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(Fark)   Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest, Round 4: October through December (details in thread)   ( divider line
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3937 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Dec 2008 at 2:27 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2008-12-29 01:47:23 PM  
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2008--Round 4. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the TFers vote on the best. These are the 10 best headlines from July, September, and October of this year as voted. Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round, which we'll post later this week. The first two HOY quarterfinals for Round 1 (Jan-Mar) and Round 2 (Apr-Jun) were posted Friday and Saturday, and the thread for Round 3 (Jul-Sep) was posted earlier today. The voting will remain open for all of them until midnight EST and then we'll have the final contest tomorrow around noon EST. After the main HOY contest, I'll be posting a contest for each of the primary subtabs: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to puns and wordplay (my personal favorite every year).

Without further ado, the nominees:
2008-12-29 01:47:47 PM  
Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10
2008-12-29 01:48:10 PM  
Man accuses NYC police of sodomizing him with walkie-talkie. He could be telling the truth, or he could just be talking out of his ass
2008-12-29 01:48:31 PM  
One armed girl swims circles around competition
2008-12-29 01:48:59 PM  
First Ann Coulter has her jaw wired shut, now Rachel Ray is having vocal chord surgery. Sorry atheists, the argument's over and you lose
2008-12-29 01:49:22 PM  
You are what your mother eats. So, if you turn out to be a bit of a dick, you know why
2008-12-29 01:49:55 PM  
Conservative members of Episcopal Church try to beat off pro-gay faction, end up with schism on their hands
2008-12-29 01:50:23 PM  
Jennifer Chu, a doctor distraught by Burmese medical conditions, leading colleagues in Myanmar relief effort. Now that's a Win-Win Sad Chu Asian
2008-12-29 01:52:00 PM  
CPR needs to be done at the tempo of "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees to be effective. Or, if you're not feeling terribly optimistic, "Another One Bites the Dust", by Queen
2008-12-29 01:52:21 PM  
Man running with gun arrested in Loop. Man running with gun arrested in Loop. Man running with gun arrested in Loop. Man running with gun arrested in Loop
2008-12-29 01:52:46 PM  
Pizza delivery driver says his car's wireless rear-view camera system shows pornography when he drives on a certain street every chance he gets
2008-12-29 01:53:08 PM  
Zoo janitor decides to give himself a promotion to animal feeder. He was delicious
2008-12-29 01:53:40 PM  
2 charged in stabbing of 3. In related news, 6 in hiding over fears that 7 8 9
2008-12-29 01:54:07 PM  
Dogs's ear emits radio signals. You can't be sirius
2008-12-29 01:54:32 PM  
Riots, arson continues in Athens. Doesn't anybody know how to put out a Greece fire?
2008-12-29 01:55:19 PM  
Pollution causes smaller penises. Vicious cycle for Hummer drivers
2008-12-29 01:55:48 PM  
New study finds magnet-swallowing is linked to autism. Was previously considered a bipolar disorder
2008-12-29 01:56:09 PM  
Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene
2008-12-29 01:56:36 PM  
UK Police taser runaway sheep. Or as it's known in Wales: "foreplay"
2008-12-29 01:56:57 PM  
Woman brings rabid bat to school. How many children will need $800 vaccinations today? One child...two children...three children....? Ah, ah, ah
2008-12-29 01:57:19 PM  
Ontario appeals court upholds ban on pit bulls. Another victory in the war on terrier
2008-12-29 01:57:40 PM  
A strong earthquake measuring 6.6 on the Richter scale has hit a remote village in Kyrgyzstan. At least 70 people are reported dead and the local bank has slid into default
2008-12-29 01:58:46 PM  
Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouse
2008-12-29 01:59:12 PM  
Man arrested for beating his girlfriend with undisclosed type of sandwich; possibly a club
2008-12-29 01:59:34 PM  
Woman has twins from 13-year-old sperm, surprisingly is not a schoolteacher
2008-12-29 01:59:57 PM  
2,000 year old golden earring found in Jerusalem. How did they find it? Radar, love
2008-12-29 02:01:00 PM  
Study shows same-sex heart transplants to be better. Hordes of people immediately begin attempts to disprove this finding in order to "preserve the sanctity of surgery"
2008-12-29 02:04:47 PM  
Baker trapped in lift for 13 hours -- for anyone else it would've only been 12
2008-12-29 02:05:08 PM  
Cardboard warehouse on fire. Perhaps not the best choice in building materials
2008-12-29 02:06:06 PM  
Man is mauled to death by his dogs when he steps outside for a smoke. He evidently hadn't read the Surgeon General's warning
2008-12-29 02:06:30 PM  
White teacher binds two black students to teach the class about slavery. Jewish students seen changing classes before the Holocaust chapter
2008-12-29 02:06:53 PM  
Man arranges to meet 15-year-old girl for sex :-( But the "girl" was a police officer. :-O Man claims he was entrapped by officer's use of emoticons in email. :- | Man now has to guard his (_|_)
2008-12-29 02:07:12 PM  
One thing to mention, the "win-win sad Chu Asian" headline is from May and should have been in the Round 2 headlines but was accidentally cut while transferring to that contest (I do this stuff manually at the moment; we're working on a way to improve it). I'm listing it in this thread, but will place it into the Round 2 contest based on the number of votes it gets here. It should have been in that contest, but this is the most fair way I can think of to fix that error.
2008-12-29 02:32:48 PM  
Woo! I got both thumbs up for the one armed swimmer!
2008-12-29 02:34:03 PM  
Lots of good options for this period.. much better than the first 2 rounds.
2008-12-29 02:35:15 PM  
You're fired Unfreakable.
2008-12-29 02:36:18 PM  

GooberMcFly: You're fired Unfreakable.

I know, huh?
2008-12-29 02:43:06 PM  
Darn, and here I was looking for the "Old man runs from african american asking for change" one. Oh well.
2008-12-29 02:43:10 PM  
Those are all funny.
2008-12-29 02:43:21 PM  
I cant believe I havent seen the OJ headline "Former runningback becomes Former tightend"

That has to be one of the best ever!
2008-12-29 02:44:32 PM  
This round has so many better choices but Eau De Humanity and Juan Moore missing are my two favorites for this year.
2008-12-29 02:45:16 PM  

FuLinHyu: Darn, and here I was looking for the "Old man runs from african american asking for change" one. Oh well.

I think there will be a Politics contest later, which considering the past year should be a pretty epic selection.
2008-12-29 02:45:56 PM  
Oh man, no attempted arsen?
2008-12-29 02:47:36 PM  
Funniest list of all.
2008-12-29 02:49:05 PM  
2008-12-29 02:49:20 PM  

FuLinHyu: Darn, and here I was looking for the "Old man runs from african american asking for change" one. Oh well.

I liked that one a lot better before I discovered it was nearly a word-for-word Onion ripoff.
2008-12-29 02:49:50 PM  
Pure goodness.
2008-12-29 02:49:57 PM  

This Is A Fark Account: Oh man, no attempted arsen?

It didn't make the top ten for its month.
2008-12-29 02:53:30 PM  
2008-12-29 02:57:00 PM  
Awesome as always. Hard to pick!
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