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(Some Guy)   Jimmy Kimmel Says " I Tried Sex & Didn't Like it"   (starmagazine.com) divider line 119
    More: Unlikely  
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20832 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2003 at 4:54 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2003-01-16 11:46:41 PM
Unlikely he tried sex
 
2003-01-16 11:53:04 PM
psssst...Jimmy.....That wasn't a woman.
 
2003-01-17 02:57:50 AM
I think he's just trying to get sympathy from the Juggies.
 
2003-01-17 03:32:52 AM
Boy, he's a sad sack.

NSFW
 
2003-01-17 03:33:59 AM
He needs help...

 
2003-01-17 03:36:08 AM
It's on the internet, so it must be true!

Talk about being far-fetched. Aliens landing at the White House is more believable than this.
 
2003-01-17 03:47:07 AM
I am going to see a run-through of Jimmy Kimmel Live on Tuesday. Can't wait. Did anyone hear him on Howard Stern when he talked about when he convinced Carson Daly to masturbate for the first time. Truly hilarious.
 
2003-01-17 04:59:40 AM
This guy has pain, lots of pain. He definitely needs therapy. GEAH's idea is good
 
2003-01-17 05:02:41 AM
There is bad sex. Drunken, hard to get it up sex with overweight women.

The horror! The horror!
*sobs*

Uhm... I'm talking about some guy I know, of course.
 
2003-01-17 05:03:50 AM
I also didn't like sex, but that is when I thought sex was slamming your hand in a door. When I learned what it really was it was great.
 
2003-01-17 05:04:06 AM
He will eventually wander into fark and find a home.
 
2003-01-17 05:06:24 AM
Malinois; My thoughts exactly... the guy is pure genious.
 
2003-01-17 05:06:39 AM
My heart just bleeds for that brave brave man .......

Perhaps he was taken out of context but he sounds like a man who would speak to a woman to get a root.

Perhaps the reporter was a sexy female chick ?

other then that the guys a dick head. Burn him
 
2003-01-17 05:10:41 AM
"He admits he just didn't turn on his wife, Gina."

well uh look at him.
 
2003-01-17 05:11:10 AM
if this is true, it's very, very sad. no one should have to live without getting laid.
 
2003-01-17 05:12:51 AM
Oh wow, it's a reprint of the Playboy article. In it he talks about the Man SHow, and how he hasn't had oral sex in fifteen years.

Geeze. Playboy was a better read.
 
2003-01-17 05:16:29 AM
Some people should not be allowed to partake of the miracle of orgasm...

You see fugly people with funny looking kids... and you wonder what kind of sexual experience that must have been...

My sexual experiences have always been so incredible I constantly find myself wanting more...
 
2003-01-17 05:20:18 AM
The skunky taste of Heinekin may lead to unpleasant sexual experiences

- and subsequently bad relationships

- and subsequently homosexuality
 
2003-01-17 05:23:03 AM
well if he frequently talked about how bad his sex life was no wonder he marriage didn't succeed.
 
2003-01-17 05:27:52 AM
Ken_Iseeum - If you've never had a bad lay, te salute!

/Sollozzo
 
2003-01-17 05:28:10 AM
Ken_Iseeum, yes Heineken may be the downfall of mankind itsellf
 
2003-01-17 05:29:52 AM
Ken_Iseeum, Heineken may also be the downfall of civilization as we know it, what i mean to say is why cant we all just drink good tasting refreshing beer.
 
2003-01-17 05:32:28 AM
Who's Jimmy Kimmel?
 
2003-01-17 05:34:47 AM
Oh. Now I've read the article... I think I know enough
 
2003-01-17 05:36:40 AM
in all honesty, my first time with sex was MISERABLE.


obviously, ive had much better experiences since then. but i think any male who tells me his first time was good is blowing smoke up my ass
 
2003-01-17 05:39:23 AM
I always wondered where they found this knucklehead when he showed up on the Fox NFL pregame show...

You shouldn't be allowed to be a host on "The Man Show" if you haven't experienced fellatio in > 15 years...
 
