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(ESPN)   Daunte Culpepper says he's absorbing the Detroit Lions' offense as fast as he can, hopes to have both of their plays memorized by Sunday   (sports.espn.go.com) divider line
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487 clicks; posted to Sports » on 06 Nov 2008 at 10:39 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-11-06 10:07:31 AM  
Well the first one is easy... hand off to one of their mediocre running backs for a gain of 0-3 yards.

Play #2: short pass (3-5 yards) on 3rd and long, incomplete.

Don't forget the trickeration, where the QB inexplicably runs out the back of the end zone.

Daunte will be fine in that offense.
 
2008-11-06 10:22:29 AM  
Get the ball near Calvin Johnson. He can do the rest.
 
2008-11-06 10:32:15 AM  
He's still trying to figure out where "Ask Madden" is.
 
2008-11-06 10:41:56 AM  

ManRay: Get the ball near Calvin Johnson. He can do the rest.


Well, that's about all Culpepper is good at. He threw the ball high and deep for Moss and it worked, he'll throw it high and deep for Johnson and hope he comes down with it.
 
2008-11-06 10:42:19 AM  
"Ok guys. Split back, botch snap, fumble in backfield on 2 on 2. Break!"
 
2008-11-06 10:44:08 AM  
The interception play is also easy to memorize
 
2008-11-06 10:44:37 AM  

ThatGuyGreg: He's still trying to figure out where "Ask Madden" is.


Thread over. Go home.
 
2008-11-06 10:47:00 AM  

Consurfus: Well the first one is easy... hand off to one of their mediocre running backs for a gain loss of 0-3 yards.


I fixed that for you.
 
2008-11-06 10:49:13 AM  
If two black holes of suck exist, does one really 'absorb' the other?

/the lions are the only thing keeping my Chiefs from being the worst team in football
 
2008-11-06 10:50:26 AM  
I cant really argue with throwing him in this week. Clearly its not a great idea, but they are winless so who cares. So long as he doesnt get hurt, it really shouldnt matter. Let him get some game reps, and if he really looks out of sync with the recievers, then throw in drew or drew. They wont be much better. At the very least it should be an entertaining football game to watch. who do they play this weekend?
 
2008-11-06 10:55:57 AM  
This is Daunte Culpepper...

Play #1: fumble, recover for 3 yard loss
Play #2: drop low snap, recover for 5 yard loss
Play #3: sack for 18 yard loss after stupidly trying to run for 3 extra yards
Play #4: punt

No matter what plays are called, this is pretty much what is going to happen (especially with the Lions' offensive line), so why would it matter?
 
2008-11-06 10:57:41 AM  
If ANYONE picks the Detroit Lions to win this Sunday needs to have their heads examined.

I wonder what the odds they'd offer in the casinos? It'd probably break the machine.
 
2008-11-06 10:59:42 AM  
Play #1: Predict a 10 win season for your team that hasn't had a .500 season or better since 2000.
Play #2: Lose your job to a has been QB.
Play #3: Profit?
 
2008-11-06 10:59:43 AM  

Ponzholio: If two black holes of suck exist, does one really 'absorb' the other?

/the lions are the only thing keeping my Chiefs from being the worst team in football


I'm right behind you
/Raider fan
 
2008-11-06 11:06:37 AM  
The only thing he's going to be absorbing is opposing defense and dirt.
 
2008-11-06 11:10:53 AM  

jake3988:

I wonder what the odds they'd offer in the casinos? It'd probably break the machine.


The Lions are +6.5 point dogs to the Jags Sunday (+230 money line- a bet of $100 dollars would win you $230 if the lions did win).


/FYI- the Chiefs are +15.5 at the Chargers and they took off the money line...

//FYI2- Both the Lions and Chiefs are 1000:1 odds to win the Super Bowl
 
2008-11-06 11:16:56 AM  

Consurfus: Well the first one is easy... hand off to one of their mediocre running backs for a gain of -3 to +3 yards.

Play #2: short pass (3-5 yards) on 3rd and long, incomplete.

Don't forget the trickeration, where the QB fumbles the ball inexplicably runs out the back of the end zone.

Daunte will be fine in that offense.


Daunte is an expert at the fumbling trickeration.

Between Culpepper and Grossman, this shall turn out to be one hell of an entertaining weekend of football.
 
2008-11-06 11:17:10 AM  
when did we get # 2 ?
 
2008-11-06 11:17:48 AM  
# 1 = lose
 
2008-11-06 11:23:21 AM  
Dante isn't a bad quarterback. He just has the curse of being picked up as a desperation tactic by shiatty teams.
 
2008-11-06 11:25:27 AM  

SlothB77: Between Culpepper and Grossman, this shall turn out to be one hell of an entertaining weekend of football.


Don't forget Brady Quinn.

