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(Bloomberg)   Colonoscopies not as useful as believed, unless you're using them to stretch your turd cutter or enjoy setting off car alarms with flatulence while departing hospital   (bloomberg.com) divider line 88
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8940 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Dec 2008 at 11:25 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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sigdiamond2000 [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 09:58:18 AM
I can't tell you how happy I am to see the phrase "turd cutter" in a greenlit headline, although I personally prefer the shortened version (simply "cutter").

+1, submitter. You're a great American.
 
Manta537
2008-12-16 10:05:01 AM
poop
 
DslainteC
2008-12-16 10:09:14 AM
"The procedures...were little help to patients with cancer on the right side of the organ."

What happens if you have cancer on the wrong side of the organ? Will they whirl it, sir?
 
Trivia Jockey [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 10:28:45 AM
You using the whole fist there, doc?

Moon Riiiiver.
 
crackerpac
2008-12-16 11:15:19 AM
sigdiamond2000: I can't tell you how happy I am to see the phrase "turd cutter" in a greenlit headline, although I personally prefer the shortened version (simply "cutter").

+1, submitter. You're a great American.

This.
 
Goldeneye007
2008-12-16 11:27:17 AM
poop thread?
 
UncleCal
2008-12-16 11:28:43 AM
This thread had some crappy anal-ysis.

/I snickered at 'turd cutter'.
 
ebarmstr
2008-12-16 11:28:56 AM
"Annals of Internal Medicine. "

LOL
 
michaeld5
2008-12-16 11:30:57 AM
Please don't spread this study around.

Endoscopy equipment is BIG business.

/yup, healthcare.

www.digitalcamerawarehouse.com.au
dealdrop.co.uk
www.shoulder.org
 
bigbadideasinaction
2008-12-16 11:32:09 AM
or enjoy setting off car alarms with flatulence while departing hospital

Dude, if that power extended past the hospital and into everyday life, I'd get one for that alone.
 
Great Gonzo
2008-12-16 11:33:41 AM
Trivia Jockey: You using the whole fist there, doc?

Moon Riiiiver.

Way to go!
 
mdbuff12
2008-12-16 11:33:51 AM
Trivia Jockey: You using the whole fist there, doc?

Moon Riiiiver.

Ever serve time Doc? Two B's B-A-B-A-R
 
MomCore
2008-12-16 11:34:23 AM
A journey into my colon -- and yours. Dave Barry

Link (new window)

Hilarious.....
 
Staypuft_Mushmallow_Manz
2008-12-16 11:36:20 AM
"colonoscopies prevent fewer deaths than thought"

But they still prevent some. So we're ripping on a good thing for not being better. K
 
jafiwam
2008-12-16 11:36:35 AM
bigbadideasinaction: or enjoy setting off car alarms with flatulence while departing hospital

Dude, if that power extended past the hospital and into everyday life, I'd get one for that alone.
www.montrealmirror.com
 
permanenthursday
2008-12-16 11:36:44 AM
"Turd cutter" paints the most vile picture of the human anus possible.

+1 internet for Smitty!
 
hej
2008-12-16 11:36:52 AM
"The screenings probably prevent about 60 to 70 percent of deaths from colorectal cancer, not about 90 percent as previously thought..."

I'm pretty sure I'd prefer the 60%~70% survival rate VS the zero percent otherwise, considering there don't seem to be any better options right now.
 
xtonyx
2008-12-16 11:37:06 AM
sigdiamond2000: I can't tell you how happy I am to see the phrase "turd cutter" in a greenlit headline, although I personally prefer the shortened version (simply "cutter").

+1, submitter. You're a great American.

this.
 
NeoKhan
2008-12-16 11:37:31 AM
michaeld5: Please don't spread this study around.

Endoscopy equipment is BIG business.

/yup, healthcare.

Yeah it only prevents 70% of colorectal cancer deaths instead of 90%. Guess it must be a waste of time then.
 
Trivia Jockey [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 11:37:37 AM
mdbuff12: Trivia Jockey: You using the whole fist there, doc?

Moon Riiiiver.

Ever serve time Doc? Two B's B-A-B-A-R


Fletch thread!

www.hubbywishlist.com
 
Treetop1000
2008-12-16 11:38:57 AM
My surgeon told me I still had good tone.
 
sendtodave
2008-12-16 11:40:05 AM
ebarmstr: "Annals of Internal Medicine. "

LOL

I came here for this.
 
Farkwaddle
2008-12-16 11:41:33 AM
bigbadideasinaction: or enjoy setting off car alarms with flatulence while departing hospital

Dude, if that power extended past the hospital and into everyday life, I'd get one for that alone.

I had to drive my dad home after his colonoscopy. The doctor actually told my father to fart as much as possible for the rest of the day. You have any idea how hard it is to drive down an interstate with your head sticking out the window?? I swear he blew out his O-ring that day.
 
Brakefornobody
2008-12-16 11:43:46 AM
Pain in the ass . . .
 
FlyPanAm
2008-12-16 11:43:51 AM
Manta537: poop

I'm embarrassed at how much I laughed at that.
 
studebaker hoch
2008-12-16 11:43:59 AM
Treetop1000

My surgeon told me I still had good tone.

I hope you got dinner and a movie first.
 
discospinster
2008-12-16 11:44:08 AM
My dad just got a colonoscopy and laparoscopic surgery, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies...
 
