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(Some Guy With a Comb-Over)   AARP offers seniors tips on how to be cooler   (modernmaturity.org) divider line 89
    More: Scary  
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12178 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jan 2003 at 5:16 AM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-01-06 02:46:22 AM
Haha, wtf is this shiat?
 
2003-01-06 03:16:53 AM
"Spats are definitely coming back!"
Now wait a second, when did spats ever go out?
 
2003-01-06 04:06:03 AM
AARP should stick to what it knows:

*Meals at Bob Evans
*Loud music
*The increase of Grandma rapes in suburban America
 
2003-01-06 05:25:30 AM
the truly scary part: if an old man reminded me of Hunter S. Thompson, i'd really think he was cool.
 
2003-01-06 05:26:17 AM
Xtreme Geriatric Paintball
 
2003-01-06 05:29:01 AM
I don't think Miles Davis needs to be any cooler, especially since he's dead. Hey wait, that sounds like a great idea for a Weekend At Bernie's sequel.
 
2003-01-06 05:32:28 AM
ICY HOT SENIORZ!
 
2003-01-06 05:37:18 AM
Good to know Farkers are reading ModernMaturity.com.
 
2003-01-06 05:41:10 AM
This changes nothing! We hunt the old ones at dawn!
 
2003-01-06 05:43:10 AM
They mention fake hair and other signs of insecurity about looks. Only if the younger generation would get the same hint about fake boobies.
 
2003-01-06 05:46:33 AM
Hmmm....will have to show this link to my Dad, he is an AARP member.....
 
2003-01-06 05:47:50 AM
"Swear Like a Sailor. Nothing makes Generation Next snap to attention like a few bawdy stories"

"Well, ya see your grandma and I were farkin' up a storm in her parents bedroom when her a-hole dad came home and..."

"Grandpa? Did you forget to take your meds?"

Eldercool??? Whoa!
 
2003-01-06 05:52:13 AM
WHat the hell are spats?
 
2003-01-06 05:54:14 AM
Did someone hack AARP???
 
2003-01-06 05:55:03 AM
Stupid AARP demanding health benifits and social security for asshat old farts that never put a dime in. I'm sick of paying for those lazy sluts heart medication, just die already and stop clogging my roads with bonnaeviles
 
2003-01-06 05:55:12 AM
Spats help keep the jizz offa yer shoes, whippersnapper!
 
2003-01-06 05:55:16 AM
Ha ha! Yep, I remember spats! Good, ole spats. Yes, indeedy! Spats are something you just have to experience, otherwise you wouldn't understand. Spats, spats, spats, spats!
 
2003-01-06 05:56:35 AM
I spit on your spats

spifth!
 
2003-01-06 05:59:07 AM
I spunk on your spit-spattered spats, Sport!
 
2003-01-06 06:04:29 AM
Why back in my day, fark id numbers only had 4 digits. Why, I remember the day I got my first article posted.
 
2003-01-06 06:09:38 AM
I call on anyone here who can question the total coolness and sex appeal of the Golden Girls to come forth.
 
2003-01-06 06:11:51 AM
That's funny, in this country in the winter, they give tips to keep the OAPs warm
 
2003-01-06 06:18:43 AM
ROFL
 
2003-01-06 06:21:54 AM
man this sucks.
Im an engineer, Im doing ok but didnt make my millions off dot-gone stock options like I thought I would right out of college, and on top im now 26. Im at the stage where I am no longer cool, and cant even try to be. Somewhere between 25-30 you loose any hope of being cool anymore. No more girls taking a mid afternoon coffeebreak with me... for college kids out there, enjoy it cause it wont last.
 
2003-01-06 07:00:48 AM
Walken is pushing 60 and he has his own Fark tag. How cool is that?
 
2003-01-06 07:49:28 AM
Wanna be eldercool? A few helpful hints:

Sandals and socks do not mix.
Golf pants should only be worn on the golf course.
Try to get within 15mph of the posted speed limit.
Look OVER the steering wheel, not through it.
Turn off the farkin' turn signal!
 
2003-01-06 07:50:05 AM
I hope all of you geriatric farkers are paying attention to those tips- they might come in handy.
/joking
 
2003-01-06 08:55:12 AM
Heh. My Dad has arthritis so bad in his right hand that he asks Mom to roll the joints. For some reason they won't keep a bong around the house, probably because of all their grandchildren.
 
2003-01-06 08:55:21 AM
Evidently the first guy in the graphic at the top of the page represents the "alternative lifestyles" crowd within AARP?
 
2003-01-06 09:02:20 AM
WickedWanda - now those are cool parents youve got there!
 
2003-01-06 09:16:20 AM
Clevershark--

You mean Geroge Carlin?
 
2003-01-06 09:29:09 AM
I hope I die before I get old.

(had to be said)

And BTW, if Hunter Thompson has really done all the drugs that he claims, his continued existence is the most astounding thing in the history of man.
 
2003-01-06 09:38:11 AM
01-06-03 09:02:20 AM Cormee
WickedWanda - now those are cool parents youve got there!


Not to deride WickedWanda's parents too much, but I am curious, what exactly makes them cool? The fact that they smoke pot? Is that really all it takes to be cool?
 