2003-01-17 05:42:55 AM
My first time was awkward, definitely... and my teacher may not have wrote about it in her diary...
But I certainly had an EPIPHANY !!
 
2003-01-17 05:44:06 AM
but i think any male who tells me his first time was good is blowing smoke up my ass

I'm sure some guys had to have had a good first experience. Cause I've been a guys first and he damn well didn't seem to be disappointed :P

Ya know I'd like to know why this guy...who doesn't enjoy sex....would get to host a show like the man show....but then again maybe he just likes "self love"
 
2003-01-17 05:45:19 AM
Really? His wife wasn't happy?

I thought being regularly portrayed as an annoying biatch on national TV as her husband drinks and yells for large breasted women to jump up and down would keep her satisfied!

I can never figure these broads out...
 
2003-01-17 05:50:09 AM
Well, he could get the job as host of the Man Show possibly because.... it's a show? It's not real? It's comedy/satire, and the people in it play a role which is a bit different from what they play in real life?... For example, if you met one of the juggies on the street, I doubt she'd dance and jump for you while giggling. Just a thought...

I hear the other host of the Man Show is actually gay... Of course, I heard that on the Daily show when he was a guest (he confirmed it), so it just depends which show you think is more honest.
 
2003-01-17 05:53:28 AM
http://thegoonies.nu/info/inspiration/

Personally, I find The Man Show to be hilarious and highly entertaining.
 
2003-01-17 05:53:49 AM
He's just trying to rally support (pity) for his hopeless challenge against Leno and Letterman
 
2003-01-17 06:02:19 AM
A few years ago comedy central did a Fryer's Club roast of Jerry Stiller. When it was Jimmy Kimmel's turn it seemed like he took it too seriously or something. It wasn't like the other comedians, where you could tell they were joking. I think he really hates the guy.

Everyone who saw it with me agreed. Granted, we were pretty drunk, so who knows.
 
2003-01-17 06:04:39 AM
i tried sex too. but i liked it. the real problem is trying to get sex, that's the part i don't like.
"and the man show is pretty pitiful," said Thereisnospoon, as he took a flying leap from his unique perch on the side of a deli, onto a passing banwagon, much like spiderman does.
 
2003-01-17 06:15:34 AM
Of course the romp cannot be properly completed unless both parties are equipped with the adequate tools for the job...

Maybe Jimmy has a small tool. tee hee hee

That explains it - case closed
 
Tia
2003-01-17 06:21:34 AM
He should have just said, "My penis tastes like chocolate."
 
2003-01-17 06:33:54 AM
My penis tastes like chocolate.

Well.. if chocolate was made out of penis, and stored in a crotxh for over 20 years.
 
2003-01-17 07:01:33 AM
[What the hell, DragonballZ became Alph? Wondered what happened to you.]
 
2003-01-17 07:06:43 AM
I feel bad for the guy, but I think TheRapy has a good point. You see certain celebs like Jimmy here and have to wonder, "how the heck does their wife/husband/s.o. feel about them doing this??"


Case in point: I work with a guy who is a huge Howard Stern fan. A long time back I remember asking him this question, since Howard has naked women running around the studios and propositioning him left and right. This guy proceeded to lecture me on how it was "just a job" and "a gimmick" that he'd built up over the years. His wife certainly understood!

Yeah. So later I happen to mention Stern and he admits that Stern and his wife are seperated/getting divorced. Who'd a thunk it?


Sorry Jimmy. I feel bad for ya man. I hope you realize that all work is no life at all before you're old and all alone.
 
2003-01-17 07:07:40 AM
Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. I'm buyin' it.


not
 
2003-01-17 07:38:12 AM
Maybe if Kimmel had sex with Howie Long...
 
2003-01-17 07:44:17 AM
I'd believe it. Have you seen his wife? Even I wouldn't hit it. (Sorry, Jimmy.)
 
2003-01-17 07:45:57 AM
Maybe that's cuz you're not doing it right, Jimmy.
 
2003-01-17 07:48:54 AM
HAHAHHHAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAAAAA...Man, that guy really cracks me up.
 