Ponzholio: The Lions are +6.5 point dogs to the Jags Sunday (+230 money line- a bet of $100 dollars would win you $230 if the lions did win).


/FYI- the Chiefs are +15.5 at the Chargers and they took off the money line...

//FYI2- Both the Lions and Chiefs are 1000:1 odds to win the Super Bowl


My bets this week so far will be as follows:

Betting the under in the MNF game between the 9ers and Cards
Betting on the Browns tonight.

The second bet is purely for the sake of courageousness.
 
2008-11-06 11:30:33 AM  
Detroit has more than just 2 plays. they've got a whole bunch:

1) Incomplete pass
2) Complete pass, then fumble
3) QB Fumble
4) QB Sack.
and my favorite
5) QB runs out the back of the end zone.
 
2008-11-06 11:37:17 AM  

Ponzholio: If two black holes of suck exist, does one really 'absorb' the other?

/the lions are the only thing keeping my Chiefs from being the worst team in football


Hi, My name is Ryan, and Im a Bengals fan... I dont think we've met.
 
2008-11-06 11:37:22 AM  

InferiousX: SlothB77: Between Culpepper and Grossman, this shall turn out to be one hell of an entertaining weekend of football.

Don't forget Brady Quinn.


brady quinn should be entertaining, but it unlike grossman and culpepper, i think he will tear up the denvers tragic defense. while grossman and culpepper get their cheeks kicked the rookies flacco, ryan and quinn will me mopping up the floor.
 
2008-11-06 11:38:56 AM  

InferiousX: My bets this week so far will be as follows:

Betting the under in the MNF game between the 9ers and Cards
Betting on the Browns tonight.

The second bet is purely for the sake of courageousness.


Good luck with the MNF unders... The overs are 8-1-1 this year (although last week was the under).

Does this count as the official Thursday NFL thread?
 
2008-11-06 11:45:54 AM  

FSMFTMFW: Ponzholio: If two black holes of suck exist, does one really 'absorb' the other?

/the lions are the only thing keeping my Chiefs from being the worst team in football

Hi, My name is Ryan, and Im a Bengals fan... I dont think we've met.


Hi Ryan, Steve. Anyway, the Bengals have a chance for a 2-game winning streak [checks Bengals schedule- bye this week, then Eagles]... nevermind.

The last week of the season- Chiefs at Bengals, probably will determine draft numbers 1,2 and 3.
 
2008-11-06 11:51:21 AM  
The Lions have four plays, not two.

mobygames.comView Full Size

/Hawt
 
2008-11-06 11:54:53 AM  

Ponzholio: InferiousX: My bets this week so far will be as follows:

Betting the under in the MNF game between the 9ers and Cards
Betting on the Browns tonight.

The second bet is purely for the sake of courageousness.

Good luck with the MNF unders... The overs are 8-1-1 this year (although last week was the under).

Does this count as the official Thursday NFL thread?


It will be the last NFL fluff-and-nonsense-that-nobody-is-really-commenting-in thread that is greenlit in the sports tab once the game starts. At least I am the unofficial Monday Night Football threadjacker and thats how I roll.
 
2008-11-06 12:02:59 PM  
The interception play is also easy to memorize

The Lions have far, far more than a single interception play. I'd estimate the variations occupy a good 200 pages in the playbook.
 
2008-11-06 12:30:22 PM  
This just over the wire. The NFL is exercising the flex game scheduling to move every remaining Lions game to Sunday Night Football.
Word is that the team is so entertaining that it needs to be on display for all to see.

Michaels: "Whaddya think, John?"
Madden: "Well that didnt work. So last week it was Culpepper and this week the reanimated corpse of President Andrew Jackson went 14/19 with 2 ints, but you gotta give him credit. Those drops weren't his fault and he had 2 days to learn the playbook. Sources say they're eyeing one of the Mario Brothers for next week - "
Michaels: "Oh and therees another interception recturned for a touchdown. 62-3."
Madden: "Wow. BOOM. That was terrible."
Michaels: "And Marinelli is taking the hat from his head and throwing it... AND ITS INTERCEPTED and returned for another touchdown, 68-3!"
 
2008-11-06 01:14:32 PM  
I don't care what he does as long as he memorizes Calvin Johnson's jersey number and throws the ball at it a lot. That will help my fantasy team greatly - and we all know what counts here. Their season is shot. Mine isn't.
 
2008-11-06 01:27:24 PM  

wage0048: 5) QB runs out the back of the end zone.


LOL what exactly happens when you do this? A safety?
 
2008-11-06 01:45:01 PM  

tortilla burger: wage0048: 5) QB runs out the back of the end zone.

LOL what exactly happens when you do this? A safety?


Yes.
 
