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Headlines of the Week: 11/17 - 11/23. Smoke 'em if you got 'em 
Posted by Drew at 2008-11-24 1:59:23 PM, edited 2009-01-19 4:07:20 AM (33 comments) | Permalink
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9998 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Nov 2008 at 2:18 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



This week's headlines had a lot fewer puns, but it really bumped it up in the subtlety department. There are about three very subtle headlines this week mixed in.

It's not Fark it's News: this isn't news per se: expect a real lack of anything interesting going on this week.

Media folks are all on vacation. Expect the space to be filled up with articles on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and how both are just urban legends. That will be followed next week by the "commercial masquerading as news" on how much the 12 days of Xmas cost this year, complete with made-up justifications for the increased costs of Lords of Leaping as relates to the real estate crash or some such crap. That will be followed soon after by recalculations of how fast Santa needs to fly to hit all the houses in the world on xmas night.

In a nutshell we're moving into the height of canned article season.

Headlines of the Week, November 17 - November 23, 2008

Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouseimg.fark.net

Half of women subject to urinary infection. Submitter hopes it's the lower halfimg.fark.net

Snoop Dogg's house under threat from CA fires. Thousands rush to get downwindimg.fark.net

Scammer made $3 million in illegal eBay sales. Or, after eBay and Paypal fees, $271img.fark.net

Flight attendant lands plane after pilot's mental breakdown. I guess he never got over Macho Grandeimg.fark.net

Astronette lubricating joint experiences eruption, prematurely lets go of sack. Climax of mission so farimg.fark.net

Man arrested for beating his girlfriend with undisclosed type of sandwich; possibly a clubimg.fark.net

Christopher Lloyd loses $11 million house to California fire. If only there were some way to go back in time and warn himimg.fark.net

Coroner's inquest into man who cut off his own head with chainsaw is complete; turns out he died by cutting off his own head with chainsawimg.fark.net

Man faces drug charges for peddling cookie dough and Orajel as crack, not realizing that Girl Scout thin mint cookies are already classified that wayimg.fark.net

Top Headline for each tab:

Sports:
Pacman gets 10,000 points, another lifeimg.fark.net

There are 68 bowl slots, but only 61 teams have enough wins to go to one. So Michigan may get an invite to the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl, the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl, or the Sucks to Be You Bowlimg.fark.net

Mussina to retire. Loggins devastatedimg.fark.net

Business:
EU planning giant stimulus package. Still can't compete with American package, although they're uncutimg.fark.net

Walgreen sees growth even during tough times, because who ISN'T a sucker for cheap store-brand aspirin, and buy-one-get-one-free enemas?img.fark.net

Ford unloads Mazda stake to avert doom doomimg.fark.net

Geek:
Egotistical scientists seek media coverage after identifying Copernicus' remains, not realizing the world doesn't revolve around themimg.fark.net

Quantum computing takes a step ahead - or a step back. No one's really sureimg.fark.net

Schoolboy collapses and goes into convulsions playing World of Warcraft, which inadvertently gives him more exercise than he's had for monthsimg.fark.net

Showbiz:
Hugh Jackman named "sexiest man alive", "best porn name"img.fark.net

Georgia rapper gets 20 years for admitting to a shooting in a song. Vicki Lawrence still at large for double homicideimg.fark.net

Cate Blanchett reveals that the secret to a happy marriage is spooning. Subby would quite happily spoon Cate, but only if the forking was goodimg.fark.net

Politics:
Obama gets a brain, selects Moran as White House communications director. Go USAimg.fark.net

Former hotel workers recall JFK's last supper. He had a choice of steak or fish but had the lasagnaimg.fark.net

A sampling of contested ballots in the Coleman/Franken recount. Subby wishes his vote for "Lizard People" had been more clearimg.fark.net


(Music and Video headlines are not included)
· · ·
(view entire blog)


33 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2008-11-24 02:02:51 PM
 
2008-11-24 02:07:46 PM
markie_farkie: 'tis mine!

nice one!
i finally got one, too
 
2008-11-24 02:09:48 PM
 
2008-11-24 02:16:52 PM
we submit way too much.
 
2008-11-24 02:17:06 PM
albo: i finally got one, too

Ditto, but I didn't think it was one of my better ones.

Former hotel workers recall JFK's last supper. He had a choice of steak or fish but had the lasagna (new window)
 
2008-11-24 02:17:23 PM
My personal favorite didn't quite make the cut this week, but deserves a little extra love, anyway:

10-point white buck shot near Milwaukee, the first white Milwaukee Buck with double-figure points in decades
 
2008-11-24 02:18:17 PM
Smoke 'em if you got 'em

i38.tinypic.com
 
2008-11-24 02:19:18 PM
albo: we submit way too much.