2003-01-17 07:51:27 AM
Ah, a credible source to be sure......
 
2003-01-17 07:52:28 AM
I tried sex and didn't like it, so I tried pot, but I didn't like it, then I tried ecstasy, but I didn't like it, so I got drunk, but I didn't like it, so I tried being famous, but I didn't like it, so I tried my own talk show, but it failed and I returned to obscurity with that Wayans guy and Arsenio....
 
2003-01-17 07:57:46 AM
Allow me to be the first to nominate Tia for a HERO tag. ;-)
 
2003-01-17 08:01:32 AM
or the much beloved, lopsided boobies tag
 
2003-01-17 08:13:04 AM
He should have just told his ex-wife, "I'm not gay, but I'll learn." Don't like sex, what the hell?!
 
2003-01-17 08:22:11 AM
In his honor, I had sex last night. For you Jimmie!
 
2003-01-17 08:22:49 AM
Alph, join da club of first-time misery. My first was one who'd had 2 kids, neither with small heads,and did NOT know the meaning of the words "kegel exercises". My first thoughts on entry were "Ok. Guys spend their money, ruin their lives, get into fights, car crashes, and make absolute idiots of themselves for- this?"
Things improved big-time with other ladies since, but some memories still are good for a chuckle decades later...
 
2003-01-17 08:32:18 AM
perhaps he finds more personal satisfaction in kitten-killing?
 
2003-01-17 08:40:05 AM
Anyone know what his wife looks like? I've watched the show but not sure if that was really her on his "homelife" bits.
 
2003-01-17 08:41:13 AM
Cynicalbastard you are a Cynicalbastard.
 
2003-01-17 08:41:54 AM
Despite the fact that Kimmel says it didn't have a "happy ending,"
the two hooked up for a second time a month later in a seedy motel.


No happy ending? No wonder he didn't like it!
 
2003-01-17 08:43:45 AM
Jimmy Kimmel tried sex, but he didn't like it. In fact, his ass still hurts.
 
2003-01-17 08:49:08 AM
Sex is the greatest farking thing since....well anything. The problem is, it's so fun, and that's why there are so damn many people on the planet.

The main problem with sex is getting the girl out of the house so you can get some sleep, and the phone call, afterwords.
 
2003-01-17 08:57:07 AM
Andy Warhol on sex: "Not doing it is more fun than doing it."
 
2003-01-17 08:59:14 AM
yeah right, from the Star and we believe it. The juggys'! Check out juggy Vanessa and say "NO"
http://ftp.giga.com/Collections/Collections/Other_Collections/Vanessa_Kay/inde x.htm
 
2003-01-17 09:02:25 AM
theres an extra space in the word index above remove it and BOOBIES!1
 
2003-01-17 09:07:32 AM
How can I ever watch the man show again knowing there is a fruit up there running it?
 
2003-01-17 09:09:35 AM
Man, that dude sounds depressed. One should not dislike sex, that ain't normal.
 
2003-01-17 09:14:34 AM
Well, sex is not Jimmy's primary problem, it's the needy headcases he consorted with.
 
2003-01-17 09:15:01 AM
I looked up 'annoying' in the dictionary, I found Jimmy's pic.
 
2003-01-17 09:19:42 AM
Hey everyone! At least he didn't inhale!
 
2003-01-17 09:31:32 AM
This guy is not funny. His queer-boy side kick Adam isn't funny either. Dick jokes and farting, while hilarious when I was 12 or 13, are lame. Kmmel is funny in a "ha ha funny neighbor / brother telling a joke at dinner" sort of way. I have alot of friends that are alot funnier that really crack me up.

I heard him on Stern. Lame. Kills me that Stern is such a suck up to anyone with an ounce of celebrity.

And how the hell can this dude go 14 years - 14 FREAKING YEARS!!! NOT DAYS, NOT WEEKS, NOT MONTHS- BUT YEARS!!!!! Jesus, I go a week and I get pretty irritable. Its been since Sunday, maybe thats why I am not amused by this bs. grrrrrrr
 
2003-01-17 09:40:15 AM
did anybody see the ad in this weekend's paper hawking his new show?

