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(Cracked)   6 horrible lessons Hollywood loves to teach kids   (cracked.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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44679 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Oct 2008 at 3:32 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2008-10-10 02:48:48 PM  
img.photobucket.com

And everybody grows up fine.

/yes, I know this incorrectly lists Robert Blake as Spanky
 
2008-10-10 03:34:41 PM  
One-speed bikes suck.
 
2008-10-10 03:34:50 PM  
I'm putting in my usual "Cracked links suck" remark here.
Am I the only one who thinks this?
 
2008-10-10 03:35:31 PM  
Q: What are the bad lessons that movies can teach kids?

A: Just about every imaginable kind of lesson one might learn from watching a movie.
 
2008-10-10 03:36:57 PM  
Standard Cracked Procedure:

Someone please post the list.

Thanks.
 
2008-10-10 03:37:40 PM  

Kamesan: I'm putting in my usual "Cracked links suck" remark here.
Am I the only one who thinks this?


Yes. You are also the only one who hates list articles. Those things are badass. Also, remember those movies and tv shows you used to watch as a kid? Oh god reading about those is so awesome now. I'm going to hot topic
 
2008-10-10 03:38:44 PM  
Does Cracked own shares in Fark?
 
2008-10-10 03:39:22 PM  

Kamesan: I'm putting in my usual "Cracked links suck" remark here.
Am I the only one who thinks this?


I'd agree in most cases... Though, a couple lists recently linked on Fark have been okay. This was not one of them. 'Course I did, at least, read bullets.
 
2008-10-10 03:39:23 PM  
#3 is completely wrong. A few candy bars and you're ready to hike around the world. My friends and I once biked to the next town over to go to a strip club. Unfortunately, we couldn't sneak in.
 
2008-10-10 03:39:38 PM  

Shabash: And everybody grows up fine.

/yes, I know this incorrectly lists Robert Blake as Spanky


I saw "Butch" at a swap meet in San Diego a few years ago, very old, slumped in a chair and selling autographed pictures. Kinda sad. I think he's since died.
 
2008-10-10 03:40:01 PM  
Kids today just need proper guidance! (new window)
 
2008-10-10 03:40:27 PM  
What about parents intentionally making your life miserable for profit.
 
2008-10-10 03:40:47 PM  
How about "black people are magical spiritual guides."
 
2008-10-10 03:41:37 PM  
How many of you 'saved' the boobies pic?
 
2008-10-10 03:41:44 PM  
So important (new window)(mildly nsfw)
/TFA inspired me
 
2008-10-10 03:42:01 PM  
And the shrek message: everyone can find true love, so long as they are of the same color and approximate body type.
 
2008-10-10 03:42:03 PM  
What about the lesson where if you are persistent enough and keep trying to get the cute girl she will eventually fall in love with you?

/considers restraining orders "valentine's".
 
2008-10-10 03:42:16 PM  
/So Important
 
2008-10-10 03:44:00 PM  

HereComesTheScience: #3 is completely wrong. A few candy bars and you're ready to hike around the world. My friends and I once biked to the next town over to go to a strip club. Unfortunately, we couldn't sneak in.


I have to agree. As a young lad in New Orleans, I would ride my bike for miles just to walk it down Bourbon Street just for the chance of actually glimpsing a naked lady.

It was actually the power of boobies that energized me.
 
2008-10-10 03:45:29 PM  

Cubicle Convict: What about the lesson where if you are persistent enough and keep trying to get the cute girl she will eventually fall in love with you?

/considers restraining orders "valentine's".


Well, once you get into that territory you get into about a million movies that feed the "nice guy" derrangement that screws up so many young boys these days.

You know, the story about the pathetic loser with the heart of gold who somehow romances away the beautiful girl with his heroism and earnest displays of affection?

Yeah - in the real world, he's a creepy stalker or a pathetic doormat, or both.
 
2008-10-10 03:46:16 PM  
Ken Lay died in Colorado, not the Caribbean as this article claims. If you can't look to CRACKED for accurate reporting, I don't know where you can go.
 
2008-10-10 03:46:36 PM  

HereComesTheScience: #3 is completely wrong. A few candy bars and you're ready to hike around the world. My friends and I once biked to the next town over to go to a strip club. Unfortunately, we couldn't sneak in.


yes, i'd take issue with #3 as well. when a bike is your only mode of transportation, and you're young and energetic, you can go farking far, and fast, on that thing. granted my friends and i were not as fat as Chunk, but i say the more kids on bikes in movies the better.
 
2008-10-10 03:46:43 PM  

Huskadoodle: It was actually the power of boobies that energized me.


is there anything they can't do?
 
2008-10-10 03:47:17 PM  
Cracked: terrible magazine, but a great website.

Although I have quite a difficult time paying attention to their articles when this picture is present:

content.yieldmanager.edgesuite.net

As Brian said, "I would wreck that chick"
 
2008-10-10 03:47:20 PM  
I LAUGHED!
 
2008-10-10 03:48:21 PM  
Froggy died young too. He was killed on his motor scooter. Hit by a car. I saw his grave.
 
2008-10-10 03:48:27 PM  

Arpeggi760: Ken Lay died in Colorado, not the Caribbean as this article claims. If you can't look to CRACKED for accurate reporting, I don't know where you can go.


FOX News? i mean it's slogan is 'fair and balanced', so you have to trust it. right?
 