Agreed
 
2008-11-24 02:19:20 PM
Unfreakable: My personal favorite didn't quite make the cut this week, but deserves a little extra love, anyway

as i recall, that was well-liked. why'd it fall short?
 
2008-11-24 02:20:51 PM
albo: we submit way too much.

Yeah, it's kind of sad, really. You should get some help or something.
 
2008-11-24 02:21:54 PM
Wait a second... this is one big circle jerk! Maybe... all the boards are big circle jerks! My God! My whole life is a lie!

/Good job, folks who made it.
 
2008-11-24 02:23:59 PM
40below: albo: we submit way too much.

Yeah, it's kind of sad, really. You should get some help or something.


Let me guess, at least 5 of them were yours, weren't they?
 
2008-11-24 02:26:01 PM
Ikimasen: Wait a second... this is one big circle jerk

i submitted this comment with a funnier sentence.
 
2008-11-24 02:26:22 PM
 
2008-11-24 02:30:56 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: What the hell? This was clearly the headline of the week

Two ways Guy Ritchie is different than Heather Mills: He is walking away without asking for money


Agreed, the whole thread was just subby cork soaking.

/Shenanigans!!
//Not subby, just a great headline.
 
2008-11-24 02:31:13 PM
markie_farkie: 'tis mine!

Walgreen sees growth even during tough times, because who ISN'T a sucker for cheap store-brand aspirin, and buy-one-get-one-free enemas? (new window)


I honestly don't get why this is funny or clever.

Sounds like you found it in a Jay Leno monologue reject pile.
 
2008-11-24 02:32:59 PM
Indians sink pirates. Wait... what?

Mine! Although I do lose marks for the wait...what meme.
 
2008-11-24 02:34:15 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: What the hell? This was clearly the headline of the week

Two ways Guy Ritchie is different than Heather Mills: He is walking away without asking for money


I would agree, but showbiz and music headlines aren't included.
 
2008-11-24 02:34:42 PM
Whoa! I've been gone a while - great feature, Drew!

/Copernicus was mine! :)
 
2008-11-24 02:35:44 PM
absoluteparanoia: I honestly don't get why this is funny or clever.

Sounds like you found it in a Jay Leno monologue reject pile.


Leno (or his writers) stole this from me almost verbatim:

2006-05-26: U.S. House workers, unfamiliar with the sounds of people actually working, mistake air hammer for gunfire
 
2008-11-24 02:36:06 PM
How many were from 40below?

Or for a shorter list, how many WEREN'T from 40below?
 
2008-11-24 02:38:52 PM
I've only had a few that were not Fark party related.
 
2008-11-24 02:38:55 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: What the hell? This was clearly the headline of the week

Two ways Guy Ritchie is different than Heather Mills: He is walking away without asking for money


It's a good one, but I guess the Heather Mills joke are a bit less funny the 98367549367598435623654th time.
 
2008-11-24 02:43:53 PM
good stuff
 
2008-11-24 02:46:16 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: What the hell? This was clearly the headline of the week

Two ways Guy Ritchie is different than Heather Mills: He is walking away without asking for money


I definitely thought that was the best, hell I even sent it to non-farkers.
 
2008-11-24 02:48:23 PM
I got two - cool.

/4 last week
//muahahaha
 
2008-11-24 02:58:49 PM
markie_farkie: Leno (or his writers) stole this from me almost verbatim:

Yes, but why is the first one funny.
 
2008-11-24 03:09:51 PM
Liters, unite!

Ford unloads Mazda stake to avert doom doom

Score another one for the little guys.

/Cheated because I simply cut and pasted the headline
//Earned it though because I've submitted many good headlines
 
2008-11-24 03:27:47 PM
I will vote for anything that includes Lizard People.

/and Al Franken
//and then be disqualified?
 
2008-11-24 04:05:52 PM
albo i submitted this comment with a funnier sentence.

Ouch. I submit to your submission.
 
2008-11-24 04:24:48 PM
Mussina to retire. Loggins devestated

Mine, biatches!
 
2008-11-24 05:07:32 PM
Dr. Nick Riviera: What the hell? This was clearly the headline of the week

Two ways Guy Ritchie is different than Heather Mills: He is walking away without asking for money


Agreed, easily the best headline i've seen on here in a long, long time.
 
2008-11-24 11:49:35 PM
tits or gtfo
 
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