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Fark headlines of the week for October 20 - October 26 
Posted by Drew at 2008-10-27 3:25:49 PM, edited 2009-01-19 4:10:42 AM (66 comments) | Permalink
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18803 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:01 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



We've been talking about doing this for a while, and now we've finally gotten around to it. Each week, we will be showcasing the top headlines from Fark. The top headlines are determined by a proprietary algorithm that is highly classified and soon to be patented. Actually, it's just an amalgam of clickthroughs, link votes, number of comments and blind guessing on our part (it's fixed). The list is in no particular order, except that the tab links go in order of the tabs.

We'll also highlight the best headline from each tab that didn't show up on the main page, because tabs need love too.

Without further ado:

Headlines of the Week, October 20 - October 26, 2008

Ontario appeals court upholds ban on pit bulls. Another victory in the war on terrier

Man accuses NYC police of sodomizing him with walkie-talkie. He could be telling the truth, or he could just be talking out of his ass

A man fell off of a ladder / You'd think that his head would be split / But good luck was with him that morning / He fell in a big tank of ... Shaving Cream

Pizza delivery driver says his car's wireless rear-view camera system shows pornography when he drives on a certain street every chance he gets

Federal agents arrest Mongols after 800-year investigation

Transformer blown by Licking Heights, smokes afterward. Optimus Prime very, very relaxed

Catholic church creates secluded private garden to honor sex abuse victims. Where they can sit and meditate and be comforted by the clergy

Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene

"Heckler inaugurated as VU president," interrupts his own acceptance speech more than a dozen times

Man admits stealing copper from cemetery. Cu later, dumbass

Top Headline for each tab:

Sports:
St. Louis Rams player Richie Incognito fined $35K for penalties, verbally abusing ref, having a totally fake sounding name

Denver Broncos lose LB Boss Bailey for the year, and his brother, cornerback Champ Bailey, for four-to-six weeks. The other brother, Beetle, is doing okay, with Miss Buxley administering tender, loving rubdowns

Unnamed Jets fan spends $400K for the right to watch four-yard-passes on third-and-17 up close, and occasionally have Joe Namath drunkenly hit on his wife

Business:
Move over AIG, Iceland is requesting "several billion" dollars more in financial assistance. Threatens to release several new Björk albums if the world financial community does not comply

Ticketmaster fires 300 employees due to financial crunch, collects 10 percent of their severance in convenience fees

Swiss banking industry on the brink, nation may have to revert to corkscrew & knife-based economy

Geek:
You can Alt+F4 your doors to Win+D your risk but it won't F1. EM emissions from your keyboard can be used to Ctrl+C what you're typing. It's F5ing to know that background interference Ctrl+X's the chances of it happening

Behold the amazing tricks animals use to conceal themselves from predators. Also, there are at least three ninjas in each photo

New research suggests that people will feel better about you when holding something warm. Just don't get too ambitious on your first attempt, ok?

Showbiz:
Heather Mills masterminds the world's most effective diet, loses millions of pounds in seven months

Mariah Carey launches a design contest for her new scent. How do you draw a fart?

Judge at the Phil Spector murder retrial warns potential jurors to disregard prior agendas, Spector's hair

Politics:
Alaska's black population says he has felt ignored by Palin

Ted Stevens fate to be decided by a jury of his peers. Still no word on where they found 12 giant assholes

13 Fake Presidential candidacies including Pat Paulsen, Pogo, Steven Colbert, Bill & Opus, Walter Mondale
· · ·
(view entire blog)


66 Comments   (+0 »)
   

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2008-10-27 03:44:25 PM
Is there going to be a link to this somewhere?

I made the list and wanted to show my mommy.
 
2008-10-27 03:55:22 PM
I haven't had this much fun with headlines since I got rid of my corduroy pillow.
 
2008-10-27 03:55:32 PM
now what?

when is the best headline of the year competetion start?
 
2008-10-27 03:57:00 PM
Goddamit Drew, I'm still not buying a shirt.
 
2008-10-27 03:57:35 PM
I noticed that none of my headlines are on the list.

Where do I file a protest?
 
