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(Discovery)   Experts give top New Year's resolutions   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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6262 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Dec 2002 at 1:41 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2002-12-30 01:25:10 PM  
#6 is flamewar worthy.
And as for #10, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to drink only red wine.
They all, however, are pretty good and make a lot of sense (yes, even #6).
2002-12-30 01:27:27 PM  
would I use FIFO, LIFO or specific identification when calculating my indulgence inventory and costs?

2002-12-30 01:28:38 PM  
And #13: Visit daily, subscribe to TotalFark, and avoid the Strong Bad emails.
2002-12-30 01:43:54 PM  
I resolve to not listen to asshat "experts."
2002-12-30 01:44:28 PM  
"6. Reconsider attending a weekly worship service."

Does that mean start going, or stop going?
2002-12-30 01:44:39 PM  
Without looking i guess that #1 is lose weight
2002-12-30 01:44:40 PM  
"Reconsider attending a weekly worship service." you can get rid of all the money you saved with the other suggestions, right?

I've reconsidered...I'm still not going.
2002-12-30 01:45:04 PM  
#11. Stop making idiotic New Year's resolution list or listening to "Experts" on what to put on so called list.
2002-12-30 01:45:45 PM  
I gave myself my resolution early when I quit smoking two months ago. I don't need to quit anything else.
2002-12-30 01:46:16 PM  
resolves to open health club on 31 december, close said healthclub on 31 january.

for fark's sake, we need a georgian calendar to incite self-improvement exercises? and to tell us how to do so?

/shuts off brain
2002-12-30 01:47:01 PM  
i was half right.
2002-12-30 01:47:22 PM  
I resolve to resolve nothing.
2002-12-30 01:47:47 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-12-30 01:47:51 PM  
"Experts" at what.......being jackasses?
2002-12-30 01:47:51 PM  
"11. Resolve to seek forgiveness from someone that you may have offended or hurt during the past year. The emotional benefits are enormous. "

I guess this one is targetted at kidnappers. Hope they read fark...this'll turn em right around.
2002-12-30 01:48:07 PM  
1) Vow to ask "Was it good for you too, baby ?" after I give the hooker $20.
2)Accept the fact that J.Lo will marry many more guys before she marries me.
3)Vow to try and remember to give Harmonia a reacharound next time we fark.
4)Resist the urge to click on a Boobies link at work.
5)Not talk about sex so much in my posts.
2002-12-30 01:49:46 PM  
ten years running I've managed to keep my resolution of "not going on a murderous rampage".

It's tough sometimes, but then I remember that I'd bruise like a peach in prison.
2002-12-30 01:50:30 PM  
I made a New Years resolution three years ago. It was to never make another New Years resolution again, I have followed that to date. If something needs changing, I just do it.
2002-12-30 01:51:19 PM  
God that was depressing. Now back to indulging....
2002-12-30 01:51:35 PM  

#1 two chicks at the same time
2002-12-30 01:53:02 PM  
Williamzabka Good decision. I hope you can stick it out.

At the gym I go to it is standing room only on Jan 2. By Feb 2 it is the same old crowd as before the New Year.
2002-12-30 01:54:12 PM  
My new years resolution is to take that Subway commercial guy Jarred out into the woods and smash him with a rock to put him and the american people out of their long misery.

...and to quit smoking crack
2002-12-30 01:58:46 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-12-30 02:02:01 PM  
Good move - Good luck.
2002-12-30 02:05:36 PM  
This article was crap. I know what I need/want to do for next year and I already do a lot of that stuff in the article. Why can't some "expert" tell me something I can really use?
2002-12-30 02:11:52 PM  
The new-age discovery channel. Reconsider worship... umm, ok. There. Reconsidering from being a waste of time, to being a mind-numbing cult. There, happy?
Seek forgivness... okaaay, new math, 11==6. I forgive all the annoying farkers who piss me off. There, happy?
I tried to take ownership of stuff, but I got arressted. They called it 'shoplifting'. There, happy now? I get to enjoy a jail cell and Bubbo'the'wonder'freek now. YaJerk.
2002-12-30 02:12:38 PM  
12. Take ownership for your reactions to others and events that surround you. While you cannot control others or events, you can control your reactions to them.

13. Spout off psychobabble and take ownership of your co-dependant validated inner-child by spanking it.
2002-12-30 02:13:55 PM  
I like #6, "Reconsider attending a weekly worship service. " Reconsider? Are the experts telling everyone to stop going to church?
2002-12-30 02:16:26 PM  
I'm all for #6, I've just got to find some people willing to worship me...
2002-12-30 02:16:45 PM  
Steelwelder - LOL ... I made that same resolution about 9 or 10 years ago. Still sticking to it.
2002-12-30 02:19:40 PM  
my new year's resolution is to be more intoxicated more of the time next year than i was this year. i was sober for maybe a few hours this year, too. reality sucks. resolutions are dumb.
2002-12-30 02:21:32 PM  
Dr Tad Winslow

At the gym I go to it is standing room only on Jan 2. By Feb 2 it is the same old crowd as before the New Year.

