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(Some Guy)   Don't Fark your web page. 10 common mistakes   ( divider line
    More: Advice  
•       •       •

15297 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Dec 2002 at 3:14 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

117 Comments     (+0 »)
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2002-12-28 03:17:40 PM  
I don't have time to fark my webpage. I have enough trouble with simple submitting links *here*. As any TotalFark member can attest to.
2002-12-28 03:18:14 PM  
no vertical scrolling should be number 1.
2002-12-28 03:19:09 PM  
I mean horizontal scrolling. #$#@$!
2002-12-28 03:23:39 PM  
I try to tell my clients this 10 times a day.

I had one who tought comet cursor was cool...It was a business website.

I shot him.
2002-12-28 03:23:47 PM  
Webpages? Bah, who needs 'em? Web sites are old and busted. Someone tell me when the new hotness comes in.
2002-12-28 03:26:15 PM  
My e-mail? Why it's name[nospam-﹫-backwards]n­i­amo­d*co­m. Why? Phone number? Sure. It's 911.
2002-12-28 03:30:49 PM  
new hotness? wouldn't that be flash!?
flash flash everywhere...
comeon folks... 9MB intro pages and navigation that crashes...
2002-12-28 03:33:18 PM  
#1 Frontpage linked on slashdot.
#2 Geocities
#3 Frames
#4 This site needs IE
#5 No right click
#6 Active X
#7 Spyware
#8 Affiliate links that are framed
#9 White text on colored background
#10 Pop ups and interstials and flash ads.
2002-12-28 03:33:24 PM  
Flash intros are absolutley useless.

But the clients pay big money for 'em.

Should I get drunk tonight?
2002-12-28 03:35:38 PM  
yes. yes you should.
2002-12-28 03:36:51 PM  
email address - sta­f­f­[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­i­amt­oh­*co­m
phone number - 555-1212
Name - Ronald J. Talisco (god bless anagrams)
Address - 742 Evergreen Terrace
2002-12-28 03:37:42 PM  
#1 problem to me: Bad animated gifs or "Under Contruction" signs.

A vote for me is a vote for abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
2002-12-28 03:38:24 PM  
#1 should be: Don't Submit Your Web Page's Link To Fark.
2002-12-28 03:39:25 PM  
No right click is the bane of my existance. especially on stupid ass e/n sites, trust me, no one gives a fark about your Xenofex created banner with point 8 arial font. Theres no source you can get from right click you cant get from View > source on IE anyways.
2002-12-28 03:40:28 PM  
Regarding fake e-mail addresses, I used to use ho­y[nospam-﹫-backwards]h­ew­hay*c­om after that address spammed me... is not as entertaining as the Raelians, but it was 1995 and man had yet to make such progress in developing religion.

Why is voting enabled?
2002-12-28 03:41:41 PM  
I can't believe nobodie's mentioned stupid midi music yet.
2002-12-28 03:41:55 PM  
"When they want the destination to appear in a new page, they can use their browser's "open in new window" command"

That rule obviously has exceptions. If didnt pop up a new window every time, I'd go NUTS.
2002-12-28 03:45:52 PM  
no/not enough boobies
2002-12-28 03:48:28 PM  
Nazi webmasters! You vill download the latest IE. You Vill download the latest Flash. You vill accept 30 useless cookies. etc.
2002-12-28 03:50:17 PM  
1. No Prices

Yeah, bastards.

2. Inflexible Search Engines

To all part manufacturers, make your part search simple and easy to use. We won't use your part without schematics, so make it easy to get the damn schematics.

4. Fixed Font Size

I have a solution for this, and if it screws up your precious design to the point of making it unreadable, then fark your site.

[image from too old to be available]

Suck it trebek
2002-12-28 03:50:56 PM  
Pages that are nothing but java.
2002-12-28 03:52:10 PM  
Anyone know where I can get the latest Gator update?
2002-12-28 03:53:53 PM  
HowlingFrog: A-farking-men brother! Nothing pisses me off more than surfing with some MP3s playing and then run into some site that starts playing the Adams Family theme music over my song. Yecgh!
2002-12-28 03:53:55 PM  
Java in general. Useless language, hailed as the end of C++, but failed pitifully! Hmm, Frames. Images in general. 10 meg bitmaps made in MS Paint. Mystery Meat navigation.
2002-12-28 03:54:35 PM  
Be like me, fark with IE. I serve my page as application/xhtml+xml. IE won't even let it show up, you have to download it. Of course, the poor lynx people are stuck as well, but I'm sticking with xhtml.
2002-12-28 03:59:57 PM  
Here is about a thousand ways NOT to do a website.

