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(Fark)   Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: April through June (details in thread)   ( divider line
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4385 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2008 at 1:15 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2008-12-27 12:40:39 PM  
Hello and welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2008--Round 2. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the TFers vote on the best. These are the 10 best headlines from April, May, and June of this year as voted. Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round, which we'll post next week. We posted the first HOY contest thread yesterday ( and we're working on getting the last few threads up by Monday. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business, plus a voting thread dedicated entirely to puns and wordplay.

Some of your favorites from April-June might not be on here. That's for two reasons. Reason 1: there were over 25,000 greenlit headlines on Fark this year--and that's just for the main page. It takes a long time to sort out the best and sometimes some really good headlines get lost in that mix. For those, I apologize. There are also some that you might not see here because they've been moved to a separate contest (puns and wordplay especially fall into this category). Reason 2 is that the headlines need to be able to stand on their own. There were some incredibly funny Fark links this year that were awesome because the headline on its own wasn't funny, until you clicked the link, then it was AWESOME. But in this contest, the people that never saw the original linked article wouldn't get it. Feel free to link to any awesome headline you like to share the love, but don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set.

So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like. Have fun!
2008-12-27 12:41:19 PM  
Woman who had phone sex with a man claims he raped her... over the phone. Man says that is impossible, he doesn't even work for Verizon
2008-12-27 12:41:57 PM  
In order to get around the ban in Germany on Hitler's manifesto, historians want to revise it so it deals less with the Aryan race and more with interior design. Book tentatively titled, "Mein Kampfy Chair"
2008-12-27 12:44:00 PM  
Gerbil causes 3-car accident; article doesn't say which gere he was in at the time
2008-12-27 12:44:35 PM  
Teacher found guilty of cramming 13 people at once into his Volvo. Paris Hilton congratulates him on breaking her record before realizing she misunderstood the statement
2008-12-27 12:45:30 PM  
Florida lawmakers pass the take-your-guns-to-work law, otherwise known as the Fark-headline-generator-act of 2008
2008-12-27 12:47:22 PM  
Fishermen narrowly escape death when 40-tonne truck crashes just two feet from their tent. Seriously, you should've seen it, a 60-tonne truck just six inches away
2008-12-27 12:48:20 PM  
A Cambridgeshire church has lost its "Spitting Vicar". The English language, however, has gained another euphemism for "Penis"
2008-12-27 12:48:57 PM  
A student surely was no quitter / He escaped from jail using Twitter / With one word he was free / There was no time to type three / For he was about to get pounded up the... well, he's free now
2008-12-27 12:49:54 PM  
Man struggling to breathe performs tracheotomy on himself with steak knife rather than waiting for help to arrive. Oh, well -- suture self
2008-12-27 12:52:10 PM  
Goldfish trained to play soccer, pretend to float upside-down at slightest contact with other players
2008-12-27 12:53:11 PM  
Church calls zombie parade blasphemous because they already had an Easter parade over a month ago
2008-12-27 12:53:58 PM  
Disagreements shake Djibouti. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Djibouti
2008-12-27 12:55:04 PM  
Supermom gives birth to six, runs marathon. The whistling noise was deafening
2008-12-27 12:57:17 PM  
The mentally ill can't defend themselves, according to the Supreme Court that upheld the case of Indiana v. I Swear To God I Will Kill All of You Once These Spiders Get Off Me
2008-12-27 01:01:11 PM  
Ugly-ass brown bear cubs make debut in Stockholm, immediately identify with their captors
2008-12-27 01:01:53 PM  
What exactly goes through the mind of someone who decides that the best place for a grenade they've just found is on a fire? Shrapnel, presumably
2008-12-27 01:02:56 PM  
81 percent of Americans believe U.S. is headed in the wrong direction. The other 19 percent learned to drive in Britain
2008-12-27 01:03:34 PM  
College: $40,000. Passing the bar: $30,000. Knowing the specific statute that gives you authority to issue a police officer a parking ticket: priceless
2008-12-27 01:04:26 PM  
Prince William in trouble for performing cunning stunt for his stunning... girlfriend
2008-12-27 01:06:01 PM  
Thieves steal £30,000 of handbags before escaping on mopeds, in what police believe to be an attempt to break the record for World's Least Masculine Crime
2008-12-27 01:06:52 PM  
Buried Chinese miner survives for a week by eating toilet paper and drinking his own urine. He'd be pissed if he wasn't so wiped out
2008-12-27 01:08:04 PM  
Man wearing hockey mask robs Orlando-area Piz-za-za, Hut-Hut-Hut
2008-12-27 01:10:16 PM  
Former soldier leaves internet cafe, saves cop from rioting mob, rescues man from canal, carries another guy to an ambulance, chases off two guys looting a police van, polishes giant brass balls
2008-12-27 01:10:55 PM  
Town to fight illegal ATV use with cops on ATVs. Officers reportedly anxious to sign up for town's new plan to fight underage drinking and sex
2008-12-27 01:11:31 PM  
Home for sale includes new wife. For $500K, the carpet better match the drapes
2008-12-27 01:12:07 PM  
Lost hiker found after removing her bra to signal with it. Her mood was sagging and pouty, but she got perkier as soon as her rescuers lifted and separated her from the ravine
2008-12-27 01:12:41 PM  
New York City's shrine to smoked fish celebrates its 100th birthday - to clarify, this is about an old restaurant and not Kim Cattrall
2008-12-27 01:13:16 PM  
Bee Gees threaten to reunite, despite the fact that their aging fans are no longer able to hear the frequency range in which they sing
2008-12-27 01:15:11 PM  
Son turns his dead dad into a teapot. To be fair, his dad had always been a little short and stout
2008-12-27 01:27:28 PM  
man April-June really sucked.
2008-12-27 01:30:34 PM  
Vote early, vote often.
2008-12-27 01:32:43 PM  