Newfielad
2008-12-16 11:44:22 AM
MomCore: A journey into my colon -- and yours. Dave Barry

Link (new window)

Hilarious.....

ROFLMAO
 
Shakespeare's Monkey [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 11:44:42 AM
FTFA: The procedures, which involve inserting a tube into the rectum ...

Rectum, it damn near killed him!

/had to, it's the law
 
number_seven
2008-12-16 11:47:21 AM
Turdcutter, isn't that the bad guy in Mad Max?

/me likes turd-slicer; has more of a ring to it....
 
Treetop1000
2008-12-16 11:47:30 AM
Hell no! I didn't even get flowers.
But hey, I still got good tone, so I got that going for me....
 
lelio
2008-12-16 11:48:35 AM
"I asked my analyst to rerun the data," the Times quoted her as saying.

*laughs like Butthead*
 
Fizpez
2008-12-16 11:49:22 AM
MomCore: A journey into my colon -- and yours. Dave Barry

Link (new window)

Hilarious.....

Great link... would read again A+++.
 
Ashtrey
2008-12-16 11:51:12 AM
I think it was one of the guys from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour who talked about a colonoscopy and mentioned:

"Then at the end they yank that thing out and start you like a lawnmower"

Haven't had one personally, guys aren't forced to get things up their butts for "health" reasons till 40 right? I'm good for 14 years. Maybe I'll spend them doing strength exercises so I can break the Doc's finer when the day comes.
 
The_Drunken_Clam
2008-12-16 11:52:29 AM
Ugh, I had to get one last month, and I was in the hospital at the time. Trying to hold that gas in out of respect for the stranger in the next bed was torture. The biological needs trumped the social norms after about 3 hours...
 
zipdog
2008-12-16 11:53:40 AM
ebarmstr: "Annals of Internal Medicine. "

LOL

I thought I was going to be clever and post this first, but then I remembered I'm at fark.
 
IXI Jim IXI
2008-12-16 11:56:23 AM
Sometimes the old ways are the best ways:

farm4.static.flickr.com
 
Torque420
2008-12-16 11:56:48 AM
This is what this thread has been waiting for!


www.coast2coastmedical.com

www.tnfsh.tn.edu.tw

www.nature.com
 
Ashtrey
2008-12-16 11:56:48 AM
Hrmm tried a GIS to find Brock Samson beating a pirate with another pirate who was sticking out of his butt, couldn't find it. GISing "brock Samson finger butt" was not as horrifying as I thought it might be.

If you watch The Venture Bros the above post makes sense. At least if you saw the episode about the ghost pirates.
 
discospinster
2008-12-16 11:58:35 AM
img512.imageshack.us

Not impressed.
 
twillabme [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 12:06:54 PM
Best use of "turd cutter" so far. Those with verbal diarrhea of course have their turd cutter stretched during root canals instead.
 
oldweevil
2008-12-16 12:08:10 PM
discospinster: Not impressed.

I wondered when we'd get to see good ol' Lemmiwinks.
 
maced
2008-12-16 12:10:40 PM
I just puckered
 
DjangoStonereaver [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 12:11:54 PM
Ashtrey: Haven't had one personally, guys aren't forced to get things up their butts for "health" reasons till 40 right? I'm good for 14 years. Maybe I'll spend them doing strength exercises so I can break the Doc's finer when the day comes.

If your doc is using their fingers, I'd make sure to see their diploma first...

The recommended age is fifty, except if either parent has one and they find
a precancerous mass. Then the recommended age is 25 years younger than
the age they were at the time of discovery.

In english: my mom had a 'scopy at age 65 and they found a precancerous
mass. I was supposed to get one at age 40 but waited a couple of years
until last week. I had them knock me out, and frankly it was one of the
least painful medical procedures I've ever gotten done. They found nothing
but one small polyp and an internal hemmaroid. IE, I'm completely normal.
 
Rogh-sensei
2008-12-16 12:15:28 PM
IMHO, the best part of a 'scoping is the anesthesia. Counting backwards from ten is the highlight of my week, especially after fasting/spending five hours on the john until I'm shiatting water.

/once had my g/f write "Exit Only" above my butt the day of.
//The doc's office is still talking about it.
 
gezortenplotz
2008-12-16 12:15:55 PM
Forget 'turd cutter.' Until you've had this done or the subsequent surgery that follows, you'll have no appreciation for the term 'intestinal motility.'

Oh. And when you younger Farks get a sensation in your lower abdomen that feels like someone drove a #2 flathead screwdriver into your gut, about inches to the left of your navel, better get to the emergency room.

/GTFO my lawn
 
MemeSlave
2008-12-16 12:16:16 PM
number_seven

You sir, win the thread.
 
fappomatic [TotalFark]
2008-12-16 12:17:55 PM
So here I was, getting an annual exam. Dr. Proctor was doing his thing and chatting away when I realized both his hands were on my shoulders....
 
MemeSlave
2008-12-16 12:18:47 PM
Rogh-sensei

After she wrote that on yours, how did you ever get her to give up teh buttsecks again ?
 
laid back w/bud light
2008-12-16 12:19:07 PM
Did anyone else's doctor use a short thick probe, and seem to dig his chin into your back during the procedure?
 
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