2008-10-27 03:59:02 PM
Is there going to he a "Headlines of the Week" link on the mainpage that we can check?
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2008-10-27 04:00:01 PM
Those stories are all repeats from last week. I can't believe this went green.
 
2008-10-27 04:00:02 PM
Repeats. All of them.
 
2008-10-27 04:00:46 PM
I applaud this idea, for no other reason than I missed the mom's face headline the first time.

Now excuse me, there's Pepsi all over the desk to wipe up.
 
2008-10-27 04:00:50 PM
Okay--that almost blew my mind.
 
2008-10-27 04:04:02 PM
Good idea Drew....but please, enough about me.
 
2008-10-27 04:05:32 PM
o gee
 
2008-10-27 04:06:02 PM
Wow, awesome headlines. If only there were some way I could get them printed on a shirt.

Oh wait!

I know this store that lets you print T shirts for $10 a pop, I'm going there right now!
 
2008-10-27 04:06:03 PM
baked beans: now what?

when is the best headline of the year competetion start?


I knew somebody was going to ask me about this. The Headline of the Week thing is a new invention (not mine, but I fully support it) and won't interfere with the annual Headline of the Year contest. If anything, it'll help streamline HOY candidates for October and November--note to submitters: it's not too late to step up your game.

I'll be jumping into the HOY contest after Thanksgiving, I now have a much easier way to download headlines and links without all of the junk that I had to wade through trying to do it manually the last couple years, and just like last year, I'll be soliciting the TFers early next month for a bit of help cutting down the roughly 45,000 headlines that have already been greenlit this year for main and the major subtabs.

The general target date that I shoot for is to have the HOY contest a week or so before Christmas, since a lot of people are gone the week between Christmas and New Year's day.
 
2008-10-27 04:06:05 PM
Great idea!
 
2008-10-27 04:06:44 PM
Where is the link to purchase these headlines?
 
2008-10-27 04:07:01 PM
and yet still no, "we're vote'n for the n****r"

/sigh
 
2008-10-27 04:07:08 PM
It is nice to see the Baptist minister one on there, and even better that the mods fixed it from its previously sub-perfect form to its now-ideal iteration.

/Your mom
 
2008-10-27 04:07:43 PM
Unfreakable: baked beans: now what?

when is the best headline of the year competetion start?

I knew somebody was going to ask me about this. The Headline of the Week thing is a new invention (not mine, but I fully support it) and won't interfere with the annual Headline of the Year contest. If anything, it'll help streamline HOY candidates for October and November--note to submitters: it's not too late to step up your game.

I'll be jumping into the HOY contest after Thanksgiving, I now have a much easier way to download headlines and links without all of the junk that I had to wade through trying to do it manually the last couple years, and just like last year, I'll be soliciting the TFers early next month for a bit of help cutting down the roughly 45,000 headlines that have already been greenlit this year for main and the major subtabs.

The general target date that I shoot for is to have the HOY contest a week or so before Christmas, since a lot of people are gone the week between Christmas and New Year's day.


If you need anything on the scripting side of things to help you out, let me know.
 
2008-10-27 04:07:43 PM
Surprise, more self-promotion from Fark.

The fridge = nuked.
 
2008-10-27 04:09:33 PM
mrsirjojo: Surprise, more self-promotion from Fark.

The fridge = nuked.


Oh gee, a news aggregator that mentions itself once in a while. If only you weren't forced to come here. If only there were other sites on the internet. Oh well, maybe one day there will be other news aggregators somewhere.
 
2008-10-27 04:09:33 PM
Fark gives good head -lines.
 
2008-10-27 04:09:59 PM
This Is Bold Text: If you need anything on the scripting side of things to help you out, let me know.

Actually, that's squared away and it works beautifully, but thank you for the offer. That was a huge issue for me the last couple of years to get it to work right.
 
2008-10-27 04:10:37 PM
Not nearly as stupid as I thought it would be. I'd go so far as to say that I'm amused by it.
 
2008-10-27 04:10:59 PM
I'm gonna get this one printed on a shirt!
 
2008-10-27 04:11:13 PM
Alaska managed to pull two out of three of the politics ones. Nice.
 
