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Headlines of the Week: 11/17 - 11/23. Smoke 'em if you got 'em
Posted by Drew at 2008-11-24 1:59:23 PM, edited 2009-01-19 4:07:20 AM (33 comments) | Permalink
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9998 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Nov 2008 at 2:18 PM (6 years ago) | | share: more»
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This week's headlines had a lot fewer puns, but it really bumped it up in the subtlety department. There are about three very subtle headlines this week mixed in.
It's not Fark it's News: this isn't news per se: expect a real lack of anything interesting going on this week.
Media folks are all on vacation. Expect the space to be filled up with articles on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and how both are just urban legends. That will be followed next week by the "commercial masquerading as news" on how much the 12 days of Xmas cost this year, complete with made-up justifications for the increased costs of Lords of Leaping as relates to the real estate crash or some such crap. That will be followed soon after by recalculations of how fast Santa needs to fly to hit all the houses in the world on xmas night.
In a nutshell we're moving into the height of canned article season.
Headlines of the Week, November 17 - November 23, 2008
Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouse
Half of women subject to urinary infection. Submitter hopes it's the lower half
Snoop Dogg's house under threat from CA fires. Thousands rush to get downwind
Scammer made $3 million in illegal eBay sales. Or, after eBay and Paypal fees, $271
Flight attendant lands plane after pilot's mental breakdown. I guess he never got over Macho Grande
Astronette lubricating joint experiences eruption, prematurely lets go of sack. Climax of mission so far
Man arrested for beating his girlfriend with undisclosed type of sandwich; possibly a club
Christopher Lloyd loses $11 million house to California fire. If only there were some way to go back in time and warn him
Coroner's inquest into man who cut off his own head with chainsaw is complete; turns out he died by cutting off his own head with chainsaw
Man faces drug charges for peddling cookie dough and Orajel as crack, not realizing that Girl Scout thin mint cookies are already classified that way
Top Headline for each tab:
Pacman gets 10,000 points, another life
There are 68 bowl slots, but only 61 teams have enough wins to go to one. So Michigan may get an invite to the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl, the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl, or the Sucks to Be You Bowl
Mussina to retire. Loggins devastated
EU planning giant stimulus package. Still can't compete with American package, although they're uncut
Walgreen sees growth even during tough times, because who ISN'T a sucker for cheap store-brand aspirin, and buy-one-get-one-free enemas?
Ford unloads Mazda stake to avert doom doom
Egotistical scientists seek media coverage after identifying Copernicus' remains, not realizing the world doesn't revolve around them
Quantum computing takes a step ahead - or a step back. No one's really sure
Schoolboy collapses and goes into convulsions playing World of Warcraft, which inadvertently gives him more exercise than he's had for months
Hugh Jackman named "sexiest man alive", "best porn name"
Georgia rapper gets 20 years for admitting to a shooting in a song. Vicki Lawrence still at large for double homicide
Cate Blanchett reveals that the secret to a happy marriage is spooning. Subby would quite happily spoon Cate, but only if the forking was good
Obama gets a brain, selects Moran as White House communications director. Go USA
Former hotel workers recall JFK's last supper. He had a choice of steak or fish but had the lasagna
A sampling of contested ballots in the Coleman/Franken recount. Subby wishes his vote for "Lizard People" had been more clear
(Music and Video headlines are not included)
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