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(TBO)   Drunk flying birds are dying after eating fermented berries. Les Nessman unavailable for comment.   (customwire.ap.org) divider line 78
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3188 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jan 2003 at 3:22 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-01-16 01:13:25 PM
Amazing WKRP Turkey reference. Nice work.
 
2003-01-16 03:25:22 PM
"As God as my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly!"

Nice job. Very nice, indeed.
 
2003-01-16 03:25:31 PM
Les is busy picking up the Silver Sow Award.
 
2003-01-16 03:25:33 PM
Oh the humanity!
 
2003-01-16 03:25:34 PM
In other news, A FLOCK OF SEAGULLS collided with THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO over the NJ Turnpike!
 
2003-01-16 03:26:25 PM
Maybe they should make the birds wear helmets.
 
2003-01-16 03:26:30 PM
Drunken flying kills birds. Drunken flying kills people too.
 
2003-01-16 03:26:50 PM
Baby, if you ever wondered, wondered what ever became of me. I'm livin on the air in Cincinati, Cincinati WKRP!
 
2003-01-16 03:27:11 PM
Oh man, less than 1% of 1% of Farkers are going to get that headline...
 
2003-01-16 03:27:12 PM
mmmmm... Fermented berries...
 
2003-01-16 03:27:46 PM
Isn't that something. I would think the birds would be speeding while intoxicated, and thus would easily be able to break at least one of the university windows.
 
2003-01-16 03:27:48 PM
Look for the first chapter of MAFBF (Mothers Against Fermented Berry Flying) to open soon.
 
2003-01-16 03:28:22 PM

As God is My witness, I thought Birds could hold their liquor!
 
2003-01-16 03:28:31 PM
we didn't get the flocks of waxwings in florida this year.. there are a lot of holly trees in this part of the state; we have a really big one in our back yard. every couple of winters, we'll get huge flocks of cedar waxwings coming through to eat the berries. it's amazing to watch, this group of a couple hundred birds swooping into the holly trees to get berries and then across in the other trees to eat them, while another group takes their place.
 
2003-01-16 03:29:23 PM
"The turkeys are hitting the ground like bags of wet cement!"
 
2003-01-16 03:29:28 PM
If I was over there, I'd be standing around trying to catch the birds as they fell. I've always wanted to shag some drunk birds.
 
2003-01-16 03:29:50 PM
LMAO!

"They're hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!"

Excellent title.
 
sp
2003-01-16 03:30:14 PM
When I was a kid, I read an Encyclopedia Brown book about a kid who fed fermented berries to birds. Now I feel old.
 
2003-01-16 03:30:23 PM
Drunk birds should wear helmets. Even Thailand knows that.

Stubblyhead: My condo complex pulled out all of our holly trees about a month ago without providing any reason. Is there a connection??
 
2003-01-16 03:31:08 PM
As God is my witness, I thought I'd be the Weeners that, Bass555!
 
2003-01-16 03:32:05 PM
I guess the birds aren't going "Round trip nonstop to Dayton".

HAW - Nice reference...
 
2003-01-16 03:32:14 PM
That's what I get for hot doggin...nevermind.
 
sp
2003-01-16 03:32:19 PM
01-16-03 03:28:31 PM Stubblyhead
we didn't get the flocks of waxwings in florida this year..


...and the birds in that book were waxwings.
 
2003-01-16 03:32:50 PM
Bluebirds and '83 Lafite Rothschild don't mix. Mmmmm Lafite.
 
2003-01-16 03:33:32 PM
American Airlines piolets can drink and fly why can't these birds?
 
2003-01-16 03:34:04 PM
We have a crab-apple tree in front of one of our windows at home and the same thigs happen. Some birds get drunk and fly into it, or even better are the ones that sit there and peck at the glass.
 
2003-01-16 03:35:45 PM
Nobody likes a sloppy drunk bird. Unless you're British and have a chance at get laid.
 
2003-01-16 03:36:18 PM
Up here in beautiful BC, this is a common occurence. Birds will eat mountain ash berries and get totally blitzed on them. When the berries start to turn and go fermented, the trees are filled with birds trying to eat them. Just like us, they love their booze!
 
2003-01-16 03:37:04 PM
WTF? Normally I consider myself fairly savvy when it comes to pop-culture references, but this one completely escapes me.

*Insert picture of Quizzical Dog here*
 
2003-01-16 03:37:54 PM
One of the birds is claiming to be a Senator from Massachucetts. He lived, but a younger, female bird fell off the tree and died.
 
