Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fox News)   Jessica Simpson watches a Discovery Channel special on the Da Vinci Code and is now interested in Theology. Which is like watching Schoolhouse Rock and wanting to become a Senator   (foxnews.com) divider line
    More: Asinine  
•       •       •

1121 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Dec 2008 at 1:17 PM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



53 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2008-12-03 11:32:20 AM  
Personally, about half of "beauty" involves personality, sense of humour, being laid back... Jessica ain't that beautiful.

/Jessica is farkable, but not dateable... she's the type of girl that when you walk into a room of buddies and let them know you farked her, they all reply, "so did I"
 
2008-12-03 11:38:26 AM  
It's like watching Star Wars and wanting to become a Senator.
 
2008-12-03 11:53:41 AM  
Until she learns Greek and Hebrew: STFU and show us your titties, Jessica
 
2008-12-03 12:07:44 PM  
If Ms Simpleson had a history of being both smart and pretty, her new found thirst for knowledge might have some credibility and a chance of registering on the meter.

media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2008-12-03 12:21:52 PM  
I wanted to be a conductor after seeing "Conjunction Junction"
 
2008-12-03 12:31:42 PM  
I'm just a bill.
Yes, I'm only a bill.
And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill.
Well, it's a long, long journey
To the capital city.
It's a long, long wait
While I'm sitting in committee,
But I know I'll be a law someday
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a bill.

/Clinton
JC
 
2008-12-03 12:36:41 PM  
"Every dude in this room has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine. Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat."

-- Dave Attell

/obligatory
 
2008-12-03 12:39:07 PM  
Blah blah blah Tony Romo.
 
2008-12-03 12:47:29 PM  
I remember whenever the book 'The Da Vinci Code' came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times."

We just hope someone advises her not to include that bit in her application letter.


So dark the con of man
 
2008-12-03 12:48:00 PM  
img208.imageshack.us
 
2008-12-03 01:19:23 PM  

Bevets: So dark the con of man


FACT: The Da Vinci Code can be found in the Fiction section of your local bookstore. Anyone who thinks this is real is a god damned idiot.
 
2008-12-03 01:24:44 PM  
I'd teach her the nine billion names of God..
 
2008-12-03 01:24:55 PM  
PC LOAD LETTER:

FACT: The Da Vinci Code can be found in the Fiction section of your local bookstore.

LAUER: How much of this is based on reality in terms of things that actually occurred? I know you did a lot of research for the book.

Mr. BROWN: Absolutely all of it. Obviously, there are--Robert Langdon is fictional, but all of the art, architecture, secret rituals, secret societies, all of that is historical fact.

GIBSON: This is a novel. If you were writing it as a non-fiction book, how would it have been different?

Mr. BROWN: I don't think it would have. I began the research for The Da Vinci Code as a skeptic. I entirely expected, as I researched the book, to disprove this theory. And after numerous trips to Europe, about two years of research, I really became a believer.
 
2008-12-03 01:30:21 PM  
came for pics of .......

/disapointment
 
2008-12-03 01:32:39 PM  
 
2008-12-03 01:34:59 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: Until she learns Greek and Hebrew: STFU and show us your titties, Jessica


Koine Greek and Hebrew?

That's straight up hardcore.

Took Koine Greek...and that really sucked.
 
2008-12-03 01:35:26 PM  
I watched The Dukes of Hazzard movie, now I'm interested in murder.
 
2008-12-03 01:39:11 PM  
I want to make sun-tea from her panties.
 
2008-12-03 01:43:43 PM  

Bevets: PC LOAD LETTER:

FACT: The Da Vinci Code can be found in the Fiction section of your local bookstore.

LAUER: How much of this is based on reality in terms of things that actually occurred? I know you did a lot of research for the book.

Mr. BROWN: Absolutely all of it. Obviously, there are--Robert Langdon is fictional, but all of the art, architecture, secret rituals, secret societies, all of that is historical fact.

GIBSON: This is a novel. If you were writing it as a non-fiction book, how would it have been different?

Mr. BROWN: I don't think it would have. I began the research for The Da Vinci Code as a skeptic. I entirely expected, as I researched the book, to disprove this theory. And after numerous trips to Europe, about two years of research, I really became a believer.


It says on the cover "The DaVinci Code: A novel". Did you ever think that Dan Brown wants his book to sell? It's in the fiction section. I seriously doubt Dan Brown is not aware of that. I seriously doubt the Catholic Church muscled him into putting it there.