This site sux, but its funny.
2002-12-28 04:00:02 PM  
I'm disappointed with you farkers. Nobody's mentioned Strongbad's site
2002-12-28 04:00:21 PM  
Sounds effects are generally useless on webpages, unless there's a flash game or something. When I made my second webpage, MIDIs were cool at first, but they're really not worth it. Strange fonts are not good. No right-clicking is a retarded idea. Obviously, you can beat it in traditional browsers, but I use Opera, and I've been forced to laugh when, while screwing around with other browsers, I've realized that right-clicking is only disabled in MIE and Netscape. Generally, they don't block Opera or other browsers from right-clicking.
2002-12-28 04:01:23 PM  
#11 Midi music
2002-12-28 04:02:06 PM  
I was going to send this list to the webmaster at Boscov's but I couldn't find the email address on their homepage.
2002-12-28 04:04:09 PM  
Hah, I guess my site violates several of those rules. But different strokes for different folks. I don't think the site would work too well if I put all the info into bulleted lists.

But rule #2 kinda pissed me off. It basically says that a search engine should be able to read the user's mind, and take him exactly where he wants to go. Don't you think search engines have been trying to do this for ages already?

It's like saying, "I want a pen that will write my essays for me." You can't expect a machine to do the the impossible, so stop biatchin.
2002-12-28 04:09:21 PM  
How to be an irritating webmaster:

- Use a Java applet for navigation. Don't provide any text links.
- Disable right click with a script that pops up an alert box. (Mozilla's pie menus aren't affected by click trapping scripts, so they appear no matter what, but the stupid alert makes it more annoying to use my menu.)
- Assume that IE 5+ is the only browser that can render your site in a usable state, even though you use no ActiveX or IE-specific JavaScript. Lock all of the others out.
- Use IE-only JavaScript for something as basic as site navigation. When someone emails you to suggest that you recode the feature so it works in other browsers, tell them to download IE because it's free. Do this even if the person is running Linux.
- Implement browser detection that sniffs for Netscape 6+ and locks out Mozilla, Galeon, and other Gecko-based browsers.
- Install an anti-ad blocker script. This script gets bonus points if it insults visitors for "stealing" from you.
2002-12-28 04:11:32 PM  
Sinistar: I really like the bouncing picture. I'll have to remember to use that when I do a site.
2002-12-28 04:11:53 PM  
No mention of the <blink> tag? Perhaps we need a blink revival.
2002-12-28 04:12:18 PM  
I hate it I absolutely hate it when they don't let me resize the fonts. My eyes are bad sometimes and if it's not huge text I can't and don't read it often times (or I turn down my monitors resolution to size up the text, but thats annoying). I figure if they want my buisness they can fix the website first.
2002-12-28 04:15:48 PM  
(nods to Bloody

I've been using Mozilla for 'bout a year now, and while I've -seen- "Nope, you can't right click" notices, they don't actually prevent the function from working.

Moral: You can always build a better mousetrap, but the mice can get bigger and better too.
2002-12-28 04:19:30 PM  
Etymxris: It basically says that a search engine should be able to read the user's mind, and take him exactly where he wants to go. Don't you think search engines have been trying to do this for ages already?

Google seems to do with with good success. Plus these guys are advocating things like some sort of misspelled keyword aliasing on an individual site level, which can't hurt. Just like people with hard to spell domain names buy misspellings and redirect them. But Microsoft's MSDN search is a good example of horribly rigid - you about need to enter the exact page title to find what you need. Google will find me what I need from the MSDN collection much faster than their own search engine will.

I've filled out surveys for Microsoft to guide improvements to their search engine, so yes I can complain. :D

A vote for me is a vote for Google!
2002-12-28 04:21:26 PM  
I'm glad to say that my site doesn't break any of these rules.

