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Fark headlines of the week, November 3 - November 9 
Posted by Drew at 2008-11-10 12:02:20 PM, edited 2009-01-19 4:10:07 AM (21 comments) | Permalink
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9553 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Nov 2008 at 12:58 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



I'm not sure what to say about this week's headlines, because nothing truly notable happened last week. Nothing at all. Certainly nothing historic or 'unpresidented' in American history.

Nope, nothing at all I can think of.

Headlines of the Week, November 3 - November 9, 2008

Teen survives trash compactor. Local droid praised for quick action

Woman has twins from 13-year-old sperm, surprisingly is not a schoolteacher

Hurricane Paloma slams into Cuba, causing millions of dollars in improvements

Annynay Atestay ansbay affstay omfray oosingyay Atinlay ordsway ecausebay ityay onfusescay oreignersfay

Internet generation found to be bad jurors who are easily distrac

Spunky thieves shoot off with huge load of bull semen

Syphilis raging through Canadians living in the Northwest Territories, at least along the handful whose primary sexual organs haven't frozen off

Study shows elevated death risk after heart attack. No word on Elevated death risk after plane crash, alien invasion or thermonuclear weapons exchange

Rock breaks scissors. Scissors cut paper. Car crushes the hell out of ex-boyfriend's foot

South Dakota buried under four feet of snow in freak November blizzard. Or maybe it happened last month and nobody noticed until now


Top Headline for each tab:

Sports:
Daunte Culpepper says he's absorbing the Detroit Lions' offense as fast as he can, hopes to have both of their plays memorized by Sunday

Johnson grabs pole, tightens grip on points lead. Dick Trickle unavailable for comment

Flyers acquire defenseman Matt Carle to experiment with new game strategy called "defense"

Business:
Starbucks hires new CFO. Hires another CFO across the street

General Motors is almost out of cash and may be forced to give Hummers for food

Brothel revenue falls on soft market and competition from bankers in screwing customers

Geek:
CNN will use hologram technology to beam three-dimensional images of its field correspondents, Lord Vader

Eating apples may head off the flu. Now if only there was some saying we could drum in people's heads to remind them of this

Last week: Pregnant women can drink wine. This week: Pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee. If they were a bit less fussy about what they swallowed in the first place, they wouldn't be in this mess

Showbiz:
Lisa Rinna says she may have gone too far with injectable cosmetic surgery. Well, she didn't say it, her publicist did because Lisa can't get her two bratwurst-sized lips to form any words

Jury determines that Keanu Reeves is totally not heinous

Kevin Bacon's son wants to play James Bond when he grows up. His father might be able to help him, since Kevin Bacon has a lot of connections

Politics:
Obama kids getting a new puppy. Considering a Russian Wolfhound and keeping it in back yard so they can see it from their house

McCain's plane aborts landing. Pro-life conservatives immediately switch their votes to Obama

Palin advises Tina Fey to hang on to her 'Sarah outfit' because she is going to need it for the next four years. Fey unable to comment due to a mouth full of coffin nails as she finishes up the job

(Music and Video headlines are not included)
· · ·
(view entire blog)


21 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2008-11-10 12:42:35 PM  
I did not know about this. Thanks Drew!
 
2008-11-10 01:02:12 PM  
I submitted this with a better headline.
 
2008-11-10 01:03:43 PM  
unpresidented? Spelling nazis attaaaaccckkk!
 
2008-11-10 01:07:59 PM  
Grrr. And I'm 0 for 3 on greenlights so far today. It's killing my average.
 
2008-11-10 01:08:15 PM  
Repeat!
 
2008-11-10 01:09:06 PM  
Weeks start on a Sunday.

/Calendar Nazi
 
2008-11-10 01:11:10 PM  
No T-Shirt option?
 
2008-11-10 01:14:28 PM  
img1.fark.net
 
2008-11-10 01:14:37 PM  
wait, so we're aggregating links from a link aggregator now?
 
2008-11-10 01:17:08 PM  
Sweet, thanks for adding a headlines of the week section!
 
2008-11-10 01:29:30 PM  
This will make shopping for T-shirts with the cultural half-life of a fruit fly so much easier. Gee, thanks!
 
2008-11-10 01:29:57 PM  
"Last week: Pregnant women can drink wine. This week: Pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee. If they were a bit less fussy about what they swallowed in the first place, they wouldn't be in this mess "

Whoever submitted this headline should get TF for a year. Epic.
 
2008-11-10 02:00:05 PM  
krelborne: unpresidented? Spelling nazis attaaaaccckkk!

I think that misspelling wasn't a misspelling.
 
2008-11-10 02:07:35 PM  
Cool idea. I will have to make more headlines now.
 
2008-11-10 02:09:58 PM  
I have never submitted a headline before, but I sure like this new favourites!
 
2008-11-10 02:16:42 PM  
What, no TFD's of the week?
 
2008-11-10 02:20:43 PM  
Way to try to sell more t-shirts drew!

You should have a Video of the week too, because this one that *ahem* I submitted is awesome:

At two minutes is when you officially lose your mind (new window)
 
2008-11-10 02:28:41 PM  
Starbucks hires new CFO. Hires another CFO across the street

I like.
 
2008-11-10 02:28:41 PM  
absoluteparanoia 2008-11-10 01:17:08 PM Sweet, thanks for adding a headlines of the week section!
====================

Yeah. But I totally can't decide on a t-shirt.

I'll wait for the yearly one and decide there.
 
2008-11-10 02:46:44 PM  
I demand best comments of the week as well!
 
2008-11-11 12:39:45 AM  
What about offering a tee with the headings of the week on it? What a birthday present that would make for someone who doesn't want a copy of the New York Times with their birthday front page on it but needs something to wear. Better still, make a gift card with a headline on it that can go with the shirt.
 
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