step ladder (aluminum, of course) and then as many cast-iron frying pans as I can carry.
2003-01-20 03:27:36 PM  
Are there any girls there? Cuz if there are, I WANNA DO THEM!

Good lord, CaptainBurly. A bona-fide Dead Alewives reference. Color me impressed. One of the ex-Alewives (Bo) actually plays rhythm guitar in my band, Random Maxx. I'm also a big Scud the Disposable Assassin fan.

Six people in the world will understand what I'm talking about, but I speak for their benefit.
2003-01-20 03:31:12 PM  
does Scud still exist?

I only got the opportunity to buy a coupla issues, and I would love more.
2003-01-20 03:32:29 PM  
I'd use the Apache! (the helicopter, not the In'jun)
2003-01-20 03:33:06 PM  
Lonestar: Napalm, it's what's for dinner!

Anyone else think of those D&D nerds in that "lightning bolt! lightening bolt" mpeg while reading this?
2003-01-20 03:34:56 PM  
Which just strengthens my point that these people need to get laid. Read my post above to find out how to get yourself a HOT CHICK!!!
2003-01-20 03:37:56 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-20 03:42:00 PM  
These are the people who got their heads flushed in the toilet between classes. I should know, I'm one of them. Poor b*st*rds.
2003-01-20 04:01:01 PM  
and this BB makes it to Fark posting, why? so we can all comment on it, yea.
2003-01-20 04:46:16 PM  
MaxxLarge - here's one, I dunno where you'll find the other 5...

"It's nightblade the halfling thief, and he's carrying a 12 pack of mountain dew."
"No Way! His character is carrying mountain dew too?"
"If I roll a 10 or above, then yes."
*much hilarity ensues*
2003-01-20 04:53:41 PM  
TommyLobo... I thought of the same mpeg! Almost as scary as a real live SCA gathering.
2003-01-20 05:00:29 PM  
I wanna cast Magic Missile!
2003-01-20 05:29:42 PM  
A M-60... and a brand new Russian AK-47, so when the M-60 runs out I can use the AK-47 for backup.... There will be a never ending supply of 7.62 Ammo just 'lying' around.
2003-01-20 05:30:13 PM  
I'd just bring the A-Team. Those guys can make weapons out of anything lying around.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-20 06:01:57 PM  
OICW ownz.
2003-01-20 06:03:03 PM  

Great Refrence from a great book. I doubt you read this far down, but good call.
2003-01-20 06:32:01 PM  
People have mentioned suitcase nukes, but there's actually a portable nuke with some sort of propulsion. As I recall, the 1960s version had a mile and a half or so range, and weighed 50lbs. You had to dig a hole to deploy it because you were in the blast radius. Technology must be better now, and we must be within the 40lb. limit, so that's what I'd take.

I've often imagined going back not to fictional Middle Earth, but to medieval Earth, during a large siege, with such a nuke. Imagine explaining to the king to retreat all his forces. "Yes, sir, retreat your entire army, and I'll go in alone at night. The next day, the enemy castle will be completely gone. Oh, and don't explore the ruins any time soon, just trust me on this one."

But in all seriousness, I'd have to take an AK-47 for reliablility. My sidearm would probably be something light, but with enough power to take down an Orc, like a 9mm.
2003-01-20 06:49:35 PM  
But can a cheeta beat a black bear?
2003-01-20 06:52:37 PM  
2003-01-20 06:53:48 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-01-20 07:21:27 PM  
In this corner, Geek-Bashing Geeks Who Don't Like Certain Other Geeks and Tell Us So (aren't they just dreamy-cool?)

And in this corner, Gun Dorks Who Try To Impress Other Gun Dorks With Useless Gun Knowledge.

Your referee for the night ... Satan.

Welcome to Hell.

~ RL
2003-01-20 07:50:33 PM  
And in this corner, Reverant-Locke, an "I'm better than you dorks, an 'even though I come to Fark and post on the same web-site as you dorks, I'm a better type of dork than you' jackass."
2003-01-20 10:49:05 PM  
NINJA GUN! Not a gun that ninjas use, a gun that shoots ninjas. Real ultimate power and all that...

Or did they mean realistic weapons? *sigh*
2003-01-20 10:56:05 PM  
I would take one of those guns from a Chinese action movie. Those suckers never run out of ammo.
2003-01-21 12:46:26 AM  
That was one delusional group of people on that forum... Wait its happening here at Fark too.

You people are sad.
2003-01-21 03:13:29 AM  
enough with the uzi's. they use weak 9mm ammo. all armies dumped them years ago for assault rifles. even the .223 is pretty weak. a .308 semi-auto or a 12 gauge pump or semi-auto is the only two commonly owned guns that would have the needed stopping power. one pistol in .357 or .44 magnum and a sword and dagger for when the ammo runs out and a good composite bow. there ya go
2003-01-21 04:26:02 AM  
Pinko_Commie: What are you going to do after the first 15 seconds? Throw spent casings at them?

Not a chance, it uses caseless ammo, no casings left :-)

But i should be able to carry about 3000+ rounds, on 3 shot burst that gives me 1000 orcs i can kill.
2003-01-21 04:48:44 AM  
I'd just bring a real live woman as that would suddenly bring a halt to any fighting in Tolkien's world. All participants would be so stunned to see one and they'd drop their weapons. Same thing would of course happen in real life in a battle between Tolkien fanboys.

Beyond that, I'm quite afraid to actually have an opinion on the matter.
2003-01-21 11:31:10 AM  
How about just a 'modern' rifled black powder musket? You can make your own black powder and cast your own miniballs.

The rate of fire sucks, but at least you get a chance to get one kill at long range.

As for the really nasty stuff, like Nazgul, guns would be useless anyway (guns kill by rupturing the body's cellular structure, and anything that is walking dead doesn't have a cellular structure worth worrying about).
2003-01-21 02:48:04 PM  
2003-01-21 05:14:29 PM  
What is pathetic is how much vitriol is being spewed by Farkers that undoubtably have as little, or less, of a life than the average geek on the linked board. How elite does it make you to biatch about some geek posting on a message board when the greatest contribution to society that you've produced in the past ten minutes is to spew off about some other message board?

Here's a clue. If you are posting on any internet message board at all, you are a geek at some level. Face reality.

Personally, I am quite happy to be a geek about many things, including guns, role-playing games, and fantasy novels such as LoTR. Geeking helps keep my brain working when my mindless corporate job seeks to grind me down.

And anyone that includes a Desert Eagle or any sort of autofire capable weapon in such a list is an abject fool.
2003-01-21 07:32:32 PM  

As long as we're getting specific, guns dont kill by 'disrupting the cellular structure' they kill by either 1) severing some part of the nervous system (brain, spinal cord) or by 2) causing massive loss of blood.
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