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(Telegraph)   British Santa fired for violating elf and safety rules   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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5202 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2008 at 9:48 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



30 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2008-11-27 08:47:49 AM  
+1 even though it's green. That's a real stinker that I'll figure out how to steal and use on my friends IRL
 
2008-11-27 09:42:34 AM  
Nice work, submitter.

Although surely the rule is more nonce sense than H&S ?
 
2008-11-27 09:52:23 AM  
I wanted to write something in subscript like everyone else
 
2008-11-27 09:54:59 AM  
You're going to hell for your terrible puns.

//keep em coming
 
2008-11-27 09:57:16 AM  
 
2008-11-27 09:59:21 AM  
lol..great title, i was in UK once, i had to do a health and safety test for lifting a box.
 
2008-11-27 10:03:49 AM  

oomskaap: lol..great title, i was in UK once, i had to do a health and safety test for lifting a box.


FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BEND YOUR KNEES!!

/safety is no accident!
 
2008-11-27 10:04:11 AM  
I really have to question the sanity of that clause.
 
2008-11-27 10:05:12 AM  
FTFA: Mr Mondia... had been due to work six days a week over the festival period, earning him about £2,500.

wait. What?
damn, that's a lot of scratch for a few weeks, no?
 
2008-11-27 10:06:28 AM  
You guys sleigh me!
 
2008-11-27 10:09:47 AM  
Mr Mondia, whose previous jobs have included posing as a box of Nesquik and a Blackberry pearl mobile phone

Bwahahahahaaaaa!
 
2008-11-27 10:09:47 AM  
That's not arf bad.
 
348
2008-11-27 10:13:08 AM  
I want a train! A football and a Red Ryder BB gun.

If you don't give it to me I'll tell my mom you have your thumb up my ass.
 
2008-11-27 10:13:19 AM  
Was that this santa?

i155.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2008-11-27 10:16:58 AM  
Willie: "[the kid on his lap stares blankly at him] Well, what do you want? Great. Another farking Mongoloid. Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me, all right? What the fark are you doing, Don't fark with my beard."


Kid: "Its not real.


Willie: "No shiat."


Willie: "Ya see, it was real, but then Santa got sick and all the hair fell out, so I have to wear this farking thing"


Kid: "How did you get sick?"


Willie: "I loved a woman who wasn't clean."


Kid: "Mrs. Santa?"


Willie: "No, it was her sister "


imagecache2.allposters.comView Full Size

 
2008-11-27 10:17:17 AM  
images.rottentomatoes.comView Full Size


Approves
 
2008-11-27 10:17:52 AM  
Damn you skinink! So close.
 
2008-11-27 10:18:02 AM  
No WoW elf pics?
 
2008-11-27 10:22:19 AM  
"The company said it is made clear to potential Santas during their training that no one should sit on Santa's lap..."

Right cause every kid wants to stand beside Santa!
 
2008-11-27 10:22:41 AM  
+1 if my vote mattered

/nice work
 
2008-11-27 10:23:09 AM  
Not that there needs to be a reason, but a santa thread is as good a reason as any to share this classic gem:

Willie: Is that your underwear?
Kid: Part of it.
Willie: Where the hell's the rest of it?
[the kid opens his mouth to speak]
Willie: Actually, don't tell me. I don't want to know. What do you want?
Kid: I was thinking I wanted a purple stuffed elephant, not pink. But now I changed my mind.
Willie: Yeah? What?
Kid: Now I don't want an elephant at all. I want a gorilla named Davy for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear. And he can take his orders from the talking walnut, so it won't be my bad thing.
[Santa looks at the kid in confusion]
Willie: Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no farking gorilla. And I wasn't as big as one of your legs. Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy. You know what he did?
Kid: He made it all better?
Willie: No, he kicked my ass. You know why?
Kid: Because you went to the bathroom on mommy's dishes?
Willie: What the fark? No!
Kid: He tried to teach you not to cry and be a man?
Willie: No. It's because he was a mean, drunk, son of a biatch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. The world ain't fair. You've gotta take what you need when you can get it. You've gotta learn to stand up for yourself. You have to stop being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something.
[the kid stares at Santa]
Willie: Or don't. shiat. I don't care. Just leave me the hell out of it.
Kid: Okay. Thanks Santa.



brycezabel.comView Full Size

 
2008-11-27 10:26:01 AM  

Oldiron_79: No WoW elf pics?


NO. (new window)
 
2008-11-27 10:29:15 AM  
Mr Mondia, whose previous jobs have included posing as a box of Nesquik and a Blackberry pearl mobile phone...

Obviously, he was hired to play Santa because of his tremendous presents.
 
2008-11-27 10:41:39 AM  

BrianVan: and while we're here:
www.hulu.com/watch/3362/saturday-night-live-glengarry-glen-christmas


Tha nks...that was awesome.
 
2008-11-27 10:59:05 AM  

phlegmmo: Mr Mondia, whose previous jobs have included posing as a box of Nesquik and a Blackberry pearl mobile phone...

Obviously, he was hired to play Santa because of his tremendous presents.


/snicker.
 
2008-11-27 11:13:41 AM  
Son of Thunder: Oldiron_79: No WoW elf pics?

NO. (new window)


Oh sure, no one likes Belfs... Till they need a tankadin.
 
2008-11-27 12:29:37 PM  
British Santa fired for violating elf and safety rules

Do elves scream when they're violated?
 
2008-11-27 01:13:30 PM  
"Why do we scream at each other?
This is what it sounds like
When elves cry."
i4.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2008-11-27 01:50:32 PM  
a drunk reindeer ran away with the link
 
2008-11-27 07:25:34 PM  
i141.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
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