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(Telegraph)   Teenager changes his name to "Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined", but at least he doesn't do the hula from Hawaii   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 133
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12007 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Nov 2008 at 7:28 AM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-11-03 02:36:31 AM
Stupid kid, no one's that fast.
 
2008-11-03 02:42:28 AM
I've always wondered about the superspeed ability. In order to accomplish that, one would have to travel faster than the speed of light, or at least faster than housefly. The human nervous system reacts at about 0.20 seconds. A housefly is about 10 times quicker than that.
 
2008-11-03 02:51:32 AM
i267.photobucket.com

real original
 
2008-11-03 03:00:45 AM
Ha, good one sub...holy sh*t you meant that literally.

i470.photobucket.com
 
2008-11-03 03:13:12 AM
No Aquaman? Fail.
 
2008-11-03 03:28:28 AM
Nice to know I am something to aspire to.
 
2008-11-03 05:31:30 AM
I see what you did there sub-talula.
 
2008-11-03 06:25:01 AM
Better than McLovin
 
2008-11-03 07:32:59 AM
I salute you kid for I will always be a fat guy named Albert.
 
2008-11-03 07:34:04 AM
A real man changes their name to "Hello Kitty Strawberry Shortcake My Little Pony Smurf Cabbage Patch Kid Malibu Barbie".
 
2008-11-03 07:34:32 AM
rofl, that would be a badass drivers license.
 
2008-11-03 07:34:54 AM
Well, at least he didn't name himself "Fluoroalien!"

/oh snap!
 
2008-11-03 07:35:01 AM
Good luck bubbling that in on standardized tests.
 
2008-11-03 07:35:29 AM
So he's an Elton John fan?
 
2008-11-03 07:37:01 AM
italian spiderman > spiderman
 
2008-11-03 07:37:06 AM
www.telegraph.co.uk

Douche bag.
 
2008-11-03 07:37:27 AM
The other names in the article almost make Moxie CrimeFighter seem normal.
 
2008-11-03 07:37:54 AM
Crazy Horse Invincible and Spaceman Africa unavailable for comment.
 
2008-11-03 07:37:57 AM
The Brown Dirt Cowboy is feeling a little left out.
 
2008-11-03 07:41:44 AM
I always wanted to name my kid Latashashenequafunquitabashibarashaba Smith.
 
2008-11-03 07:43:02 AM
calbert: real original

First thing I thought of.
 
2008-11-03 07:44:44 AM
Well:

1. You shouldn't be able to change your NAME online.
2. Would also be: Formerly Known As Gordon (FKAG).
 
2008-11-03 07:44:55 AM
Sun God: I've always wondered about the superspeed ability. In order to accomplish that, one would have to travel faster than the speed of light, or at least faster than housefly. The human nervous system reacts at about 0.20 seconds. A housefly is about 10 times quicker than that.

Yeah, that's it. The speed scale goes Turtle, Human, Housefly, Speed of Light. There's nothing in between.
 
2008-11-03 07:45:32 AM
I had an idea to photoshop that into the white pages but I lack both the resources and the skill for that endeavor.
 
2008-11-03 07:45:52 AM
At least he's (kind of) an adult who chose this stupid name for himself, unlike the poor kids mentioned whose parents wanted to name them Sex Fruit, et al.
 
2008-11-03 07:48:07 AM
Someone should have kicked his @ss well before now. But, I suppose if he wants to be a douchebag, then so be it.
 
2008-11-03 07:48:53 AM
Uncle Wiggly: Well:

1. You shouldn't be able to change your NAME online.
2. Would also be: Formerly Known As Gordon (FKAG).


George, not Gordon.

/sleepy
 
2008-11-03 07:49:10 AM
CT Zeal: unlike the poor kids mentioned whose parents wanted to name them Sex Fruit, et al.

Et al
would be an good name for an academic - they'd appear really prolific.
 
2008-11-03 07:52:53 AM
I want to change my name to Marty McFly but that will mess up my security clearances.
 
2008-11-03 07:54:01 AM
It still bothers me that Jermain Jackson named his son Jermajesty.
 
2008-11-03 07:54:06 AM
AlgertMan: I salute you kid for I will always be a fat guy named Albert.

Hey hey hey!
 
2008-11-03 07:58:06 AM
Tr0mBoNe: I want to change my name to Marty McFly but that will mess up my security clearances.

You might as well change it to Marty McNoFlyList
 
2008-11-03 07:59:59 AM
Hahaha - I changed my name to Indiana when I was 18 so I'm getting a real kick....blah,blah,blah.

Had a visit from a manager from Head Office a couple of weeks ago and when I introduced myself the first thing he said was 'But that's the dogs name'

Got my name changed 4 months before Crusade came out....how was I to know?
 