Ain't it the truth. My resolution may be to cut back on the gym in January until all the n00bs burn out and go back to stuffing their faces with Cheetos at 3am.
2002-12-30 02:22:47 PM  
I too have never been able to stick to a New Years resolution, if I should have the urge and need to change something, I just do it - no need to wait 'til the new year...
2002-12-30 02:23:27 PM  
This year I have to:

3. Take an "indulgence inventory" regarding food, drink, substance use (such as cigarettes), and how you entertain yourself (time spent in front of the TV, the Internet, video games).

But I already have a REALLY good handle on this one:

10. If you must drink an alcoholic beverage, make it red wine. In moderation, red wine may have a beneficial effect on cholesterol levels. Chemicals called flavinoids in wine appear to reduce the risk for heart attacks and strokes.
2002-12-30 02:31:53 PM  
That was farking stupid.
2002-12-30 02:32:40 PM  
Man, nice list, Captain Bringmedown. The world's on the brink of total chaos and this guy's telling us to give up all our vices and go to church. What an asshole. He must be part of the conspiracy.
2002-12-30 02:33:23 PM  
#1 "Be excellent to one another"
#2 "Love thy neighbor as thyself"
#3 "What comes around, goes around"
#4 "As you sow, so shall you reap"
#5 "You get what you deserve"
#6 "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"
#7 "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've already got (so try somthing new"
#8 "Karma's a biatch"
#9 "An it harm no one, do what thou wilt"
#10 "Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss."
#11 "Do no harm""
#12 "Perform all good, and avoid all evil. A 3 year old knows this but not even a 100 year old can do it"
#13 "Treat your inferiors as you would be treated by your superiors"
#14 "The heart of the person before you is a mirror. See there your own form"

and lastly,
#15 "One going to take a pointed stick to pinch a baby bird should first try it on himself to feel how it hurts."

OWW eye!...that stick REALLY hurts!
2002-12-30 02:33:43 PM  
Would a Satan worship service suffice?

Seriously though it's very interesting this is mentioned. I believe it works.
2002-12-30 02:33:58 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
try that again. today's comic. i found it fitting
2002-12-30 02:34:33 PM  
I stuck to last year's resolution: Question all studies and stats.

This year's resolution: more Farking, less barking.
2002-12-30 02:34:50 PM  
I agree with #6. Stop going to shurch, you sheep!
2002-12-30 02:35:24 PM  
church too!
2002-12-30 02:37:13 PM  
"...Chemicals called flavinoids in wine appear to reduce the risk for heart attacks and strokes."

And Graboids continue to reduce the population of Perfection,Nevada.
[image from too old to be available]
2002-12-30 02:37:15 PM  
/With girl over shoulder
1. Stop drinking soda
2. Stop drinking liquor
3. Pleasure her more and expect nothing in return
4. Bring her coffee in the morning when she gets out of the shower
5. Remember to send flowers on anniversary
6. Call or email her daily, but not in a stalking sort of way
7. Stop clicking on boobies links at work
8. Stop swearing in normal conversation
9. Stop giving people that "you are the stupidest person I ever met" look
10. Stop making fun of her love for Legolas
2002-12-30 02:37:44 PM  
Sometimes I make up lists of goals that I want to accomplish in the upcoming year. I try to set them early and fairly broad so that they can be revised, if I ever actually get around to it. Any shrink worth their salt will tell you NOT to create resolutions for yourself, especially very narrow ones. This is because if you break those resolutions, you tend to feel shiattier about yourself then when you first made them.
2002-12-30 02:39:12 PM  
1. Don't make resolutions you can't keep.
2002-12-30 02:39:51 PM  
This year,I'm resolving to switch from Old Milwaukee to Busch. Change is good.
2002-12-30 02:41:19 PM  
Forsythe P. Jones - Is your middle name really Pendelton?
2002-12-30 02:42:17 PM  
12-30-02 01:53:39 PM John_Galt
#1 resolution for Fark mods: NO REPEATS!!!

Totally. I saw this same stuff, like last year around this time...jeez guys get off the "resolution" crap!
2002-12-30 02:44:45 PM  

1. Figure out what's making that god-awful smell (might be
2. Find a foppish dandy to taunt.
3. Decide on Coke or Pepsi and stick to it this time.
4. Reiterate, reiterate, reiterate.
5. Find and eat an animal I have not before encountered.
6. Teach my girl about The Teeth.
7. Figure out who or what is haunting the fritter factory.
8. Make peace with a foreign nation.
9. Learn to sell a bodily fluid for fun and profit.
10. Stop making resolutions.
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