2008-10-27 04:11:46 PM
awesome I support this!
 
2008-10-27 04:13:08 PM
This is TOO full of WIN... I can't b-b-b-breathe!

/I love this place!
//I have NO idea how I made it through the day withOUT this place
 
2008-10-27 04:13:51 PM
I submitted this with a better headline...

/oblig
 
2008-10-27 04:13:57 PM
Keep this and get rid of the commie/fascist meter.
 
2008-10-27 04:14:04 PM
for 15.95 you can have your headline included in the weekly list.
 
2008-10-27 04:15:02 PM
I like what I see
www.dph.com

But when am I going to get to re-edit my comments?

Hummm?
 
2008-10-27 04:15:19 PM
How did this get greenlit?
 
2008-10-27 04:15:47 PM
leftistcoast: I submitted this with a better headline...

/oblig


I am the fark headline of the week so I am really getting a kick....
 
2008-10-27 04:18:19 PM
Ha, that Jets headline is hilarious.

www.tiricosuave.com

/I hate my team...
 
2008-10-27 04:20:12 PM
Sharch: I noticed that none of my headlines are on the list.

Where do I file a protest?


http://127.0.0.1/Fark/HeadlineProtest.aspx
 
2008-10-27 04:20:59 PM
Unfreakable: I'll be soliciting the TFers early next month for a bit of help cutting down the roughly 45,000 headlines that have already been greenlit this year for main and the major subtabs.

Count me in again, we had fun going through it last year.
 
2008-10-27 04:25:42 PM
How did "Tank, load the jump program" get missed?
 
2008-10-27 04:28:14 PM
Seriously, fark has gone way downhill. How the hell do I turn this t-shirt crap off. No I don't want total fark, I have enough trouble sifting through crappy headlines on regular fark.
 
2008-10-27 04:30:33 PM
what about a rating system? i know i know this hasn't been invented yet. But picture it with me it could be a rating of 1-5 or a thumbs up or thumbs down that users could click. It would combine the advance technology of JavaScript, CSS and a server side scripting language..... top headline gets special tag added to profile or a free week of TF

jk
 
2008-10-27 04:31:22 PM
Lemures: Seriously, fark has gone way downhill. How the hell do I turn this t-shirt crap off. No I don't want total fark, I have enough trouble sifting through crappy headlines on regular fark.

So you have trouble sifting through crappy headlines...Fark introduces a 'best of headlines' section for the last week, to help you in sifting through the aforementioned crappy headline problem you have, and you complain?
 
2008-10-27 04:31:55 PM
Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene

blatant winner
 
2008-10-27 04:34:14 PM
This just made my day...sad isn't it.
 
2008-10-27 04:34:22 PM
Hatman013: Ha, that Jets headline is hilarious.



/I hate my team...


Surely you jest...
 
2008-10-27 04:34:49 PM
Paryb: Count me in again, we had fun going through it last year.

I'll put up a TFD thread, most likely next week sometime.
 
2008-10-27 04:37:34 PM
Bonkthat_Again: How did "Tank, load the jump program" get missed?

It was a phenomenal headline in context with the story. If you handed that headline to someone who never read the story, that headline is just a sentence that isn't particularly funny.

There are a lot of great headlines that are only great in context. To be a candidate for HOY, it must be able to stand on its own.
 
2008-10-27 04:38:26 PM
Korangulation: and you complain?

The internets have another purpose?
 
2008-10-27 04:38:37 PM
mesohorny: what about a rating system? i know i know this hasn't been invented yet. But picture it with me it could be a rating of 1-5 or a thumbs up or thumbs down that users could click. It would combine the advance technology of JavaScript, CSS and a server side scripting language..... top headline gets special tag added to profile or a free week of TF

I'd like to see that, too.
 
2008-10-27 04:40:49 PM
The "mom's face" headline is going to be my vote for headline of the year.
 
2008-10-27 04:42:56 PM
snake822: The internets have another purpose?

Porn?

And complaining about the thing that solves the problem you're complaining about in the same farking paragraph, then you're just being silly.

/that hurt my head.
 
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