Jimmy was rather convincingly airbrushed (or photoshopped) to make him look about 30lbs lighter - i guess abc is trying to attract the 13 females (and nontraditional males) on planet earth who aren't repulsed by his whiny, too-much-fat-surrounding-my-vocal-cords voice and pedestrian humor.

he was back to his tubby and gooey self on letterman tuesday night though.
 
2003-01-17 09:58:10 AM
Dear TeenHealthFX,
It was my first time and.....
 
2003-01-17 10:00:55 AM
macdaddy -

BWHAHAHAHA!
 
2003-01-17 10:07:35 AM
Well for a guy who doesn't like sex he sure is lucky to be not enjoying it with Sara Silverman who he has been banging steadily. I bet he loves tapping her ass. What I wouldn't do to have one shot at Sara Silverman's fuzzy doughnut.
 
2003-01-17 10:12:52 AM
Heh, I've got 20 years without, and I"m damn bitter about it.
 
2003-01-17 10:20:22 AM
Sounds like he's playing the sympathy card to me. Don't fall for it ladies!
 
2003-01-17 10:22:18 AM

I never understood why they bothered to do the show at all (although they did have some funny bits).

But let's face it, wouldn't everyone rather just see 30min. of girls jumping on trampolines instead?

 
2003-01-17 10:22:32 AM
He has a bunch of kids, too.
 
2003-01-17 10:24:04 AM
Brilliant scam. You're rich and famous, and you have a story that you've never enjoyed sex. Every groupie whore in Hollywood will be lining up at his front door.
 
2003-01-17 10:44:53 AM
This explains a lot. The guy always swaggers around like the "I have an undescended testicle" variety of insecurity. ;-)
 
2003-01-17 10:53:10 AM
Alph: in all honesty, my first time with sex was MISERABLE.

Sorry to hear that. What went wrong?

Alph: obviously, ive had much better experiences since then. but i think any male who tells me his first time was good is blowing smoke up my ass

My first time was great and a very happy memory. Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean everyone else did. Your statement is as silly as me saying, "I think any many who tells me his first time wasn't good is blowing smoke up my ass." Oh, and Alph, I don't want to have anything to do with smoke or your ass.
 
2003-01-17 10:55:34 AM
I didn't enjoy my first sex, either. In fact my butt still hurts!
 
2003-01-17 10:58:37 AM
He must feel guilty about pleasure and want to punish himself.

/armchair psychology
 
2003-01-17 11:10:07 AM
repressed homosexual. /obvious
 
2003-01-17 11:16:37 AM
As someone stated before...He is now banging Sara Silverman. Lets see, sex with overweight wife of 15 years or sticking it to a hottie broad who you have more in common with (another comedian).....I dunno

BTW: somebody find a picture of Ms. Silverman to post, then all will become apparent.
 
2003-01-17 11:29:14 AM
But my fellow Farkettes, the question is....would you hit it?
 
2003-01-17 11:31:57 AM
A very appropriate Sarah Silverman photo can be found at:
http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hc&id=1800359449&cf=pg&photoid=451167&intl=us

(Sorry, don't know how to post the photo into this comment thingie.)
 
2003-01-17 11:51:37 AM
Jimmy's spammin' again. This is a line, to get more girls to go out with him. It's like a challenge.
 
2003-01-17 11:59:04 AM
Hey, you whay would work even better, pretend to be gay!
 
2003-01-17 11:59:23 AM
Incoming mail from Jimmy@manshow:I got a great new show and would love to have you watch it.

c:\DABETED!
c:\ DEELEETED
c:\Baleted
......
 
2003-01-17 11:59:45 AM
Sarah Silverman:
 
2003-01-17 12:00:03 PM
Actually it would be more like

c:\cancelled
 
2003-01-17 12:01:53 PM
Eh, screw the armchair psychology, the guy's a dildo.
 
2003-01-17 12:02:51 PM
Doesn't he always look like he is high?
 
2003-01-17 12:14:49 PM
I bet he's gay.
 
2003-01-17 12:30:46 PM
But let's face it, wouldn't everyone rather just see 30min. of girls jumping on trampolines instead?