2003-01-16 03:38:09 PM
They should put in some Coffee plants next to the berry trees.
 
2003-01-16 03:38:41 PM
"Oh the humanity!"
 
2003-01-16 03:38:54 PM
Psychlone is right. We have mountain ash trees and junipers in our yard. The birds eat and eat and eat, then they try to fly away and either fall down or hit the windows. Feathers everywhere. It's funny to see them wobble around in a drunken stupor.
 
2003-01-16 03:39:37 PM
At least they're not Cassowarries. These flightless austrailian birds are 6 feet tall, have sharp talons, and get mean and agressive when drunk on fermented fruits. Kinda like us drunken Eagles fans!

 
2003-01-16 03:40:09 PM
Drunk birds, drunk elk, what about some drunk Swedes?
 
2003-01-16 03:40:11 PM
Well, this would explain what the fark was up with Heckle and Jeckle !
 
2003-01-16 03:42:32 PM
Les: It's a helicopter, and it's coming this way. It's flying something behind it, I can't quite make it out, it's a large banner and it says, uh - Happy... Thaaaaanksss... giving! ... From... W.... ... K... ... R... ... P!!

Les: No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this!

Johnny: Les? Are you there? Les isn't there. (composing himself) Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les, and for those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

Jennifer: But Mr Colly, a lot of turkeys don't make it through Thanksgiving!

Venus: Les! Are you okay?
Les: I don't know. A man and his two children tried to kill me. After the turkeys hit the pavement, the crowd kind of scattered, but some of them tried to attack me! I had to jam myself into a phone booth! Then Mr Carlson had the helicopter land in the middle of the parking lot. I guess he thought he could save the day by turning the rest of the turkeys loose. It gets pretty strange after that.
Andy: Les, c'mon now, tell us the rest.
Les: I really don't know how to describe it. It was like the turkeys mounted a counterattack! It was almost as if they were ...organized!!
Mr Carlson: As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
 
2003-01-16 03:44:54 PM
Hotblack, you may be a bit too young, but there was once an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati when their newsman Les Nessmann was covering a Thanksgiving promotional where they "released" turkeys over the city. Obviously, the turkeys could not fly, prompting one of the greatest comic performances in TV history. This was circa 1980, so instead of special effects, they just had to rely on the radio play by play of poor Les. I still chuckle thinking about it now.

CanuckGuy has graciously provided the dialogue.
 
2003-01-16 03:45:17 PM
Sp--I remember that encyclopedia brown story. god, I'd love to kick that kid in the nuts. thinks he's so smart...
 
2003-01-16 03:45:25 PM
Sp, I read the same one. Great call out.
 
2003-01-16 03:46:44 PM
"Congradjilashuns (hic) - yer all mothers!"
 
2003-01-16 03:48:01 PM
CanuckGuy - LMAO!!! I loved that show!!
 
2003-01-16 03:48:30 PM
The headline on this one is amazing. If you don't get it, you feel left out. If you do get it (like I do), you feel somewhat satisfied, but at the same time you feel old.
 
2003-01-16 03:51:58 PM
God, I miss that show...
 
2003-01-16 03:52:48 PM


nothing to see here. keep moving folks!
 
2003-01-16 03:53:35 PM
To all of you who feel old becuase you "get" the headline

I have killed a lot of old people in my time!! And I'm not above doing it again!
 
2003-01-16 03:54:15 PM
One of the funniest bits ever. I can't stop laughing and people at work are starting to point.
 
2003-01-16 04:04:10 PM
Ah, WKRP. That first season was one of the best of any show. I also loved "Tornado":

Interpreter: I was hired to interpret for a group of Spanish-speaking visitors. In my opinion, these people are not Spanish. Watch this. (He speaks in Spanish; no reaction from the Japanese men.) See? In my country, that would be a fistfight!

Mr Carlson: Wait a minute. I learned a little Japanese when I was in the Marines. Let me think about this... The accent may be off. (He speaks in Japanese; all the Japanese men put their hands up.) Oh boy.
 
2003-01-16 04:07:32 PM
Ha! Remember when Les won the softball game? Man... I watched too much TV.
 
2003-01-16 04:09:10 PM
Yeah, Les winning the softball game was good one. I remember Fever escorting him out to right field, consoling him, "Hey, Pete Rose played right field." Les saying "Really?"
 
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