2008-10-10 03:49:09 PM  
A One-Speed Bike You Can Take Anywhere!

Look here Joe Russo. Just because your fat ass spent his childhood sitting in front of a black and white TV playing E.T. on the Atari 2600 wondering why little Elliot's bike could fly when you got winded trying to get out of the driveway does not mean the rest of us had to be wheelbarrowed into the bathroom so mother could give us our nightly sponge bath like you.

/rode his bike to school, up hill, both ways, in the snow, dodging the Nazis.
 
2008-10-10 03:49:48 PM  
On a related note, in media for younger children, there is the good old message: "try new foods, even if they are yucky - if you try them you'll find you'll like them!"

Sure, some things will surprise you, and you'll like 'em. But there is also the good chance that the dish of snails tastes just like rubber snot.
 
2008-10-10 03:50:41 PM  
I object to #4.

Dares ARE serious business. You think your tongue won't stick to a metal pole in sub-zero temps? Go ahead and try it. I dare you!.

This is how kids learn.

/ah... memories
 
2008-10-10 03:50:47 PM  

rawkus: but i say the more kids on bikes in movies the better.


Yes, my bike was my most valued possession. It got me there.
 
2008-10-10 03:51:25 PM  
How about #7: Telling an adult that another child has or will do something horrible, immoral, or illegal (i.e. tattling) is JUST AS BAD as that horrible thing itself.

The lesson: I'm not actually sure... collaborating is super cool and whistleblowing is lame?

The reality: Sometimes minding your own business is just being a lazy coward.
 
2008-10-10 03:51:40 PM  
And for that matter, in the real world, "Beware of Dog" signs aren't warning you that you'll be covered with Saint Bernard slobber while trying to recover your baseball. It means the dog's owner is tired of getting every time his dog bites off a toddler's arm.

Tired of getting... a toddler's arm?
 
2008-10-10 03:52:25 PM  
so does being the first to submit the daily cracked list garner an automatic greenlight? seems pretty cheap, since you don't even have to come up with a headline.

i mean, it MUST work that way, since it doesn't have (sponsored link) after it. right?
 
2008-10-10 03:52:40 PM  
hahahaha genius
 
2008-10-10 03:53:48 PM  

Shabash: And everybody grows up fine.


Freaky that you bring Our Gang/Lil Rascals up: Today is the 28th anniversary of Buckwheat's (Billie Thomas) death.
 
2008-10-10 03:56:07 PM  
When I was a kid, I loved my bike. I was always on it, once I learned how to take the seat off.
 
2008-10-10 03:56:43 PM  
I snorted milk out my nose at the milk carton pic.
 
2008-10-10 03:56:50 PM  

TemporarySanity: so does being the first to submit the daily cracked list garner an automatic greenlight? seems pretty cheap, since you don't even have to come up with a headline.

i mean, it MUST work that way, since it doesn't have (sponsored link) after it. right?


Ok, ok... let's hear it. What was your headline?
 
2008-10-10 03:57:09 PM  

Huskadoodle: What about parents intentionally making your life miserable for profit.


Lynn Spears is on line 3, Huskadoodle.
 
2008-10-10 04:02:13 PM  

Peaves: Ok, ok... let's hear it. What was your headline?


maybe you're just joshing, but i'd like to make clear i don't bother submitting much of anything, and if i did, cracked wouldn't be on the list. my butthurt isn't derived from a sense that greenlights are worth a tinker's damn. just mostly that cracked farking blows.
 
2008-10-10 04:03:13 PM  

Kamesan: I'm putting in my usual "Cracked links suck" remark here.
Am I the only one who thinks this?


Aw come on, not all of 'em. There was a pretty good one down in Politics on nasty elections of history, and a connected story on badass presidents that was darn good.
 
2008-10-10 04:03:21 PM  
c.myspace.com
/hotlinked because hotlinks is temporary, but lolz is forever
 
2008-10-10 04:04:19 PM  
I'll take the surplus of cracked links over SuperDeluxe links any day of the week.
 
2008-10-10 04:04:20 PM  

TemporarySanity: my butthurt isn't derived from a sense that greenlights


So you like it when your ass hurts?
 
2008-10-10 04:04:21 PM  
If movies worked like the real world, we'd have had nothing but two hours of Lindsay Lohan crying off the pain of being flogged like a redheaded stepchild. Literally.

... uhh, I'll be in my bunk.

/Lindsey Lohan, as twins, mmmm
//Eww, I meant grown up Lindsey, not Parent Trap age Lindsey
 
2008-10-10 04:12:54 PM  
A Christmas Story does not belong in the dare category, childhood dares are precisely as depicted in the movie, important when they are done and forgotten about by the next morning.
 
Ant
2008-10-10 04:12:58 PM  

Kamesan: I'm putting in my usual "Cracked links suck" remark here.
Am I the only one who thinks this?


I like them
 
2008-10-10 04:12:59 PM  

darkrowan: Shabash: And everybody grows up fine.

Freaky that you bring Our Gang/Lil Rascals up: Today is the 28th anniversary of Buckwheat's (Billie Thomas) death.


No need to thank me
 
2008-10-10 04:13:28 PM  
The worst lesson Hollywood teaches is to "be yourself." It's the go-to lesson when the movie-makers want to avoid anything controversial. No word on what happens when "yourself" is a murderer, thief or pedophile.
 
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