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Fark headlines of the week, November 3 - November 9
Posted by Drew at 2008-11-10 12:02:20 PM, edited 2009-01-19 4:10:07 AM (21 comments) | Permalink
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9552 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Nov 2008 at 12:58 PM (5 years ago) | | share: more»
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I'm not sure what to say about this week's headlines, because nothing truly notable happened last week. Nothing at all. Certainly nothing historic or 'unpresidented' in American history.
Nope, nothing at all I can think of.
Headlines of the Week, November 3 - November 9, 2008
Teen survives trash compactor. Local droid praised for quick action
Woman has twins from 13-year-old sperm, surprisingly is not a schoolteacher
Hurricane Paloma slams into Cuba, causing millions of dollars in improvements
Annynay Atestay ansbay affstay omfray oosingyay Atinlay ordsway ecausebay ityay onfusescay oreignersfay
Internet generation found to be bad jurors who are easily distrac
Spunky thieves shoot off with huge load of bull semen
Syphilis raging through Canadians living in the Northwest Territories, at least along the handful whose primary sexual organs haven't frozen off
Study shows elevated death risk after heart attack. No word on Elevated death risk after plane crash, alien invasion or thermonuclear weapons exchange
Rock breaks scissors. Scissors cut paper. Car crushes the hell out of ex-boyfriend's foot
South Dakota buried under four feet of snow in freak November blizzard. Or maybe it happened last month and nobody noticed until now
Top Headline for each tab:
Daunte Culpepper says he's absorbing the Detroit Lions' offense as fast as he can, hopes to have both of their plays memorized by Sunday
Johnson grabs pole, tightens grip on points lead. Dick Trickle unavailable for comment
Flyers acquire defenseman Matt Carle to experiment with new game strategy called "defense"
Starbucks hires new CFO. Hires another CFO across the street
General Motors is almost out of cash and may be forced to give Hummers for food
Brothel revenue falls on soft market and competition from bankers in screwing customers
CNN will use hologram technology to beam three-dimensional images of its field correspondents, Lord Vader
Eating apples may head off the flu. Now if only there was some saying we could drum in people's heads to remind them of this
Last week: Pregnant women can drink wine. This week: Pregnant women shouldn't drink coffee. If they were a bit less fussy about what they swallowed in the first place, they wouldn't be in this mess
Lisa Rinna says she may have gone too far with injectable cosmetic surgery. Well, she didn't say it, her publicist did because Lisa can't get her two bratwurst-sized lips to form any words
Jury determines that Keanu Reeves is totally not heinous
Kevin Bacon's son wants to play James Bond when he grows up. His father might be able to help him, since Kevin Bacon has a lot of connections
Obama kids getting a new puppy. Considering a Russian Wolfhound and keeping it in back yard so they can see it from their house
McCain's plane aborts landing. Pro-life conservatives immediately switch their votes to Obama
Palin advises Tina Fey to hang on to her 'Sarah outfit' because she is going to need it for the next four years. Fey unable to comment due to a mouth full of coffin nails as she finishes up the job
(Music and Video headlines are not included)
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