I'll say it again: anyone who thinks that this book is not fiction is an idiot. You can take real history and create real fantasy. Hell, I would love it to be true, but there is zero evidence for it.

cartersdad: PC LOAD LETTER: Until she learns Greek and Hebrew: STFU and show us your titties, Jessica

Koine Greek and Hebrew?

That's straight up hardcore.

Took Koine Greek...and that really sucked.


Doing Attic now. Koine should be simple after that. I have the Hebrew books and I have dabbled in translation, but real study for Another time. Hopefully I can add Latin, Syriac, Aramaic and Arabic in life.
 
2008-12-03 01:44:35 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: Bevets: So dark the con of man

FACT: The Da Vinci Code can be found in the Fiction section of your local bookstore. Anyone who thinks this is real is a god damned idiot.


That's just what they want you to believe.
 
2008-12-03 01:54:35 PM  

cartersdad: PC LOAD LETTER: Until she learns Greek and Hebrew: STFU and show us your titties, Jessica

Koine Greek and Hebrew?

That's straight up hardcore.

Took Koine Greek...and that really sucked.


15 hours of Koine Greek and 15 hours of Hebrew here. My greek is quite a bit stronger than my Hebrew.

Here's an interesting fact, Jessica's dad used to (or possibly still is) a "pastor" Fine theological upbringing that family has.

I remember before I even knew who she was my wife was watching this E Behind scene (or something similar) on her. Her mom and dad were on there agitated that no Christian labels would take her, because, in her mom's words "Christian labels don't want someone so well endowed."
 
2008-12-03 02:01:00 PM  

taylonr: I remember before I even knew who she was my wife was watching this E Behind scene (or something similar) on her. Her mom and dad were on there agitated that no Christian labels would take her, because, in her mom's words "Christian labels don't want someone so well endowed."


JESSICA SIMPSON IS A DUDE?!?!
 
2008-12-03 02:12:15 PM  
It's sad that people think she's too dumb to study theology. How hard is it to become an expert on something pretend?

/not the same as being a biblical scholar, since the bible is an actual collection of writings
 
2008-12-03 02:15:34 PM  
Well, reading books that challenge the bible (Ones that focus on things proven to be false rather than myths are good too!).. I've seen special after special about the 'real bible' and archeological findings about how the bible was inspired, what really went on, etc.

All fascinating. But it's only fascinating if you let go of the delusion that the bible is true and literal :)
 
2008-12-03 02:17:22 PM  
WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU FARKERS?! NOT ONE PICTURE OF HER GODDAMN TITS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN THREAD.
 
2008-12-03 02:20:28 PM  

Tissot: WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU FARKERS?! NOT ONE PICTURE OF HER GODDAMN TITS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN THREAD.


Huh. Must be a conspiracy.

/or is it?
 
2008-12-03 02:29:53 PM  

Tissot: WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU FARKERS?! NOT ONE PICTURE OF HER GODDAMN TITS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN THREAD.


Not only that, there is a giant picture of Bill Clinton.

I blame Dan Brown.
 
2008-12-03 02:30:25 PM  
taylonr: I remember before I even knew who she was my wife was watching this E Behind scene (or something similar) on her. Her mom and dad were on there agitated that no Christian labels would take her, because, in her mom's words "Christian labels don't want someone so well endowed."

haha, i remember that. i also remember how she was once a bit of a big deal in the Christian pop culture because her youth pastor Dad had raised her with Christian morals to wait until she was married.

and then... I think her reality show came out about the same time as the reports about her dad's crazy ways, pictures of her... and well, it kind of grows hazy. My sense of time could be off, but somehow she's no longer mentioned in the Christian community.
 
2008-12-03 02:34:58 PM  

Robert1966: It's sad that people think she's too dumb to study theology. How hard is it to become an expert on something pretend?


Seriously? The catholic church has almost 2000 years of dogma that is almost entirely separate from the bible. A heology scholar could waste their life on Augustine alone and never become an expert on one specific sect of Christianity, let alone theology as a whole.
 
Ant
2008-12-03 02:59:41 PM  

Bevets: FACT: The Da Vinci Code can be found in the Fiction section of your local bookstore. Anyone who thinks this is real is a god damned idiot.

LAUER: How much of this is based on reality in terms of things that actually occurred? I know you did a lot of research for the book.

Mr. BROWN: Absolutely all of it.