2008-11-03 08:05:27 AM
calbert: real original

came for that and left happy
 
2008-11-03 08:08:11 AM
TheSignPost: Someone should have kicked his @ss well before now. But, I suppose if he wants to be a douchebag, then so be it.

I'm gonna take a wild stab and say he's already had his ass kicked a few too many times for his taste.
 
2008-11-03 08:09:33 AM
Was Batman really fast enough to be included? Maybe the Batmobile. As I understand it, the Batmoble was much faster that Batman himself. Or perhaps the Batplane. And what about Quicksilver? The Silver Surfer sure could bring the speed, too. Am I overthinking this?
 
2008-11-03 08:11:34 AM
Batman is not actually very fast without his Batmobile - so having him as part of the equation actually lowers the overall speed a little bit.

The same probably goes for Hulk.

In fact, as they are fictional characters - he is Captain Fantastic Faster Than Sweet F*ck All. And by the looks of him, that is probably true.

I'm not a superhero geek, so I may be wrong.
 
2008-11-03 08:11:50 AM
obiviously this guy never wants to get laid.
 
2008-11-03 08:16:34 AM
His name irritates me. I mean, there is no point bragging that you are faster than the Hulk. He is a slow ass mother-farker. Even when you throw in "faster than the Hulk and the Flash" I think the two average out.

He really should have thought that one through a bit more.
 
2008-11-03 08:18:39 AM
Empty Signal Gray: Was Batman really fast enough to be included? Maybe the Batmobile. As I understand it, the Batmoble was much faster that Batman himself. Or perhaps the Batplane. And what about Quicksilver? The Silver Surfer sure could bring the speed, too. Am I overthinking this?

I'm with ya. I'm not much of a comic book guy but outside the flash and superman, you would have to start thinking about the interstellar travelers.
 
2008-11-03 08:23:30 AM
Was Max Power already taken?
 
2008-11-03 08:25:47 AM
Is it just me or does the idiot have a resemblance to Jim Carrey?
 
2008-11-03 08:26:07 AM
I wonder if he'll put 2 and 2 together after he starts dating later in life and women tell him he lives up to his name? "Gee, you are faster than anyone I know.. next time, can you wait till I get my clothes off first?"

What a dork
 
2008-11-03 08:27:37 AM
Fireproof: Was Max Power already taken?

Yep


e9.net
 
2008-11-03 08:28:00 AM
Well, the Hulk can jump a long way, so I suppose that covers a lot of ground fairly quickly. Batman, Spiderman and Wolverine on that list is just dumb though; all three run no faster than anyone else in good shape.

/from his photo he probably gets his *ss kicked regularly
//probably more so now
 
2008-11-03 08:28:07 AM
bostonowns: indian spiderwoman>italian spiderman > spiderman
 
2008-11-03 08:28:12 AM
Superman = Faster than a speeding bullet. Ok that's pretty damn fast.
Spiderman = Sure, he's athletic, but has no super speed I'm aware of.
Batman = See Spiderman
Wolverine = See Batman
Hulk = if you factor in how quick he moves despite his weight, he's reasonably quick.
The Flash = Can Outrun Superman,'nuff said.

OK so we have 2 incredibly fast folk, 1 reasonably quick guy and 3 average guys. Meaning if you combine them, you have slightly above average speed. Guy should've named himself Captain Mediocre.
 
2008-11-03 08:28:26 AM
RubberFootMan: CT Zeal: unlike the poor kids mentioned whose parents wanted to name them Sex Fruit, et al.

Et al would be an good name for an academic - they'd appear really prolific.


Ha, good point! I always thought it would be great to publish under some really crazy name so that when people cited me at conferences they would have to say it.

"In a study by Buttlicker et al."

But then I just went with my own name...boring...but it's also hard to pronounce.
 
2008-11-03 08:28:34 AM
Even if he gets to be say, 25, and grows up and decides to change his name back, he'll still have problems. Job applications ask if he's ever been known by another name. And he'll have to put down that his name was once Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined and then expect the potential employer to take him seriously.

And then the fact that he's a "music graduate," (read: Graduated from a music school, not even from a real college, with a degree in music and has no job), I think he's going to be applying for a lot of jobs in his lifetime.

Then again, it may work out great if he's in the right kind of band.
 
2008-11-03 08:31:29 AM
tonesskin: But then I just went with my own name...boring...but it's also hard to pronounce.

"Boring" is not a hard name to pronounce.

/Yeah, I know
//Had a professor once named "Bland"
///Was very much so
////He was aware of it and would occasionally get excited in the middle of a sentence, which just came off as very weird
 
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