For those complaining about MIDIs and flash intros and such: These are the worst mistakes of 2002. MIDIs are soooo 1999.

The worst is the horizontal scrolling. It used to be, 640x480 was the standard for designing the width of a web page - now, I'll frequently run into a site that I can't see in its entirety in 800x600.

The javascript links are bad, too. I use Opera to block pop-ups, and I have to go in and enable them every time I want to click a javascript new window link. STOP USING THEM!
2002-12-28 04:22:19 PM  
What about those back button things where if you only click it once it takes you back to a page which redirects you back to the original page you wanted to go away from. Those are uber-annoying.
2002-12-28 04:24:01 PM  
Rydain, you said it. Using Opera, I've come across way to many websites (especially that don't understand that there are now many alternatives to IE. Keeping them out means loosing business/hits/ego boost.
2002-12-28 04:30:55 PM  
Dattaway: They didn't mention it this year, but in 1996 they called BLINK "simply evil." After about 1997ish, Netscape kinda fell off the table, and BLINK doesn't work in IE, so nobody cares much anymore.

But Gecko can still blink.
2002-12-28 04:31:30 PM  
Although Fark doesn't.
2002-12-28 04:37:03 PM  
on the searching, if a search term is in the title of a page it should automatically be put before any that only feature it in the body

how many of these rules does fark break?
2002-12-28 04:41:40 PM  
Sites that make you register to even read the farking site, like the NY Times and Washington Post. No one tells the truth on these things anyway, what is the benefit? "Gosh editor, it seems most of our internet readers have zip code 90210!"
2002-12-28 04:42:47 PM  
Etymxris: Any search engine that doesn't do 'relevance' is crap. If I type in "hemi snowblower" and snowblower appears on 47% of your webpages and "hemi" appears on 1 page and it appears there 32 times, then that 1 page damn well ought to be at the top of this list.
2002-12-28 04:55:04 PM  
amen to everything on this page!!!
2002-12-28 04:57:39 PM  
If you aren't a corporation, the search term thing is no piece of cake to implement. But it's a great feature.

I'm on the fence about the relative font size thing. I've done sites both ways (personal=fixed,professional=relative), but relative fonts makes designers throw fits. Isn't it just as good if you offer multiple style sheets / themes to choose from? After all, I've seen a lot of sites that the layout looks like hell when you allow relative fonts. Heck, I even see some folks in this thread that say their site obeys all the rules, and sure enough, font sizes are fixed.

So, I don't know - it seems like one could make both the designers happy (having a tested layout that looks good) and the elderly happy. I don't know that it's that big a deal.

I've got other annoyances.
-Any website designed by committee will invariably make compromises that suck.
-Anyone that doesn't test in multiple browsers.
-a huge top bound graphic on every page that doesn't add functionality.
-pages that don't print well.(!!!!)
-side bound menus that are huge - any time your menu is larger than the amount of text on the page.
-menus that use graphics, and don't give "alt" representations, so that if you don't allow images, you can't navigate.
2002-12-28 04:58:05 PM  

"3. Scrolling Text, Marquees, and Constantly Running Animations
Never include page elements that move incessantly. Moving images have an overpowering effect on the human peripheral vision. A web page should not emulate Times Square in New York City in its constant attack on the human senses: give your user some peace and quiet to actually read the text! Of course, is simply evil. Enough said.
- Top Ten Web Mistakes of 1996 from the same site.
2002-12-28 05:00:25 PM  
Oops. forget that <blink> is "<blink>", and not <blink>. Sorry for any blinking that caused. I really am.

"3. Scrolling Text, Marquees, and Constantly Running Animations
Never include page elements that move incessantly. Moving images have an overpowering effect on the human peripheral vision. A web page should not emulate Times Square in New York City in its constant attack on the human senses: give your user some peace and quiet to actually read the text! Of course, <BLINK> is simply evil. Enough said"
2002-12-28 05:09:38 PM  
I just looked at my website home page in 800 x 600... I nearly shiat myself, it looked that bad. I work in 1152 x 864, on my 17" screen.

I think a redesign is in order...
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