Thanks all.
2008-12-27 01:34:03 PM  

Man On Fire: man April-June really sucked.

April May and June are the name of my great-aunts.
2008-12-27 01:39:22 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: Man On Fire: man April-June really sucked.

April May and June are the name of my great-aunts.

But do they suck?
2008-12-27 01:43:51 PM  
Hello? Teh funnay? Where'd you go? :(

/wow, one vote for me from Jan-Jun.. sad
2008-12-27 01:44:24 PM  

gmupps: Britney Spear's Speculum: Man On Fire: man April-June really sucked.

April May and June are the name of my great-aunts.

But do they suck?

No they're nice.
2008-12-27 01:44:32 PM  
I voted!
/Where's my sticker?
2008-12-27 01:46:07 PM  

gmupps: Britney Spear's Speculum: Man On Fire: man April-June really sucked.

April May and June are the name of my great-aunts.

But do they suck?

He said they were great
2008-12-27 01:46:37 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: But do they suck?

No they're nice.

Those aren't mutually exclusive.
2008-12-27 01:47:49 PM  

/ATV headline made me lol.
2008-12-27 01:51:01 PM  
Voted, but a whole lot of these sound forced or try waaay too hard.
2008-12-27 01:57:56 PM  
those pretty much all sucked
2008-12-27 01:59:32 PM  
You own me a wireless keyboard for Mien Kampfy chair....
2008-12-27 02:08:24 PM  
Sorry, nothing worthy of a vote :-(
2008-12-27 02:09:47 PM  
voted...trying to do work.
2008-12-27 02:13:36 PM  
My personal favorite: Gerbil causes 3-car accident; article doesn't say which gere he was in at the time

Well done, subby.
2008-12-27 02:17:58 PM  
Pizza hut also good, but took me a sec to get the Friday the 13th joke
2008-12-27 02:20:19 PM  
There are a few in there that gave me some laughs. Not nearly as bad as some would make it out to be.
2008-12-27 02:26:31 PM  
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