Uhhh... yeah, of course. The show is pretty much about adolescence, and adolescence is mostly voyeurism, punctuated by the occasional illicit feelup. One of my few fond memories of H.S. is pep rallies. Being in the band, I got to sit behind the cheerleaders when they bent over to make those pyramids. And the trips back from away games was always fun for us, being coed and all. I guess what I'm trying to say is, why limit yourself to trampolines?
 
2003-01-17 12:35:50 PM
This guy is such a loser. Saw him one night a few months ago on one of those home decorating shows on HGTV (shut up, I like that crap) with his wife & kids. They had a designer come in and redo their kitchen for like $50k. Nice money for a guy with no talent. Anyway, it was so sad because I recognized him, but the host and the show made no reference to the fact he was a pseudo-celeb and had his own TV show. In fact, his wife did most of the talking and he just sat there looking like a fat slob. He seems to excel at that.

I won't be watching his new show. He repulses me. More unsexy than Jay Leno. And at least Letterman can be funny.

Jimmy Kimmel gives me the Kitty Shivers. Ick.
 
2003-01-17 01:01:34 PM
A rehash of the Playboy interview, which was better. Read the Playboy article if you want the whole story, not to mention a more funny one.
 
2003-01-17 01:04:10 PM
Damn, I can't believe all the Jimmy hatred in this thread.

I've always liked him.. he was the mitigating factor on the Man Show. He was the nice one, Adam was the jackass.

Anyway, there's probably no way humanly possible that he could be worse than Leno.

And, I hate to break it to you guys, but *most* comedians are not getting-laid-machines. The whole point of being funny is that it's what you practice on at the bar when last call rolls around and you're going home alone. Women *say* they like funny, but most don't.

(which, by the way, is why Silverman is such a farking fox.. she clearly digs funny guys)
 
2003-01-17 01:14:49 PM
i dont like sex either...if by sex you mean being bitten by disease-ridden monkeys of course
 
2003-01-17 01:21:13 PM
01-17-03 01:04:10 PM MrGumboPants
And, I hate to break it to you guys, but *most* comedians are not getting-laid-machines.



Then why do women perpetuate the lie that they value "sense of humor" in men the most?
 
2003-01-17 01:38:23 PM
Stupid_bloody_tuesday - Don't be an idiot. Have you ever watched a Friar's Club roast? Kimmel's approach was hilarious. The fact that you thought he was serious is why he was hilarious.

Dookster - Don't be an idiot. Stern is friends with Kimmel, that's why he was nice to him. Stern rarely sucks up to celebs. He is reknown for being a tough interviewer. And don't take the info from an article in The Star too seriously.

Ken_Iseeum - He is coming on at 12:05, so he is not really challenging Letterman & Leno. He is battling Conan & Kilborn. He is also doing his show live, which is truly a challenge.
 
2003-01-17 01:38:47 PM
My sense of humor has gotten me laid more than once. But I don't do it professionally.
 
2003-01-17 01:48:56 PM
I have a feeling his show is gonna be great. I mean, he has BOTH The Sports Guy (BIll Simmons) AND Joel Hodgson (creator of MST3K) as writers...
 
2003-01-17 01:50:29 PM
Two things:

#1: That was a pretty farking mean article.

#2: I agree with him. Sex is pretty boring when you think about it.
 
2003-01-17 01:52:10 PM
Ironbar: "Then why do women perpetuate the lie that they value "sense of humor" in men the most?"

Maybe to hide how shallow most of them truly are nowadays? Not just females though...I mean, look at this thread. People won't watch his show becuase he's unattractive? WTF is that?
 
2003-01-17 02:01:07 PM
He could be gay, cos I'm certain Sarah Silverman has a larger penis than he does...
 
2003-01-17 02:05:02 PM
Two Words: His Wife was fat.
 
2003-01-17 02:12:20 PM
I am fugly as hell but I have had women tell me they think I am funny. Do I ever get laid? No, I always seem to end up as the friend they confide in. It sucks being ugly.
 