2003-01-06 09:44:31 AM
Macker
Somewhere between 25-30 you loose any hope of being cool anymore. No more girls taking a mid afternoon coffeebreak with me... for college kids out there, enjoy it cause it wont last.


I am not sure about the first one. At 40+ I get to try all kinds of things I normally wouldn't do because I don't care what people think anymore.

I grew a full beard, cut my hair short, then shaved it. Tatoos are coming to mind now because I am secure and I don't give a shiate what the boss/peers/friends think.

I really enjoy baggier clothes available now and hated the tighter fashions that followed men who went to high school in the late 1970's. When something comes into fashion and I like it I adopt it to my lifestyle. When it goes out I keep wearing it and buy all I can find.

Form follows function.

At about 40-45 the girls right out of college consider you "safe" if you are married and try to "test their skills" on you especially in a professional environment.

They also use you as a quasi father figure and tell you all kind of things about dates, boyfriends, new husbands that you would never hear as a younger peer.

A gentleman would not take advantage of either of these two situations.

Farkin'A
Wanna be eldercool? A few helpful hints:

Sandals and socks do not mix.
Golf pants should only be worn on the golf course.
Try to get within 15mph of the posted speed limit.
Look OVER the steering wheel, not through it.
Turn off the farkin' turn signal!


Farkin'A
I guess you have never been to some hacker conventions or some parts of California. Sandals and socks everywhere. Go get a job in a tech company and take a look at the back office.
Since a lot of younger people are golfing in jeans now does that mean they are verboten off the range now?
You wouldn't believe the number of teenagers I see that drive at 10mph and look through the steering wheel when they are crusing low riders up and down the strip. That isn't only for old people.
Do you realize how many teens I see with the turn signal blinking for miles because they have the bass in their cars turned all of the way up and can't hear the signal? All of the glowing neon keeps them from seeing it flashing on the dash.

I can't wait until you get older/old. HAHAHA
 
2003-01-06 09:46:49 AM
The_marq - a pot smoking pair of parents are a LOT cooler that parents who seem to think one whiff of a joint and youre a crack addict
 
2003-01-06 09:48:00 AM
what exactly makes them cool? The fact that they smoke pot? Is that really all it takes to be cool?

Naw, man, ya gotta have a really sweet-ass pipe, too. Then you're cool.
 
2003-01-06 09:54:16 AM
What about Mattlock? For the love of god, don't forget about Mattlock!
 
2003-01-06 09:59:58 AM
Dennis Hopper, Gene Hackman, and Anthony Hopkins: All cool.
 
2003-01-06 10:12:11 AM
The only old people that aren't cool are the biatchy ones that hate you because you aren't old like them. They are typically christian - but then judge you staight to hell. Gotta love that shiat.
 
2003-01-06 10:23:42 AM
Bakersfield, CA. While yet a young Gunny, I was minding my
own business, headed into a Motley Crue concert during their
"Shout At The Devil" tour. A bunch of christians were protesting
the concert and this old slag shoves a tract into my hand and
cries, "Don't go in there! The Devil's in there!" I wadded up
the tract and threw it at her, growling, "I *AM* the Devil!"
I don't think the poor gal was the same after that...
 
2003-01-06 10:24:24 AM
holy schmoly! Old People rule!
 
2003-01-06 10:38:53 AM
From article: "Re-emerge from Obscurity"

They forgot don't use big words.
 
2003-01-06 10:45:02 AM
Being old, grey & fat I found this article educational. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get my nipples pierced & go snowboarding. Party on - rad dudes! (shait, that was pathetic)
 
2003-01-06 10:45:23 AM
[i]I'm sick of paying for those lazy sluts heart medication, just die already and stop clogging my roads with bonnaeviles[/i]

my first car happened to be a bonneville. i got caught street racing in it once (against a riced honda civic). i went into court and they let me off after I told them what kind of car i was driving. the DA couldn't believe someone would race a car that his mother drives. since street racing can carry jail time i didn't mind.
 
2003-01-06 10:46:15 AM
"The Seven Faces of Eldercool"?

Oh man....this compares The Dalai Lama, Pope John Paul II, and Walter Cronkite to OBI-WAN!? WTF? I doubt my grandparents knew who Obi-wan was. My parents do though. They get this magazine...

...oh god, my parents subscribe to the email newsletter for AARP! Something about that seems so wrong.
 
2003-01-06 10:53:50 AM
Spats? Naah, not stylish enough!

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

/Grandpa Simpson
 
2003-01-06 10:57:04 AM
Swear like a sailor. Yeah, nothing says senility like an old fart cussing and drooling, while muttering how the country has gone to hell since McCarthy died. But if that's what it takes to be cool, I'll tell Grammie to greet the new, young pastor by calling him and farking donkey spunking dildo muncher. Can you say dildo here?
 
2003-01-06 10:59:36 AM
Main Entry: spat
Function: noun
Etymology: short for spatterdash legging
Date: circa 1802
: a cloth or leather gaiter covering the instep and ankle
 
2003-01-06 11:06:48 AM
Is that Conan O'Brien or William Shatner second in from the left on that banner thingee?
 
2003-01-06 11:08:13 AM
The fact that my parents are in their late fifties and still have a toke in the evenings does not make them cool.

What makes them cool is the they are still married after 39 years, that they were good parents, they're fun to be around, and they taught their kids to be responsible for their own actions.
 
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