2008-11-06 01:55:59 PM  
you know, between the lions, chiefs, bengals and raiders, I'm just not thinking that it's a good thing to be a top 4 draft prospect right now. Who in their right minds would sign with one of these teams?
 
2008-11-06 01:57:05 PM  
It is a shame to know that a great talent like Calvin Johnson is going to waste and will fritter his career away in that rathole.
 
2008-11-06 02:23:00 PM  

mikaloyd: It will be the last NFL fluff-and-nonsense-that-nobody-is-really-commenting-in thread that is greenlit in the sports tab once the game starts. At least I am the unofficial Monday Night Football threadjacker and thats how I roll.


I've noticed that. Other than Sundays, Fark doesn't post an official game thread. What gives?

Oh, also thinking of betting the under in the Ten/Chi game. Thoughts?
 
2008-11-06 03:01:05 PM  

InferiousX:

Oh, also thinking of betting the under in the Ten/Chi game. Thoughts?


I hate going unders when the total is in the 30's (it's at 38.5 now). Basically saying both teams aren't going to get a combined TD and FG average per quarter... 3 TD's per half and you're screwed.

/Just my 2-cents. Best of luck to you.
 
2008-11-06 03:55:21 PM  

Ponzholio: Good luck with the MNF unders... The overs are 8-1-1 this year (although last week was the under).


Not to mention that the Cardinals score a ton.

/and you never know when Warner's going to try to spot a team 50 points
 
2008-11-06 04:49:05 PM  
Keep kicking us while we're down, subby.
 
2008-11-06 05:26:33 PM  
Lions fan here, and that was hilarious! Anmd to understand the disappointment Lions fans feel every year, imagine if voted for Obama and he had lost. Yes the disappointment goes that deep
 
2008-11-06 05:28:10 PM  
The old playbook went like this

Barry runs right
Barry runs left
Barry runs up the middle
Punt
 
2008-11-06 05:35:12 PM  

jake3988: If ANYONE picks the Detroit Lions to win this Sunday needs to have their heads examined.

I wonder what the odds they'd offer in the casinos? It'd probably break the machine.


I'd agree with you if they continued to play the same way they did in the first 4 weeks, but they have gotten a bit better since then. They still suck of course, can't block worth a damn, can't tackle worth a damn, and god damn, can't cover anyone under 50.
 
2008-11-06 05:43:09 PM  

InferiousX: Dante isn't a bad quarterback. He just has the curse of being picked up as a desperation tactic by shiatty teams.


Oh, please. He sucks donkey nuts under any scenario that doesn't include surrounding him with an offense that's overrun with HOF-level talent. My grandmother could've operated efficiently in those Vikings offenses.
 
2008-11-06 05:49:24 PM  

InferiousX: Oh, also thinking of betting the under in the Ten/Chi game. Thoughts?


Betting on a game you know that Grossman is quarterbacking in always leads to tears. Sometimes sad tears sometimes happy tears. Id be afraid to bet on any part of a bears game until Neckbeard is back.
 
2008-11-06 07:16:57 PM  

ManRay: Get the ball near Calvin Johnson. He can do the rest.


I sure hope so. The guy is like Randy Moss. In the bad ways as well as the good ways...

/Go Lions!
//4 quarters. 60 minutes. PLAY IT ALL!
 
2008-11-06 07:35:26 PM  

Billygoat Gruff: The old playbook went like this

Barry runs right
Barry runs left
Barry runs up the middle
Punt


More like:
Barry runs right
Barry runs left
Barry runs up the middle

OK, now it's second down.

Plus the occasional 80 yard romp.
 
2008-11-06 08:20:31 PM  
I'm like a spongespooge right now, trying to absorb it all," he said.

Fixed.

Here's my prediction. Somewhere between the first series against Jacksonville and the next two games, he'll get badly injured and they'll be forced to either bring in Stanton (who would be "embarrased" on the field in the words of their offensive coordinator) or a non-QB player!

I say make it George Foster. At least it will keep him from false starts.

/gleefully awaiting Sunday's circus!
 
2008-11-06 08:37:09 PM  
I feel so bad for this guy. He really wants to make a comeback, but with the Lions' O-line, he's just going to end up getting hurt.
 
2008-11-07 02:59:40 AM  

Jubeebee: Billygoat Gruff: The old playbook went like this

Barry runs right
Barry runs left
Barry runs up the middle
Punt

More like:
Barry runs right
Barry runs left
Barry runs up the middle

OK, now it's second down.

Plus the occasional 80 yard romp.


This post contained more win than the previous 4 Lions seasons combined.
 
2008-11-07 08:51:55 AM  
Hehe...I picked the Lions to win against the Jaguars this Sunday. Why? 'Cause the Lions are doing okay (yes they still are losing) but the Jaguars seem to be playing down to their opponents level so...maybe...just maybe the Lions will win :p
 
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