I rest PC LOAD LETTER's case
 
2008-12-03 02:59:59 PM  
"...Which is like watching Schoolhouse Rock and wanting to become a Senator"

Maybe more like watching a 2 hour biography of Albert Einstein, spotting a dog in one of the photos, and deciding to become a veterinarian.

Sorry, but that "Da Vinci/Bible code" shiat has nothing to do with theology at all. It's just more hocus pocus crap using the bible to make itself look legit... which kind of only works if you believe the bible is legit in the first place.
 
Ant
2008-12-03 03:00:16 PM  

mooseyfate: I want to make sun-tea from her panties.


Gahhhh!
 
2008-12-03 03:04:47 PM  

Tissot: WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU FARKERS?! NOT ONE PICTURE OF HER GODDAMN TITS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN THREAD.


Da Vinci helps those who help themselves.
 
Ant
2008-12-03 03:05:55 PM  

Robert1966: It's sad that people think she's too dumb to study theology. How hard is it to become an expert on something pretend?

/not the same as being a biblical scholar, since the bible is an actual collection of writings


I wouldn't say theology is for idiots. It takes quite a bit of intelligence to wring any meaning out of those ancient books. It may be wasted intelligence, but it's intelligence all the same.
 
2008-12-03 03:11:03 PM  
Isn't her dad like a preacher or something?
 
2008-12-03 03:15:37 PM  

Mangoose: Tissot: WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU FARKERS?! NOT ONE PICTURE OF HER GODDAMN TITS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN THREAD.

Da Vinci helps those who help themselves.


Da Vinci doesn't pay people who help themselves while at work.
 
2008-12-03 03:26:45 PM  
i liked the idea behind no pictures... and focusing on the actual story... but as it was written so it shall be... tits or get the fark out

solarnavigator.netView Full Size


apparently with voting goodness
 
2008-12-03 03:39:57 PM  
Don't knock it -it's why Sarah Palin is a Governor.
 
2008-12-03 04:01:03 PM  
She is looking thicker and juicier lately. Me likey.

[image from img262.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2008-12-03 04:13:50 PM  

Tom_Slick: I wanted to be a conductor after seeing "Conjunction Junction"


How interesting.

This pic:

celebrityandworld.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


Makes me want to conjugate. Often.

/I'll be in my bunk....
 
2008-12-03 04:19:46 PM  
DjangoStonereaver: Makes me want to conjugate. Often.

I often
You often
He/she oftens
We often
They often
 
2008-12-03 04:23:00 PM  
img76.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
2008-12-03 04:54:12 PM  
Hey Jessica, how about a little head?
img76.imageshack.usView Full Size


/shamelessly hotlinked from Straight To Hell
 
2008-12-03 04:55:10 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: Until she learns Greek and Hebrew: STFU and show us your titties, Jessica


I don't give a shiat about her knowing Hebrew, just as long as she's OK with Greek...

/voting? What the hell, sure.
 
2008-12-03 05:04:25 PM  
I think it's sort of like watching Bob the Builder and then getting a sudden interest in building skyscrapers and bridges.
 
2008-12-03 05:19:03 PM  

wpmulligan: She is looking thicker and juicier lately. Me likey.


Yeah, but you can see what she will turn into in the background.
 
2008-12-03 05:23:02 PM  
I watched the "elbow room" Schoolhouse rock and wanted to purchase Louisiana.

/It was surprisingly affordable
//Changed my mind when I found out it was water damaged.
 
2008-12-03 07:00:28 PM  

Tissot: Mangoose: Tissot: WHAT THE FARK IS WRONG WITH YOU FARKERS?! NOT ONE PICTURE OF HER GODDAMN TITS IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN THREAD.

Da Vinci helps those who help themselves.

Da Vinci doesn't pay people who help themselves while at work.


May Da Vinci bless you with an abundance of titties when you get home.
 
2008-12-03 07:34:46 PM  
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priory_of_Sion

The author of the Da Vinci code was fooled by one of the greatest hoaxes of all time. He thinks his book is true (or he claimed he did when the movie came out), but since it got so popular the "facts" have been ripped to shreds.

So maybe no one is an idiot, but instead Pierre Plantard was a freaking genius.
 
2008-12-03 08:50:09 PM  
I watched Schoolhouse Rock and wanted to become a senator so I am getting a kick out of jokes that fall flat because they are needlessly explained.

/or did I want to sing about a bill...?
 
Displayed 50 of 53 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter




In Other Media
Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report