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(BBSpot)   Car virus spreading through infected gas nozzles   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

6630 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jan 2003 at 12:40 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

36 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-01-13 09:22:43 AM  
The phalic connection was inevitable... those things are even ribbed, for her pleasure.
2003-01-13 12:44:02 PM  
What can you say?
2003-01-13 12:44:07 PM  
Who are you and why do you find this funny.
2003-01-13 12:45:05 PM  
I found my neighbor trying to rape my car's gas nozzle once. Then I got one of thsoe locking gas caps so I'm sure I won't be affected by this virus.
2003-01-13 12:45:11 PM  
Lolz taht wuz funney
2003-01-13 12:45:13 PM  
I knew it! I wasn't static electricity setting those gas pumps on fire.
2003-01-13 12:46:34 PM  
2003-01-13 12:47:59 PM  
On an almost entirely unrelated note...

This past weekend I get back to a friends house after a night at the club. We're just lounging, taking it easy. Next thing you know, in walks one of the roomates with a stupid look all over his face. "come look at this" he says.

We walk to the driveway... and sticking out of his gas tank is a gas nozzle that he RIPPED off the gas tank as he pulled away from the station.

Remember that old joke jpg that floated around the net about the dumb female driver in CA? Well, now I'm glad to say I know someone just as stupid. Yay.
2003-01-13 12:48:31 PM  

Something tells me that a nice Dental Dam would'a prevented this.

Wrap it up every time...
you purchase your gas from CITGO

2003-01-13 12:48:56 PM  
You been hosed America!
2003-01-13 12:49:03 PM  
Thay's what happens when your nozzle has been stuck into too many Hummers.
2003-01-13 12:49:06 PM  
A bad case of gas?
2003-01-13 12:49:26 PM  
Q: How can you tell that the guy pumping your gas used to be a porn star?

A: Just before he's done, he pulls the nozzle out and sprays gas all over the trunk of the car.
2003-01-13 12:49:59 PM  
Hmm... BBSpot is really going downhill.
2003-01-13 12:51:06 PM  
Let's hope Adolph Ashcroft and Tom "Brownshirt" Ridge don't see this article and mistake it for an intelligence report.
2003-01-13 12:52:55 PM  
ever get gasseous interruptus?
2003-01-13 12:54:03 PM  

Signs you could be infected include:

The car begins pulling to the right.
White steam is escaping from the back of the car.
Lights on the back of your car flash whenever you push the brake.

Awe Crappin!!!!
2003-01-13 12:55:24 PM  
worst. satire. evar.

the idea had potential -- written properly, i'm sure you could indeed fool some morons in to thinking that their car could catch a "virus". what a waste. that article wasn't funny at all.

i suppose i could try to write a more humorous and believable article... but then i'd be sued for copyright infringement. and i suppose THAT would be funny...

speaking of funny, is the new strongbad e-mail up yet?!
2003-01-13 12:55:25 PM  
I can see it now on FOX News. WARNING: Deadly virus being spread by pumping gas. The government says it WILL kill you. They advise the public to only buy gas at the new, government-run gas pumps. In a related story--gas prices up $40 a gallon as US govt takes over in wake of terrorist "gas virus" plot.

Herr Ashcroft is drooling.
2003-01-13 12:59:28 PM  
Make sure you put a condom on the nozzle before inserting, or pull out in time.
2003-01-13 01:02:37 PM  

Isn't that basically what I said....?


:30 minute seizure:

2003-01-13 01:03:27 PM  
LOL @ TreeSurgeon
2003-01-13 01:07:54 PM  
These Onion emulators are so much funnier than the Onion itself.

2003-01-13 01:08:07 PM  
Not funny.
2003-01-13 01:09:12 PM  
oh, geez, Tree Surgeon, I dang near spit Pepsi all over the keyboard & I'm at school so I can't share the joke with anyone.

I can't wait to spread this virus warning through e-mail, though I'll rewrite to make it actually funny.
2003-01-13 01:09:15 PM  
BBspot blowz.

Onion blowz.

Why is no one funny anymore? Why is my 'scrip for Zoloft empty?
2003-01-13 01:10:37 PM  
You mean the car isn't supposed to behave like that? And the rust spot is just like the... cold sore... that my ex had?
2003-01-13 01:15:26 PM  
Dementia124 Sorry, didn't catch that as I scanned through the posts before. ;)
2003-01-13 01:46:13 PM  
taht waznt teh funney
2003-01-13 01:54:22 PM  
and this dude quit his full time job so he could devote more time to writing stuff like this?

i fear for his family.
2003-01-13 02:09:08 PM  
Here comes the next SCARRRY CHAIN MAIL letter!!!
Ohhh nooo Mr. Saddamm........... I can't wait until I get this story in my inbox from someone I know who believes this!
2003-01-13 02:37:53 PM  
Great satire. BBspot is on a roll this year!
2003-01-13 03:21:37 PM  
The point of satire like this isn't to make the story full of funny things, it's to come up with an outrageous premise and then try to make it sound realistic
2003-01-13 04:19:49 PM  
We need some Hollywood stars to go on CNN and let the people know this virus is out there. One expert that could speak on this topic: Tom Cruise.

/off to Barbara Streisand's website to see if she's got an opinion on this
2003-01-13 05:57:20 PM  
Is this why we've got so many crappy drivers on the road at the moment?

Be sure, only drive a carburetted car or one with a fuel system so primitive that it can barely figure out one end of the injector from the other, let alone how to affect the steering.
(thats like anything from the VAG or Fiat group, ever)

Hm, mine goes to the left and wobbles when i brake, is that related?
2003-01-14 10:27:32 AM  
not even teh headline is funney...
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