2003-01-17 02:17:59 PM
I genuinely like this guy. But this is an excerpt from the Playboy interview, which made him sound like a total choad.
 
2003-01-17 02:35:09 PM
RadiationDude, think your looks are stopping ya getting laid? Nah. It's being a funny, nice guy that's doing the trick. Try being a bit of a bastard.
I've known more women to fall for the real bastards out there than the "nice guys". I think it's something that goes back to the stone age, when the real bastards had more chance of bringing food home and were better at killing sabre-tooth tigers and all that jazz.
Next date, ask her halfway through the meal, especially if she seems to be chatting and looking at everything except you if she see's you "as a friend" or she's genuinely interested in you as a romantic connection. If the former, get seperate checks at the end of the night.
You'll get a rep for being a no-shiat guy, and this will actually improve your chances later on. Woman, contrary to some popular beliefs, do not find guys they can use as doormats interesting.
 
2003-01-17 02:38:04 PM
Oh, and giving her a flower at the start of the night helps too. The old romance nerve is like a pressure point in Jujitsu. Gets them off-balance from the start.
 
2003-01-17 02:47:13 PM
Yummy: I would not hit it. I liked him on the pre-game show, the Man Show was just silly. He's like your brother's best friend that has been hitting on you for years, but it's going nowhere.
 
2003-01-17 03:12:39 PM
A couple things about this thread:

1) Jimmy reminds me of that funny guy who always seems to show up at your parties with extra beer and weed to share; Adam is that annoying a-hole who lives next door and drives the primered Camaro and listens to Journey and REO Speedwagon all the way up to '11'.

2) I knew about Bill Simmons, but Joel Hodgson, too? Kick ass!

3) I'm not a great-looking guy. Average-looking at best. Big nose, thinning hair, a little soft around the waist, small penis. I will never be mistaken for either an GQ model or a triathlete. As a matter of fact, I resemble Jimmy Kimmel a bit. However, I have a great, albeit obscure and dry sense of humor and a quick wit and I've gotten more ass than the backseat of a taxi. Sometimes more than once. So there are chicks out there who dig funny guys. They are few and far betweeen, but O so worth it!

4) Sarah Silverman is a total babe. She intelligent, funny, raunchy and drop-dead gorgeous. I'd hit that without even thinking about it. Then I'd probably hit it again. Then I'd call my friends and tell them that I've been hitting it. Then I'd call my wife and tell her not to expect me home for a few weeks. Then I'd go back to hitting it some more. My wife would understand though. Sarah is at the top of my "Sex with impunity" list.

Way to go, Jimmy!

Cheers!
 
2003-01-17 04:57:31 PM
Ahhh, FARK. Half the posters are spitting venom at any woman who has the audacity not to look like a stripper, and the other half is sighing that they can't get laid.

Could there be any correlation?

Nahhh.
 
2003-01-17 05:32:42 PM
I think he really said "I tried six and didn't like it." Probably a bit much for him, he shoulda stopped at four, or five tops.
 
2003-01-17 06:21:43 PM
He wasnt drunk enough. End of story.
 
2003-01-17 07:28:49 PM
He was cool 8 yrs ago on KROQ Kevin and Bean Morning show in L.A. Him and Adam have been friends since high school. Adam Rocks! Listen to Love Line!
Yeah Jimmy the Sports Guy!
 
2003-01-17 08:17:33 PM
Duppy:

A girl doesn't have to look like a stripper for me; I'll take whatever I can get. Unfortunately, that rules out any women that bear even the slightest resemblance to a stripper, or any woman that others wouldn't become violently ill if someone was to see them naked in public for that matter.
 
2003-01-17 10:20:17 PM
I think this should be under ironic instead of unlikely...
 
2003-01-18 01:06:39 AM
MRCOOL5555Ralph is way the hell better than both Jimmy and Adam. They really should give him a show.
 
2003-01-18 08:19:48 AM
News flash: sex is over-hyped. It should have the OBVIOUS tag.
 
2003-01-18 03:41:49 PM
Jimmy Kimmel not liking sex is like PETA eating popcorn chicken.
 
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