Santa is a fictional character, you know.
Easter Bunny, too.

Hey NORAD, since you seem to do such a good job tracking an high-speed object that travels at sub-light speed, why don't you FIND OSAMA BIN LADEN? He seems to move at high speed from cave to cave, it shouldn't take you long at all to track his ass down.

Comic Book Guy: why don't you FIND OSAMA BIN LADEN?

I doubt Bid Laden is flying anywhere.

Screw Santa, I want to know where that leprechaun is with my gorram lucky charms.

Oh good, I'll mark that one off on my bingo card now.

Bingo!

sh0x: Oh good, I'll mark that one off on my bingo card now.

Tiny fist, etc.

UberDave: If I was programming their tracking system to show Santa's sleigh, I would throw in a couple of Patriot missiles to blow it out of the sky somewhere over Kansas.

"The system works"

a Farker is tracking Santa?

Need something to pass the time of day.

SpinStopper: Don't tell the atheists and Muslins. They'll want to .... HEY! I just had a great idea!

NORAD can track The Prophet Muhammad as he delivers pipe bombs to all the good little boys and girls ;)

Or Jesus as he drops off white hoods.

SpinStopper: NORAD can track The Prophet Muhammad

Radar images of the Great Prophet are strictly forbidden

Sappy tag last seen wrapping gifts at Sears.

I thought they already picked him off.

I hope they finally shoot down that fat ass this year. Son of a biatch comes in to my house in the middle of the night and takes all my beer and nachos and then has the nerve to only leave a couple of presents with stuff made of pipe cleaners and egg cartons.

/Time to electrify the perimeter...

We did all our Christmas shopping in September.

Shakespeare's Monkey: Haha, the elf won't be around this year unless I get 10 million in unmarked twenties.

Unmarked Twinkies? What? Oh, TWENTIES! Sometimes I need to read the comments twice but mostly get them right on the fourth time through...

groininjury: We did all our Christmas shopping in September.

I don't know why but that just gave me the LOLz

Back when I was in the military the dickshiat officer running the show that night decided it would be "humorous" to trigger an unplanned air raid drill right when NORAD reported the fat man was over us.

It stopped being funny when his command officer came screaming into command bunker in his Hummer, still dressed up like Santa Claus. Turned out the General had been dressed up Santa for Christmas night with his grandkids when the raid sirens went off.

/he was not a merry old elf that night
//the Marines on security detail were left with the orders to "Shoot him if he touches that alert button again."

The Santa Claus myth is the perfect way to condition your children to believe in religion.

"There's a guy who flies around the world and gives presents to all the children using magic reindeer."

Later, you tell them it was all a lie. If they bought that, they'll be perfectly willing to accept:

"There was a guy who got nailed to a cross so you can go to a magic place when you die. Because of magic."

What, nobody screaming that letting your kids believe in Santa is child abuse?

You guys are slipping.

Ladies and gentlemen, the system works!

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: What, nobody screaming that letting your kids believe in Santa is child abuse?

You guys are slipping.

I am actually surprised we don't have anyone whining about using a government facility for what could be easily construed as a religious purpose.

Crazy Bacon Legs: The Santa Claus myth is the perfect way to condition your children to believe in religion.

"There's a guy who flies around the world and gives presents to all the children using magic reindeer."

Later, you tell them it was all a lie. If they bought that, they'll be perfectly willing to accept:

"There was a guy who got nailed to a cross so you can go to a magic place when you die. Because of magic."

Hey, Crazy
you need to get a long list of clues. Try studying history and metaphysics first, then maybe a little etiquette. There's always hope.

I'll be in my bunker...

darkhorse581: groininjury: We did all our Christmas shopping in September.

I don't know why but that just gave me the LOLz

I know why.

Because it's funny as hell.

DaJesus: DontMakeMeComeBackThere: What, nobody screaming that letting your kids believe in Santa is child abuse?

You guys are slipping.

I am actually surprised we don't have anyone whining about using a government facility for what could be easily construed as a religious purpose.

Umh, well I guess you can link Santa up to Saint Nick of course, and possibly to some older religions, but come on, fat man in a slieghly is clearly cultural, not religious.

Gah, stupid humbuggers. This is a cute tradition. I'm glad they spend the tiny amount of money. My niece is just old enough to understand now, so I'll be showing it to her.

This is a serious misallocation of America's resources.

Stupid tag unavailable? What a waste of tax dollars.

viril-ade: Stupid tag unavailable? What a waste of tax dollars.

This. If the government is serious about getting rid of useless programs, NORAD tracking something that doesn't even farking exist should be one of the first things on the chopping block.

Whenever someone goes on the news and reports Santa's whereabouts on December 24, I want to punch them.

uh...NORAD has been shut down for years.

sonder: uh...NORAD has been shut down for years.

FAIL

Holiday News Bingo FTW! (new window)

ha-ha-guy:
//the Marines on security detail were left with the orders to "Shoot him if he touches that alert button again."

Marine 1: *BLAM*
Marine 2: Dude. He wasn't anywhere hear the button.
Marine 1: You can never be too careful.
Marine 2: Good point. Nice marksmanship.
Marine 1: Thanks.

I posted this in the holiday news bingo thread, but I'll repeat it here.

What if someone decides to launch a nuke at the US over the north pole around Christmas, knowing that everyone at NORAD thinks it's just that silly Santa Claus tracking stunt again?

From what I heard the pagans and scientologists are plotting to use there own version of NORAD to kidnap him and convert him so that he becomes something like this:

Came for the WOPR pics, was not disappointed.

/He does fit the profile perfectly. He's intelligent, but an under-achiever; alienated from his parents; has few friends. Classic case for recruitment by the Soviets.

//Hmm, foretold fark perfectly.

Came for the Robot Chicken references, was not disappointed.

ethbone: This is a serious misallocation of America's resources.

Humbug. let the millitary have a little fun for the holidays, it's not like they guy much opportunity otherise. Besides, it's not like they take staff and equipment offline to ACTUALLY track Santa.

/unless you really believe in old St. Nick!

It's interesting to read the story of why NORAD (and previously, CONAD) track Santa. The interview with Colonel Stoup is a bit painful to sit through, however; he's got 20,000 hours in JETS!

To all you beancounters biatching about your tax dollars:

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/faq.html

The last two questions, read them. Then grow some common sense and obtain a life.

XMark: I posted this in the holiday news bingo thread, but I'll repeat it here.

What if someone decides to launch a nuke at the US over the north pole around Christmas, knowing that everyone at NORAD thinks it's just that silly Santa Claus tracking stunt again?

Of course! That would obviously work perfectly! Computers and technology certainly haven't advanced to the point where NORAD can tell the difference between an internally-generated blip of a fictional character (which isn't even done on the actual tracking equipment) and a Russian RV-9 aimed at the pentagon.

Nope, can't be done.

PS: JavaScript is a lie to cover for the puppeteer gnomes in your browser!

Credy: To all you beancounters biatching about your tax dollars:

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/faq.html

The last two questions, read them. Then grow some common sense and obtain a life.

This.

The rest of the world is falling apart around us. Have a little Christmas spirit while you still can, farkers.